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Uko tayari kuwa mama wa kufikia/kambo?!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Eiyer, May 29, 2012.

  1. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Mjadala wa kwenye thread ya Bishanga wa wanawake kupata changamoto ya mpenzi/mume mpya wanapokuwa na watoto wa mahusiano ya zamani ulichukua kasi na siwezi kusema ulifikia muafaka ama la. . . . .Lakini kuna tatizo lingine ambalo hatukulijadili.Kama vile ambavyo ni wanaume wachache waliotayari kuoa mwanamke ambae tayari ameshazaa. . .Je ni wanawake wangapi wako tayari kuolewa na wanaume waliotayari na watoto?Na kama wapo ambao hawapo tayari,ni sababu zipi zinawafanya wakatae?Kwa wanaume sababu kubwa inayoonekana ni kukimbia majukumu,je mwanamke nae ni nini?
     
  2. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

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    Swali hilo linapaswa kujibiwa na part 3 zote.

    Je mume yuko tayari kuanza safari mpya ya mapenzi?

    Mke pia yupo tayari (kama heading yako inavyosema)?

    Na watoto wako tayari na uwepo wa mwanamke mwingine in their life?

    Majibu yakiwa ndio, basi ni kupeana nafasi ya kujuana vyema ili muweze kuco-exist. Misingi na nafasi ya kila part ikiwa well stipulated shida hupungua.

    Should l take the role of their mother au kwa kufanya hivyo nitakuwa naiba nafasi ambayo si yangu.

    Should l play a low profile role au kwa kufanya hivyo nitakuwa siwajali au najinyanyapaa.

    Anyway hizo ni changamoto ambazo kama mkielewana vizuri hazisumbui sana!
     
  3. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Kaunga,just imagine watoto ni wadogo hawako kwenye uwezo wa kutoa maamuzi may be miaka 4 na 8!Halafu pia hata kama ni wakubwa wanaweza kukuzuia mzazi usianzishe ndoa mpya?I dont think so!
     
  4. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

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    Wakiwa wakubwa wanaweza wasizuie lkn wakaleta migogoro na pengine kutokuelewana. Believe Eiyer watoto wana nafasi na mchango mkubwa katika kufanya ndoa ya design hiyo iwork au isi-work.

    At 4 ni mdogo, na ni rahisi kumlea but mimi nina amini kuhusu access ya mama yao mzazi (kama yu hai) kuwatembelea watoto once in a while. In as much as nitampa mapenzi huyo mtoto lkn nafasi ya biological mom ni muhimu pia kwenye makuzi ya mtoto!
     
  5. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Inategemea.

    Kama mama yao yuko hai, mzima wa afya na akili, pia anaweza/penda/tala kulea watoto wake ntamshauri huyo mwenzangu awaache kwa mama yao kwasababu binafsi siko tayari kulelewa watoto wangu na mwanamke ambae sio ndugu wala rafiki yangu wakati ni ngali hai na nguvu /afya nnayo. Kwasababu siko tayari kutenganishwa na wangu sitopenda mama yao atenganishwe.

    Ila kama kuna sababu zinazochangia kwa namna moja ama nyingine wasiweze kuishi na mama yao ntawakaribisha. Ila sasa ntawataka wawe na heshima na ntajitahidi kuwachanganya na wakwangu na kutopendelea upande wowote. Hilo likoshindikana maisha yatakuwa magumu but i'm willing to try.
     
  6. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Kaunga,thanx but uko tayari kuwa mrs wa mtu wa dizain hii?Je kwa mtazamo wako na uzoefu wako wale akina dada wanaokataa ni sababu pani hasa zinawafanya wakatae?Jibu lako ni la muhimu kuna jambo nataka kulithibitisha hapa!
     
  7. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Lizzy,paragraph ya mwisho ina tatizo.Kuna hofu kwenye utayari wako wa kuishi na hawa "wanao" wapya!Kwanini umesema "nitahakikisha wanakua na heshima" inaonekana kama unatarajia dharau kutoka kwao.Then umesema utajaribu,why kujaribu?
     
  8. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

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    The man l love, yu kwenye situation ya hivyo!

    Kwa wanaokataa siwalaumu, kama ambavyo simlaumu Dark City juu ya msimamo wake juu ya divorcée woman.

