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Re: Vichekesho nane vya nguvu. Enjoy...

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Wambuzi, Jun 18, 2012.

  1. W

    Wambuzi JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Nov 25, 2011
    Messages: 554
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    Trophy Points: 45
    Mwizi wa atm

    Jamaa aliibiwa kadi yake ya benk akaulizwa kama ameripoti polisi akajibu "sijaripoti bado, mwizi mwenyewe hamfikii matumizi kama mke wangu.

    Cheka kidogo

    Njia rahisi kusahau matatizo yako (japo kwa muda mfupi) vaa viatu vinavyokubana.

    Mlizi mbio mbio

    Tulikuwa bar moja jana mlinzi kaingia spidi, akamwambia jamaa mmoja aliyekaa kaunta, Mlinzi: Mzee gari lako limeibiwa Mzee: Umemtambua aliyeiba? Mlinzi: Hapana lakini nimeandika namba za gari hizi hapa.

    13, 13...


    Jamaa alikuwa anapita nje ya wodi ya vichaa akasikia mtu anasema, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13,..... akaamua kuchungulia kwenye kitundu alichokiona ajue kuna nini, ile kuchungulia tu akamwagiwa mchanga wa machoni, sauti ikabadili ikaanza 14,14,14,14,14......

    WATAALAM

    Jamaa alikuwa anaumwa sana, mkewe akamwita daktari, alipofika akamkuta jamaa kafumba macho;
    Dokta: Huyu mbona amekwisha kufa?
    Jamaa: Sijafa bwana
    Mke: Hebu nyamaza bwana acha kubishana na wataalamu.

    Ya leo mgonjwa


    Dokta alipotembelea wodi ya mgonjwa wake aliyepata ajali. Mgonjwa akiwa amening'inizwa mikono juu akauliza "dokta ntaweza kweli kupiga kinanda nkitoka hospitali?"
    Dokta: Bila shaka utaweza, wewe ni mpiga kinanda mzuri enh?
    Mgonjwa: Hapana sijawahi kabisa bado.

    4WD


    Mwanaume alimnunulia pete ya almasi mkewe, rafiki akauliza "si ulisema anapenda gari yenye four wheel drive, mbona umenunua pete?" Mume akajibu "unadhani wapi ntapata rav4 feki?"

    Ajali ilivyotokea


    Trafiki polisi akihoji palipotokea ajali "ahaa! Sasa naanza elewa embu nielezee jinsi ajali ilivyotokea wewe ukiwa kama dereva mhusika." Dereva akajibu "hata sikumbuki nlifumba macho"

    Faini ya kukojoa

    Polisi alimdaka jamaa anakojoa pembezoni mwa ukuta.
    Polisi: Wewe unajua panakatazwa kukojoa hapa?
    Jamaa: Sasa nimebanwa nifanyaje?
    Polisi: Faini yake elfu tano.
    Jamaa akatoa noti ya elfu 10.
    Polisi: Sasa chenji tunaipataje?
    Jamaa: Tafuta chenji unipe changu.
    Polisi: Basi kojoa tena...

    Mume anaenda kazini

    Jamaa kaamka asubuhi sana Jumamosi, mvua inanyesha kang'ang'ania kuwa anaenda ofisini. Kawasha gari yake, kufika njiani hali ilikuwa mbaya kaamua kurudi. Kafika home kavua nguo kaingia tena kitandani, kamnong'oneza mkewe aliyekuwa usingizini; "Yaani hali ya hewa huko nje mbaya sana" Mke: Si ndio nimemshangaa huyu mpumbavu eti kaenda kazini...

    Hasira za mtoto

    Baba na mtoto:
    Baba: Mwanangu ukiwa na hasira unafanya nini?
    Mtoto: Naenda chooni.
    Baba: Chooni? Kufanya nini?
    Mtoto: Kusafisha.
    Baba: Halafu ndio hasira zinaisha?
    Mtoto: Ndio. Nasafisha choo kwa mswaki wako.

    Mgonjwa na Dokta


    Mgonjwa: Dokta nimekuja nahisi ninaumwa Malaria na kifua.
    Dokta: Sasa ushajua unaumwa nini hapa umefuata nini kwangu?
    Mgonjwa: Sasa si nimekuja kwa dokta.
    Dokta: Wanaojua kuwa wanaumwa kama wewe wanapitiliza maabara.

