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She says she is Unhappy!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Kapinga, Oct 1, 2009.

  1. Kapinga

    Kapinga JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Oct 1, 2009
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    Been a while since i last posted anything up in here, but here goes. Karibuni nimekuwa nikilumbana na waifu.. Tumekuwa pamoja zaidi ya miaka mitano sasa lakini hatuja uoana kwasababu mbalimbali mostly career oriented! Nashukuru mwenyezi mungu kwamba tumebahatika kuishi maisha mazuri , safiri nchi mbali mbali duniani etc lakini mwanamke anasema she is unhappy, anasema simsikilizili na si msupport vya kutosha...tulipoanza nilikuwa sijatulia na nilicheza cheza na wanawake mbalimbali but for the last 4yrs i have been faithful and loyal na nimeimarisha nyumba! Lakini yeye bado analalamika and cant seem to let the past be the past etc..yeye pia ameshanifanyia mambo ya ajabu lakini im more willing to forgive and move on...nahitaji ushauri...kwa mtu in my position saizi ambaye namipango ya ndoa nifanyaje sasa...coz naona kama mwanamke is going through a crisis..nimejaribu kuzungumza nae kwa umakini lakini majibu yake ni kwamba hata yeye haelewi kwanini anafeel down all the time...na wasiwasi labda mimi sio tatizo...ushauri please! 1
     
  2. Nduka

    Nduka JF-Expert Member

    #2
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    Kapinga kwanza umemwita wife halafu unasema hujamuoa watsup brada! In serious note kipindi hiki ni crucial sana kwenye uhusiano wenu, iwapo mtafanya maamuzi sahihi wakati huu basi mtakuwa na uhusiano wenye afya sana mbeleni. Kinachomkuta mwenzi wako ni hali ya sintofahamu iwapo wewe ni chaguo sahihi ndio maana anajikuta katika mawazo mchanganyiko. Iwapo huyu ndio chaguo lako, basi hiyo dalili njema sana na upaswa kuitumia nafasi hii kumuweka karibu sana na wewe. Mfanye ajisikie malkia anapokuwa na wewe, watalaamu wa saikolojia wanashauri ujigeuze addiction kwake yaani ashindwe kuishi hata sekunde moja bila ya wewe. Njia rahisi ya kufanya hivi ni kuhakikisha wewe unakuwa chanzo cha msaada na furaha kwake, jitahidi asifikirie msaada wowote nje yako iwe wa kimawazo au hata hali na mali. Iwapo utafanikisha hili mtaimgia kipindi cha tatu kinachoitwa kutafuta uhalali hapo atajitahidi awe na mamlaka ya uhalali juu yako ili faida zote nilizo zitaja hapo juu ziwe zake peke yake(kumbuka binadamu ni wabinafsi kwa asili). kipindi hiki kwako kitakuwa ni cha neema kwa maana itabidi yote uliyoyafanya a reciprocate ili umhalalishe na hapo bata zote utapewa. Kifupi kwa watu mlioishi kipindi kirefu bila kuona kama wewe ni rahisi sana kuona maendeleo ya hatua hizi za mahusiano kwa sababu mnakuwa mmejuana tabia vilivyo tofauti na wale wa voda fasta. Ushauri wangu ni bora kabla haujachukua hatua yeyote ujiulize tu iwapo huyo ndi chaguo lako au la, iwapo ndio mwenyewe usisite kufanya hayo niliyokueleza na iwapo si chaguo lako muache mwenyewe akuache kwani huo ndio muelekeo iwapo atakosa response ya kumvuta kwako. Nakaribisha maswali kwa ufafanuzi.
     
  3. Asprin

    Asprin JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Oct 1, 2009
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    Brother hongera kwa kuwa bado hujafunga ndoa. Sasa wazo la kufunga ndoa liweke kando. Anza mipango ya kumtafuta right partner. Kwa huyo, kwa jinsi ulivyosema, hapo hamna mke bali migogoro. Kuna mabinti lukuki wenye heshima na hadhi zao wanatafuta wanaume kama wewe. Wake up man, watafute achana na huyo ambaye ameshaanza kuuvunja moyo wako.

    Kwa experience yangu ndogo, kipindi cha uchumba, wachumba huficha makali yao. Sasa huyo kayaonyesha kabla ya ndoa na wewe bado unaumiza kichwa chako. Achana naye!!! Stuka!
     
  4. Kweli

    Kweli JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Oct 1, 2009
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    My advice:
    Usipoteze muda,mpige na chini na usepe, hakitooleweka kitu itakuwa kila siku ni longolongo, tulia kwa muda bro na utafute mwengine taratibu.
    I've been there, done that!
     
  5. Kapinga

    Kapinga JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Oct 1, 2009
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    Namwita waifu coz it kinda feels like that...na ushauri wako umeenda shule..ngoja nisikie na wengine wanasemaje!
     
