Nini maana ya kusamehe...?

[Mbu]

To forgive is to reflect on the following;

If only u can reflect on what u've been through together, on the things she went through for u, the things he went through for u, on the things only two of you know about eachother, all the pains u've conquered together, the victories u've won, the ridicules, the miracles, the promises... U know what's important to u... You will fight to stay together.

...forgive and fight to stay together with a serial cheater who physical and psychological abuse you, mnh?
mungu atakulipia ee?

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Fighter..MJ1..BAK..King'asti...
Nashindwa kukubaliana na nyie kuhusu kumsamehe mtu na kurudi mlipotoka as if nothing happened.

Jana baada ya kutoka hapa nlikua nafikiria kwanini natofautiana na Boss kwenye swala la ''kutegemea kutendwa'' wakati najua inawezekana , alafu nikafikiria kwanini nyie mnaposema ''ukisamehe unafuta makosa na kurudi mlipokua '' nashindwa kuungana na nyie.
Nikagundua kwamba tatizo ni capability...mtu akishafanya kitu mara moja najua what he/she is capable of. Hivyo UWEZEKANO wa mpenzi wangu kucheat, rafiki yangu kunisingizia/pakazia mambo ya uongo, ndugu yangu kuniibia n.k havinisumbui kwasababu hiyo ndio hali halisi...kwamba chochote chaweza tokea.Kinachonisumbua ni kujua kwa uhakika kwamba those people are CAPABLE OF COMMITTING THOSE ACTS. Kwahiyo mpenzi aliyecheat hatonipa amani ndani ya mahusiano yetu, rafiki mbea/mwongo sitomwamini na mambo yangu na ndugu mwizi sitomwamini na mali zangu.
Nikirudi kwenye ishu ya Boss...watu wanaingia kwenye mahusiano wakijua uwezekano wa kusalitiwa upo ila kinachowapa amani ni imani kwamba yule aliyemchagua hawezi kunicheat. Unachagua kumwamini na hapo ndo unapoanza kutegemea mazuri kutoka kwake badala ya mabaya. Bila hiyo imani kuna watu ambao wangeona mahusiano hayana maana (mimi mmoja wapo) kwasababu ni sawa na mtu kudumbukia mtoni huku akijua fika atazama.

So, YES the possibility is there and we all know it, but capability rises the possibility.

Sweetie nadhani mimi na wewe tunapishana kwenye choices of words! Kwangu mimi NIMEKUSAMEHE it means more than YAMEKWISHA. Kwangu nimekusamehe its means pure msamaha naanza upya kama ni kukupenda nakupenda upya yaliyopita yamepita najaribu kuyafukia yapite ila nikiwa siweziyafukia na kusahau au kulet it go, basi nitakueleza wazi kuwa YAMEKWISHA.

 

[Dr Lizzy]

...forgive and fight to stay together with a serial cheater who physical and psychological abuse you, mnh?
mungu atakulipia ee?

Talk about playing foolish...
Nadhani kwa mambo ya kujitakia kama hayo hata Mungu hatojishughulisha kukulipia.

 

[Dr Lizzy]

Sweetie nadhani mimi na wewe tunapishana kwenye choices of words! Kwangu mimi NIMEKUSAMEHE it means more than YAMEKWISHA. Kwangu nimekusamehe its means pure msamaha naanza upya kama ni kukupenda nakupenda upya yaliyopita yamepita najaribu kuyafukia yapite ila nikiwa siweziyafukia na kusahau au kulet it go, basi nitakueleza wazi kuwa YAMEKWISHA.

Ila na sisi tunaamini kwamba tumesamehe ila hatuwezi kurudi nyuma.
Ikiwa ni lazima mtu kurudi nyuma baada ya kusamehe basi itakua wengi wetu hatutoi msamaha maana najaribu kuimagine hiyo scenerio ya Mbu ya mtu kuendelea kuishi na mtu anaemnyanyasa kisa amemsamehe kwa kumnyanyasa nashindwa.

