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ushauri nasaha unahitajika.

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mbu, Sep 28, 2009.

  1. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    [​IMG]
    ...kwa mke na Mume, ambaye (mke) aliyemuoa ni Infertile, (mirija na kizazi kimeharibika).

    BTW; Adoption is out of question!
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
  2. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

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    Hapo mzee umetega sana!!!!
     
  3. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ......naaaam, haifai kukurupuka tu kujibu mambo haya.
     
  4. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    Japo watoto ni sehemu kubwa sana ya ndoa na raha zake mimi naamini kabisa kama mnapendana mnaweza kuoana hata kama mnajua hamtaweza kuzaa. Mta jaribu kutafuta njia za kuweza kuzaa(teknologia ya dawa ina kua kila leo) na hata mkishindwa mnaweza kuishi kwa upendo na amani.

    Mimi nawashauri watu kabla hawaja oana wasipime tu VVU na magonjwa mengine ya zinaa. Nawa shauri waka pime pia uzazi na magonjwa ya kurithi. Hii ni kwa jili mkiingia kwenye ndoa unajua tayari una jiingiza kwenye nini. Na pia kabla ya kuoana wapendanao waongelee vitu kama hivi na waulizane kabisa ikiwa hivi bado uta nipenda au la?
     
  5. Pretty

    Pretty JF-Expert Member

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    Hii inategemea na upendo wenu, kama kabla ya kuoa au kuolewa uliweka kipaumbele kwamba ukioa tu lazima mtoto au ukiolewa tu lazima mtoto, hapo italeta tatizo. Mtoto ni majaaliwa ya ndoa/matunda ya ndoa, hivyo inawezekana mkapata au mkakosa.
    Vile vile kama kweli unampenda mwenza wako una upendo wa kweli (unconditional love/true love) ambao haungalii makunyanzi, kutopata mtoto is not a big deal.
    Siku hizi technology zipo nyingi zinazoweza kuwawezesha kupata mtoto, kama mna pesa za kutosha mnaweza kufanya artificial insemination (AI).Ila hii technology ni gharama kidogo, kama hakuna pesa inabidi tu mchukuliane kama ilivyo.
     
  6. Katavi

    Katavi Platinum Member

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    du hapo pagumu. Licha ya kuwa teknolojia za AI zinapatikana lakini kwa watu wengi hawana uwezo wa kumudu gharama zake. Hapo kama mnapendana kwa dhati hiyo si ishu kubwa sana, ni kumtanguliza Mungu na mambo yatakaa sawa. Pia kuna ndugu walio na watoto unaweza kuomba japo watoto wa ndugu ukaishi nao, au ukaasili watoto katika vituo vya kulelea watoto yatima nayo inaweza kusaidia kukuondolea upweke.
    Kitu kikubwa cha kukumbuka ni kupima afya kabla ya kuoana ili kujua kama kuna tatizo la uzazi kati yenu, na kuamua nini cha kufanya.
     
  7. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...ngoja nikupe kisa hiki;

    "...Bwana mkubwa mmoja alijaaliwa watoto wawili wakike kwa Bi mkubwa wake. Bahati mbaya, walitalikiana na huyo bi mkubwa...na huyo bwana akaoa Mke mwingine.

    "Bahati mbaya, huyu bi mdogo ana matatizo ya uzazi. Either aliutumia vibaya ujana wake, au ndio mapenzi tu ya mwenyezi mungu, ...hajajaaliwa mtoto!"

    "Katika jitihada walizofanya ndani na nje ya nchi, imebainika kwamba ita wagharimu pesa nyingi sana iwapo wataamua kufanya hiyo 50:50 (chance) IVF treatment.

    "Bwana mkubwa yeye kutokana na umri wake na huyo mkewe, kaamua kumshukuru mungu kwa majaaliwa hayo. Anampenda mkewe na amekubaliana na hali japo alitarajia Bi mdogo angemzalia mtoto wa Kiume, aje kuwa mrithi na Walii kwa dada zake.