  6. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Oct 1, 2009
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    Pole sana Mkuu Kapinga kwa haya matatizo. Kuhusu ndoa kama ulikuwa unakusudia kuifanya hivi karibuni basi itakuwa vizuri kuiahirisha na kutafuta suluhisho la matatizo katika mahusiano yenu. Maana kwenda kujiingiza kwenye ndoa ambayo mwenzako ameshakwambia kwamba hayuko happy ni kujitafutia matatizo makubwa na kuna uwezekano ndoa yenu haitadumu.

    Inaelekea bado unampenda mwenzio kiasi cha kuweza kumsamehe makosa yake. Kwa hiyo jaribu kukaa naye chini ili kwanza kujaribu kumsupport kama anavyotaka yeye na ujue ni support ipi ambayo anaizungumzia pia kuhusu kutomsikiliza labda akupe mifano hai ya kuonyesha ni vipi humsikilizi na wewe uone kama uko tayari kubadilika na kuanza kumsikiliza.

    Kama mkishindwa kutatua matatizo hayo yaliyo mbele yenu basi labda mtafute msaada wa wataalamu wa mambo ya mahusiano hasa kama mko nje ya nchi labda wanaweza kuwasaidia, vinginevyo you have to move on with your life.
     
  7. Bishanga

    Bishanga JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Oct 1, 2009
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    Mai Broda,duniani hakuna kitu kinatesa moyo kama kuingia ndoa bila roho yako kuwa kwatu,maana ukisha saini tu ndo unaye huyo 24/7x365! Mazee kama ni mimi nachimba!
     
  8. Iteitei Lya Kitee

    Iteitei Lya Kitee JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Oct 2, 2009
    Joined: Jan 2, 2008
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    Naona wachangiaji wengi wanasisitiza break up,mie binafsi sioni kama break up is only solution for this problem.WAT U NEED TO DO BRODA ni kukaa chini na binti,mwulize why she is unhappy,na je ufanyeje ili awe happy.Ukizingatia umesema kua before ulikua na mabinti na ukatubia sasa wewe how sure kua yeye amekusamehe vya kutosha na kasahau.AU BADO ANAONA KUA IKO SIKU UTAMKIMBIA TENA,find a problem 1st then come to solution.I dont thnk breakin up is the best solution aftr all that time u've been toghther,jaribu kurekebishana kwani ni kawaida mapenzi kupanda na kushuka.
    GOODLUCK
     
  9. S

    Stephano Member

    #9
    Oct 2, 2009
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    mimi imeshawahi kunitokea aliponiambia kuwa hayuko happy alimaanisha kuwa hana mpango na mimi sema alikuwa anajishauri jinsi ya kunipiga chini ukizingatia kuwa nilimsomesha five na six na CBE nafsi ikawa inamsuta kuniacha kirahisi. mi nakushauri umuelewe, inawezekana hayuko happy kwa maana anataka akajaribu kwingine maana wangu alikuwa hivyo kumbe kuna jamaa anapiga hadi tulipokuja kutengana kwa safari kurudi ndo nikajua picha halisi na nikashukuru Mungu ameniepushia maana hata yule mwizi wangu alijachemka. so wanawake wananjia yao ya kuelezea vitu huenda anakwambia hakuhitaji tena. mpe muda aamue hisia zake
     
  10. Kivumah

    Kivumah JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Oct 2, 2009
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    life can only be understood backward but it must be lived forward.
    fanya hivi: zungumza na rafiki yake wa karibu wakae nae in a normal talk amuhoji kwanini she isn't feelin happy abt u,amdadisi na kumchimba vzr then aje akueleze the reason behind.usikute anaona aibu kukueleza wewe why, straight.kwa mfano labda humridhishi in bed etc.ni mfano mazeeeee.good luck
     
  11. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 2, 2009
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    Ndugu yangu..mbona hii ni hali ya kawaida sana katika mahusiano!
    Mmeshakaa miaka 5 japo hamjafunga ndoa.Hebu jiulize kama mmngekuwa mmeshafunga ndoa, hili halingetokea? Jibu ni kuwa ingetokea tu.Kinachotokea kwenu sasa hivi ni kukomaa kwa uhusiano wenu ambapo kila mmoja na hasa mwenzio anajiskia huru kueleza kilicho moyoni mwake.Im sure hata wewe kuna vitu uko huru sana kuvifanya/kuvisema kwa mwenzio na kama angeulizwa hapa ataje vitu unavyomkera navyo huenda majibu yake yangekushangaza.

    Unachotakiwa kufanya kama bado mnapendana siyo kukimbia tatizo bali ni kuhimili kishindo na kutafuta suluhisho kama walivyoshauri wasemaji waliotangulia.Tafuta ni eneo lipi anahitaji msaada wako, kuwa mskivu zaidi maana wanawake wanapenda sana uwasikilize wanapokuambia yanayowasumbua, muonyeshe unamjali,na pia tafuteni muda mkae muambiane ukweli kuhusu positive na negatives za kila mmoja.

