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ushauri please - nani mwenye kosa

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Da Asia, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. Da Asia

    Da Asia JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Apr 15, 2012
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    tunaishi mikoa tofauti, naamini tunapendana, japo kuonana kwetu ni mara chache sana. kutokana na umbali na majukumu. sote ni watu wazima, aliwahi kuoa, akazaa watoto, it didnt work wakaachana. na mimi hali kadhalika. tulikubaliana kuoana kama tukiona mahusiano yanakwenda vizuri. japo mimi nilimwambia nisingependa tuoane halafu tuendelee kuishi mikoa tofauti, sio maisha ninayoyataka kwa umri wangu. nimeshaishi mwenyewe kiasi cha kutosha.

    sote ni waajiriwa japo mimi kipato changu kimezidi cha kwake, hainipi tabu kwa sababu katika mahusiano huangalii kipato, kikubwa na maelewano. analalamikia kipato chake kila wakati kua hakitoshi hasa kusomesha watoto wake ambao bado wako shule, na pia kugawa inakua kazi, vile watoto wanasoma mkoa mwingine. tukakubaliana aache kazi aje tukae pamoja nilipo mimi ambapo ndipo na watoto wake walipo. tukawa tumeshapanga tayari nini atafanya. akatoa notice kazini kwake, lakini wakataa wakadai watamuongeza mshahara maana aliwaambia mshahara hautoshi. kweli akaongezewa mshahara, si kiasi kikubwa japo naona yeye karidhika na mipango ya kuhama haipo tena.

    kwa hivyo kila tulichopanga kufanya tukiwa pamoja imekua ndoto maana sioni kama kuna dalili ya mtu kuja tena. nimekua muwazi kwake, na kumwambia kua, sitaweza kumsubiri tena maana siko tayari kuishi mwenyewe. nina miradi ambayo nilitaka yeye akiacha kazi asimamie na kufufua mingine na kuiweka sawa wakati anatafuta kitu chake mwenyewe cha kufanya, maana siku zote amekua akidai asingependa kujibwetesha kwenye miradi ambayo ni ya kwake. ila yuko tayari tuanzishe ya kwetu. sijui hili lina maana gani. maana mwisho wa siku ni vitu vyetu. hana imani tena na mimi maana anahisi nitamuacha na mimi nimemwambia he needs to make up his mind maana hatuwezi kuishi hivi tunavyoishi. kwa sasa maelewano si mazuri sana sababu ya hili tatizo ambalo ufumbuzi muafaka hatuna.

    wana JF, naomba mniambie nani mwenye kosa hapa. mimi au yeye au wote wawili. au tutaishi hivi for how long. tuna miaka miwili sasa tangu tuwe kwenye mahusiano.
    Mimi sioni mwandishi mzuri, lakini nina imani mmenielewa.
     
  2. M

    Mnyama Hatari JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Apr 15, 2012
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    Kwanza, ungeweka aya ili uweze kusomeka vizuri ingekuwa afadhali kuliko ilivyo sasa.

    Pili, sidhani kama kuna mwenye makosa. It's just not working and if it's not working just go separate ways. Usikazie sana katika kutafuta au kubaini nani mwenye makosa.

    Kubali tu kuwa wakati mwingine things just don't work out.
     
  3. Judgement

    Judgement JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 15, 2012
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    Habari yako mie nimeielewa.
    Kimoja nilichokigundua huyo Bwn, bado hajakuamini vya kutosha, hususan pale anaposhtuka ku'deal na projects zako wakati anajipanga.
    Jaribu kuweka mkazo juu ya shaka zake kwako tatuzi itapatikana tu, ninaamini .
     
  4. sun wu

    sun wu JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 15, 2012
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    A man needs to feel he is his own man.., sasa kumwambia aache kazi ili aje kuendesha miradi yako (ambayo itakuwa yenu) huenda ikawa ngumu, (kama ingekuwa rahisi fikiria kama wewe unaweza kuacha kazi yako ukaenda kule alipo kutafuta kazi nyingine au kuendeshea hio miradi yako kule alipo..)

