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Short hilarious sex jokes!!

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Bladerunner, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. Bladerunner

    Bladerunner Member

    #1
    Jan 14, 2009
    Joined: Dec 19, 2008
    Messages: 93
    Likes Received: 2
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    A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him.
    with shame the husband said:
    - Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!


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    While making love, he says:
    - Darling, let's do 68!
    - 68???
    What's that?
    - You do it to me and I'll owe you one.



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    Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
    - Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
    As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
    Gorgonzola!
    Wait!!, it is not on yet.



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    Two friends:
    - Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
    - Of course! How many people are coming?
    - Three, if you bring your girlfriend.



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    A little boy asked his mother:
    - Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
    - Don't even ask me that, when I remember that party mmhm..., you are lucky that you don't [bark.



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    One woman stops a taxi.
    - To the airport, please.
    After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says:
    - You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
    - Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
    - Well, you haven't arrived to the airport yet neither.



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    One man calls emergency:
    - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
    After five minutes, the same man calls back:
    - It is OK, I found another one.

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    Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
    - Daddy my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.
    - You know, my son, I didn't care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
    After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
    - Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
    - Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore
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    A man at the doctors:
    -Doctor, I have diarrhea and it won't go away!
    -Did you try using a lemon?
    -Yes I did, but when I removed it, it started again!

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    - Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak?
    - No it doesn't my son.
    - Oops, so it was a canary that I squeezed.

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    A man is driving on a city bus with a newspaper on his knee. From time to time, he rips a piece off, ripping that piece into smaller ones and throwing them out the window. A passenger standing near him asks:
    -Excuse me, why are you throwing pieces of paper out the window?
    -I'm chasing away the elephants
    -Chasing elephants? There aren't elephants in the city.
    -Well that means it's working!
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    In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: I SPAT IN THE SOUP"When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO".
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    A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says:
    - I can not proceed in this manner.
    And she suicides.
    After another month, the sailors say:
    - We can not proceed in this manner.
    And they bury the woman.
    The next month, the sailors say:
    - We can not proceed in this manner.
    And they dug upthe woman.

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    - Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the yard?
    - Shut up, and give me more bullets.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2009
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