Should you maintain contact or friendship with Ex-partner?

[RRONDO]

Hivi wana ndugu mnaonaje, mawasiliano na mtu ambaye mliwahi kuwa na mahusiano siku zilizopita, mnaonaje imekaa njema? tena baada ya kuoa ama kuolewa!

kwangu mimi naona sio vizuri.....ninavyoelewa MAWASILIANO ni pamoja na kupigiana simu na kuonana.....sasa imagine mmeo/mmkeo/bf/gf anakwambia sijawasiliana na X siku nyingi ngoja leo nimpigie simu/nikamuone wewe utajisikiaje???na akiwa anawasiliana nae kwa siri ukigundua utajisikiaje??kwa kweli mawasiliano na X yanaweza kuleta mtafaruku.
nb:kama ulizaa na x mawasiliano ni muhimu,i hope uliingia kwenye relationship ukijua mwenzio ana watoto hivyo ujue kuwa sometime atahitaji kupeleka watoto kwa mama/baba yao.....hawezi kufnya hivyo bila mawasiliano.

 

[Gwamahala]

Hapo kwenye red, labda mimi sijaelewa mawasiliano gani yanayoongelewa. kwani kila mawasiliano yanapelekea ngono? ndo yale yale mke/mume hataki kabisa mwenzi wake awasiliane na mtu wa jinsia tofauti, anamfikiria vibaya tu. Kwa upande wangu, mume wangu awasiliane tu na huyo X ilimradi tu hayo mawasiliano yasihusishe ngono. Najua mimi ndo mkewe aliyenichagua kati ya hao maX hata kama ni 10, so hawanipi presha.

Hapo penye nyeusi hapo,umenena!Ngoja nikugongee na kale ka nanihii...

 

[katelero]

mwee haya ndo matopic bana ya kufuatilia tukishatoka kwenye kusikia ma uchawi na pumba za chama chetu cha mataira....

niliona mwanzoni mwa thread jamaa aliuliza abt suala lingine nalo la ''lets b friends''.....
well hayo ni kweli ndugu yetu asemayo ndio kama windows vista ya dept ya vibuti...yaan nowdays nasikia ndio galz na some guys hutumia kumpiga mtu kibuti but mara nyingi nasikia huwa inakua mtu ana mfeel mwenzie lakini tu kuna some kitu kinazuia yeye kumkubalia na ndio mwishowe huishia kumwambia lets jus b frendz..

wana jf mwaliongeleaje hilo nalo?!?!

kama umekutana na haya maneno manne "we can be friends" jua ndo kibuti kishakufika,

 

[katelero]

By Diana Vilibert and Abraham Lloyd
Should You Be Friends with Your Ex?

He Said/She Said

HE SAID: We tend to forget that relationships between two people are living, breathing, things. Just as it takes time for them to grow into something larger than ourselves, it also takes time for them to evolve into something different when we decide to leave our partners. Breakups, no matter how quickly we may want them to resolve themselves, are misleading. While they certainly represent the end of a relationship, they are really the beginning of a new one with our former partner. Can this lead to friendship? Certainly sometimes...but that depends on significantly more than the agreements negotiated in the moment.

As a relationship optimist, I believe that it is completely possible to become friends with exes. Life is too short to hold grudges, and it seems absurd to exclude someone from your life that you cared about and with whom you shared special moments. That being said, this is rarely something that happens overnight. Just as it took time for your relationship to grow with your partner, time is exactly what is necessary to allow a relationship to evolve into friendship. Similarly, just as you made a conscious choice to have a partner, it can take even more commitment to turn a former partner into a friend.

Mutual breakups tend to turn into friendship more often than one-sided breakups as it is easier to negotiate the rules of friendship when former partners are in agreement and realize together that the relationship is over. One-sided breakups make this more difficult as one partner may still be holding on to the relationship that the other no longer wants. In these situations, a clear separation is necessary. Before friendship can be attained, it first has to be agreed upon with no conditions or ties to the previous relationship. If your ex is using friendship as a way to “hold on” to your old relationship, then chances are you will not end up friends. Clinging to the past, however romantic it may be, rarely leads to resolving the relationship. If anything, it breeds distrust as it forces you to question the motives of your ex. On that note, how many friends do you have that you do not trust? Exactly.

SHE SAID: Being friends with an ex is tricky and difficult to pull off without hurt feelings, but if you're set on it, keep these pointers in mind:
Take a Break: Some might argue you should never be friends with an ex, but at the very least, don't attempt a platonic friendship 24 hours post-breakup. Depending on how long and serious your relationship was, give each other at least a month to heal...away from each other. No daily phone calls and no movie nights. You need time to readjust to your daily life and schedule without your ex by your side, which is difficult to do if they never leave it as you make the shift in your relationship.

