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Six Dating Behaviours That Scare Single Men Like Me Away.

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Kevo, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. Kevo

    Kevo JF-Expert Member

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    You're dating a guy, and it's the crucial first few weeks. You really like this guy, and you're wondering what you can do (or avoid doing) to keep this relationship going and not scare him away.
    The truth is there are certain things that women can do that will scare men away. Don't sabotage a potentially great relationship that could have gone somewhere by scaring a man off right at the beginning.
    Here are six dating behaviors guaranteed to scare men off that all women should avoid:
    1. Trash-talking your ex. Don't talk negatively about an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you're dating. I don't care if you're on your first date or on your 15th date with a guy, don't ever trash-talk your ex. Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time. So don't talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you're going to trash-talk him the same way. So, when a man asks you about your ex, you can politely say, "We are no longer together. It was a great relationship while it lasted, and I learned a lot." That's it.
    2. Paranoia Runs Rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. Then, that first boys' night out happens. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, "Have a great time tonight!" As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he's doing, and you start to think "Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?" So then, you lob another text in to him asking "What's going on? What are you doing right now?" Even though he tells you he's just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:
    You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away.
    You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away. So when you are dating a man and he's out with his friends, respect his "guy time" -- it will make you the cool woman he's always wanted to find.
    3. Trash-talking other women. A huge mistake many women make is trash-talking other women in front of the man they're dating. For example, you are out with him when a woman walks by wearing a skimpy short skirt. You say, "Look how promiscuous that woman looks! I can't believe she is going around in public like that!" What you are doing when you make comments like this to a guy you're dating is telling him that you're not confident in the way you look. It tells him that you don't love who you are and haven't embraced your own body. You are planting a seed of doubt in him, causing him to wonder if he he should date someone else who is more confident (and tolerant). Don't trash-talk other women. It makes you look really insecure.
    4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you're dating looks at you and says, "You really look beautiful tonight!" Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, "How do I look tonight?" Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don't give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.
    5. Clingy and possessive. You don't need to do everything together. You're still getting to know him. If there are things he likes to do that simply don't interest you, be cool with it. You don't have to be joined at the hip. If you are going to a cocktail party together, you don't have to be next to him at every moment. If you see him speaking with some woman at the party, do not immediately run over and start grabbing his hand and giving him a big hug -- and certainly don't do this all night long. You are being clingy and possessive when you do this.
    6. Pushing friends on him. Avoid pushing friends on us too soon. Example: A woman will hang out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him, "You have to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You also have to meet my friends Phil and Anne; they're such a great couple, and you'll love them!" A man hears this and thinks, "I don't even know you yet. Can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be put on display as 'the boyfriend?'" We don't want to be "the boyfriend" right away. It's too much pressure. We want to get to know you slowly and learn what you're all about. Believe me, once we get to know you -- and like you -- we will be more willing to get to know all of your friends.
    Following these tips will help you get past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoid some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even starts. Be the confident woman you really are so we have a chance to embrace you. Don't scare us off before we have a chance to get to know you!
     
  2. BadoNipo

    BadoNipo Senior Member

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    Jul 16, 2008
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    Usiogope Kevo. kuwa makini tu
     
  3. Kevo

    Kevo JF-Expert Member

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    Am always makini kwenye hizi relationships ndugu.Beginning hata kuonyesha her real self.Give her a week or so utaziona cheche zake mpaka utamuuliza Mungu 'What did I ever do wrong to deserve this?'
     
  4. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    why dont you start by being a mere friend ... give it even six months or beyond .. that way utajuwa tabia zake zote then you can advance kama umefurahishwa kama la you have nothing to lose you can always cut the all the strings without having to feel guilty

    ubaya wenu wanaume mnatuingia na gia kubwa sasa nasi hatujishushi tunaongeza kubwa zaidi then you start complaining mara ooooh mara ooh ... mnashindwa
     
  5. LazyDog

    LazyDog JF-Expert Member

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    Most of the time this is not good if you start by being 'just friends'.
    Labda friends waje kuanza ku-date. But if you are attracted to each other (or one of you is), and you both define your relationship to be "just friends" ...mmh!




    .
     
  6. Kevo

    Kevo JF-Expert Member

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    Shida ukianza kuzoeana naye mazoea yatazidi then utashindwa kumapproach
     
  7. BadoNipo

    BadoNipo Senior Member

    #7
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    Naima; ubaya hauko kwa wanaume tu hata kwa wasichana pia. most of wasichana nowdays wapo after something.

    mimi naona uhusiano ukiwa ndo unaanza haina haja ya kutambulishana kwa ndugu jamaa na marafiki hiyo ifuate baada ya kujuana kwa muda kama miezi 6na zaidi

    MwanaFA ameongea vitu vya maana sana katika wimbo wako mpya sikumbuki jina unaitwaje ila kuna sehemu anaulizwa 'utaoa lini anajibu bado niponipo.
     