    Anyway maisha ni kuelewana na compromise, jaribu mkae chini na kuangalia opportunity cost, angalieni ni nani akiacha kazi itakuwa rahisi kupata pengine, angalieni ni wapi pesa mtapata zaidi kwenye miradi au mkifanya kazi.., pili huenda ikawa rahisi ukimwambia aje kuanzisha miradi yake/yenu kuliko kumwambia aje kuendesha miradi yako... (kumwambia aje kwako na aendeshe miradi yako inaweza kupelekea awe na low self esteem)
     
  5. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Apr 15, 2012
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    Siwezi sema nani ana makosa moja kwa moja.
    Kila mtu ana priority zake maishani na njozi zake, si rahisi kuziacha sababu ya mtu mwingine.

    Pia kuacha kazi mwanamme mwenye watoto afu aje akutegemee wewe umlishe na kumsomesha yeye na watoto wake + wako, sidhani kama ni rahisi kihivyo.

    Pia usiharakishe kusema mali hizo ni zenu wote, bora mdefine mapema nini chenu wote na kipi kila mtu anamiliki chake.

    Fikiria sinario hii.
    Umefanya vyote vyenu, wewe unatangulia mbele za haki(Mungu aepushe mbali), itabidi aoe tena, watoto wako watakuwaje??
     
  6. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Apr 15, 2012
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    Kiukweli nimempenda sana huyo mwanamume!!

    The man is driven by testosterone and not oestrogens....Ataacheje kazi yake kwenda kuishi kwa mwanamke, tena ambaye hajamuoa?

    Da Aisia...simply ulikosea hesabu kwa kumpa huo ushauri...It doesn't make sense in real man's head...!

    Kama unampenda basi jaribu kujishusha na kumwomba kwanza akueleze mipango yake badala ya wewe kumweleza, ukizingatia kuwa unamzidi kipato. Vinginginevyo itaonekana unataka kumfuga tena asubuhi na mapema!!

    Babu DC!!
     
  7. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Apr 15, 2012
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    Kongosho,

    Hivi umesomba hilo bandiko vinzuri....Yaani ukiliangalia juu juu (nadhani ndivo Da Asia anavyodani), utahisi kuwa ni poa tu.

    Ila ki ukweli huyo dada ana makosa kwa kujaribu kumpa mwanamume ushauri ambao ni toxic!

    Babu DC!!
     
  8. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 15, 2012
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    2 ma side,kosa ni la huyo jamaa,kwanza hajiamini,ndo tatizo kubwa,wanaume mara nyingi tunaogopa na tunakosa kujiamini kasa pale tunapokuwa kwenye mahusiano na mwanamke mwenye hela au mafanikio,huyo jamaa ana tatizo hilo,anaona utamuacha baada ya kumwambia msimamo wako,but kama unahitaji kuwa na mtu pamoja na yeye hataki,tafakari chukua hatua mama.Unaweza kwenda kumuokoa mtu anaezama majini usipokua mwangalifu mtazama wote!
     
  9. Pendael laizer

    Pendael laizer JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 15, 2012
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    Embu muhakikishie tu kuwa hiyo miradi ni yenu pamoja manake kuna kitu kikubwa anakiogopa hapo.
     
  10. sun wu

    sun wu JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Apr 16, 2012
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    Mkuu hivi kuwa carefully na kuchukua calculated risks ni vibaya ?, alishakubali kwenda wakati kazi ilikuwa hailipi sasa inalipa huo ni uhakika kuacha hio kazi na kwenda kutegemea kuendesha miradi hakuna uhakika "One Bird in the hand is worth more than Ten on a Tree".. and remember huyu mwanaume kwa sasa uamuzi wake sio wake tu, bali wa watoto wake anaowasomesha

    Hivi huyu jamaa anahitaji kuokolewa ? hivi hapo alipo amekosa nini kaongezwa mshahara, na maisha yanakwenda sasa hapo kuokolewa ili aende wapi?
     
  11. Jestina

    Jestina JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 16, 2012
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    tafuta mwanaume mwingine....mwanaume sio huyo huyo,kwanza ana watoto wa kuwafikiria kisha na distance kati yenu...sioni kama ni ideal match,kwa nini ung'anganie uhusiano mfu kama huuu...uko desperate kiasi hiko???tafuta mwanaume mwingine ktk mji unaoishi na pia tafuta ambaye hana commitments za watoto,mke etc.....
     
  12. kichwat

    kichwat JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 16, 2012
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    ...In Africa it won't work as you wish. You need to move to a NEUTRAL GROUND where every party will feel safe. 'Dume kuolewa noma' It's psychological sometimes.
     
