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Single Parenthood

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by KIKUNGU, Mar 21, 2012.

  1. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Mar 21, 2012
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    Wana-JF naomba tutoe uzoefu wetu kwenye hii topic ili tu-share kitu/vitu maana ndoa za siku hizi ni kama ujio wa bwana wetu yesu kristo yaani hujui siku wala saa ndoa itakapo kuwa haipo.

    Ni kipi bora baada ya kutoka katika ndoa(Divorced) ukiwa bado na umri mdogo tu wa let say, mid-thirties or below,ukiwa na watoto,ubaki bila kuoa au uoe mwanamke wa aina gani,mwenye mtoto/watoto kama wewe/divorced kama wewe/umri mnaokaribiana au ulomzidi sana.

    Lengo likiwa unataka the best for your children and keeping in mind your happiness as well.
     
  2. Smile

    Smile JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Mar 21, 2012
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    oa mwanamke yeyote
    muhimu ni upendo wa kweli kwako na watoto
     
  3. HorsePower

    HorsePower JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    Swali lako halina jibu la moja kwa moja hasa hapo penye red!

    Kwanza: Hapo penye red kabla ya hata hujafikiria kuoa/kuolewa tena ni vzr kuzitafakari njia zako na mwenendo wa awali na kujua sababu iliyokuletea divorce (solve root cause ya tatizo lako kwanza), vinginevyo unaweza ukaoa/kuolewa tena na talaka zikaendelea kama kawa na mwisho ukatuchosha na kuomba ushauri kila siku!

    Pili: Ukishagundua kuwa wewe binafsi haukuwa sababu ya talaka, au umeplan sasa kutulia baada ya kusababisha talaka, then linakuja hilo swala la kuoa/kuolewa na nani. Ktk hili, kama ni kijana, ni vigumu kuishi pakee yako maana itakufanya uwe na tabia zisizo nzuri pindi mwili utakapokuwa na mahitaji. Ushauri ni vzr kuoa/kuolewa na mtu unayempenda (awe na watoto au hana) na yeye pia anayekupenda na kumshirikisha mapema kuwa tayari kutunza familia yako (yenu kama wote mna watoto). Ni vzr kuwa karibu na wanao/wanenu baada ya ndoa kuhakikisha kuwa ndoa yako mpya haileta mateso na majuto kwenye familia yako.

    Mara nyingi baadhi ya wadada wameonyesha mienendo na tabia mbaya za kuwalea vibaya watoto wanaowakuta kwa waume zao hususan mume anapokuwa muongo kwa kutokumwambia ukweli. Transparency ni muhimu sana ili kuwa na familia yenye amani. Kama unaona familia yenu (watoto) wanasumbua, peleka boarding wakachape shule, itakusaidia muda wa kutulia na kujenga familia. Wakirudi likizo watakuta mmeimarika kwenye ndoa.
     
  4. Ndahani

    Ndahani JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Mar 21, 2012
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    This is one of the areas that I normally become speechless when it comes to what to say. Hakuna jibu la moja kwa moja. Kama ingewezekana hizi ndoa zikabaki ndoa hilo lingekuwa jambo la maana sana.
     
  5. fazaa

    fazaa JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Mar 21, 2012
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    Wacha kusema ndoa za siku hizi mbona sisi tumeoa na hatuna matatizo, mnao waza mambo ya kuwachana kwanini mlioa??

    Hivi mtu anaoa kwa sababu gani??

    Sijawahi kusikia ndoa zikafananishwa na ujio wa Yesu, naona wewe unataka kukufuru sasa :cool2:
     
  6. ndetichia

    ndetichia JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Mar 21, 2012
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    tuliazako na watoto wako kuepusha matatizo kwa wanao au mkeo/mmeo..
     
