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Ushauri wa bure kwa wanaotaka kuoa

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mohammed Shossi, Apr 18, 2012.

  1. Mohammed Shossi

    Mohammed Shossi Verified User

    #1
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Jan 17, 2011
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    Katika hali ya kawaida kabisa, kama wewe ni mwanaume na unataka kuoa, ASEEEE JIANDAE KWA MAMBO HAYA:

    1. Kujitambulisha ukweni. Hapo utatakiwa uende kijijini alikozaliwa mkeo mtarajiwa ukajitambulishe huko. Kama mfano mkeo anatokea “TABORA”, na mnaishi Dar, andaa nauli ya watu wawili, malazi kwa siku mbili, na utagharamia shuhuli hiyo ya utambulisho. We tenga 500,000. Hapo tuna assume mkeo ataji...tegemea. Otherwise 800,000 itakutoka.
    2. Kumtambulisha mkeo kwenu. Kama nyie nyumbani ni MOSHI utatakiwa umpeleke huko “Uru-Kimanganuni”. Sio umlete hapo Tabata mlipopanga. Hapo sio kwenu! Andaa nauli yako na atakaekusindikiza, nauli ya binti na mwenzie, na gharama za vinywaji na chakula siku hiyo. Utahitaji kama 700,000
    3. Kifuatacho ITV ni kuwaalika wakwe zako nyumbani. Uwatoe watu kama nane (Ba Mkwe, Ma Mkwe, Ba Ubatizo, Ma Ubatizo, Mjomba, Shangazi, Kaka mtu na Dada mtu) kutoka Tabora uwalete Moshi. Wale, walale, wajisaidie, kwa gharama zako. We acha ubishi, tenga 800,000 tu.
    4. Kwani we wazazi wako wanajua unakooa? Sasa je? Wasafirishe kwenda TABORA! Watu watano. Utahitaji kuwa na 500,000. Beba pia ATM card yako, kuna imejensi.
    5. MAHARI ndio topic tatanishi inayofuata sasa. Ukiwa mjanja, unganishia kwenye hiyo safari hapo juu uue ndege wawili. Pamoja na hayo, itabidi ubebe 2,000,000.
    6. Sasa kijana unaweza kumvisha mchumba wako pete. Nunua ya kawaida kabisa ya dhahabu. 350,000. Tukio lenyewe la kumvisha pete unaweza ita marafiki wawili watatu ukatumia 200,000. Au fanya sherehe kabisa. Mi simo
    7. Oke, sasa unaweza kuitisha vikao vya harusi. Tengeneza kadi za mwaliko wa kamati kwa 200,000, kikao cha kwanza gharama zote ni juu yako. Andaa 500,000. Swali la kwanza kwenye kikao: “We una shing ngapi?” Sema 1,000,000.
    8. Utahitaji 100,000 ya sms na simu kukumbushia michango. (Shukuru Mungu kuna cheka time)
    9. Wakati vikao vinaendelea, utatuma 200,000 kwa m-pesa ili mambo ya kimila yaendelee kule nyumbani. We unaelewa bana!!
    10. “Darling, sasa mi kwenye kitchen party ntavaa nini?” 300,000!
    11. “Darling, kuna mahali nimeona gauni zuri la send…” 400,000!
    12. “Baby, rafiki yangu Maimartha alinunua gauni la harusi China yani lilimpendezajee” 700,000!
    13. Wakati huo wewe mwenyewe hujajua utavaa nini, hujanunua pete za harusi, hujamvalisha best man na mkewe. Tuseme unahitaji kama 1,500,000 maana utalia lia sana. Kumbuka, gharama hizi huchangiwi na kamati. Wala hutarudishiwa.
    14. Siku ya send off lazma uende Mwanza. Utaenda mwenyewe? Ndugu wawili watatu na mshenga 600,000. Kwenye send off utatakiwa kutoa sijui blanketi la bibi, vitenge vya mashangazi, na vikorokoro kibao. Nunua hivyo vitu 300,000 uende navyo ili kupunguza gharama. Beba 200,000 za wale mashangazi watakaoibuka ghafla!
    15. Mshonee baba mkwe suti 100,000 mama mkwe yeye atavaa gauni la 50,000.
    16. Fotokopi hiyo hapo juu (namba 15) kwa wazazi wako. 150,000
    17. Watu watakaopenda kuvaa sare wajitegemee! Mimi sina hela! Ila utavishonea nguo vile vitoto kwa 80,000.
    18. Siku mbili kabla ya harusi, utaanza kupokea wageni. Unatakiwa uwatafutie malazi na chakula. Kwa ujumla utahitaji kama 500,000
    19. Jioni watoe auti mashemeji zako ambao hawajawahi kufika Dar ukawanunulie bia ili wakuone wa maana. 200,000
    20. Siku ya harusi bibi harusi na mwenzie na watoto na ma maids watatakiwa wakapambwe saluni. 200,000
    21. We na mwenzio mtaenda kunyoa hapo kwa nanii. Ndevu na nywele na black kibishi 40,000
    22. Siku ya harusi beba sadaka 10,000. Wakati huo umeshamtuma kijana akakulipie hoteli mtakayofikia baada ya harusi. Kamati haitoi hela hiyo, so utalipa malazi ya siku mbili 200,000
    23. Kama mtaenda honeymoon sehemu yoyote nzuri nzuri nje ya mji, si chini ya 800,000 kwa angalau siku 3.
    24. Wakati uko huko honeymoon, huna hata kumi, mwanakamati mmoja ambae hakuchanga anakupigia simu “Mangi eeeeh, Sasa tunavunja lini kamati?” Pesa yote iliyochangwa ilitumika kwenye harusi, sasa gharama za kuvunja kamati ni za nani?? 500,000!
    25. SASA MNAANZA MAISHA YA UNYUMBA. 14,180,000 poorer.ASEEEEEE, YAANI UKIYAFIKIRIA HAYA, NDO YANAPOKUJA YALE YA “Brey Ehhh, we yako lini bana???” NAYE ANAWAJIBU “Aseee, mi bado nipo nipo kwanza”!!!
     