Kwanini msamaha usijitegemee na kurudi mlipokuwa kusijitegee badala ya kutegemeana na kusababisha ionekane bila vyote viwili kufuatana basi hamna kimoja kinachokua kimefanyika?

 

[bht]

MBU....
Natamani ningweza kukuambia 'mchakato wa kusamehe' unaanzia hapa na kuishia pale. Nadhani hauna kanuni maalum ila pamoja na vigezo vingine ambavyo ulivitoa kwenye post mojawapo mwanzoni, unahitaji sana muda
''time heals almost everything, give yourself time'

 

[Mbu]

Ila na sisi tunaamini kwamba tumesamehe ila hatuwezi kurudi nyuma.
Ikiwa ni lazima mtu kurudi nyuma baada ya kusamehe basi itakua wengi wetu hatutoi msamaha maana najaribu kuimagine hiyo scenerio ya Mbu ya mtu kuendelea kuishi na mtu anaemnyanyasa kisa amemsamehe kwa kumnyanyasa nashindwa.

Kwanini msamaha usijitegemee na kurudi mlipokuwa kusijitegee badala ya kutegemeana na kusababisha ionekane bila vyote viwili kufuatana basi hamna kimoja kinachokua kimefanyika?

...dahhh, afadhali umefafanua hili...
akili yangu ishageuka yoghurt kwa mdahalo huu bana...

MBU....
Natamani ningweza kukuambia 'mchakato wa kusamehe' unaanzia hapa na kuishia pale. Nadhani hauna kanuni maalum ila pamoja na vigezo vingine ambavyo ulivitoa kwenye post mojawapo mwanzoni, unahitaji sana muda
''time heals almost everything, give yourself time'

swadaktaaa!....sasa hapo kuna kusumbuliwa na zile za "hujanisamehe tu?" za mara kwa mara...
ukijiponza kusema "haya nimekusamehe!," mwenzako anataka mrudie mapenzi ya zamani...pheewwww...

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Mie kwa maoni yangu kama mko kwenye mapenzi na mwenzio akakukosea na kosa lake lilimfanya yule aliyekosewa awe tayari kuvunja uhusiano wa kimapenzi kati yao basi anapokuomba samahani na kuomba muendelee na penzi lenu inapendeza zaidi kama utamtamkia kwamba umemsamehe na kumpa nafasi nyingine ya kuendelea na penzi lenu. Sioni kama ni sawa kumtakia mkosaji kwamba nimekusamehe kosa lako na wakati huo huo unashikilia uamuzi wako wa kwamba penzi lenu limefikia tamati, kusema kweli mkosaji katka hali kama hii haamini kabisa kwamba samahani yake ilipokolewa na hivyo ataendelea kuwa na donge lake kwa muda mrefu ujao na huku akiamini kabisa kwamba samahani aliyoiomba haikukubaliwa.

Aksante sana BAK nasikitika sikuwa nimeiona hii post. Hapa ndipo MJ1 ninapojaribu kupaelezea pasipo mafanikio Daaam mie mwalimu wa Physikia, Ungwini siuwezi sana. Hawaa kama unaamua kumsamehe mtu maanisha msamaha na si kuwa na ile ya nimekusamehe lakini kwa sababu mie kwangu hiyo But unayoiweka baada ya I have forgiven you ndio inayonifanya nione kama si msamaha bali ni sawa na kumwambia nimekubali yaishe but hatuna upamoja tena.

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Ila na sisi tunaamini kwamba tumesamehe ila hatuwezi kurudi nyuma.
Ikiwa ni lazima mtu kurudi nyuma baada ya kusamehe basi itakua wengi wetu hatutoi msamaha maana najaribu kuimagine hiyo scenerio ya Mbu ya mtu kuendelea kuishi na mtu anaemnyanyasa kisa amemsamehe kwa kumnyanyasa nashindwa.

Kwanini msamaha usijitegemee na kurudi mlipokuwa kusijitegee badala ya kutegemeana na kusababisha ionekane bila vyote viwili kufuatana basi hamna kimoja kinachokua kimefanyika?

