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Nimeombwa ushauri-naomba mnisaidie

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Audax, Aug 6, 2010.

  1. A

    Audax JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Aug 6, 2010
    Joined: Mar 4, 2009
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    Kuna rafiki yangu mmoja kaniomba ushauri. Nami nimeona si vibaya nikiwashirikisha wan JF ili kupata mawazo zaidi.Samahani nitatumia majina ambayo siyo halisi.

    Lily ana mchumba wake anaitwa Julius, ambao wamekuwa wachumba kwa miaka 5. Wote walibahatika kugradute na kupata Barchelors degree japo walikuwa wanasoma vyuo tofauti. Kipindi wanasoma walikuwa wakitembelea na kuwasiliana maana vyuo vyao havikuwa mkoa mmoja.

    Julius ndo aligraduate mapema maana degree yake ilikuwa ni miaka 3 na Lily ni 4. John alikaa mwaka mzima bila kubahatika kupata kazi. Lakini kipindi Julius anatafuta kazi ilifika kipindi akawa hana fedha na Lily akawa anatumia pesa zake za mkopo wa Bodi kumsaidia rafiki yake. Hatimae Julius alipata kazi lakini akapangiwa mkoa mwingine tofauti tena. Katika kipindi chote hicho cha uhusiaono wao walikuwa wakikutana na Lily alikuwa strictly sana hakutaka kufanya mapenzi bila mpira.

    Lily aliamua kumwambia mpenzi wape huyo wapime lakini akamwambia hana nafasi hadi atakapoipta watapima ili waache kutumia mpira.

    Uchumba uliendelea na Lily alipokuwa akipata likizo chuo anaenda kumuona japo ilikuwa safari ya cku mbili kufika alipokuwa anishi Julius. Lily naye baadae alimaliza na yeye alichelewa kupata kazi kama miezi minne, lakini katika kipindi hicho chote japo Julius alikuwa ameshapata kazi wala hakuwahi kumtumia hela yeyote ile imsaidie na Lily alikuwa akimuelezea hali halisi ilivyo.Baadae na lily alipata kazi mkoa tofauti na mchumba wake huyo. Baada ya Lily kupata kazi ,Julius naye alikuwa akipita kumsalimia wakati alipokuwa akienda kwao yani si kama kumtembea-alikuwa anapita,hivyo angeweza kufika leo na kesho yake au keshokutwa akaelekea kwao.

    Lily alijitahidi kuwa anamnunulia zawadi mabali mbali mchumba wake-vikiwemo viatu, mashati, n.k-Ila kwa julius alikuwa c wa kumbebea mwenzake chochote kile labada akutane narafiki zake wamshawishi hasa wale waliokuwa wakimfahamu lily msimamo wake na upendo wake wa dhati kwa Julius.

    Baada ya miezi sita Lily aanze kazi, Julius alimuamba hela kama 350,000 na lily alimpatia, sasa Julius akawa kila baada ya muda atamwambia mwenzake hana hela na lily baada ya kuona hivyo-akaamua kuwa anamwambia naye hana kwa wakati huo.

    Lily akawa anashindwa kumuelewa mpenzi wake huyo hela anafanyia nini.Mara nyingi jioni au asubuhi Julius alikuwa akipiga sanza kutakaimu na ku kujua Lily anafanya nini ana nani ana yupo wapi.Tabia hii ilizidi hata Lily alipokuwa na Kaka zake,Julius aliomba akipiga simu Lily asiikate ili ajue wanaongea nini. Tabia hii ilimkera saana Lily.

    Relationship yao ikawa na ugomvi usioisha, Lily alikonda saana na akawa anaumia jinsi anavyompenda Julius na japo hapati chochote kutoka kwa mchumba wake huyu na hata hakuna msaada wowote ule anaoweza kupata shida akamkimbilia kama rafiki na mchumba wake.

    Kila walipokuwa wakikutana lily anaongelea suala la kupima lakini Julius alisikuwa akisema yupo bize na kazi hivyo hawezi kupata muda.
    Mwaka 2007 Lily aliyopata short course kwenda nje ya nchi, alifunga safari kwenda kumuaga julius. Alikaa siku tatu lkn kataika siku hizo zote mpenzi wake hakumnunulia hata soda ,wala kusema wakanyooshe miguu kidogo jioni moja wapo. Akiwa kule alikumbushia suala la kupima na Julius akamwambia ina maana hamuamini toka waanze relationship? Akamwambia Lily lkuwa ikitokea wakaenda kupima akakuta Lily anavirusi yeye atamuoa tu bila kujali hali ya Lily, akamuuliza lily ina maana tukienda kupima ukakuta nina virusi utaniacha? Lily hakujibu bali aijawa na woga wa hali ya juu kutokana na maneno ya mchumba wake Julius. Lily alirudi akaendelea na mipango yake ya kwenda nje ya nchi.

    Kabla ya kuondoka alipitia Dar ambapo alikuwa anaprocess document zote iliwepo visa, na baadhi ya nyaraka alizoambiwa aende nazo. Julius alimpigia simu na kumwambia aende tena waonane lakini Lily alimwambia cwei kuja maana siku zimeisha na naprocess doucument zangu. Julius alianza kupiga simu na kulalamika kuwa yupo kwa wanaume ndiyo maana anakataa kwenda kumuaga


    Mda ulipo fika Lily aliondoka na akiwa kule kwa kweli mawasiliano hayakuwa mazuri kati yake yeye na mchumba wake. Aliporudi mambo yakaendelea hivyo hivyo lakini bila ya Julius kutaka kwenda kupima. Anachomwambia ni kwamba waoane tu. Mpaka sasa Lily hajui afanye nini!!

