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Please...sema hata neno tu, waweza kumuokoa huyu mama!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Dark City, Dec 14, 2010.

  1. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Hii ni story ya mwanamke mmoja ambaye nimekutana naye katika harakati za kupeana ushauri wa kutatua matatizo yanayotusibu katika mahusiano. Amekubali niiweke hapa ili kupata maoni ya wadau. Matatizo yake ni mengi sana ila kwa ufupi ni kama ifuatavyo:

    1. Suala na unyumba katika ndoa yao yenye umri wa karibia miaka 4 wakiwa na watoto 2, limekumbwa na ukame wa ajabu. Wanashiriki tendo la ndoa kama mara 2 tu kwa mwezi na ni lazima mume atake. Mwanamke akiomba anaambiwa kuwa mume hawezi kufanya tendo la ndoa mara kwa mara. Wakati wa uchumba wao na siku za awali za ndoa yao, walikuwa wakishiriki tendo la ndoa hata zaidi ya mara 2 kwa week na wote waliliridhika na kufurahia tendo hilo. Hali ilianza kubadilika baada ya kama miaka 2 hivi. Mbaya zaidi hata kama mmoja akirudi safari baada ya kukaa kwa muda mrefu kiasi cha week nzima au zaidi, bado hakuna uhakika wa tendo la ndoa!

    2. Mawasiliano ndani ya nyumba hasa hasa yale ya kimahaba nalo limekuwa tatizo. Yaani ni kama vile wanaishi maktaba. Muda mwingi mume akiwa nyumbani anacheza na simu yake akituma na kupokea sms kutoka kwa watu tofauti. Pia mume akiwa nje na jamaa wengine anakuwa mchangamfu sana, akiongea na vicheko juu.
    3. Vitu vingi vya mume vimefunigiwa katika mkoba (brief case) wenye password ambayo mke hajui. Pia mume anazo account za benki ambazo mke wake hazijui kabisa. Na simu za mume zimewekewa password ingawa vitu vyote vya mke ikiwemo simu, account za bank n.k viko wazi na mume anavivinjari wakati wowote anaopenda.

    4. Ni nadra kwa mume kukubali na kusifia (to appreciate) kitu alichokifanya mke. Na mara nyingi anamkatisha tamaa katika mipango yake anayomshirikisha.

    Kutokana na haya matatizo na mengine mengi, huyo mama amekosa raha muda mrefu na aliwahi kufikiria kujidhuru (got closer to attempt suicide) ila kwa sasa ameamua kutafuta ushauri ama wa kuokoa ndoa au maisha yake. Amesali sana, amfeunga sana na kubadili makanisa kama nguo za mashidano ya mavazi lakini bado nazunguka pale pale. Kwa hiyo wadau nawaomba ushauri wenu ili niongeze kwenye package ya counseling ninayoendelea nayo kwa sasa.

    Wasalaam, ....Babu DC
     
  2. FarLeftist

    FarLeftist JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Haya ni matatizo makubwa, ila kwa swala kama hili inatakiwa tupate maelezo kutoka kwa upande wa huyo mume pia, je kama anasababu yoyote ya kufanya hayo anayofanya, vinginevyo itakua ngumu kuwasaidia hao watu.
    ila anchofanya huyo mwanaume ni kinyume na maadili ya ndoa na inawezekana kabisa akawa na nyumba ndogo, vikao vya wanandugu wa karibu vinaweza kusaidia.
     
  3. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Natoa pole sn kwa mama huyu.
    Kuna familia nyingi sana zenye shida ya namna hii, lakini wengi wanaamua kujikalia kimya na kuchukulia ndio maisha ya ndoa na usiri wake.
    Ukweli, kurudisha hii hali kwenye normal ni kazi nzito kdogo na ni mchakato, yaani huwez kuirudisha overnight. Hapo ukimfuatilia sana huyu mume lazima atagundulika kuwa na extramarital affair mahala...ila inataka kwenda taratibu sana.
     
  4. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Ni kweli ila sasa hatuna jinsi yoyote ya kumpata huyo mume. Kwa hiyo tulichonacho ni maelezo ya mke. Hata hivyo nashukuru kwa maoni yako.
     
  5. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Mkuu Dc pole sana kwa kazi ya ushauri

    Nionavyo mimi ni kwamba huyo mama aangalie pia yeye amekosea waoi au wapi ameshindwa kuwa mbunifu zaidi

    Kuhama makanisa, haisaidii, kwenda kwa waganga, haisaidii....na hasa kama mume akijua hayo ndo itakuwa mbaya zaid....huenda pia huko makanisani kunamkeep busy sana kiasi kwamba:

    • Hana muda wa kumpikia mumewe
    • Hana muda wa kumfulia (si ajabu kazi hizo anafanya HG)
    • Hana muda wa kujiweka vizuri kama mwanzoni
    Lakini pia, tatizo nililoliona ni usiri ambao upo, kwa mfano kwneye briefcase, kwa nini kuna siri kiasi hicho...yeye mke alijuaje kama mume ana account za siri? cause hapo ni tatizo, la msingi sasa akae naye chini kama walivoanzaga kutongozana wayazungumze, BILA kuzungumza wao wawili hakuna atakayewapatanisha na wala asitegmee miujiza ya kina kwa msukule sijui kwa ufufuo....
     
