Turejee kwenye mambo ya ndoa: Mapenzi Vs Maslahi wakati wa kuchagua mwenzi!

[Roulette]

Kwa nini tunaichukulia Love kama kitu kinacho 'exist' independently?
Ain't love a combination of lots of things?

I Believe it is combination of things. Sijasema it is something independant. na mimi nilimaanisha hiyo combination is not enough. Kuna vitu vingine ambavyo havitokani na hisia (Love might be made of things like affection, respect, admiration, care etc) bali vinatokana na mazingira. Vitu kama sharing the same values of life, vitu kama dini mbavyo vina influence kubwa katika vitu kama personal ambition, vitu kama relationship to money, relationship to family. Our positions on abortion, on homosexuality, our political views, . these things are part of our personality traits and IMO it is very important that these things are compatible. when they are, love just flows naturally. when they are not ndio unaona matatizo hayaishi ndani.
I am not saying that one compatible you will never fight, because people cant be 100% compatible, and people change over time. What I mean is: the more the compatibility the greater the CHANCES of being happy.

Tukirudi kwenye mada, I believe kua mtu alie lelewa kijijini, na ambae familia yake ipo kijijini, ni muhimu sana ku-discuss suala la kabila na mchumba wake. ikiwa hawana kabila moja (as it seem to be the case) basi wakubaliane kwenye masuala muhimu ambayo yanaweza kuleta clashes between families. Ndoa mara nyingi sio suala la watu wawili, ni jambo la familia mbili.

Nimesema sana, ngoja kwanza nikae nimsikilize Babu Dark City.

 

[Catherine]

Hapa tunazungumzia maslahi hata ya kifedha au?

 

[Dark City]

I Believe it is combination of things. Sijasema it is something independant. na mimi nilimaanisha hiyo combination is not enough. Kuna vitu vingine ambavyo havitokani na hisia (Love might be made of things like affection, respect, admiration, care etc) bali vinatokana na mazingira. Vitu kama sharing the same values of life, vitu kama dini mbavyo vina influence kubwa katika vitu kama personal ambition, vitu kama relationship to money, relationship to family. Our positions on abortion, on homosexuality, our political views, . these things are part of our personality traits and IMO it is very important that these things are compatible. when they are, love just flows naturally. when they are not ndio unaona matatizo hayaishi ndani.
I am not saying that one compatible you will never fight, because people cant be 100% compatible, and people change over time. What I mean is: the more the compatibility the greater the CHANCES of being happy.

Tukirudi kwenye mada, I believe kua mtu alie lelewa kijijini, na ambae familia yake ipo kijijini, ni muhimu sana ku-discuss suala la kabila na mchumba wake. ikiwa hawana kabila moja (as it seem to be the case) basi wakubaliane kwenye masuala muhimu ambayo yanaweza kuleta clashes between families. Ndoa mara nyingi sio suala la watu wawili, ni jambo la familia mbili.

Nimesema sana, ngoja kwanza nikae nimsikilize Babu Dark City.

Sasa wewe RR, unadhani hapa naweza kuongeza kitu?

Nahisi kuna watu hawajanielewa. Sijasema kuwa maslahi ninayoongelea hapa ni pesa ingawa it is just a part of it.

 

[Dark City]

Hapa tunazungumzia maslahi hata ya kifedha au?

Soma post yangu hapo juu na pia msome RR. She nailed to the core!

 

[Dark City]

hapa umeanza potea njia Dark City ..g9t though..

Kivipi ndugu?

 

[Dark City]

Mkuu Fixed Point kwa maoni yangu mapenzi yanatakiwa yawe na aslimia kubwa sana kuliko maslahi. Nasema hivi kwa sababu kazi za siku hizi kama tujuavyo leo ziko kesho haziko hata biashara pia inaweza kuchanganya sana halafu mambo yakaenda mrama biashara kugoma na hela ikawa inatoka kwa kasi ya kutisha. Sasa haya yakitokea mdada kama aliweka zaidi maslahi mbele kuliko mapenzi basi ndoa kama hii haina maisha marefu lazima itasambaratika tu, lakini kama kulikuwa na mapenzi ya kweli basi inaweza kudumu hata kama wana ndoa hao wanapitia kipindi kigumu sana cha ukosefu wa ajira au biashara kufa.

Ahsante sana BAK,

Ila kama utafuatilia vizuri maoni ya baadhi yetu, pesa ni sehemu ndogo sana ya kile tunachokiongelea.