Lizzy sijasema kuwa NI LAZIMA ukisamehe urudishe mahusiano. Ninachokisema mimi kama MJ1 ni kuwa ninapoamua kusamehe ninaangalia uwezekano wa mwenzangu kutoniumiza tena na ninakuwa najenga matumaini kuwa am ggiving him another chance ya kuwa na mimi kwa kuwa ninampenda na ameonyesha bado ananihitaji (kwa kuomba kwake msamaha). But siwezisema nimekusamehe but siwezikuwa na wewe tena ilhali ninajua kabisa bado ninayo nafasi ya kumpa na yeye anayo nafasi ya kumake it right pale alipopakwaruza na ndio maana nikasema unapoamua kusamhehe samehe but unaposamehe ukaambatanisha na lakini kwangu naona kama ni umekubali tu mtafaruku uishe ili kutoa nafasi ya kusalimiana na kutreatiana kama binadamu lakini si zaidi ya hapo kwa kuwa deep inside bado unakuwa n amajeraha na maumivu na kinyongo of which sidhani kama ni mojawapo ya ingreadients za kusamehe bali umekubali YAISHE kuondoa ile physicall and naked enemity but si kusaheme.

Hapo kwenye Blue kwa Mbu kama angekuwa ni mimi ningesema kuwa hatojitendea haki iwapo ataamua kusamehe ilihali anaona kabisa kuwa manyanyaso bado yanaendelea. Inapofikia hapo ni bora mtu akakubali yaishe kwa kumrelease kwa kuwa imeshindikana kumweka kwake but akiamua kusamehe kwa definition yangu MJ1 basi akubali kubeba msalaba kwani anakuwa amejikubalisha. Kwa nini umweleze mtu kuwa nimekusamehe ilhali bado hujawa na uhakika kama uko tayari kusamehe na kusahau maumivu??

 

[Mbu]

....anyway,

...kwa sasa acha niendelee ku 'hold grudges' na kutosamehe as a self defence mechanisim kwakuwa
msukule wangu ananijua nami najijua udhaifu wangu...-kila nikimsamehe kinachofuatia ni kunisahaulisha yaliyopita kwa penzi la moto,- ...baada ya muda kinawaka tena.

..aiseee.... nimechoka hizo roller cosater rides bana.
nyie endeleeni kusameheana kwa raha zenu.

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

....anyway,

...kwa sasa acha niendelee ku 'hold grudges' na kutosamehe as a self defence mechanisim kwakuwa
msukule wangu ananijua nami najijua udhaifu wangu...-kila nikimsamehe kinachofuatia ni kunisahaulisha yaliyopita kwa penzi la moto,- ...baada ya muda kinawaka tena.

..aiseee.... nimechoka hizo roller cosater rides bana.
nyie endeleeni kusameheana kwa raha zenu.

Mbu kwa definition yangu mie MJ1 uko sahihi kabisa. Inapofikia hatua hii hakuna kitu kiitwacho msamaha kwa wenzi wa aina hii. Hapa akikubembeleza nisamehe we mwambie yamekwisha na kila mtu ashike ustaarabu wake lakini sio nimekusamehe but nenda mwana kwenda kwa sababu unamsahemeje wakati unajua kabisa unatakiwa kulisafisha joho la maumivu ambalo lilishaanza kupata vumbi pale ulipokuwa mko mbalimbali pasipo msamaha?? Hakuna msamaha wa kweli kama bado maumivu yapo na una uhakika yatajirudia tena.

Mimi kwa sasa hivi NIMEKUBALI YAISHE na ndio final say yangu na katu sitosamehe kwa kuwa najijua maumivu nlonayo hayatokaa yeshe. nitasameheje iwapo kila nikikutana naye, nikimfikiria au kukumbuka nalia moyoni kwa uchungu, hasira na chuki!? kwangu mimi huu si msamaha kwa kweli na wala hautokaa uwe!.

