Tisaidiane: Tatizo la fertility [uwezo wa kuzaa] ni kubwa kwa sasa

[Gaijin]

nafikiri kuna vitu vyengine mtu huwezi kutoa ushauri kwa mtu hadi akuulize, na hata atakapokuuliza lazima iwe na limits kwa utakayo yasema. hili ni moja wapo.

suala la mambo ya uzazi ni suala la mke na mume na wale watakaoombwa ushauri.....................sidhani kama mtu asiyeulizwa atakuwa na haki ya kutoa ushauri coz liko personal sana.

 

[Kagasheki]

Kimsingi nakubaliana na wote waliochangia hapo juu na haswa wanaolijua vizuri agano la ndoa.Kwa upeo wangu mdogo tu msingi wa Ndoa ni kuishi pamoja kama mume na mke hadi hapo kifo kitakapowatenganisha ikiwamo kujaliwa watoto.Hivyo basi watoto ni majaliwa tu na kamwe sidhani kama kupatikana ua kutokupatikana kwao ni sababu ya msingi kwa ndoa kuvunjika.Hivyo huwa nashangazwa sana na watu wa nje haswa upande wa mke kuingilia suala hili kana kwamba linawahusu au wao ndio wanaoishi na mke.Na hakika hata mimi ikitokea hali hii nitawapiga marufuku kukanyaga nyumbani kwangu hadi watakapobadilika.Ni mtizamo wangu

 

[Noname]

nafikiri kuna vitu vyengine mtu huwezi kutoa ushauri kwa mtu hadi akuulize, na hata atakapokuuliza lazima iwe na limits kwa utakayo yasema. hili ni moja wapo.

suala la mambo ya uzazi ni suala la mke na mume na wale watakaoombwa ushauri.....................sidhani kama mtu asiyeulizwa atakuwa na haki ya kutoa ushauri coz liko personal sana.

Thats right... kama hujaulizwa bora usitoe ushauri manake this is very personal issue... what if the couple decided to take it slow??

I have been married for 3 yrs now and no kids... we have decided not to have kids until am done with my studies.. I love kids, i really do but Cause i wont have time and wont be able to concentrate on them until i am done with studies....

But ppl have been tottering me with questions like "You're not pregnant yet? "What are you waiting for?", "Why aren't you pregnant?", Did you see a doc? how about your husband? did he get himself checked (how dare u ask me that question??? ) "Then why did you get married?", "He feeds you and you don't produce",( How dare?)

The society looks at the couple as if there is something wrong with them and they are unable to bring children. frankly speaking peer pressure sometimes get to me and make me want to take a step earlier than I planned..

 

[Gaijin]

noname yaani hapo u took the words out of my mouth......tuko katika jahazi moja.

kumuuliza mtu kuhusu mbona hana watoto kama hajakutaka ushauri au kukuambia kama anatafuta mtoto si jambo la busara.........hasa katika kipindi cha miaka 5 ya kwanza ya ndoa.

watu siku hizi wanaishi kwa mipango ya muda mrefu..................na watoto wanakuja baada ya mipango kukamilika

 

[TIMING]

Thats right... kama hujaulizwa bora usitoe ushauri manake this is very personal issue... what if the couple decided to take it slow??

I have been married for 3 yrs now and no kids... we have decided not to have kids until am done with my studies.. I love kids, i really do but Cause i wont have time and wont be able to concentrate on them until i am done with studies....

But ppl have been tottering me with questions like "You're not pregnant yet? "What are you waiting for?", "Why aren't you pregnant?", Did you see a doc? how about your husband? did he get himself checked (how dare u ask me that question??? ) "Then why did you get married?", "He feeds you and you don't produce",( How dare?)

The society looks at the couple as if there is something wrong with them and they are unable to bring children. frankly speaking peer pressure sometimes get to me and make me want to take a step earlier than I planned..

I LOVE THIS POST... kiukweli na ideally ni kwamba hii kitu ni personal, unfortunately [sijui kama umesoma post moja nimecopi kwenye mtandao] baada ya muda na kama hali haijakubalika utakuta signs za nervousness na anger zinaongezeka. i am seeing this somewhere, na kibaya ni kwamba nahisi kumeanza mbio za kutafuta kupanda "deci nje ya shamba" --- and from there, inaanza kuwa issue ya kijamii zaidi... na ndio maana niliomba tuijadili kijamii na kupeana nasaha

nashukuru sana kwa waliochangia, and i am hoping for the best

just FYI... fertility problems kwa sasa sio kama ilivyokua nyuma, these days kuna alternatives nyinngi na cheap.. hasahasa IVF

 

[Pakawa]

De Novo naelewa ni jambo gumu sana kuwaendea hao wanandoa na kuanzisha mazungumzo ya namna hii. Mimi ningekushauri kama ni washiriki wa kanisa moja(utanisamehe kama wewe si muumini wa dini ya kikristu) ni vyema jambo hilo ungelianzishia kanisani kwa kuongea na wachungaji ambao wangetumia muda katika mahubiri yao kulizungumzia neno hili kwani utakuwa umewasaidia wengi watakaofikiwa na ujumbe huu. Viongozi wa dini walipashwa kabisa kulihubiri hili swala kwa waumini kwamba ndoa haina maana lazima mpate mtoto kwani watoto ni mapenzi ya mungu. Jambo zima ni kuielimisha jamii kwamba kuoana si kutengeneza watoto tu kuna mambo mengi katika ndoa.

