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Swali kwa wanandoa

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mrs Mtaba, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. M

    Mrs Mtaba Senior Member

    #1
    Apr 9, 2009
    Joined: Jan 21, 2009
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    Za leo wanajf,

    Hivi utamtambuaje mwanamme akupendae...especially for quite Man. Am in dilema with my marriage. Wakunisaidia wanisaidie am serious.
     
  2. C

    Chuma JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Apr 9, 2009
    Joined: Dec 25, 2006
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    dada Yangu Mrs.Mtaba...Ktk Mambo ya Ndoa hakuna jawabu kamili kama vile hisabati....kunaweza kuwa na majibu mengi kulingana na kesi ilivyo.

    Swali lako Ungetoa ufafanuzi kiasi ili upate kusaidiwa vyema. Ila Mume akupandae ni yule anaekuangalia kuangalia makazi, kula, Unyumba, na Mavazi...kama anao uwezo akashindwa kukujali ktk Moja ya hayo ni "Indicators kuonesha ndoa ishaanza ingiliwa na Virusi.."

    Pia Mume akupendae Hatoi SIRi za Nyumba au za Familia yako. na Mtu anaeshimu Wazazi na Nduguzo...sio Mitusi, na kejeli tu kwenda Mbele ...!!!Ukiona yamevunjwa..endelea kuhesabu idadi ya Virus wanaotafuna Ndoa yenu...

    Kibaya Kama Mlionjana Kabla ya Ndoa kuna uwezekano wa Mmoja wenu kutoka Nje ya Ndoa. kama lilitokea KOSA hili ni vema Mkatubia kwa Mola Muuumba Mbingu na Ardhi na Vilivyomo!!! Kutubia maana yake ni kutorudia Kosa!!!...Hii inaweza jenga ndoa yenu in future...

    Mapenzi ni Bidirectional...that means..ukiona flavors flani za Ndoa zimeanza kupungua kwa Mumeo...Jiangalie wewe Mwenyewe....fanya SWOT analysis yako ktk ndoa yako.(SWOT=Strength, Weakness, Oppurtunity n Threats...)..ukiboresha maeneo hayo....uwezekano wa Kurudi ktk hali ya Mwanzo ni Mkubwa....

    .....Pia ni vema ukamtafuta Mtu mzima ambae yupo mtaani kwenu....au hata kama Mbali lkn ni mtu ambae Mumeo anamuheshimu kusolve matatizo yenu....Kama wazazi wapo na Bado mna maelewano mazuri...basi kuwatumia hao ni bora zaid kwani watatunza SIRI zenu...!!!
     
  3. M

    Mrs Mtaba Senior Member

    #3
    Apr 9, 2009
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    Yupo mtu, ila nitaanzaje maana yeye anapenda kuweka mambo yake chini chini sana ili aonekane yuko ok...kumbe kunafuka moto. Hebu nishauri.
     
  4. Shedafa

    Shedafa JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 9, 2009
    Joined: May 21, 2008
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    Nafikiri unahitaji kuwa wazi zaidi ili upate mawazo yanayolenga zaidi kwenye tatizo lako. Kwa mfano, hali hii ni toka mlipooana au imeanza baada?. Kuhusu kupeleka shauri kwa watu iwe ni wakubwa wako au mtu mnayemheshimu, inategemea ni nini unachokitafuta. Kama unatafuta haki, utaipata kwa njia hiyo. Ila kama unatafuta penzi la mumeo ujue ndio unalikimbiza. Akishaona unamshitaki ndio utamfukuza kabisa, penzi la mumeo unalo wewe. Tumia mamlaka na nguvu ulizojaliwa na Mungu kurudisha penzi la mumeo, kumbuka ni rahisi mno kummliki mume na pia ni vigumu mno kummiliki mume. Yote haya yapo katika uwezo wako.
     