 

[Mbu]

Mbu kwa definition yangu mie MJ1 uko sahihi kabisa. Inapofikia hatua hii hakuna kitu kiitwacho msamaha kwa wenzi wa aina hii. Hapa akikubembeleza nisamehe we mwambie yamekwisha na kila mtu ashike ustaarabu wake lakini sio nimekusamehe but nenda mwana kwenda kwa sababu unamsahemeje wakati unajua kabisa unatakiwa kulisafisha joho la maumivu ambalo lilishaanza kupata vumbi pale ulipokuwa mko mbalimbali pasipo msamaha?? Hakuna msamaha wa kweli kama bado maumivu yapo na una uhakika yatajirudia tena.

Mimi kwa sasa hivi NIMEKUBALI YAISHE na ndio final say yangu na katu sitosamehe kwa kuwa najijua maumivu nlonayo hayatokaa yeshe. nitasameheje iwapo kila nikikutana naye, nikimfikiria au kukumbuka nalia moyoni kwa uchungu, hasira na chuki!? kwangu mimi huu si msamaha kwa kweli na wala hautokaa uwe!.

...khaaa? mwalimu naomba unibadilishie mtihani, mie huu ushanishinda...lol...!

acha nimrudie muumba, mwenyezi mungu subhanna wa taala aniongoze kwa hili
maana nishayaandika yote.

 

[Dr Lizzy]

Mbu kwa definition yangu mie MJ1 uko sahihi kabisa. Inapofikia hatua hii hakuna kitu kiitwacho msamaha kwa wenzi wa aina hii. Hapa akikubembeleza nisamehe we mwambie yamekwisha na kila mtu ashike ustaarabu wake lakini sio nimekusamehe but nenda mwana kwenda kwa sababu unamsahemeje wakati unajua kabisa unatakiwa kulisafisha joho la maumivu ambalo lilishaanza kupata vumbi pale ulipokuwa mko mbalimbali pasipo msamaha?? Hakuna msamaha wa kweli kama bado maumivu yapo na una uhakika yatajirudia tena.

Mimi kwa sasa hivi NIMEKUBALI YAISHE na ndio final say yangu na katu sitosamehe kwa kuwa najijua maumivu nlonayo hayatokaa yeshe. nitasameheje iwapo kila nikikutana naye, nikimfikiria au kukumbuka nalia moyoni kwa uchungu, hasira na chuki!? kwangu mimi huu si msamaha kwa kweli na wala hautokaa uwe!.

Ina maana hayo hapo kwenye red hayawezi kuondoka na bado usitake/pende kurudiana na mtu tena??
Yani umsamehe..uchungu..hasira na chuki vyote vitokomee alafu uendelee na maisha yako huku nae akiendelea na maisha yake??

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Ina maana hayo hapo kwenye red hayawezi kuondoka na bado usitake/pende kurudiana na mtu tena??
Yani umsamehe..uchungu..hasira na chuki vyote vitokomee alafu uendelee na maisha yako huku nae akiendelea na maisha yake??

Kuondoka kwa sasa Lizzy hapana makovu yatabaki daima na ndio maana siwezirudiana naye. Kama ni misamaha kwake nilishatoa sana ikiwa na maana ya kusamehe nakutoa nafasi tena ya kuendelea nae but kwa hapa tulipofikia sasa Nimekubali Yaishe!

 

[Dr Lizzy]

Kuondoka kwa sasa Lizzy hapana makovu yatabaki daima na ndio maana siwezirudiana naye. Kama ni misamaha kwake nilishatoa sana ikiwa na maana ya kusamehe nakutoa nafasi tena ya kuendelea nae but kwa hapa tulipofikia sasa Nimekubali Yaishe!

Hahahha...haya mami!!Na mie nakubali yaishe...ila sijakusamehe ujue!!

 

[Masikini_Jeuri]

[h=6]In the beginning of your relationship, forgiving your spouse comes easy. But when you have to continue forgiving time and time again, you wonder if perhaps your are encouraging him (her) by appearing to condone his (her) actions. Sometimes you may be hesitant to forgive because you're afraid that in doing so you are setting yourself up for the same thing to happen again. But there is a clear line between enabling and forgiving.

In other words, you can still confront your spouse about changing his (her) ways, and you pray for that to happen, but if he (she) doesn't do it, you refuse to let it eat at you and make you bitter.

