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Penzi-kipato= mgogoro (?)

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mbu, Jun 18, 2008.

  1. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    Kwa jamii nyingi hasa za kiafrika, hata nyumbani Tanzania, bado inaonekana ni jukumu lako mume kutimiza kama si yote, basi kwa asilimia kubwa mahitaji ya mkeo na watoto, pamoja na nyumba kwa ujumla.

    Wakati huo huo, wanawake wengi sasa sehemu mbali mbali duniani ikiwamo Tanzania, baadhi mmekuwa na uwezo mkubwa tu kifedha kuliko waume zenu.

    mfano; Mke unakuwa na cheo kikubwa kuliko mumeo, mke unakuwa na mshahara mkubwa kuliko mume, au mke unakuwa na uwezo mkubwa kimaisha kuliko mumeo!


    Huenda hili linatokana na haki sawa mnazozipata kwenye elimu, kazi, madaraka na hata wale mnaomudu kufanya biashara kubwa...

    Je, mabadiliko haya yanaathari zipi katika ndoa, ...na je? njia zipi zinafaa kuepusha migogoro, ili mume nawe 'ujisikie/ajiskie ni mwanaume' nyumbani kwenu?

     
  2. Steve Dii

    Steve Dii JF-Expert Member

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    Mchongoma, once again, topic close to my heart, BRAVO!!
    -- Naomba uvute subira, nitashiriki kutoa mawaidha yangu baadae katika maswali uliyo ambatanisha.

    Thanks

    SteveD.
     
  3. H

    Haika JF-Expert Member

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    Ni migogoro mikubwa sana.
    Inabidi muwe thabiti, kitu ambacho si rahisi. Mume akiwa na inferiority complex tu balaa, au mke akiwa na superiority compex inakuja balaa.
    Kuepusha migogoro ni kujaribu kuwa muwazi kwa mwezio kabla ya tukio.
    Yani wakati wa uchumba, umfahamishe unachukuliaje fedha, majukumu ya kifedha, na mambo yote unayodhani ni muhimu kwako na mtazamo wako kifedha. Mtazame reaction yake ya maneno au matendo, bora kinga kuliko tiba.
    Mfano bora uwe wazi kabisa kwamba hupendi kazi ya kuajiriwa ambayo nio ya masaa mengi, safari, au hupendi aajiriwe kabisa. Hii ni muhimu kwani kujidai unakwenda na wakati, wakati roho inakuuma, baada ya miaka kadhaa utashindwa kuvumilia na gubu litaanza tu.
    Mjue mchumba kadiri inavyowezekana na zingatia anachokuambia, kama unakubaliana na matakwa yake, iwe ni lifetime commitment. usijemchanganya tena baadae eti sikujua utapanda cheo, au utangagania kupeleka watoto international school. etc.
    Belive me hii ni migogoro ambayo haina solution kabisaaaa.
    bora kujihami mapema.
    JADILINI MITAZAMO YENU YA FEDHA KABLA YA NDOA.
     
  4. Kevo

    Kevo JF-Expert Member

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    Nadhani Mwanaume akubali tu kwamba the Woman is slightly higher than he is na mwanamke has to maintain her role in the family and having selfrespect as well as respect to the husband.
    For as long as love exists.
    Love conquers all boundaries.
     
  5. Triplets

    Triplets JF-Expert Member

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    Heshima zenu wakuu

    baada ya kufunga ndoa ( na kipindi chote cha uchumba) mume wangu alikuwa na income kubwa kuliko mimi na yeye ndio alikuwa kiongozi wa maswala ya budget, hilo halikuwa tatizo kwangu wala kwake

    baadae nilipandishwa cheo kazini mshara wangu ukawa mkubwa kumzidi. kwa bahati mbaya kifedha mambo hayakwenda vizuri upande wake, kipato chake kika pungua kiasi cha kutoweza ku support familia,

    mume wangu akakosa raha, kukawa na dalili za insecurity upande wake.
    Ili kuepusha migogoro, nikawa nampa mshahara wangu ili aendelee kuwa incharge kama ilivyokuwa mwanzo. kwa kweli ilisaidia sana

    kwa mtazamo wangu, mume akiwa na inferioty complex kwenye maswala ya pesa, migogoro haiwezi kuepukwa.
     
  6. Single D

    Single D JF-Expert Member

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    Hizi changes za mshiko zinaleta songombingo sana mama akiwa nazo njulu nyingi na wakati huo mume kalamba galasa katika kipato.
    Nyumba nyingi wamezoea kuona Dingi ndo incharge wa masuala ya kuhudumia kila kitu,sasa masuala yanapomwendea vizuri mama kumkatia baba kidogo kidogo,hapo ndipo sokomoko.
    Mbali kwamba ndoa ni penzi na pendo lakini si rahisi kwa afrika mume ambaye ni hoi kifedha kuoa mke ambaye ni kibopa,lakini ni rahisi mume kibopa kumwoa dada ambaye ni hoi katika kipato na mambo yakawa shwari.

