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Nitakapokuwa mkubwa.....

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by WomanOfSubstance, Oct 16, 2009.

  1. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Oct 16, 2009
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    Mijadala ya mahusiano katika jukwaa hili mara nyingi inaonyesha kama vile kuna chuki baina ya wanawake na wanaume... kwa maana ya mke na mume.Hebu muulize mtoto yeyote kama anamchukia baba yake au mama yake.Kwa uhakika kabisa asilimia 90+ watasema HAPANA....
    Watoto wa kiume huwapenda sana mama zao kiasi hata cha kutamka kuwa "nikiwa mkubwa nitamuoa mama". Nimeshuhudia mtoto wa kike wa rafiki yangu akisema waziwazi kuwa yeye ataolewa na baba yake. Je hii chuki baina ya wazazi inawatendea haki watoto? Mwanamke akifikiria innocence ya mwanae wa kiume... na mwanamme akiwaza ile ya binti yake..nadhani huwafanya wote kusitisha zoezi zima la kuvunja mahusiano.. na kuendelea kuishi pamoja tu ili angalau furaha ya watoto wao idumu.
    Ndugu zanguni, mmewahi kulifikiria hili?
     
  2. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Kunradhi wasomaji na wachangiaji.... kichwa cha habari nimechemsha kidogo... ilipaswa kisomeke " NITAKAPOKUWA MKUBWA"...natumai mods watasaidia kurekebisha hili kosa dogo la kiuandishi.
     
  3. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Oct 16, 2009
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    kosa ni pale mtoto unapokuja kumuoa mwanamke mwenye sifa zinazolingana na mama yako, halafu unajiona kama unalelewa upyaaa...ugomvi hauishi ndani.

    mawazo yale ni ya utotoni tu...ukishajua mmaana utatafuta mke mwenye sifa tofauti na mama'ko, especially kama mama mwenyewe alikuwa mnoko hata kwa baba'ko!
     
  4. m

    mchajikobe JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Oct 17, 2009
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    Frank speaking,mi sijawahi fikiria hilo!!
     
  5. Mwenda_Pole

    Mwenda_Pole JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Oct 17, 2009
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    VeraCity unashindwaje kutofautisha mawazo ya mtoto mdogo na mtu mzima,
    kuna mambo mengi kama ulivyosema huwa yanaendelea kati ya baba na mama kwenye familia (kama ugomvi) lakini mtoto huwa hajui, na mtoto kwenye familia ni mtoto tu, pindi akifikia hatua ya kuwa na mahusiano ama kuwa Baba ama Mama ni wazi atajionea mwenyewe hali halisi kuwa mahusiano sometimes sio lele Mama. Anaweza kushangaa kuja kutambulishwa akishakuwa mkubwa hata huyo aliyekuwa anamlea sio baba yake mzazi, mama alipachikwa kitu jamaa na jamaa mwingine, acha kabisa ishu za mahusiano
     
  6. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Oct 24, 2009
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    The good thing about this ni kwamba watoto hawakui gafla, they undergo process ambayo inawa-orient na kuwandaa kuwa wakubwa na wanapata bahati ya kuyaona yote kabla ya kuwa wakubwa!!!

    |So dont worry ma friend
     
  7. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Oct 24, 2009
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    Kumoa mama???????????mhhh
     
  8. M

    Mtu B JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 24, 2009
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    Kwa hiyo hii ndiyo inayosababisha baadhi ya kina baba kuwamega binti zao? Kuna binti anafahamika na kila mtu hapa mtaani, yeye na mama yake hawaongei hata salamu. Kisa kaangukia kwenye penzi la babake, na wanendeleza libeneke la ukweli, ma-outing ya nguvu, ma-shopping, nk, haambiwi kitu kwa huyo babake na ana wivu nae kuliko hata huyo mama! Sasa mama wa watu hadi kajikondea.