  13. sun wu

    sun wu JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Apr 16, 2012
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    Lakini si na yeye anao watoto nadhani kwa upande wa commitments wote ni single parents hivyo sioni tatizo na kama wanapendana they can solve their issues..
     
  14. sun wu

    sun wu JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Apr 16, 2012
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    Sasa hapo wanasolve maisha yao au wanakomoana.., yaani wote waache kazi na miradi yao ? (watakula oxygen ?)
     
  15. kichwat

    kichwat JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 16, 2012
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    tatizo ni kimtazamo zaidi, sio physical. Dawa yake ni ngumu kidogo, kama lengo ni kuishi pamoja. Kama lengo ni MALI basi kwa sasa iko njema zaidi.
     
  16. Swts

    Swts JF-Expert Member

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    Apr 16, 2012
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    Wow touching!
    Wote mna makosa kwa pande zote dear!
    Wewe:upo sawa but haupo sawa kwake,na kwako kwa kiasi fulani.Ok ye aje aendeleze what u've started with ur own hands au mayb ur ex alikupa taf,o watever! Kwa mwanaume yyte timamu haimek sense! Lazima inferiority complex ihusike! Then cku akachange na kutake everythn in the name of Love?ok cku haupo kimwili,urkids watakuwa safe?coz 4 2yrz isnt enaf kujua if anawapenda wanao the way u wanted,au wewe wakwake! Msiwe selfish mkawaharibia madogo future zao mamii! Hebu Think twice.
    Yeye:mjamaa hajiamin,hana msimamo na kama bado anajishauri kwako ivi,coz kama tatizo ni kaz na hv hana miradi zaid ya salary,angejaribu kuangalia marambil! umuhimu wa mawasiliano na kuwa karibu ktk mapenz na akaamua moja,kwa future yenu nafamily!
    Then kama ulivoshauriwa apo juu,em mpime na umulize upepo wake unaelekea wapi,i min anampango gan lbda apart from kuajiriwa,anapenda nin.mulize taratib.kama kwel anakupenda atakupa jb la uhakika.but ucmpe Mamlaka na miradi yako,usije kukosa hata choz la kulia! Anzisheni yenu,na watoto wote watambue ilo..wish u lucky! Though kibongobongo,ngum kidogo
     
  17. toghocho

    toghocho JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Apr 16, 2012
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    hakuna mwenye makosa, tatizo ni kwamba mwanaume mwenye kufikiri hawezi kuacha kazi aje kukaa kwako na kuendesha miradi yako,mwanaume hufikiria sana kuhusu 'risk' za hiyo makitu, nimpongeze, kwa kweli you have someone mwnye msimamo na akiendelea hivo mtafika mbali...mtafutie kazi kabisa , coz inaonekana kama huwezi kuhama kwa sabau ya miradi na hao wanawe,sio mabya,akija aanze kazi, simple, unless ana elimu ya kuungaunga!!!but im sure hilo sio big issue kama mnapendana
     
  18. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Apr 16, 2012
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    Eiyer,

    Economic muscles ndiyo nguvu inayoongoza dunia. Mtu akishakuzidi kipato basi ana nguvu dhidi yako hata kama utaweza kujitutumua. Kosa la Da Asia ni kushindwa kulitambua hilo na kujaribu kumpa imani na confidence huyo mwanamume. Na akiendelea kumpa masharti + ultimatums basi atamkosa huyo mwanamue!

    Babu DC!!
     
  19. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Apr 16, 2012
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    Hilo ndilo tatizo langu kubwa...Huyo baba lazima ahisi kwamba anaenda kuolewa..Halafu huku amebeba watoto mgongoni.

    Kama angekubali hiyo proposal basi ilikuwa ni hatari sana kwake...He would be sitting on a fence!!

    Babu DC!!
     
  20. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Apr 16, 2012
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    Kwa kiasi fulani nakubaliana na mtazamo wako ila pia suala hapa hakuna sababu ya kulazimishana kuacha kazi. Huwa nawashauri hata wanawake wamwogope mwanamume anayejaribu kuwashauri kuacha kazi labda kama kazi nyingine inakuwa imeshapatikana.

    Halafu hapa tunaongelea mwanamume ambaye ndiye anategemewa kuwa kichwa cha familia. Itakuwa sawa aingie kwenye mahusiano akiwa kwenye weak side kiasi hicho?

    Ndiyo maana mie naona huyu Da Asia amekosea kuleta proposal ambayo inampunguzia hadhi mpenzi wake!!

    Babu DC!
     
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