    Cha msingi naona mapato ya mme na mke yawe wazi kwa wakati wowote hata wa kupandishwa vyeo kwa kila mmoja wao.Lakini ikiachwa kuwa mme ahudumie maana mke ni msaidizi ndipo gogoro linazuka
     
  7. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...points nzuri sana hizo Haika! safi sana...
     
  8. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...Wow! Triplets, shukran kwa mchango wako,... you are one in a million!

    lakini je? kiukweli unaamini/unadhani kumpa mshahara wako ili 'kusawazisha' mambo ndio suluhisho la kudumu?

    Vipi inapokuja suala la kusaidia ndugu upande wa mume, ndugu upande wako (mke), na maamuzi kwa ujumla ndani ya nyumba yenu kuhusiana na matumizi ya fedha?.

    kwa muda gani utaachia hali hii iendelee? ?
     
  9. N

    NANOO Member

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    kwa kweli ikiwa mke ndo anakipato kikubwa dhidi ya mume..lazima mume atakuwa na ile inferiority complex..muhimu ni wewe mke kutoonyesha kiburi na kufanya wajibu wako as a wife..kiburi na majivuno kando as Kevo said hapo juu
     
  10. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...Naam naam!

    Single D, kwanini unaona ni mgogoro, mkeo akiwa na 'mshiko' kuliko wewe? kwani anakuwa amebadilika nini hasa, hebu nielezee ufahamu wako juu ya hili.

    Kuna ubaya gani ikiwa umemuoa 'Mke Kibopa', wakati wewe unafaidika kubakia nyumbani ukilea/kucheza na wanao?, ...huna stress za kutukanwa na bosi, wala kujiumiza na 'mikazi tuuu' ya kila siku!

    Kwakuwa kazi ndio kipimo cha utu, kuna ubaya ukichukua 'ajira' ya kuhakikisha nyumba inasafishwa, nguo zinafuliwa, watoto wanakogeshwa, wanapelekwa shule na kwenda kuchukuliwa, chakula kinapikwa na kuhakikisha bajeti i.e vitunguu, nyanya, chumvi etc etc vipo sawa sawa kila mwezi na wewe (Mume) mwenyewe!?
     
  11. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...Shukran Kevo, lakini kipimo cha kuukubali ukweli kwenye masuala haya, kwa (maoni yangu) unakuwa mgumu kwasababu jamii nayo 'inakuangaliaje'? mfano; weye Mume unaishi kwenye nyumba ya mkeo, unaendesha gari ya mkeo, na hata nguo unanunuliwa na mkeo... self doubts zitakuja tu, labda kama haya pia imekutoka.



    ... NANOO, Kwanini 'unafikiri Mke anatakiwa kutoonyesha kiburi?

    mke atawezaje/afanyeje ili kutokuonyesha kiburi?
     
  12. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    Akiwa mwanaume mwelewa atazidisha bidii kutafuta sources nyengine za pesa ... mwanaume hasa ... rijali kabisa hawezi kupokea hela ya mwanamke ..... mwanamke kumpa hela yake ya mshahara .. mhh! sidhani kama ni kuwa thabit ama kumpa uhalisi wake ... mwengine ni mharibifu ... na hela usioifanyia kazi waweza kuzitumia utakavyo maana hujui uchungu wake ... mimi nadhani mugawane majukumu halafu umsaidie tu pale ambapo anaupungufu ... heshima ibaki palepale
     
  13. J

    Jobo JF-Expert Member

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    Mimi naamini kuwa mwanamme anatakiwa siku zote kuwa na kipato kikubwa kuliko mwenzi wake. Ni mabibi wachache sana ambao watamrespect mme wake kama huyo mme ni inferior in terms of income. So you need to work hard to beat her otherwise that relationship is gonna die, period!
     
  14. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...naimaomari, 'natanzika' na hii statement kwamba mwanaume akiwa rijali kabisa hawezi kupokea hela ya mwanamke,

    Kwanini!???? nini inakupelekea wewe binafsi kufikiria hilo, i.e kama mwanaume umemzidi uwezo, kwanini unaona si sawa yeye kupokea pesa yako?

    Au kwa tafsiri yako, mwanaume rijali kabisa ni yupi huyo?
     
