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Uraibu wa ngono

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by chiko, Nov 10, 2010.

  1. chiko

    chiko JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Nov 10, 2010
    Joined: Feb 24, 2010
    Messages: 459
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    Wanajamvi, Hube Someni;


    I’m a Recovering Sex Addict

    Jennifer (not her real name), 36, lives in Miami. Although she’s never touched drugs or alcohol, she has an addiction all the same—sex addiction. Although not an official psychiatric diagnosis, Jennifer’s sex addiction has caused her tremendous pain and suffering over the years. Her compulsive behavior, which she thinks may have been triggered by childhood abuse, destroyed relationships and ultimately wrecked her marriage. She sought treatment and has been sober for six years.

    You often hear stories about sex addicts who have multiple partners, or who have sex in parking lots, or hook up with strangers they meet on the Internet. That wasn’t my style.
    I had long affairs. I wanted sex, but I also wanted somebody’s soul, in this really ego-driven way. My life was a constant juggling act of at least two men, making sure they didn’t find out about each other. I was unfaithful to every boyfriend I ever had.

    I thought that getting married would cure me. I hoped that I would never look at anyone else but my husband again. I remember praying the week of my wedding, “God, please let me be faithful.” Two weeks later, I started looking around. I got married in January 2000 and by April I was in a full-blown affair.

    Overall, while I was married, I had two 2-year affairs with only a four-month break in between the affairs.

    I felt like I got love from my husband, but as the intimacy level went up, my sex interest went down. My husband was really good-looking, nice, smart, funny—everybody says he’s such a great guy—but because he was so familiar I was tired of him. I’m just sort of wired wrong. Other women get turned on by a romantic date with their husbands. Me? I wanted to have sex if I had 10 minutes and there was a broom closet nearby. If we were in a fight and I wasn’t sure if he was going to stay with me, that’s when I felt really aroused. I’ve spent the last six years trying to rewire my brain when it comes to sex.

    Marriage didn’t cure me
    We’re the same as heroin addicts; it just usually takes us longer to get caught because the symptoms aren’t as noticeable. You can tell when an employee is coming into work high or drunk, but it’s harder to identify sex addiction. Most of us are very productive and good at our jobs. We’re compulsively efficient. We’re clever, manipulative, and a little evil. I never touched drugs or alcohol; sex was my drug of choice. I thought I was better than other addicts. The truth is that I was not.

    I got caught when my husband found a bunch of sex emails between me and my boyfriend. He Fed-Exed the emails to my grandmother, my parents, and my brother, saying, “I’m filing for divorce from Jennifer, and here’s why.” It was very clear through the emails that we were having a very sexual relationship. I said all sorts of things because it never occurred to me anyone else would read them. I remember telling my dad that I really loved my husband and wanted it to work. He said, “Well, it’s hard to tell.”

    My husband confronted me and asked me over and over again, “Why did you do this, why did you do this?” I don’t remember ever hearing the words sex addict before that moment, but they just popped out. I said, “Because I’m a sex addict!” I remember thinking, I wonder if that’s true? I was so used to lying that I would just say things like that. I went home and bought a book by Patrick Carnes, PhD, called Out of the Shadows, and I read it and realized it described me through and through.

    After I got sober, my husband and I tried to make a go of it. We lasted another two and a half years before we got divorced. There was just too much damage done.

    I will always be a recovering sex addict. That’s true of most sex addicts. We believe sex is the most important need, more important than food. If my partner says he doesn’t want to be sexual with me, I read that as he doesn’t love me. It’s been hard to retrain myself to realize that it doesn’t mean I’m not worthy, but just that he’s tired and has had a long day. Now when I have sex, I’m present for it. I’m there with the person that I’m with. But it’s been really hard to reprogram my brain to think like that.


    Kumbe sisi twafikiria hawa wenye kupenda sana..........wana pepo wa ngono, ama wamerogwa, tusiwachukulie vibaya kina INFIDELITY, Kumbe ni URAIBU(Yaani ADDICTION), Mateja wa ngono, kama vile wa madawa ya kulevya ambayo lazima mtu kuona mtaalam ama matibabu.

    Ukiona umejaribu kila njia lakini mwenzio haridhiki, atoka hapo ni kama ana njaa ya miaka, jua..........
     
  2. F

    Ferds JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Nov 10, 2010
    Joined: Oct 27, 2010
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    sas dawa yake nini mkubwa, tafuta na makala ya dawa ya hako kaugonjwa
     
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