Keep It Clean: It's tough, but once the relationship is over, bite your tongue and resist rehashing fights and everything your ex did wrong...both to his face and behind his back. If you're serious about being friends, badmouthing each other and throwing blame for the breakup won't get you there.

Know Your Limits: Can't handle hearing about an ex's new fling? Let him know. Explain that while you are ready to be friends, you still need some time before hearing about new love interests... don't just grin and bear it. Make any off-limits conversation clear from the beginning. This might be restrictive or forced at first, but you can always decide that new relationships are back on the table for discussion later, when you're truly ready. Don't force it if it'll ruin your day each time he says another girl's name.

Don't Dig Up the Past: If you have made the decision to be friends with your ex, try to keep your past issues out of it. People who were terrible romantic partners can make great friends, but you'll never find out if you're constantly mumbling passive-aggressive "yeah, you were never great at so-and-so" under your breath.

Reevaluate: Sometimes we're desperate to stay friends with our exes because we can't imagine them not being in our lives anymore. This is understandable and yes, perhaps it's really the case that you had a connection worth holding on to. But don't be afraid to go back on your promise of undying friendship if you find that feeling and enthusiasm cooling, whether it's because being friends it just too painful or because you realize you're just not into him, as friends or otherwise.

asante mkuu umeongea vizuri sana, eeh na hii utaelewa nini mtu anamaanisha pale atakaposema sijakumwaga ila nataka tuwe gud friends,

 

[Mwanamayu]

Kama hakuna mtoto - jongoo utupwa na mti wake. Kama kuna mtoto chukua huyo mtoto na mpeleke kwa shangazi zake au bibi yake halafu tupa jongoo na mti wake!!!!!!!!!!

Hayo mawasiliano mnataka kuendeleza ni kwa ajili ya nini?

 

[Masikini_Jeuri]

Kama hakuna mtoto - jongoo utupwa na mti wake. Kama kuna mtoto chukua huyo mtoto na mpeleke kwa shangazi zake au bibi yake halafu tupa jongoo na mti wake!!!!!!!!!!

Hayo mawasiliano mnataka kuendeleza ni kwa ajili ya nini?

Hapo kwenye bold napapinga kabisa; kama huwezi kumlea mwano wewe mwenyewe hao uliowataja hapo ndio mayaya wa kukulelea; itokee wakuombe lakini sio kumgeuza mtoto kama mpira kuupiga upande upendao wewe! LEA MWANAO ukishindwa mwachie Mama yake amlee!

 

[PRECIOUSDOE]

Mimi sina hamu ya ex hata kidogo - by the tym nime break up na wewe nimekushiba hadi hata tukifungwa kitandani bila nguo siwezi hata nikapata mvuto.Kwanza nikimfikiria ex ama kumwona mimi huwa nina kasirika sana

 

[The Finest]

Is it very possible to be friends with your ex?

 

[Bigirita]

Doesn't really work most of the times!!!!!!!!!!!!! In my experience

 

[chloe.obrain]

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

signatory yako ni poa sana Bigirita.:smile-big:

 

[Dark City]

Is it very possible to be friends with your ex?

Yes, ...but that's similar to keeping your finger on a trigger!:eyeroll2::eyeroll2:

 

[The Boss]

Inawezekana sana...

 

[funzadume]

Inawezekana ila hutakiwi kuvuka mipaka ya urafiki inategemea unavyoweza ku-control feeling zako. Mimi binafsi wale mabinti wa kabla ya ndoa wengi kwa sasa ni rafiki zangu tu wengine wameolewa na nimeshiriki vizuri tu kimichango na kwenye shughuli zao

unajua kila jambo lina time yake kuna ma-ex wa shuleni, kuna wa chuoni, utotoni n.k ambao unaweza mkabaki tu kama marafiki wa kawaida bila tatizo lolote na hasa kama unaheshimu ndoa au mahusiano yako uliyonayo kwa sasa. Tatizo mara nyingi liko kwa wanaume wakware wakitutana na ma-ex wao wataanza kuwarubuni ili wamegane tena

 

[Rose1980]

it possible ONLY IF ....due to the reason za kuachana kwenu.
t depend.

 

[Asprin]

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

signatory yako ni poa sana Bigirita.:smile-big:

Na wewe signature yako ni nzuri sana, nimeipenda.

 

[Mnene 1]

Sioni tatizo lolote, mnaweza kabisa kua na urafiki wa kawaida kama kaka na dada.
Ila ukweli ni kwamba mke/mmeo hawezi kufurahishwa sana na hiyo hali na anaweza kua na wivu au kutijiamini.
Mimi nikijua mme/mke wangu wana mawasiliano , hata ya kawaida tu sitajisikia vizuri, ntakua na wivu na mawazo kwamba wanaweza kujikumbushia.