 

[Kaizer]

De Novo naelewa ni jambo gumu sana kuwaendea hao wanandoa na kuanzisha mazungumzo ya namna hii. Mimi ningekushauri kama ni washiriki wa kanisa moja(utanisamehe kama wewe si muumini wa dini ya kikristu) ni vyema jambo hilo ungelianzishia kanisani kwa kuongea na wachungaji ambao wangetumia muda katika mahubiri yao kulizungumzia neno hili kwani utakuwa umewasaidia wengi watakaofikiwa na ujumbe huu. Viongozi wa dini walipashwa kabisa kulihubiri hili swala kwa waumini kwamba ndoa haina maana lazima mpate mtoto kwani watoto ni mapenzi ya mungu. Jambo zima ni kuielimisha jamii kwamba kuoana si kutengeneza watoto tu kuna mambo mengi katika ndoa.

wachungaji wenyewe hawa wa siku hizi Pakawa?

 

[TIMING]

De Novo naelewa ni jambo gumu sana kuwaendea hao wanandoa na kuanzisha mazungumzo ya namna hii. Mimi ningekushauri kama ni washiriki wa kanisa moja(utanisamehe kama wewe si muumini wa dini ya kikristu) ni vyema jambo hilo ungelianzishia kanisani kwa kuongea na wachungaji ambao wangetumia muda katika mahubiri yao kulizungumzia neno hili kwani utakuwa umewasaidia wengi watakaofikiwa na ujumbe huu. Viongozi wa dini walipashwa kabisa kulihubiri hili swala kwa waumini kwamba ndoa haina maana lazima mpate mtoto kwani watoto ni mapenzi ya mungu. Jambo zima ni kuielimisha jamii kwamba kuoana si kutengeneza watoto tu kuna mambo mengi katika ndoa.

agreed pakawa... tatizo kubwa ni kwenye jamii na si uchungaji au imani!! kumbuka wasengenyaji ni sisi na si mapadre, na elimu nzuri kwa hili ianzie kwetu

au vipi?

 

[Mtu B]

Mkuu, bila kuingia kwenye details za mahusiano ya wewe na mke wa mtu [maana hilo ni sheshe!]... naomba nikupe a few cents kuhusu wasiwasi wa fertility ulionao

Inawezekana kabisa huyo dada anashindwa kupata mtoto kutokana na hali ya mwili wake hasa anakuwa anxious na stressed... pia kwa upande wako kwa sasa Tanzania tuna qualified fertility specialists kwa both, wanaume na wanawake na kuna daktari mmoja dar sasa hivi clinic yake inakaribia 40% wanaume, hii ni kuonyesha kwamba awareness ya fertility ipo, lakini pia tatizo ni kubwa kuliko tunavyodhani

Mkuu asante kwa jibu. Binafsi nimejifunza mambo mengi katika maisha, mojawapo ni hilo la mambo ya wake za watu na wanawake wengine, nimeyaacha kabisa kiukweli, na sikusaidiwa na dini hata chembe, ni nafsi yangu tu imepata badiliko baada ya tafakuri ya muda mrefu ya mambo niliyokwishawahi kukutana nayo.
Kuhusu fertility, nimeamua japo sijaoa, kukubali matokeo yoyote na huyo nitakayekuwa naye, ilimradi naye pia awe tayari kukubali. Suala la uzazi nitalijadili mapema, na nikipata mwanamke anayesisitiza kuwa uzazi lazima, huyo nitamkimbia vibaya sana. Nataka anayeweza kukubali hali zote, huyo tutaelewana.

 

[Janjaweed]

Mkuu asante kwa jibu. Binafsi nimejifunza mambo mengi katika maisha, mojawapo ni hilo la mambo ya wake za watu na wanawake wengine, nimeyaacha kabisa kiukweli, na sikusaidiwa na dini hata chembe, ni nafsi yangu tu imepata badiliko baada ya tafakuri ya muda mrefu ya mambo niliyokwishawahi kukutana nayo.
Kuhusu fertility, nimeamua japo sijaoa, kukubali matokeo yoyote na huyo nitakayekuwa naye, ilimradi naye pia awe tayari kukubali. Suala la uzazi nitalijadili mapema, na nikipata mwanamke anayesisitiza kuwa uzazi lazima, huyo nitamkimbia vibaya sana. Nataka anayeweza kukubali hali zote, huyo tutaelewana.

hii iko deep sana!