    Sasa, Bi mdogo yeye kila siku ni vilio na malalamiko kwamba bila uzazi hajakamilika. Mbaya zaidi ni upande wake yeye Mke ndio unaoshurutisha Mke ajaribu kila namna almuradi amzalie huyo baba Mtoto, wakati upande wa mume wao walaaa...wanamchukulia wifi yao kuwa mkamilifu."

    Ushauri wako/ wenu vipi kwenye case ya namna hii, maana hayo malalamiko, na vilio vya bi mdogo vinaletesha mgongano mkubwa kwenye maisha ya wana ndoa hawa.
     
  8. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu hilo ni moja ya tatizo ya mila zetu. Mtu familia yako inaingilia kila idara ya maisha yako. Japo ni vizuri sana kuwa na familia ambayo ipo karibu lakini ina kuja na gharama ya kuingiliwa kila wakati. Mimi nadhani bwana mkubwa aji tahidi kadri ya uwezo wake kumuaminisha mkewe huyo kuwa hata bila watoto bado anampenda na maisha yana weza kuendelea kama kawaida. Pia bwana mkubwa akaongee na familia ya mke na kuwasihi wasimseme sana mkewe kuhusu uzazi.

    Hapa nadhani tatizo kubwa litakuja kwa mke. Kama mke anajiona bila mtoto hawezi kukamilika hapo ipo shuguli. Huyo mke bwana awe muelewa kidogo. Hali yake haimuathiri yeye peke yake bali hata mumewe. Sasa kama mume kampenda kama alivyo kwa nini na yeye asijipende kama alivyo? Naelewa hisia za huyo mke lakini inabidi ifike wakati mtu awe muelewa kidogo. Kama unavyo sema ni kweli kuwa familia ya bwana inamchukulia poa wifi yao basi nashauri wanawake wa familia ya bwana waongee na wifi yao. Ata sikiliza zaidi kama maneno yata toka kwa wanawake wenzake. Na mama wa huyo baba awe mwanamke yoyote mtu mzima kwenye familia(mama mkubwa, shangazi nk) awepo wakiongea na bi mdogo.


    Pia nawashauri waendelee kumuomba Mungu na wazidi kutafuta njia za kuweza kuja kupata mtoto kama ikiwezekana. Nita rudi kwa ushauri zaidi baada ya kutafakari hili jambo zaidi.
     
  9. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Mbu samahani kka sikuwa nimeiona hii but naamini sijachelewa.

    Kaka nafikiri aliyeandika kwenye Bible (whoever s/he is) kuwa thr truth will set you free hakukosea. Ninaamini kabisa katika situation kama hii ukweli unatakiwa. Kwanza mke ajikubali (akisaidiwa na mumewe) aikubali hali yake. Aende kwa washauri nasaha wa masuala ya ndoa asaidiwe kukubaliana na hali halisi kuwa hataweza kupata mtoto na kwamba hayuko peke yake humu duniani mwenye hali hiyo.

    Pili akishaikubali hali yake wakae na mumewe na kukubaliana way forward, kama wataamua kuadopte, kulea watoto wa ndugu au kukaa hivi hivi kwa sababu si lazima ndoa iwe na watoto na isitoshe pengine ndo majaliwa yao wote wawili na ndio maana MUNGU akawakutanisha.

    Tatu baada ya wao wawili kukubaliana waitishe kikao cha pande zote mbili na kuwaeleza situation yao na MAAMUZI yao kama wanandoa. Kisha watoe MSIMAMO wao nahisi hata hao wapiga kelele watafunga vinywa!

    Mbona kuna wengi tu hawana watoto na karama na baraka zao wapewazo na mwenyezi MUNGU wanazitumia kusaidia mayatima na wasiojiweza?!
     