 

[Pearl]

yap its real possible,but y should it be so?there are many frnds hanging out there,if it ddnt work out at fisrts place,will it work out now?anything that huts u its not urs.

Is it very possible to be friends with your ex?

 

[Dark City]

Sioni tatizo lolote, mnaweza kabisa kua na urafiki wa kawaida kama kaka na dada.
Ila ukweli ni kwamba mke/mmeo hawezi kufurahishwa sana na hiyo hali na anaweza kua na wivu au kutijiamini.
Mimi nikijua mme/mke wangu wana mawasiliano , hata ya kawaida tu sitajisikia vizuri, ntakua na wivu na mawazo kwamba wanaweza kujikumbushia.

Binafsi sitaki wala kusikia my wife ana mawasiliano na ex BF wake. Pia sihitaji mawasiliano yoyote na Ex-GF wangu ingawa sina uadui nao. Tukikutana tunasalimiana na yanaishia hapo. Ingawa kuna mmoja roho huwa inaniuma kwamba nilichana naye kabla sijafikia lengo!!

yap its real possible,but y should it be so?there are many frnds hanging out there,if it ddnt work out at fisrts place,will it work out now?anything that huts u its not urs.

Great P,
That's my quotation of the month! That's why we/I missed you so much..!

Hivi uliendaga wapi? Mbona hutaki kutupatia feedback? Tulikosa michango yako kwenye issue tata za Teamo, esp ile ya infidelity ambayo wadada wote walikana kwamba huwa hawaji-express kwenye huo uwanja!! Hope you are now here to stay!!:smile-big::smile-big:

 

[whocen]

Damn, Hii imetukuta me na my ex just this weekend; So am in a new city Arusha for that matter for a job and I remember that my high school sweet heart who is not mine anymore in fact she could or lets say is in a very health and stable relationship lives in Arusha too, you have to understand the nature of our break up is still a myth to us... It was right before the big exams necta and we are got busy with studing and we just loosed contact but we were in the same class we never talk or what ever after the exams we left school and that was that ! Never talked again no call no sms we moved on... a two weeks after i start working, am coming out of AICC one day and I meet her going in we stared at each other and just passed through each other and turned to still stare and all of a sudden we were in each others arms hugging each other so tight in silence!! So She says Hi and I reply hello then we have an awkward moment of silence pretty much like the one in a funerals were the sounds of what around us is whats heard, She says "you work here?" and instantly I says "you look great" with anxiety I reply to her yes and simultaneous she says thanks. So I say lets talk in turns like normal people and she says... "God your look taller with a broad smile on her" I reply with a smile and before we know we were standing there for over half an hour catching up, my old jokes that seemed out dated where so funny now like she never heard before. We had to get going so we swapped phone number and that night we talked for hour we told each other the truth that we had moved on I am single she is seeing some one and we agreed we make each other laugh so much lets have a mutual friendship relationship so we meet for a drink allot and the this goes on for two weeks we laugh we talk and do things that friends do... So we are walking down the street from AICC and we see a white couple holding hands we all of a sudden have this awkward silence and out of no where she asks "why did you dump me" I was surprised and answered I thought you dumped me and we have this cold silent argument while walking until we reach vodacom which was were we were going to register for an M-Pesa account then we didn't register we just stood out there arguing in riddles and proverbs and she says you know what "I am so over this I have moved on I have a good things going on" and she leaves me standing there so that was I get lonely where I stay at njiro so I come to the office at AICC to use the internet and just to do nothing and there she is with her new boyfriend... as I leave the office she come to me she introduce us me as just a old friend ofcoz and I want to live and he ask me where I stay I say njiro and ofcoz they had to be going my way so they pick me up and drop me off to my place. That evening am strolling around the street and there is my ex at my door step maybe waiting for me or just lost. So I approach her welcome her in she says she is here for long and she gets in says I wanted to apologize for the way she took off on Friday and sensibly i say appology accepted and she asks with that smile on "friends" and I says friends So she starts looking around in the house asking how I live alone she then asks " can I kiss you... Its the only memory of you thats not easy to let go" before I answered she was all over me kissing like I was her husband that returned from a Vietnam war after taking away 5 years... so we kiss one thing leads to another and we are on my bed having meaning full sex and making the most extraordinary love ever in my entire life... after that we just lie there so I ask what just happened she says I don't know if its Lust or Desire but she is not in love with me anymore so we lie there on bed talking about our mistakes apologizing to each other and that sort of things and we have sex again with guilt we we look at each other but we don't stop... We had sex all night and on Sunday morning before she left and we had sex last evening and maybe today after work!!!!!

 

[whocen]

So we are just good friends here right?