 

[Fixed Point]

Mkuu DeNovo,

Umegusa suala la msingi sana.

Hakika hatutakiwi kujiuliza juu ya couples tunazoziona zikiwa hazina watoto, lakini mwaka May 2007 nilikuwa katibu wa Arusi moja nzuri sana, lkn, to everyone's disapointment, hadi leo 2010 hawa watu wako wawili walewale, na ukiwaona na kuwatazama kwa jicho la 3 utajua wana shida kubwa ndani ya mioyo yao.

Kuna siku mama mtoto wangu aliniambia anataka kuwaface ili waongelee suala hili, na ajue kulikoni(yeye ni mtu wa sekta ya Afya), lakin nilimkataza kwa UWOGA, nikitoa sababu kuwa huenda wasingempa ushirikiano wa kutosha!..Hivyo tumebaki tunawatazama tu.

Actually, jamii yote iliyoshuhudia harusi ile inawatazama kwa jicho la maswali hawa watu, kiasi wameanza ku'develop hali ya uwoga, ambayo huenda ikazidisha shida yao kisaikolojia.

Nadhani sasa (baada ya kusoma hii thread) nitampa moyo mama mtoto wangu awakabili hawa watu ili wajaribu kujadili tatizo, nina imani wanaweza kusaidika!

PakaJimmy, hawa watu huwa wanahitaji sana watu wa kuongea nao. kama mkeo anaweza kufanya hivyo mpe nafasi, anaweza akamwambia mambo mengi. my best friend aliolewa 2002, mpaka leo hana mtoto, mwanzo nilikuwa najisikia vibaya kuongelea swala hilo, lakini siku nikamwomba Mungu anipe nguvu ya kuongea naye. Niliongea naye na alifurahi sana, mpaka sasa tunaongea mengi sana kuhusu kupata watoto, na huwa namshauri mambo mengi sana ya kufanya. na siku nyingine za weekend huwa anakuja kuchukua watoto wangu na anakaa nao kwake hata siku 2, then anawarudisha. unaona kabisa sasa baada ya kuongea naye ana amani fulani ambayo hakuwa nayo kabla sijaanza kuongea naye.
Hao rafiki zako wanaonekana kuwa na hali mbaya labda sababu hakuna watu wanaoongea nao na kuwatia moyo. wanahitaji mtu mwenye ujasiri wa kuweza kuongea nao na kuwaambia kuwa maisha is not just about having watoto; wana mambo mengi ya kujifanyia wenyewe as a couple

 

[Fixed Point]

Thats right... kama hujaulizwa bora usitoe ushauri manake this is very personal issue... what if the couple decided to take it slow??

I have been married for 3 yrs now and no kids... we have decided not to have kids until am done with my studies.. I love kids, i really do but Cause i wont have time and wont be able to concentrate on them until i am done with studies....

But ppl have been tottering me with questions like "You're not pregnant yet? "What are you waiting for?", "Why aren't you pregnant?", Did you see a doc? how about your husband? did he get himself checked (how dare u ask me that question??? ) "Then why did you get married?", "He feeds you and you don't produce",( How dare?)

The society looks at the couple as if there is something wrong with them and they are unable to bring children. frankly speaking peer pressure sometimes get to me and make me want to take a step earlier than I planned..

Noname, usikasirike sana kwa hao wanaokuuliza kuhusu kupata mtoto. I agree kuwa mambo ya kupata watoto ni mipango ya wanandoa, lakini tujue kuwa tunaishi kwenye society ambayo syo wote wanakuulizia kwa nia mbaya. wengine labda wanataka kukusaidia maana wanaona siyo kawaida kukaa kwenye ndoa miaka 3 bila mtoto then mnasema hamjapanga (hasa kwa jamii za kiafrika)
Ila tunapotaka kutoa ushauri kwa mtu inabidi kuangalia relationship yako na huyo mtu. huwezi kwenda kwa mtu ambaye hampo karibu ukaanza kumwuliza maswala ya kupata watoto. lakini kama mtu mpo karibu na mnaelewana vizuri na hasa ukigundua hayupo kawaida unaweza kumwuliza na kumpa ushauri.