 

[Dark City]

Babu Dc habai ja lelo.. ndoa za zamani ziliangalia maslahi, japo nyingine zilitazama upendo kwanza..nataka nikuambie wapo wahenga waliojua love matching (ideal luv) kwa vigezo vyao...leo hofu ya maisha (fosi kingi)/kukosa maarifa vinapelekea kufungwa hizi ndoa maslahi ambazo kwa ndani zina machungu mengi unless Bwana Yesu aingilie kati... Babu Dc naweza kukuambia tokana na maarifa ya dunia kuwa makubwa sasa ndoa 'maslahi' ni jambo la kujitakia tu...kama jinsia ya mtoto yaweza pangwa basi na vigezo vya kuyapima mapenzi viko..kura yangu mapenzi kwanza..

Naona kama tunaongelea kitu kile kile. Hivi kuna ndoa hata moja ambayo inaweza kuwepo bila kusimama katika vigeza vya maslahi?

 

[MORIA]

Babu Dc hili suala la maslahi tukiliangalia kwa kina sana,nyuma yake waweza kuta HATIA inasimama-kabla ya ndoa tuliisha penda wengine wengi (mwili mmoja nao/mtu na amfurahie ke/me wa ujana wake)...hawa wapenzi huwa kwa namna moja au nyingine huwa wanarudi ktk maisha yetu ya ndoa, hasa panapotokea hitilafu japo ndogo tu...japo tuna dhambi tukitubu YEYE ni mwaminifu atatusamehe kabisaa..

 

[Mbu]

....ndoa ni jambo takatifu, ndoa ni ibada. Achilia mbali wale atheists, wenye imani ( "wenye dini" ) tumegawanyika makundi matatu.

1. "Mwenye dini," i.e muslim/christian/budhism/hindu, etc - huyu yeye amerithi imani sababu kazaliwa hivyo (non-practicing!) ....
Hajali ataoana "kwa makaratasi," au atabadili dini sababu aoe au aolewe....yeye kubwa anajali mvuto wa nje kuliko tabia na imani. Anaendekeza zaidi "mapambo ya duniani" i.e mali, urembo, etc...mara nyingi watu hawa hawana ustahmilivu kwa mwenza anapopungukiwa!

2. Muumin, (practicing! anasali, anafunga, anazingatia makatazo mf zile amri kumi, etc....) Kwa Muumini Mvuto mkubwa kutaka kuoana na mwenza ana balance mvuto wa nje na wa ndani...angalau huyu anastahmili penye mapungufu, iwe ya sifa za nje au za ndani zinapoweza jitokeza...na hata kuchukua maamuzi magumu kutetea au kulinda Imani yake...

3. MchaMungu. Huyu yeye yu katika daraja la juu zaidi, ....ambaye hajali tena maslahi mengine yoyote kuh potential spouse zaidi ya ucha mungu wake...huyu yeye kigezo kikubwa cha ndoa ni kutaka malipwa ya mw'mungu wake hapa duniani na huko mbinguni kutokana na maisha yake.

Je? Wewe upo kundi gani? Mkuu DC, unapozungumzia "kimaslahi" zaidi, nahisi wengi wetu Upendo wa mapenzi kwa wenza wetu, subconsciously unakuwa influenced kwa kiwango kikubwa na kwa jinsi gani umepokea mafundisho ya ki imani, umeyaelewaje na unayazingatia vipi.

Kwa muumini na mcha mungu, Upendo unachukua nafasi kubwa kwenye kuchagua mwenza wa maisha kuliko Mapenzi. Mbu weighs "Experiences Over Hopes!"

 

[Catherine]

Sasa wewe RR, unadhani hapa naweza kuongeza kitu?

Nahisi kuna watu hawajanielewa. Sijasema kuwa maslahi ninayoongelea hapa ni pesa ingawa it is just a part of it.

maslahi ya pesa unakataa still unasema ni part of it. Naomba mifano ya hayo maslahi nielewe na niweze kuchangia. Mi nikiona neno maslahi nahisi kifedha zaidi.

 

[Mbu]

maslahi ya pesa unakataa still unasema ni part of it. Naomba mifano ya hayo maslahi nielewe na niweze kuchangia. Mi nikiona neno maslahi nahisi kifedha zaidi.

