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Tujenge vipi mahusiano yanayo dumu?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Albina, Mar 7, 2012.

  1. Albina

    Albina Member

    #1
    Mar 7, 2012
    Joined: Feb 7, 2012
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    Habari zenu wana JF.
    Niliwahi kumuuliza mama yangu swali kwamba "ume weza vipi kudumu katika mahusiano kwa mda mrefu hivi
    wakati ndoa zingine siku hizi naona zina vunjika baada ya mda mfupi tu".
    Alionesha kukaa kimya na hakunijibu,ila jumamosi moja aliniita tukaenda sehemu na alinipa ushauri kweli
    maana alijua binti yake kesha kua.

    Nimeona topic humu nyingi zikiongelea talaka,kuvunjika ndoa na kadharika,nadhani naweza toa point kidogo tu
    kama nilivo pewa na mama,baadhi ya hizi zimefanya kazi kwangu ingawa sijaingia kwenye ndoa, ila kama zime fanya kazi
    katika uchumba naamini hata kwenye ndoa zitaweza kufanya kazi pia.

    Lakini mahusiano yana tofautiana,hakuna fomula inayo fanya kazi kwa kila mahusiano au ndoa lakini unaweza
    kuokota kitu kimoja kika saidia.Tuanze basi:-

    Kwanza: Uwe na commitment katika mahusiano.

    Tunapo anza mahusiano mara nyingi na ARI sana ya kutaka kuyafanya yadumu.Utataka sana kujua
    mwenzako anapenda nini,anapenda boxer za aina gani,rangi gani za nguo anapenda etc.
    Lakini baada ya mda tuna yasahau haya,na consentration ina hamia kwenye kazi,watoto,computer kwa sana,
    etc.
    Vitu vidogo vidogo sana kama hivi ndivyo vina sababisha kuchokana,baba watoto katoka kazini anakukuta uko rafu rafu,hutaki kuvaa vizuri,akileta zawadi ya nguo una mwambia ana haribu hela,hutaki kuvaa zawadi anazo kuletea mmh.
    mwenzako hivyo ndo vime anza kumfanya atamani kutoka nje,usipo vifanya wewe atatafuta wanao weza kimya
    kimya.

    Pili: Jichukulieni kama marafiki

    Kama wapenzi mnapokuwa pamoja mda mrefu mnageuka kuwa marafiki wazuri sana.Ukiona kam mwanamke/mwanaume huwezi kuongea jambo linalo mhusu mmeo/mkeo mbele yake (face to face) basi ujue una muogopa
    na mapenzi yenu hayana "urafiki" ndani yake.
    Hapa utaanza kuwaambia mashoga zako mambo ambayo ungemwambia mmeo ange badilika/badilisha ili radha ya mapenzi iendelee.Mtu ana diliki kukwambia "mme wangu hanifikishi",....sasa unae mwambia ata kusaidia nini zaidi
    kukudharau tu?au "mme wangu ananifikisha sana" una tegemea nini zaidi ya kuchukuliwa mme?

    Kuna vitu vidogo vidogo kama hivi ukimwambia mwenzi wako atapata motisha ya kufanya zaidi au kuongeza pale alipo
    shindwa,kama rafiki.Ukisema nje unabomoa tu.Ndiyo,privacy lazima ziwepo sometimes.

    Tatu: Kubalini mapungufu yenu.

    Kubali kabisa kwamba hujaoa malaika,ndoa zinazo dumu ni zile ambazo watu wana kubali mapungufu yao.
    Ukweli ni kwamba,hadi mna oana lazima utambue kwamba mapungufu unayo yafahamu kuhusu mwenzako ni machache
    sana na jinsi mnavo endelea kuishi utayajua mengi zaidi.Kuwa tayari kuvumilia mapungufu ya mwenzako kwani kama
    alivo na mapungufu,unayo pia.

    Nne: Jioneni kwamba mko sawa.