  8. Typical

    Typical JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 16, 2008
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    some are true,ila ukiwa na njaa za kutosha una sublet everything
     
  9. Kevo

    Kevo JF-Expert Member

    #9
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    Hizi longolongo zote zinaleta matatizo sana
     
  10. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    Kuna simu babu wee ... tuma sms halafu unacheza mchezo wa kidali po mpaka akujibu
     
  11. Kevo

    Kevo JF-Expert Member

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    tehetehetehetehe!atakuchoka halafu atakuona desperate then atakudharau and I dont want to look desperate for love.
     
  12. S

    Sunshine OLD Member

    #12
    Aug 5, 2008
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    No ways.
    It goes by stages.
    You can just be friends.
    Know her well. I am sure one can not fail to tell a friend what he/she thinks of her.
    Don't be that afraid!!!!
     
  13. S

    Sunshine OLD Member

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    The big problem with you 'Kevo' is putting words into someone's mouth.
    It seems as if you have all the answers for the questions you ask yourself!
    That's not right! Never be negative minded. Some girls are really good.
    Give it a try!
     
  14. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...nowadays, 'being mere friendly' is interpreted as being BORING, na kwa hiyo miezi sita ndio kabisa utaonekana 'mtoto si riziki'!
     
  15. Kevo

    Kevo JF-Expert Member

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    Kweli waambie bwana maana wanadhania unamfuata mwanamke then unaanza kutema porojo zako.Hamna cha urafiki hapa ni hapo hapo unatupa kete yako akikuzungusha wewe unazuga mpaka jibu litakalopatikana akisema ndio sawa akisema hapana unachapa mwendo zako mambo ya miezi sita yalishapitwa na wakati.
     
  16. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    Kwa mtindo huu uwe na kaunta book ya kuorodhesha majina ya wanawake maana watakuwa lukuki ..wengine wake za watu .. wengine utawakuta na watoto kumi maana hatuandikwi usoni kwamba tuna watoto

    Mtindo wa kuchunguza naona ni bora zaidi unapata taarifa zote bila kipingamizi na hizo utazipata only kama rafiki ... ukianza na mapenzi kwenye hodi tu ... mtu anabadili tabia anapretend that shes the perfect one ... huenda also ni chumba wa mtu lakini atakuingiza kwenye mahusiano ambayo either yatakuletea ungomvi na mtu mwingine au hata kukatizwa ghafla huku wewe umeoza kwa mapenzi .. utaumia Kevo

    Asiyesikia la mkuu ....
     
  17. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    Mchongoma, you remind me of the aids advert.. i guess you have seen it at any one time .. some guy was in the room with a girl (guess both are students)... then some friends come hovering the door .. they eventually knock and when the guy opens they hand him a condom ... guess you've clicked the ad now ...

    Dont make other people drive you into what you are not ready for .. dont mind what they think .. as long as you know you are at par with God and yourself and that you have to accomplish your goal... ukiogopa kuitwa mtoto siyo riziki .. then fine utaprove to the girl kwamba you are active .. but what kind of relationship?? short term or long term ... guess here utakuwa unabahatisha tu .. ikiwa ndo hivyo tena ... unabidi uprove kwa mwengine tena kwamba wewe ni riziki kweli kweli .... tena safari hii na kitumbo juuu ... i swear utalazimishwa kuoa bila ridhaa yako

    Shauriloooooo
     
  18. H

    Haika JF-Expert Member

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    inategemea unataka uhusiano wa aina gani, wa kudumu(ndoa nzuri) au kuspend kwa muda wowote mfupi (usio wa kudumu sana)
    kama unataka uhusiano wa kudumu, ni vema uwe na subira sana, munkari, tamaa na hisia uzizime kwanza uweke akili mbele la sivyo utajuta tu labda kama una bahati sana.
    kama ni uhusiano wa kampani tu, then hakuna haja ya kuhangaika. muda wowote ni muafaka tu.
     
  19. Shy

    Shy JF-Expert Member

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    Kama Wewe Sunshine ?
     
  20. Shy

    Shy JF-Expert Member

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    Personally I don't feel it's bad to talk about them; just be aware how you're framing it. My reality: Yea my marriage didn't work out. It was great at first. And was the perfect environment for both of us to grow tremendously. Unfortunately some of the growth actually brought us to places that were "less compatible". Some experience was gained a little too late. While we agreed that things weren't going well, we had different approaches to life; I like to see if things can be fixed and improved, when something isn't working her approach is to move on… These two approaches actually complimented each other well, until it came to our marriage. It ended over two and a half years ago. I can see the maturity both of us gained through the experience, as individuals, and our understanding of what we value in a partner. At this point there's no chance of us getting back together, we stay out of each other's lives, but we're good about accommodating each other when it comes to our son.

    Can you imagine if some guy were to say: Yea I was married to real b***, she was two faced and did a good job of hiding it when we were dating. She was shallow and self centered and only interested in milking the relationship. Her idea of compromise is my yielding to her whims. Unfortunately we have to interact on a regular basis because of the kid we had together. She's irresponsible and expects me to take up her slack. At least she plays baby sitter half the week so I can have my fun time.

    I think the same idea applies to women. Comments say a lot about the person making them.

    Ken E.
     
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