  7. N

    Ndeonasiae Senior Member

    #7
    Mar 21, 2012
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    Ni kipi bora baada ya kutoka katika ndoa(Divorced) ukiwa bado na umri mdogo tu wa let say, mid-thirties or below,ukiwa na watoto,ubaki bila kuoa au uoe mwanamke wa aina gani,mwenye mtoto/watoto kama wewe/divorced kama wewe/umri mnaokaribiana au ulomzidi sana.

    hakuna ubora wowote katika divorce, na chaguo la kuoa/kuolewa au la ni vema likazingatia feelings zako baada ya divorce. Je uko tayari kupenda? na umejiandaa vipi kuhakikisha hutamsumbua huyo mwenzi wako kutokana na yale uliyotendwa na ex wako?? hili ni muhimu sana kuhakikisha uimara wa hiyo ndoa mpya. Wanawake kwa mfano tukitendwa na mwanaume mmoja huwa kosa litawatesa wanaume wengine wote watakaokupenda pia wanaume baadhi wana hiyo kitu ambayo ni mbaya sana na ndio hasa husababisha ndoa nyingi za pili zishindwe. Pia kikubwa ni kwa huyo mwenzi wako mpya je amekuamini kwa dhati na anaamini unaweza kuwa mume/mke bora? au kila ukifanya kitu kidogo atakuwa anakuambia ndio maana uliachwa! ndoa baada ya ndoa yaweza kuwa ngumu na sidhani ni jambo lakuliendea haraka haraka, umakini na mungu anatakiwa ahusishwe sana hapo. yeyote anaweza kuwa mume/ mke bora bila kujali alishawahi kuoa/kuolewa au la, watoto ni baraka siku zote hiyo haijalishi sana japo mipaka na jinsi ya kuwalea watoto wenu inatakiwa kuzingatiwa sana kwani inaweza kuleta tabu pindi mnapokuwa hamna utaratibu uliosahihi wa malezi.
     
  8. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Mar 21, 2012
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    Yaani unaoa ili udivorse, uwe single parent afu ili uanze kutafuta mke tena??
    Duh, mbona unagawanya kwa njia ndefu sana?
     
  9. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Mar 21, 2012
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    You are right Ndahani,there aren't simple answers to this questions.That is why i will take in considerartion everybody's comments.Ndoa kubaki kama zilivyofungwa haiwezekani na haitakuja kuwezekana.
     
  10. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #10
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    Don't be daft Fazaa unless you are living in Outerspace.We are talking about the eventuallity of divorce and not getting married to divorce.Wewe ndio unakufuru kuona kwamba umeoa huwezi kuja kuachana na mkeo kwa sababu yoyote ile.If that is the case,good on you pal.

    Kurudi ya yesu ni ufananishi shiriki na sio kama ulivyoelewa wewe.Good day
     
  11. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Mar 21, 2012
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    Kongosho,get to understand the post.Am talking about the eventuality of getting divorced and not getting married to divorce.
     
  12. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #12
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    You are right mkuu.i salute you
     
  13. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    You are a real man HP,umedadavua kila kitu ubarikiwe sana.
     
  14. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #14
    Mar 21, 2012
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    Kikungu.... Kwanza naomba niseme kua mtazamo wa namna hio (looking towards a divorce) kama upo katika ndoa sio mzuri.... Ina maana kama upo ndani ya ndoa na ina matatizo badala ya kutafuta suluhu ya kuweza weka sawa wewe unaangalia a way out. That is not advisable kumbuka waweza toka hapo ukaoa mwanamke mwingine ukawa umeruka majivu na kukanyaga moto... However haya mambo katika jamii yapo; Hivo kweli ni msingi kutafakari kuhusu hilo swala.... Bahati mbaya ni moja ya sehemu ambayo inaumiza saana kichwa..

    Kwa upande wangu naona kama you are young na una watoto, mara nyingi a good candidate wa kuoa kweli kabisa nia mwanamke ambae nae kesha zaa.... (Sio lazima) ila ni muhimu kwa mambo mengi sana. Hakuna mahala wanafundisha upendo na jinsi ya kulea watoto.. hayo ni mambo tunajifunza pale unapokua umebahatika kua mzazi na wawalea... Na hapa realistically speaking ukifuate zile propaganda za mradi umpende ndio uoe... Waweza poteza direction ya familia yako yote daima. Waweza kuta in the long run watoto ulo nao wakawa na msingi mbaya sana wa maisha ila hao mtakao kua nao kwa huyo mwana mama..... For believe me you hata kama wote ni wafanya kazi mtu ambae ana control nyumba na yupo responsible on house keeping ni mama.... na bahati mbaya sana wanawake wengi suala la kumpenda mtoto wa mwenzio limetushinda saana... Hivo kama ni mama hopefully ataelewa ni jinsi gani hao watoto alokuta hapo wanamhitaji kama mama na mlezi wako mpya... na ukikosea tu kuchagua mwanamke then furaha kuwepo ndani ya ndoa yako hio mpya ni ndoto.
     