    Nafikiri age na maturity inahusika hapa na ni kwa manufaa ya wote. At 23 sidhani kama ningekubali majukumu makubwa kama haya. Na pia ni bora anayekataa kuliko anayekubali halafu anaenda kuwa mal-treat watoto.
     
  9. D

    Dina JF-Expert Member

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    Utayari ni wa pande zote mpaka biological mother wa watoto. Assuming hajaridhia, si ndio kila siku atakuwa mlangoni kuja kukagua kama wanae wamekula?
     
  10. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Eiyer sio kwamba natarajia ila nimeshaona kwa wengi kwamba watoto wanapokuwa wakubwa na mama yao bado yu hai sio rahisi sana wakamheshimu mama wa kambo automatically. Kwa maana ya kuwa, wengi hua trained na mama mzazi kutomheshimu mama wa kambo. Hivyo wanahitaji kuonyeshwa kwamba hiyo heshima ni muhimu ili familia yote iwe na furaha. Ndio maana ntajitahidi/hakikisha tunaelewana lugha. . .na hilo likishindikana basi lazima maisha yatatuwia magumu, especially kama baba yao nae wanamwendesha tu.
     
  11. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    eiyer,
    hakuna kitu nilichokuwa naepuka enzi zangu kama mwanaume mwenye mtoto....
    Kulea mtoto wa mtu kazi......
    Unaweza kumlea kama mama mzazi wa mtoto ni mwelewa.....anakubali umuadhibu mwanae akosapo, kama baba nae muelewa......(hapa sizungumzii wake wenye roho mbaya ya kuadhibu watoto wa wanawake wenzao kwa chuki)

    na mfano ukute watoto ni wakubwz, midomo mbele hata ukiwapa majukumu hawafanyi.....

    Loh....
     
  12. Meritta

    Meritta JF-Expert Member

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    hii mada nashindwa hata kuchangia maana inanigusa kwa kiasi kikubwa
     
  13. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Kaunga,Lizzy na BADILI TABIA,nina uzoefu wa kuishi na mama wa kambo zaidi ya mmoja.Yule wa kwanza baba alizaa mae mtoto mmoja,wakati wa malezi ya yule mtoto wake(mdogo wetu)hakumlea kwa namna ambayo atakuja kumchukia mama wa kambo kwa sababu hakutegemea kuachana na baba,kuachana na kwao ilitokea kama ajali.Ni vigumu mama kumlea kwa mtazamo huo wa kumchukia mama wa kambo unless kuna jambo hamjalisema hapa!
     
  14. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Unapofunguka ni mwanzo wa kupata ufumbuzi Meritta!
     
  15. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    I wouldn't mind kulea mtoto wa kambo as long as baba yake na ndugu wengine hawatani-treat kama mama wa kambo. Kama mama kazi yangu ni kumlea, kumfundisha, kumuelekeza, kuonya na kuadhibu inapobidi. Lakini unapokuwa mkali kwa mtoto kuhusu kitu na babake akamtetea mtoto na kumjengea kuwa mie sio mamake, basi ntakuwa mama wa kambo.
    Nimekua na kaka wa kambo na sikujua kama ana mama yake hadi nikiwa std 5, na yeye akiwa kamaliza form 4. Tuko karibu kuliko kaka wa tumbo moja. Sitajali kulea mtoto niliemkuta, ila wa ziada hakuna mjadala hapo..
     
  16. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Watoto wengi wasiopenda mama wa kambo inatokana na imani kwamba mama zao wanaonewa, kwamba kama isingekuwa mama wa kambo mama yao ndie angekuwa mwenyewe boma. Nimeona, na nimejifunza. Kama wote watatu wanataka amani basi hawana budi kushirikiana katika kuwaelewesha watoto kwamba sio kosa la mzazi yeyote yule na hamna aliyenyang'anywa tonge mdomoni. Watoto wakishaelewa hilo na kukubali maisha mapya ya kuwa na familia mbili hakutokuwa na tatizo lolote. Ila wasipoelewa maelewano hayatokaa yatokee.
     
  17. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    eiyer,
    kuna baadhi ya wanawake wana visa.....
    Mwanae akikosa ukimwadhibuatakwambia unamtesa.....
    Ukimpa kazi utaambiwa unamuonea...........
    Asipopata nguo ya sikukuu utaambiwa unamnyanyasa,

    si hivyo tu mtoto kama akizoea kusikia kuwa unamwonea kwa kuwa ni mama yake wa kambo anaweza jenga kichwani kwake hivyo.