  10. Triplets

    Triplets JF-Expert Member

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    oh samahani, sikuona hii ya kwamba adoption is out of question, ignore my previous post, ntarudi baadae kidogo
     
  11. Shishi

    Shishi JF-Expert Member

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    Bwana eh niliona wacha nihold my horses kabla sijaanza kukupuruka ovyo ovyo. ulitutega hapo juu nikaona wacha ninyamaze kwanza nifikirie!



    My 2.5 cents!

    Hizi mila zetu bwana zimechangia pakubwa kwa hii mentality ya kuwa lazima wanandoa wapate watoto..kwa udi na uvumba!!!.tena lazima kuwe na m (wa)toto wa kiume ndio wawe heirs to the family property and to continue the family lineage. hapo sasa kama mama hawezi kuzaa basi it was simple, mume apate mke wa pili, na watatu etc. in my culture kama mama hawezi kuzaa alikuwa 'anaoa' mwanamke wa kumzalia watoto it doesnt matter nani baba yao bora tu watoto.

    mie ningemshauri huyo baba akae na mkewe amwelezee kuwa ameridhika na kutopata mtoto, bwana watoto ni majaliwa yake mola. kama bado hawaja exhaust all possibilities za kupata mtoto wajaribu.ikishindikana waamue kukaa wapendane tu! they have to be certain that medically both of them are not able to! pili kama mmoja wao lets say huyo binti hana problem na ni lazima apate mtoto basi ajiondoe mapema akatafute mume atakayemzalisha. wasianze kupeana mapresha bure! they have to talk and agree on the way forward!


    sijui am making any sense wacha nitarudi tena!
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
  12. Shishi

    Shishi JF-Expert Member

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    Bwana eh niliona wacha nihold my horses kabla sijaanza kukupuruka ovyo ovyo. ulitutega hapo juu nikaona wacha ninyamaze kwanza nifikirie!



    My 2.5 cents!

    Hizi mila zetu bwana zimechangia pakubwa kwa hii mentality ya kuwa lazima wanandoa wapate watoto..kwa udi na uvumba!!!.tena lazima kuwe na m (wa)toto wa kiume ndio wawe heirs to the family property and to continue the family lineage. hapo sasa kama mama hawezi kuzaa basi it was simple, mume apate mke wa pili, na watatu etc. in my culture kama mama hawezi kuzaa alikuwa 'anaoa' mwanamke wa kumzalia watoto it doesnt matter nani baba yao bora tu watoto.

    mie ningemshauri huyo baba akae na mkewe amwelezee kuwa ameridhika na kutopata mtoto, bwana watoto ni majaliwa yake mola. kama bado hawaja exhaust all possibilities za kupata mtoto wajaribu.ikishindikana waamue kukaa wapendane tu! they have to be cerain that mediaccly both of them are not able to! pili kama mmoja wao lets say huyo binti hana problem na ni lazima pate mtoto basi ajionondoe mapema akatafute mume atakayemzalisha. waisnaze kupeana mapresha bure! they have to talk and agree on the way forward!


    sijui kama am making any sense wacha nitarudi tena!
     
  13. Triplets

    Triplets JF-Expert Member

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    Hapo kuna maswala mawili
    Malalamiko ya ndugu wa bi mdogo
    Machungu ya bi mdogo

    Kwa malalamiko ya ndugu wa upande wa mwanamke, hali hii inaweza kurekebishwa kwa hao wanandoa kukutana nao na kuongea nao na kuwapa msimamo wao hasa mume

    Kwa upande wa Bi mdogo:
    Watoto wa mume wa bi mdogo ni wa kwake pia, aweke kipaumbele kuwaangalia na kuwatunza kama mama yao, anaweza kufarijika sana tu kwa sababu baba yao mzazi ni mume wake
    ingetafutwa sababu hasa ya yeye kupata machungu sana, halatu waendelee tokea hapo
    ni kwa sababu tu hajajaaliwa mtoto ?
    anajiona inferior akijilinganisha na bi mkubwa ?
    anapata kero nyingi au aibu kutokana na maneno ya ndugu zake?
    anaona ndoa yake au yeye kama mwanamke hajakamilika bila mtoto?