    Kumbe unataka kunishawishi ni kawaida (japo inasemwa si sawa) kwa binti kuangukia katika penzi la babaye?
     
  9. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 24, 2009
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    Naskia ipo sana mkoa mmoja wa kaskazini!!!:confused:
     
  10. M

    Mtu B JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 24, 2009
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    Kulekule wanakolazimisha ujane. Yaani ukikosea stepu ni imekula kwako.
     
  11. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

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    Ngoja wakushukie... Vera anapasha misuli moto
     
  12. Tiba

    Tiba JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Oct 24, 2009
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    Mkuu si useme tu uchagani, unaogopa nini?

    Tiba
     
  13. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 24, 2009
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    crooked minds utazijua tu lol
    huo haukuwa ujumbe wangu ....soma tena ndugu uelewa kabla y akujibu maswali hahahahahah
     
  14. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Oct 25, 2009
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    Take it easy VeraCity, you are the W of S you know??? Mchangiaji ametoa maoni yake mazee...

    Hilo la uchagani mbona umelikalia kimya?
     
  15. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Oct 25, 2009
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    MTM,
    I know hwt u r driving at hahahahahah....
    I AM NOT AN AUTHORITY ON TRIBAL PROPENSITIES LOL...

    Ila kwa vile JF ni resource for learning, nitachangia kidogo on this subject maana nina kaulewa kidogo.

    Kwanza kabisa tatizo unalotaka nilisemee haliko katika kabila moja au jamii moja zaidi ya nyingine.Mahuasino ya kingono baina ya ndugu wa damu ( incest) ni kitu kipo na ni kinyume na matarajio ya jamii nyingi.

    Jamii nyingi hazishabikii incest hata kidogo. Hii ni natural instinct ambayo inajengeka bila kufundishwa.Binadamu wana an intense natural aversion to incest. Zipo aina nyingi za wanyama/hayawani ambao nao wana avoid incest.na miongoni mwa wanayama wenye incestuous tendencies kama Cheetah utaona wako kwenye verge of extinction.

    Kuwepo na miiko ya mahusiano ya namna hii ndiko huleta social stability katika jamii na pia kuhakikisha kizazi hakijizalishi na kuendeleza mapungufu yanayoletwa na inbreeding - hata kwa wanyama ni hivyo hivyo.( Angalia jamii zenye kuoana wenyewe kwa wenyewe utaona kuna walemavu wengi na magonjwa ya genetic)

    Kama nilivyosema kwenye thread yangu, Watoto wakiwa wadogo, wa kike humpenda baba zaidi na wa kiume humpenda mama zaidi.This is also very natural kwa vile tumeumbwa hivyo kwa sababu maalum ya kutuwekea balance itakayosaidia ukubwani .Hali hii hujakubadilika watoto wanapojitambua na kuanza kuelekea kwenye ujana ambapo wote huweka social distance na wazazi wa opposite sex.Kwa wale wanaoshindwa kuwa na hiyo distance,inapelekea matatizo .Ukengeufu wa wahusika hasa wale walio katika uwezo juu ya wengine mfano baba anayekuwa na mahusiano na mwanae..hujipatia mwanya kutimiza matakwa yao na inaanzia mbali na hutumia mamlaka zaidi au vitisho.Hii ni abuse na hutokea sana kwenye familia nyingine - baba na binti( very common), mama na kijana wa kiume ( rare), kaka na dada,wajomba, nk.

    Ndio maana sheria iko strict na abuse ya namna hii ambapo incest inatafsiriwa kama "the imposition of sexually inappropriate acts, or acts with sexual overtones ... by one or more persons who derive authority through ongoing emotional bonding with that child."

    Nikirudi kwenye hoja ya Mtu B na wengine Mzazi/baba anaweza kumrubuni mtoto kwa kumtimizia kila atakacho, kujiweka karibu kupita kiasi hadi anakuwa na uwezo wa kufanya chochote atakacho na mwanaye! Kwa msingi huu huwezi kusema ni kabla moja tu ndio wanaweza kufanya abuse.