 

[Fixed Point]

Nadhani kama ni suala la ushauri kuhuus kupata watoto kijamii, wengi wetu tunaweza kusita pia kutokana na suala zima kwamba ndoa kama taasisi, kuwa na watoto sio kitu cha lazima..ijapokuwa pia kijamii tunategemea ndoa iwe na watoto.

sasa suala linakuja kwamba je, hao wanandoa ambao ungewapa ushauri wana mtizamo gani wa maisha ya ndoa? unaweza kudhani kuwa wana tatizo kumbe wameshajikubali walivyo na hawahitaji kuwa na mtoto

tukiweza kujadili kwa kina kama mtoto ni lazima kwenye ndoa hapo tutaweza kuwa na sababu na hamu ya kuwashauri hao ambao ndoa zao zimekaa muda mrefu

binafsi kuna ndoa moja naifahamu sasa inakaribia mwaka wa kumi lakini hakuna mtoto.....na ninajua wameshahangaika sana tu kumtafuta mtoto lakini bado sijaweza kuthubutu kuwauliza kulikoni...nadhani wasimamizi wa harusi au wazazi wao wameshaliona hilo

Kaizer, wana ndoa ambao hawana watoto na wamekubali hali hiyo utawaona tu, na wale ambao hawajakubali utawajua. kuna mdada nilisoma naye, kaolewa miaka 3 iliyopita lakini alituambia kabisa kuwa yeye na mumewe tangu walipooana walikubaliana hawazai watoto (kwa sababu wanazozijua wao), wale watu kila mara utawaona wapo happy na wanaenjoy maisha yao kwa dizaini yao.
na kuna wengine ukiwaona tu utakundua kuwa there is something wrong somewhere, hao ndo wanaohitaji msaada.

 

[TIMING]

PakaJimmy, hawa watu huwa wanahitaji sana watu wa kuongea nao. kama mkeo anaweza kufanya hivyo mpe nafasi, anaweza akamwambia mambo mengi. my best friend aliolewa 2002, mpaka leo hana mtoto, mwanzo nilikuwa najisikia vibaya kuongelea swala hilo, lakini siku nikamwomba Mungu anipe nguvu ya kuongea naye. Niliongea naye na alifurahi sana, mpaka sasa tunaongea mengi sana kuhusu kupata watoto, na huwa namshauri mambo mengi sana ya kufanya. na siku nyingine za weekend huwa anakuja kuchukua watoto wangu na anakaa nao kwake hata siku 2, then anawarudisha. unaona kabisa sasa baada ya kuongea naye ana amani fulani ambayo hakuwa nayo kabla sijaanza kuongea naye.
Hao rafiki zako wanaonekana kuwa na hali mbaya labda sababu hakuna watu wanaoongea nao na kuwatia moyo. wanahitaji mtu mwenye ujasiri wa kuweza kuongea nao na kuwaambia kuwa maisha is not just about having watoto; wana mambo mengi ya kujifanyia wenyewe as a couple

inspirational and magnificent

thanks much!

 

[TIMING]

Kaizer, wana ndoa ambao hawana watoto na wamekubali hali hiyo utawaona tu, na wale ambao hawajakubali utawajua. kuna mdada nilisoma naye, kaolewa miaka 3 iliyopita lakini alituambia kabisa kuwa yeye na mumewe tangu walipooana walikubaliana hawazai watoto (kwa sababu wanazozijua wao), wale watu kila mara utawaona wapo happy na wanaenjoy maisha yao kwa dizaini yao.
na kuna wengine ukiwaona tu utakundua kuwa there is something wrong somewhere, hao ndo wanaohitaji msaada.

Gademu!!! thats fixed point in the flesh

lovely three posts and you have made my day!

 

[Mkeshahoi]

Mkuu DeNovo,

Umegusa suala la msingi sana.

Hakika hatutakiwi kujiuliza juu ya couples tunazoziona zikiwa hazina watoto, lakini mwaka May 2007 nilikuwa katibu wa Arusi moja nzuri sana, lkn, to everyone's disapointment, hadi leo 2010 hawa watu wako wawili walewale, na ukiwaona na kuwatazama kwa jicho la 3 utajua wana shida kubwa ndani ya mioyo yao.

Kuna siku mama mtoto wangu aliniambia anataka kuwaface ili waongelee suala hili, na ajue kulikoni(yeye ni mtu wa sekta ya Afya), lakin nilimkataza kwa UWOGA, nikitoa sababu kuwa huenda wasingempa ushirikiano wa kutosha!..Hivyo tumebaki tunawatazama tu.

Actually, jamii yote iliyoshuhudia harusi ile inawatazama kwa jicho la maswali hawa watu, kiasi wameanza ku'develop hali ya uwoga, ambayo huenda ikazidisha shida yao kisaikolojia.

Nadhani sasa (baada ya kusoma hii thread) nitampa moyo mama mtoto wangu awakabili hawa watu ili wajaribu kujadili tatizo, nina imani wanaweza kusaidika!

Rafiki yangu anagota mwaka wa Kumi sasa katika ndoa na wana tatizo kama hili... yeye na sheji wote washapima... wote wako fiti!!