    Ndo maana nasema kukea mtoto wa mtu kazi...... Kama mama wa mtoto ni waelewa hapo watakurahisishia kazi, na hutojuta kumlea, lakini kama ndo wale wanawake midomo juu...waalllah utatamani umpe mwanae.......

    Kuhusu kulea watoto wakubwa, nao ina madhara yake......jirani yangu watoto wa mke mwenzie (alifariki huyo mwanamke) walikuwa hawatumiki, nyumba wanaicha katika hali isiyo safi akiwatuma kusafisha wanamwambia 'ulivyoolewz ulijua kuna watoto, kusafisha nyumba si jukumu letu'.... Imagine watoto kama hao, unahangaika wale halafu wanakupa majibu ya chooni......
     
  18. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Kama mama yao yuko hai na hajaolewa; ni ngumu sana kulea watoto wa mwenzio.Kama ameolewa na yuko busy na nyumba yake nadhani anaweza asiwe na muda wa kufuatilia mzazi mwenzie. Tatizo mama wa hao watoto hawatakaa waone unaishi kwa amani na watoto wao hasa kama wao wapo wapo na wana matumaini bado ya kuolewa. Nimeshashuhudia mdada anadatishwa na katoto ka nursery kisa mama wa mtoto anaona amenyan'ganywa tonge mdomoni; kila kukicha anatia timu kumuangalia mwanae, na vituko kibao; mtoto mwenyewe kiburi juu.

    Kwa kweli mtu inategemea na principle zako. Sijuhi kama kuna binti ana plan kuolewa na mtu mwenye mtoto/watoto. Mara nyingi ni ajali. Maana ni dalili ya ndoa tata from the start.

    Solution kwa wenye watoto waoe wanawake watu wazima wenye watoto; labda narudia labda maturity itasaidia kwa huyo mama kuwa good step mother. Mfano mimi sioni sababu ya kumchukia mtoto ambaye ntamkuta kwa mume atakayenioa kama ntaachika na kuolewa tena. Ila nikiwa bado binti nilishaapa sintoolewa na kijana nwenye mtoto. Nilikuwa nataka tuanze wote ku experience parenthood na kushangaa pamoja; si mwingine keshazaa long time kitambo, na mtoto kwake wala si news.
     
  19. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Jamani wanawake wote mliochangia humu mnanichanganya.Ni kitu gani kinakufanya uape kutoolewa na kijana mwenye watoto/mtoto?Karibu wote mnazungumzia rabsha ya mama wa watoto kuja na kukuharasi wakati unaishi na wanae,kweli kama hali hiyo ipo ni tatizo,lakini kuna kitu nakiona hapa kwenye kauli zenu japokuwa mnajaribu kukificha kwa kivuli cha sababu ya kusumbuliwa na mama wa watoto wa kuwazaa.Nilishawahi kujiuliza hivi inakuaje mwanamke anamtesa mtoto,tena mtoto wa mumewe anaempenda?Naanza kuupata ukweli mchungu.Ukiangalia,watoto wengi wanaoishi na mama wa kambo mama zao hawapo karibu hivyo zile rabsha za usumbufu wa mama zao hazipo,lakini asilimia 95 wanateswa,kwanini?Pia ni wanawake wachache wako tayari kumwachia mwanaume walieachana nae watoto,ukimuuliza sababu anasema wanae wataenda kuteseka!Wanawake hamuaminiani,huo ni ukweli,kwanini?Ni kama vile mna ugomvi toka muumbwe ndo maana ukiambiwa uishi na mtoto wa mwanamke mwenzio ni tatizo kubwa.Hata yule anaemsumbua mwenzake anaeishi na wanae nae ana tatizo hili hili,kuna kitu kinamkereketa moyoni kuona wanae wanalelewa na mwanamke mwingine!
     
  20. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Eiyer, kwani unaolewa na mtoto? Mapenzi yako kwa Babake ndio yanayo matter. Nikiwa nimempenda Baba mtu nitaolewa naye tu na malezi ya mwanae/wanae tutashirikiana haina tabu. Mimi sioni kama wanawake tuna shida katika hili kama ambavyo wanaume wengi walivyo.
     
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