  15. Ndetirima

    Ndetirima JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Mar 21, 2012
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    Hii maneno ya divorce ni ngumu sana inapotokea. Nawahakikishia katika hii dunia hakuna Mama au Baba anayeweza kuwa na mapenzi ya kweli kwa mtoto ambaye sio wake wa kumzaa (Biological child). Watoto huwa ni waathirika wa kubwa sana katika ndoa zilizovunjika. Mara nyingi watoto wenye bahati yakutokunyanyasika ni wale wanaokuwa wa Mama wa kambo na hii ni kwasababu mara nyingi Baba huwa sio mfuatiliaji sana wa mambo ya nyumbani kwa ujumla. Nawashauri wanaovunja ndoa kuweka utaratibu mahususi kwa watoto kwanza kabla ya kuachana. Naona mtoa mada ameongea kama vile mmoja atakuwa na haki ya kulea watoto zaidi ya mwingine. Watoto wanaweza wakakataa kabisa kubaki na Baba na Mahakama ikabariki watoto waondoke na Mama yao, au wengine wakamkataa Mama pia. Jamani mtu anapotaka kuoa awe makini sana asi kurupuke amshirikishe Mungu na kumuomba Mungu aiweke ndoa mikononi mwake siku zote haya yote yasitokee kwa faida ya watoto. Nimeona watu siku hizi wanaishi nyumba moja vyumba tofauti mke na mume ili tu kuwatunza watoto mpaka wakue na kujitegemea, lakini ndoa haipo na kweli watoto wanakuwa na kusoma na kujitegemea.
     
  16. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #16
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    I salute you Ashadii.
    Nimeongelea eventuality of getting divorced,yaani ulikuwepo kwenye ndoa ambayo uliamini kuwa itaukwepo for your lifetime lakini imekologeta beyond repair na mme-divorce,sasa after reasonable time(baada ya vidonda/makovu ya divorce kupona) inakuwa envolved na mtu mkapendana,je ni qualities zipi za kuangalia ili kubalance "the best for your children and your happiness.That was my point na sio kama watu wengi walivyoelewa.

    Asante kwa mchango wako,nafikiri issue kubwa is how to balance the best for yourself,children and your partner/wife to be.
     
  17. Yummy

    Yummy JF-Expert Member

    #17
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    Huu ni mtihani kusema ukweli.....ngoja nisubiri michango ya wengine.
     
  18. Yummy

    Yummy JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Hapo kwenye red kutokua na tabia nzuri haihusiani na mahitaji ya mwili.....kama wewe ni mchapaji hiyo ni tabia yako chafu na sio kutokana na mahitaji ya mwili. Unataka kuniambia mwenye uwezo wa kukaa mwaka mzima kwani yeye hana hayo mahitaji ya mwili???
     
  19. BRO LEE

    BRO LEE JF-Expert Member

    #19
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    Kwa mtizamo wangu nafikiri kwa mwanamke ni vema kuolewa na mwanaume ambaye hana watoto ilimradi bado unauwezo wa kuzaa na mwanaume husika kwa sababu wanaume huwa wanapenda watoto wa wapenzi wao ili kunogesha penzi lao ili mradi 2 kusiwe na usumbufu kutoka kwa baba wa watoto husika.

    Kwa mwanaume iwapo inakulazimu kubaki na watoto baada ya kutengana nafikiri ni vema ukampata mwanamke mwenye watoto, wakti analinda maslahi yake(watoto wake) atakuwa anaheshimu maslahi yako(watoto wako) , sharti kusiwe na usumbufu toka kwa mama wa watoto husika.
     
  20. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Mar 21, 2012
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    Tupe maoni yako Mama Tuli,lazima kama ID na Avatar yako inavyoonyesha kuna hazina ya mawazo hapo.Share with us please.
     
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