  6. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Kama itagundulika kuwa ndivyo,basi ni rahisi kdogo kuandaa approach ya kumkalisha na kumuuliza, tofauti na hivyo ataruka kiunzi na kukataa kbsa.
    Huo ni upande mmoja wa baba, lkn labda mama nae ana matatizo yake ambayo hajasema?...
     
  7. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Asante sana PJ kwa maoni yako. Hata mimi nakubaliana na wewe kwamba huu ni mlima mrefu sana kuukwea. Ni kweli kwamba mume ana mahusiano nje na mke wake keshaona ushahidi kibao wa SMS na matendo mengi ya kutia shaka. Ila mume akiulizwa anakuwa mkali sana. Mume ndiye aliyemhangaikia sana huyo mama wakati wa ku-date. Mama anashindwa kujua amemkosea nini mume wake!
     
  8. Pearl

    Pearl JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Dec 14, 2010
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    "Amelaaniwa yule amtumainie mwanadam"matatizo haya si yy peke yake,wako watu wengi sana miaka ya sasa,waume kwa wake,yy aendelee kuwa mke mwema mwenye kuitunza na kuipenda familia yake,kumpa mumewe huduma kila kinyongo.chakula,maji mipango etc(najua ni ngum sana)lkn pia aangalie wapi alipokosea yy kama mke,kuomba ushauri ni jambo jema maana ndio hasa anapopata Amani ndani ya moyo wake,lkn pia aangalie si kila mtu ni wa kuomba ushauri.Kila mtu aliletwa duniani kwa dhumuni la Mungu na si mwanadam hivyo amtangulize Mungu ktk kila jambo na aamini kila kitu kina mwisho wake.Pole sana Mama.
     
  9. Kimbweka

    Kimbweka JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 14, 2010
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    Warudi kanisani/ msikitini wakapate ushuri kwa Mchungaji/Padre/ Shekhe
     
  10. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 14, 2010
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    Ahsante sana Mkuu,

    Mama anafanya kazi na yuko busy sana kwa hiyo hapotezi muda mwingi kanisani. Ila anasema anajitahidi mwisho wa week kuhakikisha anafanya kazi za home mwenyewe ikiwemo kupika n.k. Anachoshangaa ni kuwa kama kuna wageni wanaweza kusifia usafi wa nyumba, chakula n.k ila mume hata siku moja hawezi! Inamuuma sana huyo mama!
     
  11. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Ahsante sana P,

    Huyu mama anasema ameishi miaka yote hiyo na hajawahi kumsimulia mtu yeyote mambo yake hadi alipoamua kunisimulia mimi baada ya kukutana kwenye net. Amejitahidi sana na anasema anampenda mume wako. Hata akisafiri lazima atamfuatilia kwe sms nzuri na kumpigia simu. Ila mume akipiga basi kuna shida au kuna kitu anataka kuuliza. Na anasema sms kutoka kwa mume wake ziko dry sana zaidi ya amri ya afande!
     
  12. BelindaJacob

    BelindaJacob JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Tatizo ni watu kuvumilia vitu visivyovumilika. Yaani bora kuwa kwenye ndoa isiyo na raha wala amani kuliko kuwa mwenyewe?mbona hii ngumu sana..sasa kama hawawasiliani kabisa, watawezaje kutatua magumu kwenye ndoa zao?mwishowe inakuwa mazoea na kuwa kama maadui..
    Mimi nampa tu pole na pia anaweza kuwa anampenda mumewe kumbe mumewe hana upendo nae. inauma sana hii!
     
  13. M

    Msindima JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Hapo Dc ulitakiwa kupata maelezo ya pande zote mbili, kuna watu nawafahamu nao ilikua hivyo hivyo,huyo mama akawa haishi kutupa lawama kwa mumewe mara kanifanyia hivi mara hivi,siku moja tukaja kupata upande wa pili wa jamaa, unajua tuligundua mengi sana, kwa hiyo nadhani ungepata na upande wa pili ingesaidia sana ili hata mtu anapotoa ushauri anajua aanzie wapi.
     
  14. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 14, 2010
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    Ni kweli ndugu yangu. Ila huyu mama nimekutana naye online kama wewe na mimi. Kwa hiyo hakuna jinsi ya kupata upande wa pili. Kama kina kitu tunaweza kumshauri basi tukitoe kutegemeana na hizi taarifa tulizonazo. Hata hivyo angalizo unalolitoa ni muhimu sana.
     