  5. M

    Mrs Mtaba Senior Member

    #5
    Apr 9, 2009
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    Soma post yangu niliyomjibu huyo aliyetangulia majibu yako ndani ya maswali alioniuliza... kutaelewa vizuri sana na utaweza kunipa suluhu. Nafahamu ulichosema, siwezi kulazimisha penzi ila ninachodai ni haki yangu kama mwanamke tuu.
     
  6. Shedafa

    Shedafa JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Apr 9, 2009
    Joined: May 21, 2008
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    Swali langu ni haya yalianza toka mlipooana au baada muda?. Sijaona mahali popote ulipojibu swali hili.
     
  7. M

    Mrs Mtaba Senior Member

    #7
    Apr 9, 2009
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    baada ya ndoa ilipita kama miezi mitatu ndo yakaanza haya mambo
     
  8. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Apr 9, 2009
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    ...mama, maji hayo...ushayavulia nguo yakoge tu, unaulizia sabuni saa hii?
     
  9. Shedafa

    Shedafa JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Apr 9, 2009
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    Hapa nimeelewa.
    Binafsi naamini ukiamua unaweza kulipata penzi la mumeo tena, ila itabidi ukubali kujishusha. Kwanza jaribu kutafakari ktk hii miezi mitatu ni kitu gani alikuwa na dalili ya kukipenda, hata kama alikuwa hasemi. Pia kumbuka ni kitu gani alikuwa akilalamika mara kwa mara, sasa jitahidi uwe mpole ujaribu kuvifanya vile. Pia jaribu kufanya vitu vya kustukiza vya kumuonyesha kuwa unampenda, usijali mwanzoni. Anaweza asionyeshe kujali, lakini taratibu utaona mabadiliko. Asikudanganye mtu, mwanaume ni kama mtoto mdogo. Anajali vitu vidogo vidogo, anajali kuonyeshwa kuwa unamnyenyekea n.k. We unafikri kwa nini tunalowea kwenye nyumba ndogo?, ni vile vihuduma vidogo vidogo. Jaribu hivyo nawe utaona mabadiliko, nyumba yako utaijenga mwenyewe na wala si vikao.
     
  10. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Apr 9, 2009
    Joined: Jan 11, 2007
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    ...kwa ushauri (na experience yangu), ni vyema ukayaongea wewe na Mr Mtaba kwanza. Tafuta faragha. Hakikisha unaiweka siku hiyo na mahala hapo maalum kwa ajili ya maongezi hayo ya kina. Matokeo ya 'kikao' chenu wawili yatajenga, au yatazidi kuweka nyufa kwenye mahusiano yenu, kwani siri ya mifarakano yenu mnaijua nyie wawili tu.

    Jaribuni kuto wa involve watu wa nje (wanaowajua) kwenye masuala yenu ya ndani kwa wakati huu wa awali, ...ikishindikana ndipo mtapoanza kuwahusisha, tena hapo maji yeshakuwa ya shingo.

    ...Ni kweli, mtu apendaye kuweka mambo yake chini chini, hata ukijamkutanisha na msuluhishaji/mshauri..sana sana atavaa ngozi ya kondoo, mkirudi nyumbani lawama zote zitakuangukia wewe, "kwanini umeyatoa nje".

    Jikaze, na jijengee Imani ya kwamba unaweza kuongea nae Mumeo ki utu uzima, ...Muhimu akipandisha jishushe, akijishusha jiweke kwenye level yake kuufikisha ujumbe uliodhamiria. Epuka lawama za moja kwa moja, kubali/'jifanye' huenda nyote mmeteleza.

    ...ni haki yako kulazimisha penzi, alikuja kwenu kuleta barua ya posa, akajikakamua akayatoa mahari, na harusi kuigharamikia. Hayo aliyoyafanya ni uthibitisho tosha alikuwa na nia na wewe. Iwapo kipindi hiki anaonekana mapenzi yamepungua, kuna jambo nyote wawili mnalopaswa kulizungumza, kuafikiana na kulitatua kwa pamoja. Hata kama yeye ndiye atayelazimika kutumia juhudi zaidi, ni suala la kuyaongea na kutanabahishana kwa uwazi, na ukweli.

