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Should we not to...?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by MwanajamiiOne, Oct 16, 2009.

  1. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #1
    Oct 16, 2009
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    Ndoa/Mahusiano ya wakati huu kusema kweli yamekuwa magumu kuliko yale ya enzi za wazee wetu (at least ndivyo ninavyoamini mimi). Hali hii imenifanya niwe nawaza kwa mtindo wa what if angekuwa vile na si hivi. Nikajikuta nashawishika kuamini pengine ingekuwa tofauti ingawa sina uhakika.

    Kwa kuwa nimeshuhudia miparanganyiko kwa couple ambazo either mmoja au wote wa wenzi hao ni kama ni:

    mwanamke:
    Ni mrembo wa sura, msomi, anakazi na kipato kizuri au ametoka katika familia bora kifupi ni mtu ambaye ni BORA.

    Mwanaume:
    Ni mzuri wa sura aka handsome/ana kazi nzuri na kipato kizuri/famous anajulikana na yeye mambo safi

    couple nyingi zenye combinations za namna hii au mmoja anayo sifa ya aina hii ( kwa experience yangu) huwa zinatend kuwa na migogoro ya mara kwa mara hadi nafikia kuamini kuwa ni bora tunapochagua wenzi tukajaribu kuavoid extremes i.e. msichaguane wazuri sana, wasomi sana, mwenye kipato sana au anayejulikana sana (after all hii itasaidia kupunguza gap kati ya haves and have-nots no?)

    au najidanganya?

    Naomba mnisaidie:eek:
     
  2. J

    Joyceline JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Oct 16, 2009
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    Unajua vijawa wa siku hizi tunaangalia wasifu wa nje sana kuliko wandani amesoma sana, maisha mazuri, lakini kuna yale mambo ya ndani huwa hatuyaoni wala hatuna muda wa kuyaangalia, upendo, ukaribu, upole kiasi yani matunda ya upendo thats why ndoa nyingi za siku hizi zina matatizo.

    Ndoa za zamani zilidumu kwa sababu wazazi ndo walikuwa wanakuchagulia mke au mume, na wanaangalia uoe au uolewe na ukoo gani, na kama familia zinaendana kwa kipato na hali ya maisha ndo mana ndoa zao zilidumu walivumiliana.

    wala hujidanganyi dada ukichagua wakati huu zingatia hivyo vigezo hapo juu, lakini pia wakati mwingine ni tabia ya mtu mwenyewe. mwombe Mungu katika hilo
     
  3. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Oct 16, 2009
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    mmh..MJ1 nahisi unajidanganya lol

    not least kama ukichukuliwa kuwa mapenzi hayabagui, hayana ukabila, sura, wala kipato,,

    lakini kwa upande mwingine,, kama mmoja yuko juu zaidi ya mwingine kuna hatari ya kujisikia na kuanza kuwa na kiburi ambayo ndo mama wa matatizo mengi ndani ya ndoa,,
     
  4. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #4
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    Ni kweli kabisa kaka yangu usemayo lakini ukiangalia nyakati za sasa hakuna kitu cha mapenzi ya kweli hayo uyasemayo (at leasi wengi hata kuyajua hatuyajui) wengi tunaoa/olewa kutimiza taratibu za jamii ituzungukayo au kufuata mkumbo. Sasa panapokuwa na mapenzi yaliosimamia katika misingi ya aina hii ya "mradi nami nimeondoa nuksi" ukioa/olewa na mtu aliyeko kwenye extremes si kujitafutia presha tu?

    Au niseme kuwa ninavyoona mimi kwa wasomi, wenye nazo, wenye sura na wale wanaofahamika sana hakuna mapenzi ya kweli ukilinganisha na wasio na visifa hivyo au?
     
  5. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #5
    Oct 16, 2009
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    Nakubaliana na wewe kabisa but unafikiri hali ni sawa kwa wote? kuwa hata wale ambao ni wa kawaida, kipato cha kawaida au masikini, sura za kawaida n.k. ndoa zao zina migogoro kama za hawa?
     
  6. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

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    MJ1, ukiona hivyo ujue hapo hakuna ndoa in the first place, na matokeo yake ni kitu kilichotarajiwa...talaka na manyanyaso mengine hayataepukika na wala hatutashangaa kwa hayo yakitokea....
     
  7. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

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    We are getting married by CHANCE and not by CHOICE
     
  8. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Oct 16, 2009
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    Yeah ndo maana mm msimamo wangu wa kuoa mwanamke mwenye sura mbaya na kavu kama anapuliza moto wenye Moshi mkali upo pale pale ukioa mrembo Mapapa au Mapedeshee wanaanza kukugongea aku hivi hivi ya nn ufe kwa kiholo MJ1,Nyamayao?
     