    Hapa ni swala la kujitoa tu,unapo ona mwanzako anataka kitu flani na wewe unataka kitu kingine mmoja wenu awe
    tayari kukubali kwamba mimi sio bora zaidi ya mwenzangu.Kwa mfano mdogo tu,mme anataka kula kuku leo,mama ana
    taka kula nyama ya ng'ombe na hamuwezi kupika vyote.Mmoja wenu akubali kula kile anacho chagua mwenzake kwa siku hiyo na siku nyingine ikitokea "conflict of interest" basi na mwingine akubali ku sacrifice anacho penda.

    Pointi ni kwamba,usijione uko juu/wathamani zaidi ya mwenzako.Wote mko sawa.

    Tano: Tafuteni msaada.


    Wengi wanapo ingia katika mahusiano wanaamini kwamba it's all about themseves.
    Ukweli ni kwamba mnahitaji marafiki,na mnahitaji familia zenu mliko toka.Kusaidiana katika kutatua matatizo ya
    familia za wazazi wenu huongeza chachu ya mapenzi.
    Mara nyingi majukumu haya wanawake wana waachia wanaume,ameolewa basi anataka mme wake ndo atunze
    wazazi wake hapana.Mme wako kama atatoa msaada basi na wewe jitahidi uwanunulie wazazi wake zawadi.

    Hamuwezi kutengeneza marafiki kama hamtembelei watu,ni nyinyi tu na geti lenu,hamuwajui majirani hadi msiba
    utokee.sio vizuri.
    Mnapo tembelea wenzenu mna jifunza mengi toka kwao na wao pia wanajifunza mengi toka kwenu na hivo .
    Hata ikitokea mkashindwa kuelewana,kabla ya kufikia wazazi rafiki zenu wa karibu wanaweza yamaliza (if necessary).

    Sita: Chukulia matatizo kama changamoto.


    Naamini kwamba wanao dumu katika mahusiano ni wale ambao wakiona tatizo hawachukulii kama kuonewa bali wana
    lichukulia changamoto.
    Haiwezekani kuepuka mabishano yote,ila yapo yanayo epukika.Unapo bishana na mpenzi wako usi attack kama vile
    anahojiwa na polisi,mabishano ni mazuri kama mtayachukua kwa ajili ya kuwajenga.Lakini mabishano hayo hayo yanaweza kupoteza imani kati yenu.(mwanzo wa matatizo tena).

    Usitafute nani yuko sahihi nani kakosea,ukiona mmekatiwa maji na dawasco na ni wajibu wa mmeo kulipa,usi mkaripie
    kwamba ni mvivu.

    Saba: Privacy

    Mmeo/mkeo anahitaji privacy na rafiki zake,sio kila akitoka sehemu na friends utake kujua wamepanga nini,etc.
    Sijui niiweke vipi,ila ni vyema kutambua kwamba mwenzako anahitaji uhuru na privacy na respect it.

    Nane:Have fun jamani.

    Msiwe watu wa cycle ile ile,kazini,nyumbani,chumbani,kanisani oh.Mtachokana hata mwaka haujaisha.
    Fanyeni kila mwisho wa week muwe na fun sehemu mtakayo penda,badilisheni sehemu za kuchezea "michezo" yenu,
    kuweni wapya as much as you can.

    Nisiwachoshe jamani,endeleeni kunifundisha na tufundishane.
     
  2. N

    Nyakwaratony JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Mar 8, 2012
    Joined: Dec 21, 2011
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    Ubarikiwe sana dada kwa somo zuri, nimepata kitu hapa. Unajua kila cku unaposoma kitu chochote huwa unapata kitu hata kama ni kidogo lakini mwisho wa siku unakumbuka dah kuna sehemu nilisoma hivi ngoja niapply hapa......
     