    Inawezekana pia ni mchanganyiko wa hayo, muhimu ni kutafuta mshauri wa masuala ya ndoa atakaye kaa nao na kuongea nao kwa kina, kama wapo tzni kazi kidogo kupata mshauri mzuri, mara nyingi ushauri hutolewa na madaktari au viongozi wa dini, inabidi wanandoa hao wachunguze kwanza kama mshauri anawafaa au la

    Haya mambo ni moja ya zile storms zinazo kushambulia ndoa, wahakikishe wapo pamoja kipindi hiki, cha muhimu ni kutoruhusu hali hii iwagawanye kitu ambacho kwa bahati mbaya huwa ndio tatizo kubwa, dharuba itatulia tu with time
     
  14. Kweli

    Kweli JF-Expert Member

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    Nionavyo mimi huyu bibie anasumbuliwa zaidi na mawazo (sio ya kukosa kizazi) bali ya maisha yake ya baadae pindi huyu bwana akifa?
    Inaonekana bwanamkubwa ana vijimali na inawezekana pia hii mali imepatikana wakati yeye ni mke wa huyu bwana na sio kipindi cha mke wa awali, kwa mila na desturi ya baadhi ya makabila/dini zetu huyu bibie (mke #2) hatokuja kurithi chochote pindi mumewe akifa! (regardless whether she contributed to the wealth or not?) yule #1 kwa vile amezaa atagawiwa baadhi ya mali.
    Hawa ndugu na jamaa sasa hivi watampenda na watamnasihi akubali mipango ya Mungu lakini endapo mume atatangulia mbele ya Mungu watamtema na kumsahau kabisa! hio ndio inayomuumiza huyu Dada.
    Ushauri wangu wakae Mume na Mke na huyu bwana atayarishe hati ya mirathi ili kumpa bibie amani, na wakati mwengine anxiety and stress zinachangia hio infertility, once he put her mind in peace and she's totally relaxed, she might fall pregnant!
     
  15. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...Kweli, ahsante mkuu kwa busara zako. Kwakuwa wahusika ni watu ninaofahamiana nao kwa ukaribu, Bwanamkubwa tayari keshahakikisha bi mdogo ana nyumba yake mwenyewe, na hili lishawekwa wazi kwa familia za pande zote mbili kwamba hiyo nyumba (#3 bedroom exec. Bungalow) ni kwa ajili ya Bi mdogo!

    Apart from that, Bw mkubwa ana 'utajiri' wa mali zake mwenyewe pamoja na za urithi wa kwao awali kabla hata hajaoana na huyo bi mdogo. Sidhani kama 'mali' ndizo zimtoazo roho bi Mdogo.

    Kuhusu totally relaxations labda atapata ujauzito mnh, sidhani...kwani tayari madaktari ndani na nje ya nchi weshamfanyia bi Mdogo utafiti, kwa kifupi mirija yake (fellopian tubes) 'imeondolewa'!
     
  16. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...Triplets, shukran sana, umegusia mengi muhimu pamoja na hilo kwamba awachukulie watoto wa mume ni wake pia.

    Unajua, bi mdogo alipoolewa hawa mabinti walikuwa wadogo sana. Mabinti hawa walikuwa wanampenda sana mama yao mpya, na mpaka sasa wanamchukulia kuwa confidant wao muhimu.

    Tatizo ni bi mdogo huyo katika siku za karibuni amekuwa ama kwa bahati mbaya/makusudi, analetesha chokochoko kwa hao mabinti. I mean kujibishana nao kishari shari, na kukata mawasiliano nao, wakati awali alikuwa mstari wa mbele 'kuwadekeza'.

