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SMS hizi! Ungefanyaje?

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by HP1, Aug 8, 2012.

  1. HP1

    HP1 JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Aug 8, 2012
    Joined: Feb 4, 2012
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    Kuna SMS nyingi zimekuwa zikitumwa zenye vituko. Tupia yako hapa. Baadhi ni:

    ****************************
    Mke: Naomba tuongee mume wangu
    Mume: Ongea
    Mke: Ni kuhusu huyu house girl wetu
    Mume: Hilo ni tatizo lako, halinihusu
    Mke:Ana mimba
    Mume: Hilo ni tatizo lake, halinihusu
    Mke: Kasema ni yako
    Mume: Hilo ni tatizo langu, halikuhusu

    ****************************

    Jamaa alikuwa anasafiri kwenda ulaya, akamwambia dereva wake ampeleke airport. Wakiwa njiani akakumbuka kuna document amesahau, akamwamuru dereva ageuze gari. Alipofika nyumban akamkuta mkewe akiwa bafunianaoga, akaamua kumnyemelea na kumshika kiuno. mke akiwa na mapovuusoni akalitaja jina la dereva, "We Hancy, umeshamfikisha yule ms**ge Airport? Acha nikuoshee utafaidi mwezi mzima. Je, ungekuwa wewe ungefanya nini?

    ****************************
    Maongezi ya mama mkwe na binti wa kileo
    Mama mkwe: Binti samahani lakini, kusema ukweli mtoto hafanani na kijana wangu
    Binti: Bila samahani mama, huku chini nina njia ya uzazi na sio mashine ya photocopy! Tena ukome kunifatilia

    ****************************
    Leo watoto kuanzi miaka mitatu kushuka chiniwameandamana kuelekea ustawi wa jamii kudai kuibiwa jina kao la BABY na kupewa watu wazima na mindevu yao na matiti yao wanaitana BABY. Vipi wewe unahusika na unyanyasaji huo?

    ****************************
     
  2. King Kong III

    King Kong III JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Aug 8, 2012
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    Hahahahahaaaaaaaa Du huyo Dereva nomaaa kumbeee!
     
  3. HP1

    HP1 JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Aug 8, 2012
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    *************************************

    Mrembo alipokea simu ngeni na mambo yalikuwa kama hivi:
    Simu: Hellow una boy friend?
    Mrembo: Ndio nine. Kwani we nani?
    Simu: Mimi baba yako. Kumbe una boy friend ukirudi utanitambua. Simu ikakatika akiwa na mawazo nini afanye. Simu ikaita tena kwa namba ngeni.
    Simu: Hello una boy friend?
    Mrembo: Hapana sina!
    Simu: Vipi mpenzi ina maana unanisaliti?
    Mrembo: Hapana BABY nilijua baba!
    Simu: Ni mimi baba yako nilitaka kuhakikisha tu kama kweli una boy friend. UTANIKOMA LEO!

    *********************************

    Fikiria ingemuwa baba yako ni Remmy Ongala, na mama yako Anne Makinda. Mjomba wako ni Mizengo Pinda na shangazi yako ni Anna Mkapa. Babu yako ni Stephen Wasira na bibi yako ni Bi. Kidude. Je sura yako ingekuwaje?

    ***********************************

    Mwanasheria alimuuliza Lulu, Mbona wewe malaya sana? Lulu akajibu, Rose Muhando ndio malaya kwani Ameonja hadi Utamu wa Yesu. Mwanasheria akaguna!!

    ************************************
     
  4. ngulinho

    ngulinho JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Aug 8, 2012
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    he he he he he he he he he heh ya dere noooooooooooooooma!!
     
  5. WAHEED SUDAY

    WAHEED SUDAY JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Aug 8, 2012
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    hii ya kwanza dingi katisha
     
  6. Root

    Root JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Aug 8, 2012
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    no comment
     
  7. NYAMALAWA

    NYAMALAWA Member

    #7
    Aug 8, 2012
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    Napita tu
     
  8. Gabmanu

    Gabmanu Senior Member

    #8
    Aug 8, 2012
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    Bintiiii.....leo utakoma kumbe una Boy friend!!
     
  9. m

    mkali mimi Member

    #9
    Aug 8, 2012
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    Duh.. uyo mdingi mnoko
     
  10. sakapal

    sakapal JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Aug 9, 2012
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    mpenda kucheka heheheheeeee!
     
  11. i

    issabela Senior Member

    #11
    Aug 9, 2012
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    Teh teh teh wacha nichke mie
     
  12. a

    amiride JF-Expert Member

    #12
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    mtoto: baba baba sheli inaunguwa
    baba: kwa mshtuko akauliza sheli gani
    mtoto; sheli na bela sheli na ngai ai mama
    baba: pambafu
     
  13. HP1

    HP1 JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Aug 9, 2012
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    Hahahahaaaaaaa....!
     
  14. HP1

    HP1 JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Aug 9, 2012
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    Wanandoa na wapenzi waliodumu zaidi ya miaka 20 wamebainika kuwa na ugonjwa wa KISUKARI. utafiti unaonyesha kuwa wanaugua ugonjwa huo kwa sababu ya majina wanayojiita, kama vile my HONEY, my SWEET, my SUGAR, my BANANA, my hot CHOCOLATE. Mkinge mpenzi wako na KISUKARI kwa kumwita my PIRITON, my CHOLOROQUINE, my CHILL SAUCE, my SHUBIRI. Imetolewa na WIZARA YA YA WAPENDANAO.
     
  15. HP1

    HP1 JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Aug 9, 2012
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    NANI MWENYE MAKOSA?

    Mwanamke aliyelala na mumewe akawa anaota, ghafla akapiga makelele, "Jifiche mume wangu kaja", au mumewe aliyesikia hivyo akanyakua nguo na kukimbia akidhani amelala na mke wa mtu? Nahitaji mawazo yako.
     
  16. Elviejo

    Elviejo JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Aug 9, 2012
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    hahahahahahaha,hakuna mwenye kosa ngoma dro
     
  17. m

    mkali mimi Member

    #17
    Aug 9, 2012
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    kwi kwi kwi
     
  18. B

    Bhavick JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    UMENIACHA HOI!umenifanya mchana uwe mzuri!
     
  19. Vodka

    Vodka JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Aug 10, 2012
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    hapo chacha
     
  20. Wamisosi

    Wamisosi Member

    #20
    Aug 10, 2012
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    Mwalim: ee john, nitajie wanyama kumi wa porini.
    John: simba watatu na tembo saba
     
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