    ...kila ndoa inapitia misukosuko, kuna kuzidiana tu. Hakuna bingwa wa utabiri lini litamjia na kwa ukubwa gani, hivyo linapokufika usipapatike na kufadhaika. Ni (package iliyomo) katika mfumo na mzunguko mzima wa maisha ya watu wawili wenye hulka tofauti wanapokubaliana kuishi pamoja bila kujali tofauti zao ndogo ndogo.

    Kadri mtavyoweza kuhimili misukosuko ndani ya ndoa yenu, ndivyo mtavyofanikiwa kujenga misingi imara ya maisha yenu pamoja na ya watoto wenu.

    Usichoke Mrs Mtaba, 'mgomba huo, palilia, mwagilia maji, punguzia matawi ufurahie matunda yake...!'
     
  11. M

    Mrs Mtaba Senior Member

    #11
    Apr 9, 2009
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    Kivipi...naona kama nimefanya ila ndo anazidi kujifanya kama haelewi vile...nimebakia nami kunyamaza cku ziende Mungu ajalie mengine mbele kwa mbele
     
  12. Shedafa

    Shedafa JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Apr 9, 2009
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    Kikubwa usichoke kujishusha, wala usichoke kumuonyesha kuwa unampenda. Kuongezea, umepata ushauri mzuri sana toka kwa muheshimiwa MWIBA. Vizuri pia ukajaribu alivyoshauri.
     
  13. B

    Bibi Kizee JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Apr 9, 2009
    Joined: Feb 18, 2008
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    Mrs Mtaba, pole ila umepata mchango mzuri kutoka kwa wana JF, nami nasisitiza, mapenzi kubembelezea, wanaume ni kama watoto na hudanganyika na vitu vidongo, na ukiwa mwanamke hutakiwi kukata tamaa hata ingekuwa unajua pana kimtu pembeni anakuharibia basi dawa ni wewe kukazana na kuongeza malavidavi,
    jitahidi kuwa mpole na mwenye mapenzi, muandalie na umpe haki zake jitume wala usione utumwa unajua haya mambo ya kisasa ya wanawake na maendeleo na kudai haki tunavuka mipaka na tunapingana na uasilia wa maumbile akina mama, asili ya mwanamke na huruma upendo na unyenyekevu tukikimbilia kwenye haki ndio hapo mtu anapoamua kukukomoa na haki zako, mapenzi hakupi haki hupati na hakuachi hata uende mahakamani
     
  14. C

    Chuma JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Apr 10, 2009
    Joined: Dec 25, 2006
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    Shedafa...Mwiba hakuchangia hii mada..naomba urekebishe....weka uliekumsudia..

    Mrs Mtaba naomba ku-narrowing tatizo....baada ya kuona statement yako ya kuwa after 3 months ya ndoa tu matatizo yameanza...!!! hapa naweza ku-deduct yafuatayo:-

    1. Inawezekana mume/mke either mmoja wapo amelazimishwa kumuoa/kuolewa na mwingine...

    2. Inawezekana Mmezaa kabla ya Ndoa,(au kukutana kimwili kabla ya Ndoa) kwa mtaji huo alishakuzoea kabla...na Muda huo alikuwa na Bibie mwingine...sasa kaanza vituko

    Labda tusaidie yafuatayo:
    1. Mambo gani alikuwa anakupa ktk kipindi cha Miezi 3 ya Ndoa?
    2. Vitu gani umeviona kwake....au havifanyi ndo maana ukaona mapenzi yameanza kuwa chini...

    Kama situation si mbaya sana muombe ruhusa urudi kwa wazazi wako kwa muda fulani, na mwende pamoja, then aje kukuchukua after one week.

    Chunguza Marafiki wanaomzunguka kama wanatabia zinazofanana....!!!
     
  15. Shedafa

    Shedafa JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Apr 10, 2009
    Joined: May 21, 2008
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    Ni kweli mkuu, naomba radhi sana. Nilikusudia Mheshimiwa MBU!, poleni kwa usumbufu wowote niliosababisha.
     
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