  2. Gabmanu

    Gabmanu Senior Member

    #2
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Feb 9, 2012
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    Kwa ujumla hayo yote ni sh. ngapi? Maana m nilimchukua kimya kimya hata bila yeye mwenyewe kujijua sembuse ya wazazi wake.
     
  3. sun wu

    sun wu JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Apr 1, 2012
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    Nadhani kuna other option ya ndoa ya mkeka, lakini tayarisha kutukanwa na kuchukiwa na ndugu upande wa mke :disapointed:
     
  4. k

    kabye JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Nov 4, 2011
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    Ukigalimu vyote ivyo alafu akizila siku ya arusi utaji-KANUMBA AU?
     
  5. SaidAlly

    SaidAlly JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Jan 22, 2011
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    Kama gharama yote ndio hiyo 14,180,000 na ushehee! Tena hapo kuna gharama za hapa na pale zisizoingia kwenye daftari, kwahiyo atleast tunazungumzia kama 20m hiyo inaunganisha na shoping ya vitu muhimu hapo home baada ya ndoa.

    Ngoja nisubirie kwanza, labda nijipange kwa mwakani mwezi wa Disemba.
     
  6. Perry

    Perry JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Feb 24, 2011
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    Kwa styl hzi,wengi tutaoa kwa ndoa za mkeka.
     
  7. A

    APPLE LA G New Member

    #7
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Apr 18, 2012
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    Kweli hapa umetufumbua macho. Mbaya zaidi bei ya vitu hupanda kila siku. Naamin hzo garama ulizotoa ukipita mwezi hali tofauti
     
  8. Kiranga

    Kiranga JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Jan 29, 2009
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    We unafikiri kwa nini watu wanaoana "kiungwana", common law marriage zimezidi, utambulisho wa wazazi wanapokuja kumuona mtoto.

    Daaaang!
     
  9. MadameX

    MadameX JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Apr 18, 2012
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    Mbona hii copy and paste ya topic hii every now and then....
     
  10. M

    Malolella JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Apr 18, 2012
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    Kwaufupi kama umeamua kufanya harusi inahitaji maandalizi yakutosha. Kunawatu wanavamia kuoa halafu wanatia aibu siku ya haruc na kuanza kutoa machozi kama mtoto mdogo!
     
  11. m

    mchambakwao Member

    #11
    Apr 18, 2012
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    Poor thinking! Si kweli wazazi wote wanakaa vijijini,kuna wajomba n.k mijini.Kwa jinsi ulivyoweka mahesabu yako na sijui umetumia vigezo gani,ila naomba usiwadanganye na kuwarubuni vijana walio na nia ya kuoa
     
  12. ossy

    ossy JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Apr 18, 2012
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    dah! itabidi niendelee kuwa nipo nipo kwanza...
     
  13. k

    kabye JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Apr 18, 2012
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    una fanya ivyo vyote after few day unapelekwa jera kwa madeni ya kijinga. bola nipige ndoa ya ki-china
     
  14. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Apr 18, 2012
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    marudio
     
  15. k

    kabye JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Apr 18, 2012
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    mama au baba uko kijijini wanalala kwenye nyumba ya miti na kunyeshewa ma mvua wewe una chezea ela utakuwa una lana sibule. Wadau musipende kuiga vitu ambavyo badae vitakucost acheni na mambo ya kianasa.
     
  16. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Apr 18, 2012
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    Unataka kunambia woote tulo na pete tumegharimiwa 20m. Basi watanzania wote mafisadi maana kwa mshahara upi au mkopo???
     
  17. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Apr 17, 2011
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    Bado nipo nipo aisee!
     
  18. b

    barumoja Member

    #18
    Apr 19, 2012
    Joined: Feb 27, 2012
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    we mwenyewe umeshaoa?
     
  19. sister

    sister JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Apr 19, 2012
    Joined: Nov 23, 2011
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    ndo mana amesema 'kwa mfano' jamani ajamaanisha kwamba wazazi wote wanaishi vijijini.
     
  20. sister

    sister JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Apr 19, 2012
    Joined: Nov 23, 2011
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    hafu baada ya kufanya hayo yote ndoa inakuwa ndoano, baada ya mwezi watu wameachana.
     
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