    Hili limekuja hasa pale mabinti hao walipohamia rasmi kwa mama yao mzazi, kuishi nae, na hivyo kuja kwa mama wa 'kambo' na Bw' mkubwa wakati wa likizo, au kusalimia tu.
     
  17. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...shukran Shishi,

    kama nilivyosema awali, huyo bi mdogo alificha 'maradhi' yake mwanzoni, ndio maana nikasema aliutumia vibaya ujana wake, na Mw' Mungu hajapenda bado kumpatia mtoto...kwanini nasema hivi;

    Bi mdogo katika siku za awali za ndoa tuseme miaka miwili na ushee alikataa ushauri wa mumewe kwenda kufanyiwa utaalamu wa madakitari. Badala yake, alitumia sana mitishamba pamoja na huduma za 'watafiti' wa jadi kwa kudhani labda kafungwa kizazi au labda miti shamba ingemsaidia.

    By the time Bi mdogo ame exhaust means zote za kienyeji kutafuta mtoto, ndipo Bw Mkubwa alipompeleka mkewe kwa madakitari bingwa kujua kulikoni, na huko ndiko alipoambiwa mrija upande mmoja ulitolewa wkt wa abortion (ujanani), na upande wa pili umeziba, na hautaweza kuzibulika!

    Pamoja na hayo, Bw'mkubwa alikubali IVF treatment ya kwanza, ikafeli... IVF treatment ya pili, ikafeli,... sasa Bw'mkubwa anasema imetosha. Mamilioni kadhaa yamepotea, Mw'Mungu hajapenda. Bi mdogo hataki...!

    Bw'mkubwa keshampa rukhsa, kama anataka mtoto kwa hali yeyote iliyo, basi rukhsa waachane akatafute atayeendelea kutumia mamilioni kwa IVF treatment, Bi mdogo hataki...!

    Si karaha hiyo? :D
     
  18. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    Mwanafa1, shukran kwa busara zako,

    yaani kila ulilolisema ni sahihi kabisa,... kubwa kuliko yote, hata mama mkwe na huyo Bw'mkubwa walishawahi kumweka kitako huyo bi mdogo na wakamwambia asiwe na wasiwasi wowowte, wao wameikubali hali yake, na hayo mapenzi ya Mw'mungu,... Bi mdogo alikubali kwa shingo upande...

    sasa (Bi mdogo) amecharukwa tena kulia lia... anaona anaonewa kunyimwa haki yake kupata mtoto. Ndoa hizi, kuna wengine wana mitihani nyie acha tu.
    Binafsi nadhani huyu Bw'mkubwa keshajichokea ndio maana kidogo kidogo anayatoa hadharani yanayomsibu, ila huruma na mapenzi tu kwa mkewe ndio yanayompa ustamilivu siku ziende...
     
  19. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Sasa ninaona tatizo.

    Shem, opsss kaka mbu huyu shemejio anasumbuliwa na guilty conscious kwani anajichukulia kuwa ndiye chanzo cha wao kukosa watoto (Ile abortion ya ujanani) sasa kung'ang'ania kwake ni denial status hataki kukubaliana na ukweli (na kweli si rahisi kukubali kuwa eyey ndo chanzo) so ana amini iko siku atafanikiwa na ku-prove wrong walimwengu. Isitoshe pengine alikwishaapa kwa mumewe kuwa yeye ujanani alikuwa 'mtoto mzuri' sasa report ya dr imetoa visivyo so anatamani kuprove wrong madr. ili amhakikishie Mr. kuwa kweli yeye alikuwa mtulivu na madr. ndoi waliokosea.

    Kwa hali hii Kaka ni ngumu kusolve unless mdada akubali kuwa hata fanikiwa na mume amsaidie kumpa confidence kuwa yameshamwagika hayazoleki but amwonyeshe upendo na kumhakikishia atampenda despite all.
     
  20. Teamo

    Teamo JF-Expert Member

    #20
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    well,
    kwangu mimi the whole situation looks UNBEARABLE!
     
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