    Ukiamua kufuata ushauri wa kusepa na kumwacha, huenda ukapata mwanamke ambaye atakupa majuto maisha yako yote na kila mara utabaki ukifanya rejea kwa huyu unayetaka kumwacha.

    Mwisho wa siku wanawake (na huenda wanaume) wote wako sawa, kuna tofauti ndogondogo ambazo unaweza kuzi fine-tune.Unafikiri kwanini watu huamua kukomaa na watu wao walioanza nao mbali?...Kumzoea mtu na tabia zake ni process ndefu inayohitaji uvumilivu, kujitoa, kuvumilia na pia ubunifu.Uko tayari kwenda kuanza moja tena?

    HAKUNA UHUSIANO ULIO PROBLEM-FREE asikudanganye mtu.Uliza wenye uzoefu watakuambia.
     
  12. Kapinga

    Kapinga JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Oct 2, 2009
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    Ahsante..im on it!
     
  13. Sajenti

    Sajenti JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Oct 2, 2009
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    ...Kweli tupu...Mungu amekuonyesha mapema achana nae atakuvuruga!!
     
  14. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 2, 2009
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    no my dear mie nadhani ni wewe na yeye sasa mkae mpeane misimamo yenu ya maisha muda wa kuzunguka uloyo uloyo na kwingineko upo tu ,kama kuna mapungufu yaongelewe
    ila kama kuna uwezekano wa nyie kufunga ndoa rasmi na takatifu ifanyike,
    Mie nafurahi kama umekuwa mwaminifu kwa mwenzio baada ya kukubali kubadilika sijui huyo sisteri anataka nini bado - unajua mausiano yakikosa uaminifu huwa inaumiza sana
    habu introduce marriage bwana kama yuko willing - sisi tupo tutasimamia :)
    na sie kina dada tunapenda tuwekwe ndani pamanenti bwana - commitment
     
  15. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Oct 2, 2009
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    hapana kwa nini unamshauri mwenzio vibaya ..kama binti aliweza kumvumilia kijana wakati akiwa bado anapenda totoz iweje sasa asimvumilie
    kaka muoaji huyo ndo wife wako usiwasikilize hawa watakupotosha :)
     
  16. u

    uporoto01 JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Oct 2, 2009
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    Hapa umenena ki-'firstlady',hii story kidogo initoe machozi huyu dada ni mtu mwema aliyeumizwa na amesema ukweli wake hapa jamaa zidisha mapenzi na ukarimu juu yake umsahaulishe maovu yako.
     
  17. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Oct 2, 2009
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    Muungwana ILK,

    Baada ya ndugu yetu Kapinga kufahamu tatizo lililopo linalomfanya shemeji yetu kuwa "unhappy" na kujaribu kila awezalo ili kumsikiliza na kumsupport labda kwa kipindi cha miezi sita au hata mwaka na baada ya muda wote huo Shemeji yetu bado akawa hajaridhika na "still unhappy". What is the point of Kapinga wasting his precious time kumpigia gita mbuzi wakati unajua fika hataucheza huo wimbo unaompigia gitaa!? Ukijitahidi kadri ya uwezo wako ili kuhakikisha matatizo yaliyopo katika uhusiano wenu yanaisha au hata kupungua lakini huoni mafanikio yoyote, then IMO it is time to move on.
     
  18. Y

    YE JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Oct 2, 2009
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    1STLADY Picha hiyo...lah
     
  19. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Oct 2, 2009
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    Ha ha ha ha ha sema sasa mbona unapata kigugumizi ;)...LOL!....umehusudisha eh!?
     
  20. n

    najma Member

    #20
    Oct 2, 2009
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    kweli wahitaji ushauli ila mimi kama mwanamke naona uyo binti anaweza akajirekebisha na mkaendelea na maisha ya furaha unajuwa nini nini zaidi wanaume mnajisahau sana kwa wapendwa wenu nina exeperience na hilo na kingine umechukuwa mda mrefu sana kuamua suala la ndoa kwaiyo inawezekana akawa ajiamini akaamua kuangalia ustaarabu mwingine unajuwa ndoa nio firt priority kwa mwanamke yeyote ile, kingine wanaume muwa wasili sana kitu icho ndio kinachotufanya tuvunje imani nanyi ndio maana akakwambia kama vile umjali, means that umshirikishi na kazalika kwa kila jambo we fell proud kama mwanaume wako atakushirikisha ilo nalo linaweza kuwa tatizo , so usivunjike moyo ingea nae muulize what matter akishindwa kukwambia mtafute rafiki au ndugu wa karibu , kusepa is not a big solution sababu all most women are equal we differ in certain creteria ni vizuri kuishi na mtu uliemfahamu kuliko kuliaccept zimwi jipya.
    ni kweli ni wanawake wengi cos wanataka ndoa they can pretend to be a faithfull but ni chui alievaa ngozi ya kondoo
    naamini hekima busara ni kitu chamuimu na mungu atakufanyia wepesi
     
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