Rutashubanyuma
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- Sep 24, 2010
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No sex, thank you
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There are some women who love men but are happy to be in a sexless marriage. Photo/FILE
By CIKU KIMANI ciku_kimani@yahoo.comPosted Friday, December 3 2010 at 13:32
Imagine being a man in his prime, married to a beautiful, intelligent woman.
To outsiders, your marriage is picture perfect, but there is just one little thing out of place it is almost sexless.
Not because you do not love each other, not because you do not find each other sexually attractive, neither of you is gay, not because there is anything physically wrong with either of you, but because she finds the sexual act off-putting.
On top of that, you married her knowing fully well that she does not like to get deeply intimate on your first date, she came out clean and told you that going all the nine yards is not her favourite pastime, but you thought this state of affairs could be corrected and went ahead and swore in front of man and God that you would be faithful to her, and only death would do part the two of you.
Mariam* 27, has been married for one year to a man she loves dearly, but one she has to really push herself to get intimate with.
She is beautiful, bubbly and effortlessly commands attention both for her beauty and brains.
Watching her with her husband, it is obvious that they are deeply in love with each other but when she tells her story, you start wondering whether the in-love bit is just a façade.
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You wonder whether, instead of agreeing to get married, she should have just looked for a gay man to be her best friend or husband. After all, apparently, now there are couples who are making such living arrangements.
Talking to her, I kept thinking to myself, friendship from a man is all she seems to be comfortable with so why did she get married?
According to *Mariam, sex is overrated. It and it should not be the reason why two people get together.
My situation is nothing to do with my husband who I love dearly, she says without flinching. I have never really been one to like that kind of intimacy with any man and I told him about it before we got married.
It is almost surreal listening to her discuss her sex life, or lack of it, as if she is discussing the current price of potatoes.
She is almost detached; she obviously does not think there is anything wrong with how she looks at intimacy she has never liked it, period. The phrase she does not know what she is missing does not count.
*Miriam only has sex once a month, twice if she is pushed. When she has it, she has to be drunk to be able to go through with it.
She does not cuddle with her husband she sleeps at the furthest end of their bed, while he takes the other extreme end. She will not sleep naked, or wear sexy underwear in bed.
Sometimes we will do it, but I would almost forget that it happened because I was so drunk.
Is she not worried that there will be such a time that her husband will not be able to wait for his monthly portions and venture out there?
Well, then I would feel betrayed. It is not like I duped him - he married me knowing fully well that Im not crazy about it and could well do without any of that kind of intimacy in my marriage. She explains clinically.
I find that kind of intimacy sweaty, it messes my hair, and I usually cannot wait for it to be over. So is her husband okay with her obvious lack of interest? I have never really asked but he never complains, so I assume he is fine with the situation.
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By CIKU KIMANI ciku_kimani@yahoo.comPosted Friday, December 3 2010 at 13:32
Imagine being a man in his prime, married to a beautiful, intelligent woman.
To outsiders, your marriage is picture perfect, but there is just one little thing out of place it is almost sexless.
Not because you do not love each other, not because you do not find each other sexually attractive, neither of you is gay, not because there is anything physically wrong with either of you, but because she finds the sexual act off-putting.
On top of that, you married her knowing fully well that she does not like to get deeply intimate on your first date, she came out clean and told you that going all the nine yards is not her favourite pastime, but you thought this state of affairs could be corrected and went ahead and swore in front of man and God that you would be faithful to her, and only death would do part the two of you.
Mariam* 27, has been married for one year to a man she loves dearly, but one she has to really push herself to get intimate with.
She is beautiful, bubbly and effortlessly commands attention both for her beauty and brains.
Watching her with her husband, it is obvious that they are deeply in love with each other but when she tells her story, you start wondering whether the in-love bit is just a façade.
Arrangements
You wonder whether, instead of agreeing to get married, she should have just looked for a gay man to be her best friend or husband. After all, apparently, now there are couples who are making such living arrangements.
Talking to her, I kept thinking to myself, friendship from a man is all she seems to be comfortable with so why did she get married?
According to *Mariam, sex is overrated. It and it should not be the reason why two people get together.
My situation is nothing to do with my husband who I love dearly, she says without flinching. I have never really been one to like that kind of intimacy with any man and I told him about it before we got married.
It is almost surreal listening to her discuss her sex life, or lack of it, as if she is discussing the current price of potatoes.
She is almost detached; she obviously does not think there is anything wrong with how she looks at intimacy she has never liked it, period. The phrase she does not know what she is missing does not count.
*Miriam only has sex once a month, twice if she is pushed. When she has it, she has to be drunk to be able to go through with it.
She does not cuddle with her husband she sleeps at the furthest end of their bed, while he takes the other extreme end. She will not sleep naked, or wear sexy underwear in bed.
Sometimes we will do it, but I would almost forget that it happened because I was so drunk.
Is she not worried that there will be such a time that her husband will not be able to wait for his monthly portions and venture out there?
Well, then I would feel betrayed. It is not like I duped him - he married me knowing fully well that Im not crazy about it and could well do without any of that kind of intimacy in my marriage. She explains clinically.
I find that kind of intimacy sweaty, it messes my hair, and I usually cannot wait for it to be over. So is her husband okay with her obvious lack of interest? I have never really asked but he never complains, so I assume he is fine with the situation.