    Kitu ambacho wengi wanakifumbia macho na kujifanya wahajui ni kuwepo na incest kiwango kikubwa sana katika familia nyingi across tribal/race or religious affilitiations.Sheria pia inalijua hili na ndio maana huwezi kufungua mashtaka ya incest bila kupata kibali cha DPP vinginevyo mahakama zingefurika na kesi za incest na kuacha majambazi wakiwa wanapeta mitaani.I can go on and on about this subject but suffice it to say that INCEST IS BIG THAN WE MAY WANT TO BELIEVE.
     
  16. TIMING

    TIMING JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Oct 25, 2009
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    Thanks much, this is why i continued pushing you for some comments [dont ask why!!!]. Umenikuna na nategemea utatoa zaidi pindi mda muafaka utakapofika

    Hata vichaa wengi, na watu wenye genetical problems wako hapo [i am scared!! of the backslash!!]
    Sasa hapohapo kuna visenti vyangu vichache nataka kuweka;

    • Je kwa kabila moja kuonekana waziwazi linashindwa kudhibiti hili, je huoni kwamba ule ubinadamu wao uko kama na walakini?
    • Je utakubaliana na mimi kwamba hizi social norms zinategemea sana mapokeo?
    • Tuwasaidiaje wakati hatuna forums kwenye media, au kiatika mitaa [vipeperushi nk. kuelimisha jamii hasa watoto na vijana wa jinsia zote?
    Thanks again
     
  17. M

    Mtu B JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Oct 26, 2009
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    Nakubaliana na Vera kuwa incest iko makabila mengi. Mi mwenyewe si wa kabila lililoshutumiwa hapa, lakini hako kamchezo ka ngono nilifundishwa nikiwa na umri wa miaka 12 na mamangu mdogo (mdogo wa mamangu mzazi, alikuwa anaishi kwetu na wazazi wangu ndio waliomsomesha). Alipokuwa ananifundisha hako kamchezo alikuwa form 5, imagine!
     
  18. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Oct 26, 2009
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    ehee hadithi hadithi...
    Wewe binafsi uliona ni kitu kizuri? kwanini hukumambia mama au baba?
     
  19. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Oct 26, 2009
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    VeraCity,

    Are you taking too much from Freud? If so Freud is a fraud.

    1. Hii apparent chuki inatokana na principles za "good news is no news" na "misery loves company" kwa maana ya kwamba for every sad story you read here, probably because people want to vent and reach out, there are many more from successful couples.

    While it is true kwamba chuki baina ya wazazi haiwatendei haki watoto, kukaa pamoja for the sake of watoto kwa upande mmoja hakuwatendei haki watoto (watakaa wakiona wazazi wanaogombana kila siku na kupata bad impression ya maisha na marriage) na upande mwingine hakuwatendei haki wazazi (wataendelea kukaa pamoja huku hawapendani, kupeana pressure ect)

    Kwa hiyo hapo inabidi some cost benefit analysis zitembee, kusuka au kunyoa, kukaa pamoja au kila mtu kivyake, kutengana kwa muda halafu kurudiana au divorce.

    Hapa nikijifanya nina jibu nitakudanganya, ila kila situation iko unique, kuanzia uwezo wa kila upande kuwa independent, mpaka umri wa watoto.

    Unique sistuations deserve unique solutions, but I tend towards being against all sham marriages that are there just to save face or "for the sake of the children" (really? more like for the sake of psychologically confusing the children)
     
  20. E

    Edmund Senior Member

    #20
    Oct 27, 2009
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    Kwani hujui ya kwamba opposite pole ya sumaku attract each other.
    Lakini kumbuka toto dume hawezi mpenda mama mwenye tabia za ajabuajabu hata kama ni MZAZI WAKE na binti vilevile.
     
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