MASILAHI: " nm manufaa au faida aipatayo mtu baada ya kufanya biashara, kazi au kumaliza tendo lolote. Bei ya ~ nafuu

....ati mkuu DC, kwani hapa si unakusudia "faida" ya "tendo lolote incl la ndoa?" Ee?

 

[Dark City]

....ndoa ni jambo takatifu, ndoa ni ibada. Achilia mbali wale atheists, wenye imani ( "wenye dini" ) tumegawanyika makundi matatu.

1. "Mwenye dini," i.e muslim/christian/budhism/hindu, etc - huyu yeye amerithi imani sababu kazaliwa hivyo (non-practicing!) ....
Hajali ataoana "kwa makaratasi," au atabadili dini sababu aoe au aolewe....yeye kubwa anajali mvuto wa nje kuliko tabia na imani. Anaendekeza zaidi "mapambo ya duniani" i.e mali, urembo, etc...mara nyingi watu hawa hawana ustahmilivu kwa mwenza anapopungukiwa!

2. Muumin, (practicing! anasali, anafunga, anazingatia makatazo mf zile amri kumi, etc....) Kwa Muumini Mvuto mkubwa kutaka kuoana na mwenza ana balance mvuto wa nje na wa ndani...angalau huyu anastahmili penye mapungufu, iwe ya sifa za nje au za ndani zinapoweza jitokeza...na hata kuchukua maamuzi magumu kutetea au kulinda Imani yake...

3. MchaMungu. Huyu yeye yu katika daraja la juu zaidi, ....ambaye hajali tena maslahi mengine yoyote kuh potential spouse zaidi ya ucha mungu wake...huyu yeye kigezo kikubwa cha ndoa ni kutaka malipwa ya mw'mungu wake hapa duniani na huko mbinguni kutokana na maisha yake.

Je? Wewe upo kundi gani? Mkuu DC, unapozungumzia "kimaslahi" zaidi, nahisi wengi wetu Upendo wa mapenzi kwa wenza wetu, subconsciously unakuwa influenced kwa kiwango kikubwa na kwa jinsi gani umepokea mafundisho ya ki imani, umeyaelewaje na unayazingatia vipi.

Kwa muumini na mcha mungu, Upendo unachukua nafasi kubwa kwenye kuchagua mwenza wa maisha kuliko Mapenzi. Mbu weighs "Experiences Over Hopes!"

Ahsante sana swahiba wangu,

Honestly, mie niko kundi la kwanza au sipo kabisa kwenye mafungu yako!

Mbona unapotea hivyo?

 

[Dark City]

Babu Dc hili suala la maslahi tukiliangalia kwa kina sana,nyuma yake waweza kuta HATIA inasimama-kabla ya ndoa tuliisha penda wengine wengi (mwili mmoja nao/mtu na amfurahie ke/me wa ujana wake)...hawa wapenzi huwa kwa namna moja au nyingine huwa wanarudi ktk maisha yetu ya ndoa, hasa panapotokea hitilafu japo ndogo tu...japo tuna dhambi tukitubu YEYE ni mwaminifu atatusamehe kabisaa..

Ahsante sana Moria,

Hili jambo la kurudi kwenye makoloni ya zamani tumeshalijadili sana hapa hapa JF. Kuna sababu nyingi ikiwemo tamaa na wepesi kwa wahusika kupata wanachokitaka.

 

[Dark City]

maslahi ya pesa unakataa still unasema ni part of it. Naomba mifano ya hayo maslahi nielewe na niweze kuchangia. Mi nikiona neno maslahi nahisi kifedha zaidi.

Naomba usome post ya kwanza na michango ya Roulette.

 

[Dark City]

MASILAHI: " nm manufaa au faida aipatayo mtu baada ya kufanya biashara, kazi au kumaliza tendo lolote. Bei ya ~

....ati mkuu DC, kwani hapa si unakusudia "faida" ya "tendo lolote incl la ndoa?" Ee?

Hapana kaka. Nimejaribu ku-customise hili neno na Roulette kaeleza vizuri hata zaidi yangu. Naomba upitie tena.

 

[Fixed Point]

I Believe it is combination of things. Sijasema it is something independant. na mimi nilimaanisha hiyo combination is not enough. Kuna vitu vingine ambavyo havitokani na hisia (Love might be made of things like affection, respect, admiration, care etc) bali vinatokana na mazingira. Vitu kama sharing the same values of life, vitu kama dini mbavyo vina influence kubwa katika vitu kama personal ambition, vitu kama relationship to money, relationship to family. Our positions on abortion, on homosexuality, our political views, . these things are part of our personality traits and IMO it is very important that these things are compatible. when they are, love just flows naturally. when they are not ndio unaona matatizo hayaishi ndani.
I am not saying that one compatible you will never fight, because people cant be 100% compatible, and people change over time. What I mean is: the more the compatibility the greater the CHANCES of being happy.