Forgiving does not mean you are giving the offender a free pass to commit the offense again and again. It does not mean you are inviting abuse or giving that person a license to walk all over you or continue to hurt you. It doesn't make you a doormat.

Forgiveness doesn't make the other person right; it makes you free.

Have a forgiving heart- and be free.....[/h]

 

[King’asti]

ngoja nimsamehe mtu hapa mara moja halafu nirudi,lol! ila hata kama utasamehewa, jamani things will never be the same again! naongelea kwa watu wasiokua fussy or petty. kuna siku coaligue wangu alitoa statement wakati tuanenda lunch in her car, 'flani, sitakaa nimsahau maisha yangu yote', ikiwa huyo ni driver wa ofisi,. wote tulistuka na kuhoji, just to know kwenye parking ali-reverse gari akagonga taa ya mbele ya gari yake ika-crack. hakuibadili na ikaingia maji na kuleta shida ya umeme. tulimshangaa, nilimuuliza huo moyo wako umejaa watu wangapi? her hubby walked out on their marriage without any explanation, her daughter is unspeakably disrespectful na recently dropped out of uni and moved in with a useless married man, just to mention a few! huyu si walking bomb?

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

Hahahha...haya mami!!Na mie nakubali yaishe...ila sijakusamehe ujue!!

Hahhahahahh Lizzy mamii loh naona unaniosha kwa kuwa nami nimeosha sawa bwana lol.lakini kumbuka mimi kama mimi huwa natoa kwanza nafasi nyingi tu za kusamehe but vikinifika pa kunifika kwa kweli huwa nageuka mbaya kama lisura langu lilivyo ah!

 

[MwanajamiiOne]

ngoja nimsamehe mtu hapa mara moja halafu nirudi,lol! ila hata kama utasamehewa, jamani things will never be the same again! naongelea kwa watu wasiokua fussy or petty. kuna siku coaligue wangu alitoa statement wakati tuanenda lunch in her car, 'flani, sitakaa nimsahau maisha yangu yote', ikiwa huyo ni driver wa ofisi,. wote tulistuka na kuhoji, just to know kwenye parking ali-reverse gari akagonga taa ya mbele ya gari yake ika-crack. hakuibadili na ikaingia maji na kuleta shida ya umeme. tulimshangaa, nilimuuliza huo moyo wako umejaa watu wangapi? her hubby walked out on their marriage without any explanation, her daughter is unspeakably disrespectful na recently dropped out of uni and moved in with a useless married man, just to mention a few! huyu si walking bomb?

Hahah nafikiri makosa yanatofautiana bana ama sivyo utamchukia mpaka konda wa daladala loh!
Mimi namshukuru MUNGU katika mahusiano ya kawaida bado sijafikia hatua ya kukubali yaishe ila kwenye haya mapenzi haya.

 

[King’asti]

unajua usipomsamehe mtu unakua na hasira zimejaa kwenye pipa lenye mfuniko. ziikipata upenyo utaisikia habari yake. inakua ya ditopile, kumdusua kaka wa watu kwa kugonga tu gari.
unamsamehe, lakini kurudiana hiyo ni habari ingine na ni episode mpya. na kuna kusamehe halafu unamuweka palee pembeni (esp ndugu, ukiumwa, ukifiwa im there. baada ya hapo tukikutana tutasalimiana ila details hazipo za naenda wapi na kutoka wapi). ila kwa mwenza, kumbuka kuna mijitu their pasts keeps catching up with them. mtu kila siku kosa hilo hilo, sasa utasamehe hadi lini? kurudia kosa tu ni ticket for classification. unaweza ukabadili ToR, kutoka kwenye mapenzi kwenda kwenye atm, hehehe! msirushe mawe banaa,im just saying!

Hahah nafikiri makosa yanatofautiana bana ama sivyo utamchukia mpaka konda wa daladala loh!
Mimi namshukuru MUNGU katika mahusiano ya kawaida bado sijafikia hatua ya kukubali yaishe ila kwenye haya mapenzi haya.

 

[kasimba123]

samehe na sahau