  3. G

    GENDAEKA Member

    #3
    Mar 8, 2012
    Joined: Feb 27, 2012
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    Nimelikubali somo
     
  4. mtzedi

    mtzedi JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Mar 8, 2012
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    safi lakini kiswahili bado mfano neno radha,diliki
     
  5. Speaker

    Speaker JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Mar 8, 2012
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    If you can not win the argument,correct their grammar.
     
  6. A

    Amney Member

    #6
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Dada asante sana, ubarikiwe wewe pamoja na mama,unajaribu kuokoa uhusiano wangu, tlio wengi hatujali hyo mambo japokua ndo nguzo hasaaaa
     
  7. KOKUTONA

    KOKUTONA JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Thanks for the lesson sis, i got something.
     
  8. Mtende

    Mtende JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Mar 8, 2012
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    asante sana hope everybody has got something positive from ur lesson
     
  9. DASA

    DASA JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Halleluya!!
     
  10. mkudeson

    mkudeson Senior Member

    #10
    Mar 8, 2012
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    ubarikiwe sana mama. mumeo atafaidi sana kukupata wewe!!!
     
  11. Albina

    Albina Member

    #11
    Mar 8, 2012
    Joined: Feb 7, 2012
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    Asanteee.Lakini changia pia maana hiyo sio dictionary ni mtazamo tu.
    Kila mtu akiukubali inaniwia vigumu kijifunza.Napenda kukosolewa kwa mtazamo huo hapo
    juu ili nijifunze zaidi.Yawezekana ni sahihi,lakini yaweza kuwa sio sahihi pia.
     
  12. Albina

    Albina Member

    #12
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Asante kama umepata kitu mpz,naona maelezo yamekuwa mengi na yamechosha watu kusoma.
     
  13. Albina

    Albina Member

    #13
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Eti eh,asante sana.
     
  14. Albina

    Albina Member

    #14
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Asante Amney,lakini sio katiba kwamba inaweza fanya kazi kwa kila mtu.
    twambie basi wewe unafanya nini kudumisha mahusiano yako?
     
  15. Erickb52

    Erickb52 JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Mambo mengi tunashare kama wanadamu....ila kwa ujumla kuheshimiana na kuelewana ndio kunakoleta mapenzi daima na kudumu kwenye ndoa
     
  16. Albina

    Albina Member

    #16
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Sawa,lakini heshima haiji tu automatically siku zote.Ina tengenezewa mazingira.
    Unaweza dhani ni wajibu wako kuheshimiwa lakini mwenzako akajitahidi sana na mwisho akachoka.
     
  17. mgeni10

    mgeni10 JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Tisa : MSHIRIKISHENI MUNGU KTK MAMBO YENU YA KIFAMILIA

    Bila Mingu n, shetani atawaharia tu maana Hapendi kuona watu wakifurahia maisha

    Mpeni Mungu Nafasi yake ktk Maisha yenu
     
  18. Albina

    Albina Member

    #18
    Mar 8, 2012
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    Asante sana mgeni,tena hilo lilipaswa kuwa la kwanza kabisa.Hofu ya Mungu ndo chanzo
    cha mafanikio yote na uvumilivu katika ndoa.Asante kutukumbusha.
     
  19. m

    mtukwao2 Senior Member

    #19
    Mar 9, 2012
    Joined: Dec 23, 2011
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    nakumbuka wakati nasoma siku zote wale walionitangulia yale masomo yaliyowashinda walijaribu kunishawishi ili niamini kwamba ni magumu ili nife moyo nisije nikafanya jitihada nikafanya vizuri nikaonekana bora, hivo naamini pia hata katika mahusiano waloshindwa kuboresha ya kwao hawafurahi kuona mafanikio yenu so inafaa wale wanaotuzunguka wanapotupa ushauri (mauzoefu) juu ya mahusiano yetu tuwe makini zaidi kabla ya kuanza kuyatumia!!!1
     
  20. TUNTEMEKE

    TUNTEMEKE JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Mar 9, 2012
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    thanx i got a lesson lakn creativeness na uvumilivu ndio kila kitu
     
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