Tukirudi kwenye mada, I believe kua mtu alie lelewa kijijini, na ambae familia yake ipo kijijini, ni muhimu sana ku-discuss suala la kabila na mchumba wake. ikiwa hawana kabila moja (as it seem to be the case) basi wakubaliane kwenye masuala muhimu ambayo yanaweza kuleta clashes between families. Ndoa mara nyingi sio suala la watu wawili, ni jambo la familia mbili.

Nimesema sana, ngoja kwanza nikae nimsikilize Babu Dark City.

hapo kwenye RED ni muhimu sana, ingawa wengi wetu tunadhani haijalishi. huwa nawaonea huruma sana watu wanaong'ang'ania kuoana wakati familia haimkubali mwenza.

 

[Fixed Point]

Mkuu Fixed Point kwa maoni yangu mapenzi yanatakiwa yawe na aslimia kubwa sana kuliko maslahi. Nasema hivi kwa sababu kazi za siku hizi kama tujuavyo leo ziko kesho haziko hata biashara pia inaweza kuchanganya sana halafu mambo yakaenda mrama biashara kugoma na hela ikawa inatoka kwa kasi ya kutisha. Sasa haya yakitokea mdada kama aliweka zaidi maslahi mbele kuliko mapenzi basi ndoa kama hii haina maisha marefu lazima itasambaratika tu, lakini kama kulikuwa na mapenzi ya kweli basi inaweza kudumu hata kama wana ndoa hao wanapitia kipindi kigumu sana cha ukosefu wa ajira au biashara kufa.

sipo mbali nawe BAK, mapenzi yanatakiwa kwa kiasi kikubwa!!!!!!! ila nilichosema siyo ndo kila kitu. Na kama tunavyosema, maslahi siyo lazima pesa, na nitashangaa sana kuona mtu anatoka katika ndoa eti tu sababu sasa mume hana kazi na hawezi kuprovide tena, huo ni unyanyasaji

 

[Dark City]

hapo kwenye RED ni muhimu sana, ingawa wengi wetu tunadhani haijalishi. huwa nawaonea huruma sana watu wanaong'ang'ania kuoana wakati familia haimkubali mwenza.

Ahasante sana FP,

Binafsi sijui kwa nini watu wengine wamechukulia neno maslahi kijujuu? Mie nilitegemea waone kwamba hapa tunamaanisha package pana na hili la uwezekano wa mwenzi wako kuelewana na familia yako ni mojawapo.

 

[Dark City]

Kaunga, hiyo la love conquers all anayeiamini na kuiishi ni MwanajamiiOne peke yake.

Nakubaliana na Babu DC, love peke yake haitoshi, nafasi ya maslah katika mahusiano ya kudumu ni kubwa.

Kuna ndugu yangu aliolewa na 'love of her life' wote tulikuwa tunapinga ndoa hiyo lakini halueleewa kabisa.

Waliamua kufunga ndoa 2006, na sasa navyoongea wako kwenye mchakato wa kuachana kisheria.

Kisa cha kuachana baba mwenye nyumba hakuwa anasaidia lolote wala kujihusisha na lolote ndani ya familia zaidi ya amri ya sita.

Ada za watoto, chakula, malazi yote ni huyu dada alikuwa anafanya mwenyewe, sasa huwa najiuliza lile 'PENZI kali la KIHINDI' limeenda wapi?

Nimefurahi kuona na maoni yako Dada Mkuu Kongosho na samahani kwa kuchelewa kukujibu...mambo ya kujifunza kucheza na mchina si mchezo...Majirani zangu wanasema kuwa ni "mashokholo mageni"!!!

Haya mambo ni magumu sana ndio maana mtu anayeingia ndoa anakuwa kwa namna moja kama vile kacheza kamari!!

Hivi huyo mjukuu anayeitwa MwanajamiiOne yuko wapi?????

We really miss her....

Babu DC!!

 

[Kitoabu]

hii mada itanifanya nimuache babie wangu coz hana kazi wala na hapend hata kusoma yeye umwambie kuvumbua style za Kitandan ndo mwenyewe