  15. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 14, 2010
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    kumbe upo Da Mcndma? mambo ye2 ni leo, sawa eeh?

    Sasa Msindima umeongea point sana. kijonalizm, hiyo tunaita kubalansi story. Unaweza kukuta kum
     
  16. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Dec 14, 2010
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    BJ, inaonekana huyu mama amepata taabu sana. Kuishi zaidi ya miaka 2 na mtu ambaye ni mzazi mwenzio lakini anakufanya kama love toy. Mwanzoni tulipoanza kuwasiliana kwa simu huyu mama alikuwa analia sana na ilikuwa vigumu kupata hata hizi taarifa hadi baada ya kumpa moyo kwamba anaweza kubadilisha maisha yake akiamua. Kwa sasa ana ujasiri zaidi na ndiyo maana kakubali tutafute maoni zaidi ya wadau!
     
  17. F

    Ferds JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 14, 2010
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    ushauri wangu upo katika maeneo haya

    1- Asiache kumlilia Mungu ili ampe suluhisho lililo sahihi aendelee kusali kwani Mungu hamtupi mja wake kwa maana hata Upendo Nkone ametuasisitiza kuwa "zipo faida kumsikiliza roho........ zipo faida tukiomba na kusubiri.......... maana Mungu hachelewi wala hawahi........... endelea kusubiri majibu yako yanakuja..........", kaimba mwanamama Upendo Nkone c maneno yangu hayo. Akimwacha Mungu shetani atampa suluhisho bovu ( refer post moja mme alikuwa na nyumba ndogo akatelekeza family mke nae akapata wa kumcare na mme alipoamua kuitengeza ndoa ikiwa ni kigugumizi)

    2- Afanye uchunguzi wa kina kwa nini mume wake anakuwa na tabia za namna hiyo ambazo labda mwanzoni hakuwa nazo, wapi yeye kama mke amekosea au hatimizi wajibu wake kama mke, mama nk

    3- Achukulie iyo hali kuwa ni ya kawaida na hayupo peke yake ktk matatizo hayo ili aweze kuwa na approach nzuri wakatiakitafuta ushauri, akipanic anapoteza kila kitu

    Mwisho ni kuwa mpe pole sana na achukulie kuwa hayo ni mapito"THAT TOO SHALL PASS"
     
  18. JS

    JS JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Dec 14, 2010
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    Mawasiliano baina yao ni muhimu sana, mawasiliano katika ndoa ni kitu cha muhimu sana. Too bad huyo mume wake haonyeshi hata interest ya kutatua matatizo au mambo ambayo mke anafanya na hayampendezi. sasa mama wa watu maskini amebaki kuhangaika. Kama ni wakristu waende kanisani kwa mlezi wao mama aanzishe hiyo kama waislamu the same thing msikitini kwa sheikh aeleze matatizo hayo. na pia wawashirikishe wasimamizi wao wa ndoa katika hili.

    Kama vipi, si lazima kukaa hapo bwana inaonekana mama anajiweza kimaisha ana kazi na anaweza kujitegemea bila huyo mume. aondoke zake tu taratibu bila kelele. abebe wanae akawalee. siku zote najisemeaga kuliko nikae kwenye ndoa isiyo na raha kila siku mtu upo kama haupo nobody gives a damn about what you doing, whatever you do to impress the other half hata hajali.....aaaaaaahhh wapi naondoka zangu sio lazima. si rahisi kukaa nyumba isiyo na mapenzi mnalala chumba kimoja lakini hamuongei whats the use....!!!uvumilivu nao una mwisho wake ati.

    Asimsahau Mungu aendelee kumuomba na mpe pole sana mama yetu.
     
  19. Mpevu

    Mpevu JF-Expert Member

    #19
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    Ni vema angerejea/wangerejea katika mafundisho ya dini zao juu ya MAISHA YA NDOA, bali pia huyo mama angeegemea sana katika kumuomba God/Allah ili ampe ahueni ya yanayomsibu.
    Ustahimilivu na subra njema ndio suluhisho la wepesi wa yanayomsibu nae mume atapata dhihirisho la matendo yake maovu kwa mkewe, pasipo bughudha atajirudi na kubaini usaliti wake kwa kiumbe mkewe.

    Nawasilisha.
     
  20. Dark City

    Dark City JF-Expert Member

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    Dec 14, 2010
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    Asante JS,

    Nimewahi kusikiliza hadithi za watu ila ya huyu mama imenipita umri. Mama anatamani kuondoka ila anaumia wanae watakua bila baba yao. Ila baba mwenyewe yuko busy na mambo ya nje kuliko ya ndani. Huwezi kuamini, anasema wanalala pamoja hata week 2 bila kujali kama kuna baridi kiasi gani lakini baba haoneshi hamu kabisa kwa mke!

    Binafsi nilipoanza kumsikiliza live nilishindwa kujizuia ..machozi yalinitiririka kama chizi..Hii dunia ina vituko!
     
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