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The challenges of a polygamous marriage

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by ByaseL, Jul 10, 2009.

  1. B

    ByaseL JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Jul 10, 2009
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    by VICKY WANDAWA
    Kampala


    Polygamous marriages are especially common in the Islamic religion. Even though it is legal, the women involved in this union are not free from certain problems unique to such marriages such as the following.

    Witchcraft
    Nuriat, the second of four wives says that witchcraft is a great cause of anxiety in the polygamous marriages. The act usually stems from jealousy.
    Nuriat explains that there are mostly two kinds of jealousy, that towards the children of a co-wife and the other towards the co-wife because she seems more loved by the husband than the rest of the wives or is more successful and has more property.

    Nuriat further narrates, “When my twins worked really hard at school and passed Senior Four highly, I was overjoyed but worried.”
    With a frightened expression, Nuriat slowly says, “Our first co-wife’s first born girl ran mad. It’s alleged that the second wife cut a piece of her hair and put it on a grave.

    She was 17 then but is now 23 but retarded.” Nuriat worried that because her children were successful, they too would be bewitched but luckily they are now at university.

    Financial insecurity
    Faridah, the first among four wives says that when her husband married the third wife, she started fearing for the future of her children because she knew that the fourth wife was on the way, which meant fewer funds from her husband, yet she wanted her children to attend good schools. Her first born was soon joining secondary school and Gayaza High School was her dream choice but would the money from her husband be enough to enroll her there?
    “I started to run the business my husband had asked me to run a year back, a hardware shop. Before, when he had asked me to run it, I was lazy and told him to run it as I gathered the strength.
    But when the third wife came, I knew that I had to start running it myself and save enough for my girl to go to Gayaza.”
    Faridah adds, “If I had not, the money Hajj used to give me was just enough for daily upkeep and I knew he would not mind if our daughter went to a fake school.” Faridah advises those women in polygamous families to be aggressive and take on or start businesses so that their children are successfully educated.

    Children missing their father
    “My children see their father only once in three months, that is a very long time,” laments Farah. Her children are aged 8, 11 and 13 and she is already worried about the 13-year-old. He seems to be getting out of hand. “He does not want to listen to me but will listen to his father who he sees once in three months.

    If his father were to see us at least weekly, he would be disciplining him well. Therefore I am trying as much as possible to be tough with the younger two so that they don’t turn out like the eldest, Hassan.”
    Farah believes that if her husband regularly visited the children and disciplined them, her eldest son would be better behaved.

    HIV/Aids
    Salaam says she has two other co wives and admits that the thought of catching HIV used to cause her anxiety but not anymore. Why? Her husband has perhaps slept with over 10 other women besides her co-wives and every time she hears rumours and confronts him, he is quick to say that the woman will be his third wife.
    “He goes around sleeping with numerous girls. I used to worry so much about HIV but now I don’t anymore because I may have acquired it already. I can’t go for a test because it will worry me more. All I do now is to work hard and give my children a bright future.”

    Favouritism
    Hajira, a woman born in a Muslim polygamous family, says her mother acquired high blood pressure due to ill treatment from her husband.
    A considerably successful lawyer, he did not pay her tuition at university on the pretext that she should have gotten government sponsorship. Her mother earned a meagre salary but took her through a course in education at Makerere.
    “I felt hurt because he is paying for our step-sisters and brother at university yet he let my mother toil for my tuition
     
  2. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

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    Jul 10, 2009
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    Am concerned with the HIV and AIDS point- knowing and taking into account (hu) man's nature! Hata awe na wake kumi the moment akiona chengine atataka kuonja so sipati picha mtu mwenye hulka hii akiukamata UKIMWI- Si ameanganiza wake zake wote! Au wakishafika wanne hamu ya wengine inakwisha?
     
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