  15. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...Jobo, kwa hiyo wale wanawake wenye ma Phd, masters na wenye madaraka makubwa i.e Tanzania, wanawake ambao ni Mawaziri, mabalozi, wakurugenzi, mameneja, wabunge, wafanyabiashara wakubwa, nk...otherwise aka...successful women! waogopwe kama ukoma unless you (mume) can be otherwise?

    Kuna haja ya kumwekea 'vigingi' kwa njia yeyote mkeo kila inapotokea mianya yeye (mkeo) kujiongezea ujuzi, madaraka na kipato, ili kuokoa ndoa/relationship yenu?
     
  16. J

    Jobo JF-Expert Member

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    Mchongoma, ninaweza kusema kwa uhakika mkubwa sana kuwa familia za namna hizo ni vigumu kuwa na maelewano. Kama mke ana PhD na wewe mwanaume basi uwe na elimu angalau ya Masters lakini pia uwe na descent income, la sivyo utakalishwa jikoni!
     
  17. Bonnie1974

    Bonnie1974 JF-Expert Member

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    Wana JF
    Naomba ruhusa kwanza ya kubadili equation yetu.Ingawa mantiki ya mada itabaki kama ilivyo:
    PENZI=MGOGORO + KIPATO

    Penzi litadumu pale tu iwapo migogoro kama sio mgogoro utakapoweza/itakapoweza kutatuliwa na fedha au kipato kilichopo.
    Mgogoro au migogoro naitafsiri kama majukumu katika ndoa.
    Majukumu yale yanaposhindwa kutekelezeka yanabadilika jina na kuwa MGOGORO.

    Ili muweze kuwa na KIPATO kizuri individually na kama couple ni lazima kwenye PENZI kusiwepo na Mgogoro au Migogoro.That is:
    KIPATO=PENZI - MGOGORO
     
  18. NaimaOmari

    NaimaOmari JF-Expert Member

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    Mwanaume rijali ni yule ambaye anawajibika na kupambana na hali yoyote ya maisha ... ili alinde heshima yake kama mwanaume ... vitabu vya dini na mababu zetu wanatuelekeza hivyo ...... hata kama kipato chake kidogo .. anaongeza bidii na si kutaka hela ya mwanamke ... maana hapa unakuwa unashuka ki hadhi na kiheshima au kama kuvaa sketi yake ... maana unampa mkeo cheo chako yeye anakuwa mwanaume halafu wewe unakuwa chini/ mwanamke ... mpaka mwisho unakuwa huna sauti tena .. ukitaka kitu tena kwanza upige magoti au umbembeleze .... na mbele ya safari atakuchoka na kukuumbua kabisa ... panapo penzi mtapeana lakini mbele ya safari penzi likipungua .. au majukumu yakizidi .. kila mmoja anataka maendeleo yake ama upande mmoja baba au mama anategemewa na wazazi au na ndugu zake ...lazima kutakuwa na karaha au kupigana mwanaume akimyima hela na mwenza ... isitoshe sikuhizi kumezuka tabia ya wanandoa kununua mathalan vitu kama nyumba au viwanja bila kumtaarifu mwenza sasa ukamuombe mume wako hela yako mwenyewe .... atakuuliza maswali elfu .. ndugu yake au mtoto wa nje akija ... anatoa kiulaini .... patatosha hapa .... si bora ubaki rijali
     
  19. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...hakuna tabu Bonnie1974, hata mwingine akija na Equation yake powa tu, almuradi jibu lisiwe = 0

    ;)

    ...Shukran, hapo juu umezungumzia kwa kirefu sana kuhusu utatuzi wa mgogoro kwa kutumia kipato kilichopo. Hivi haiwezekani kutatua mgogoro ndani ya ndoa bila kutumia 'rupia'? au inategemeana na migogoro gani?

    Iwapo migogoro mingi katika ndoa inahitaji utatuzi wa kifedha, je, nani anawajibika kutoa kwa kiwango kikubwa zaidi, kumbuka uwezo unatofautiana, ...jadili ukizingatia; zipo ndoa ambazo Mke anauwezo 'kifedha' zaidi kuliko mume, na zipo ndoa ambazo mke ni mama wa nyumbani asiye na income yoyote!


    ...Naam naam, hapa naona point yako karibia iguse ndipo... ungeendelea kidogo tu labda ungeweza kutuambia jinsi ya kuiepusha hiyo migogoro, halafu 'kama' tungeweza kupata equation hii;

    MIGOGORO - KIPATO = PENZI

    uwanja mpana huu!
     
  20. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...SteveD,

    nasubiri 'maono' na tafakuri zako juu ya hili!

    ...when you are ready of course!

    :D

     
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