  9. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 16, 2009
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    Ndoa ni zaidi ya hayo uliyoweka ila kuna ukweli kwamba bibi au bwana mwenye sura nzuri mara nyingi huwa vivutio vya mazingira hatarishi kwenye ndoa
     
  10. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #10
    Oct 16, 2009
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    .........Ok but I hope hutakuwa unamfungia ndani ukitoka kwenda viwanja. Muambatane na wala si kumtanguliza/au kutangulia mbele
     
  11. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Oct 16, 2009
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    ...sifa zote hizo hazikamilishi ubora wake bila TABIA NZURI ikiwemo; mpole/mchangamfu, mwenye imani/huruma, mcha mungu, mcheshi/mkimya, hodari, muaminifu, msikivu/mnyenyekevu, ...mwenye busara/hekima...

    Mwj'1 kuna ulazima kuwa na checklist wakati mna date, kila siku una tick boxes kama ni unsatisfactory, fair, au excellent... siku ya siku unamfanyia 'performance appraisal' kabla ya kumwambia 'I do!'
     
  12. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...aisee mbona unataka kuharibu sura za watoto bana? mbaya zaidi wageni wakija nyumbani watamkonfyuzi mama watoto na 'hausigeli'...
     
  13. Ndahani

    Ndahani JF-Expert Member

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    Duuh na watoto wa siku hizi wanavyojua kuzuka wakigundua una fedha ama handsome basi kazi ipo.Hata kama huna kipato utalelewa tu
     
  14. ChaMtuMavi

    ChaMtuMavi JF-Expert Member

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    Wengine tunapuliza moto na kamrija/bomba, huwa tunakuwa wazuri zaidi.
     
  15. Pakawa

    Pakawa JF-Expert Member

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    Ndoa ni sawa sawa na wito. Wengi wanaingia kwenye ndoa bila kufahamu nini maana ya ndoa.Ndoa si mtazamo wa nje kuna mengi sana katika ndoa kwa hivi kabla hujafikia uamuzi wa kufunga ndoa ni vyema ukatafakari kwa makini kwamba je huyu ni mtu ambaye nitakuwa naye miaka 20 ijayo kwa mazuri na mapungufu yake aliyonayo na yatakayojitokeza siku za mbeleni.Watu wengi siku hizi wanadanganyika na elimu,kipato na mtazamo wa mtu(uzuri wa sura na umbo) lakini wengi wameishia njia panda. kwa wale wanaotegemea kutafutiwa waume au wake hiyo ni misalaba mnabeba..mwenza tafuta mwenyewe sio kutafutiwa "Don get married by chance but by your choice"
     
  16. Pretty

    Pretty JF-Expert Member

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    Haya mambo ya ndoa ukifikiri sana yanachanganya, muhimu pata mtu mliopendana na kufanana kitabia kazi kwishaa.
     
  17. carmel

    carmel JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 17, 2009
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    I think you are right dear Pretty, mengineyo ni matokeo tu.
     
  18. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Oct 17, 2009
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    Hapo ndipo inapokuwa ngumu. Unaweza kutafuta mpaka umri unapita. By the way Nimeipenda hiyo Pretty is senorita kwenye avatar yako. Ni 75%uhakika wa jinsia yako. Hahahaha!
     
  19. Bishanga

    Bishanga JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Oct 17, 2009
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    MJ one umesikia habari ya ndoa iliyofungwa Arusha some six weeks ago? Ilikuwa ni harusi kubwa kweli kweli,mme mhaya mke mchaga na imevunjika exactly after 4 days,kwa kifupi imevunjika wanandoa wakiwa bado kwenye fungate na bi harusi akayeya zake na kurudi majuu akimwacha mume solemba. Hiyo couple wote ni 'nshomile mpaka no class',both families wana mihela kede kede,u beauty na u handsome wa hao jamaa no comment,lakini ndo hivyo hardly a week ndoa ikasambaratika jumla. You could be right MJ1 in your analysis make na hawa jamaa wana fit hiyo bill.
     
  20. B

    Baba Mkubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 17, 2009
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    Mke/mume ni tabia, wakati huohuo uwe tayari kuoa/kuolewa na huyo ulie nae. Tatizo ni kwamba.....Before marriages all our emotions zinakuwa zimekufa. Sasa itafika point ambayo emotions zitaanza kufufuka, hapo ndipo kazi marumbano yanaanza. Emotions hufufuka kutegemeana na wanandoa walivyozizika hizo emosions. Uzikaji hutofautiana, maana kuna wengine huzizika moja kwa moja na haziji fufuka, ila kunawengine huzizika (sijui miguu huwa nje) kwa mwezi, zina kuwa zimefufuka

    Nikiangalia umri wangu unakimbilia 30, nikifikilia mke wangu atakuwaje huku nikishuhudia baadhi ya matukio ya ndoa BASI huwa namwambia Mungu "Wewe ndie unaeweza, naimani utanipa mke ambae tutasaidiana katika vitu vyote ..............................."

    Nilikuwa nafikilia nikioa niweke "Marriage constitution". Na hii constitution iwe inafahamika na pande zote mbili, mimi na huyo mke wangu. Na iwe imeandaliwa kabla ya ndoa. Na tuwe tumeandaa wote wawili, tukiweka na adhabu pale mtu avunjapo....
    Wana JF ninachowaza kinawezekana au?
     
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