    Pilau la bachela


    Bachela mmoja aliyekua akiishi kwa muda mrefu peke yake kwenye nyumba aliyopanga siku moja alitaka kupika pilau kwa mara ya kwanza. Sasa asijue nini kinachobadilisha rangi ya wali kuwa rangi ya brown, yeye akapika kama kawaida (wali) kisha wakati wa kula akavaa miwani yenye rangi ambayo ukiuangalia wali unauona kama pilau wakati anakula.

    Mwizi na chizi

    Mwizi kaiba TV na kuanza kukimbia nayo, kumbe ile nyumba mlikuwa na chizi, akaanza kumkimbiza yule mwizi. Kila mwizi akiongeza mbio chizi nae huyo, mwishowe mwizi akasalimu amri na kusimama, yule chizi akamsogelea na kumwambia.. Daah umesahau remote hii hapa mwizi kafleti.

    Chemsha bongo

    Baba akimuuliza chemsha bongo mwanae anayesoma shule ya chekechea "haya niambie kitu gani hakiwezi kuliwa wakati wa breakfast?" Mtoto akajibu "hiyo mbona rahisi baba, si lunch na dinner"
     
  2. Badu

    Badu JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Jun 2, 2012
    Messages: 354
    Likes Received: 0
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    Teh! Teh! Teh! Teh! Teh!
     
  3. sister

    sister JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Nov 23, 2011
    Messages: 7,960
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    Acha tucheke..........kwikwikwi.
     
  4. WAHEED SUDAY

    WAHEED SUDAY JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Jun 24, 2011
    Messages: 6,215
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    Nashukuru wameee, nimecheka
     
  5. W

    Wambuzi JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Nov 25, 2011
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    Pamoja sana ndugu yangu Jumapili Waheed
     
  6. Daudi Mchambuzi

    Daudi Mchambuzi JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Nov 25, 2010
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    Sikutegemea kucheka hivi kwa siku ya leo.

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9700 using JamiiForums
     
  7. Domowazi

    Domowazi JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Feb 1, 2012
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    Asee ngoja nicheke...
     
  8. b

    bigbumper Member

    #8
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Apr 9, 2011
    Messages: 56
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    Hahahahaha mngejua nachocheka
     
  9. N

    Neylu JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: May 28, 2012
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    Hahahaaaaaa...Kwa kweli mimi umenichekesha sana..Nilikuwa nacheka mwanzo mpaka mwisho...Safi sana.
     
  10. Kilahunja

    Kilahunja JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Dec 19, 2011
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    Uyo mtoto wa kusafisha choo kwa mswak wa dadii yake ni noumah..kwikwikwi
     
  11. Kiranja Mkuu

    Kiranja Mkuu JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Jun 18, 2012
    Joined: Feb 18, 2010
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    mbona hujaweka vichekesho?
     
  12. kijembeee

    kijembeee JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Jun 19, 2012
    Joined: Jun 6, 2012
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    utachekaje kama bandama lako mchina?
    vya kuchesha hucheki,unacheka tu kwa kufata mkumbo
    the storiz are funy
     
  13. KML

    KML JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Jun 19, 2012
    Joined: Apr 2, 2012
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    jamaa we noma nimecheka sana na watu wa oficn hapa
    hahahahahahaha...
     
  14. Pasco_jr_ngumi

    Pasco_jr_ngumi JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Jun 19, 2012
    Joined: Nov 20, 2010
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    Rahaaaaaaaa umenipa!!!!!$$$
     
  15. kookolikoo

    kookolikoo JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Jun 19, 2012
    Joined: Mar 9, 2012
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    dadii alikuwa hasikii tofauti akitumia mswaki uliosafisha choo?
     
  16. Swts

    Swts JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Jun 19, 2012
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    Hahahah ama kweli,usishindane na doctor
     
  17. Sabry001

    Sabry001 JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Jun 19, 2012
    Joined: Jun 28, 2011
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    kidogo ntapike! Nnavowachapaga watoto itabidi mswaki nianze kutembea nao. Teh!
     
  18. W

    Wambuzi JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Jun 20, 2012
    Joined: Nov 25, 2011
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    we hujaviona eenh meno ngiri??? endelea kusubiri mkuu
     
  19. mimixoxo

    mimixoxo Member

    #19
    Jun 20, 2012
    Joined: Jan 7, 2011
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    Hahahahaha nimeipenda hiyo ya faini ya kukojoa na mgonjwa na doctor. Nice ones.
     
  20. Ally Kombo

    Ally Kombo Verified User

    #20
    Jun 20, 2012
    Joined: Nov 11, 2010
    Messages: 11,408
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    ............ile ya kubanwa na viatu ! Chukulia unatembea kwa mguu huna pesa ya taxi wala ya Daladala ! Usipimeee!
     
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