    Ameniomba ushauri na mimi naomba kwenu wadau!!
     
  2. K

    Kituko JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Aug 6, 2010
    Joined: Jan 12, 2009
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    SASA MBONA USHAURI WAKO HATUUONI, AU NA WEWE HUNAHITAJI USHAURI ILI UKASHAURi?
     
  3. Ramthods

    Ramthods JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Aug 6, 2010
    Joined: Jun 2, 2009
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    Of course, yeye anategemea ushauri toka kwetu, akamshauri mwenzie.

    1)Tatizo sio kupima na kujua hali ya mwenzio. Huyo rafiki yako inaonekana issue kubwa kwake kukubali aishi na mwenzie ni kujua HIV status - kitu ambacho binafsi nisingekipa nafasi ya kwanza kwa sababu zifuatazo:

    Kwanza ni lazima ujiulize, hao wanandoa amabo leo hii wameathirika na HIV, wakati wanaoana walikua HIV positive, au walikua negative? Na kama walikua negative, ni nini kimesababisha wawe positive leo hii? Jibu ni rahisi tu, kukosa uaminifu.

    Binafsi, suala la upendo wa dhati, heshima ndani ya mahusiano na uaminifu ni lamsingi kuliko HIV status ya mtu. Kama utaolewa na/utamwoa mtu ambae hatakuwa mwaminifu, basi jua hata kama leo hii ni HIV negative, mbele ya safari mambo yanaweza badilika. Je, na kwenye ndoa mtakuwa mnatumia mpira?

    Kutokana na maelezo yako, kuna uwezekano mkubwa huyo mwanaume ana vimeo nje, tena sio kimoja. Hiyo ni tabia, hata kama wataenda kucheki wakawa wote ni negative, mambo yanaweza badilika muda si mrefu mbele ya safari (ndani ya ndoa), wakajikkuta positive.

    Kwa kifupi, mshauri rafiki yako kama anaona mpenzi wake ana dalili za kutokuwa mwaminifu, amweke kando, na asijali ni kiasi gani anampenda - ingawa najua inahitaji ujasiri kufanya hivyo. Hata kama unampenda mtu kiasi gani, kama hata kuheshimu na kukutunzia penzi lako, basi hakuna maana yoyote hapo ya kuwa nae. Bora uende zako uokoe maisha yako mapema kabla jua halijazama.

    2) Tatizo la dada zetu wengi mnapenda kufanya maamuzi yenu kwa kufuata hisia zaidi, bila kutumia akili japo kidogo. Kama umeamua kuolewa, basi olewa na mtu ANAYEKUFAA. Kama unampenda, au anakupenda lakini HAKUFAI, basi mchakato mzima unakuwa hauna maana.

    Binafsi, nimeona wasichana wengi wakiamua kuolewa na watu sababu tu wametoka mbali, au kwa vile anampenda huyo mwanaume. Lakini ukija kwenye suala la tabia unaona ni wazi kuwa huyo mwanaume hamfai. Mimi ndugu yangu aliangukia huko, akaolewa na mlevi kupindukia. Nakumbuka nilivyojaribu kumshauri aliniambia "mimi nampenda, ntambadilisha ataacha pombe". Ila ndoa haikumaliza miaka miwili, ilivunjika shauri ya ulevi. Leo hii anatangatanga na njia.

    Nyie dada zetu, jaribuni kufumbua macho mtazame ukweli. Kuna tofatuti ya mwanaume unayempenda/anayekupenda na mwanaume anayekufaa. Tafuta mwanaume anayekufaa. Kama unaona ana dalili ya kutokuwa mwaminifu, "funika kombe mwanaharamu apite".

    Kama mimi ningekuwa huyo dada, huyo mwanaume ningemweka kando nisonge mbele! Sidhani kama anamfaa.
     
  4. Gaijin

    Gaijin JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Aug 7, 2010
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    mimi ningekwisha achana nae zama nyingi sana............
     
  5. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Aug 7, 2010
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    "John alikaa mwaka mzima bila kubahatika kupata kazi. Lakini kipindi Julius anatafuta kazi ilifika kipindi akawa hana fedha na Lily akawa anatumia pesa zake za mkopo wa Bodi kumsaidia rafiki yake."


    hapo cjaelewa, john ni nani hapo?.....
     
  6. Gaijin

    Gaijin JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Aug 7, 2010
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    Nyamayao hayo majina ya kutunga kidogo yamemchanganya .............John ndo Julius :D
     
  7. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

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    Aug 7, 2010
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    sasa hivi kuna kuoana bila kupima afya kweli? kwanini mkaka anakuwa mgumu kiac hicho kwenda kupima miaka yote hiyo...mdada ashtuke hapo kuna walakini.
     
  8. Mentor

    Mentor JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Aug 7, 2010
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    *Ushauri huu ni biased since we have not heard from the guy's side! Nonetheless, nitajaribu tu kutoa maoni yangu..assuming she is saying it as it is!
    Kama Julius amekuwa akilala naye since chuo time..na yeye amekubali, huu ndiyo mtazamo wangu:
    1. Yeye mwenyewe hayuko serious na maisha yake..how can you give yourself to a man like that!???
    2. Huyo Julius hana any plans na yeye..he was just using her..na sasa he is always looking for a way out (viugomvi visivyo na kichwa wala miguu!) but huyo demu ni king'ang'a sana!
     
  9. m

    motomkali New Member

    #9
    Aug 7, 2010
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    Huyo msichana asithubutu kubadili msimamo wake wa kwenda kupima! Anampenda sana ndio lakini ukishaongolea jambo la kupima mtu akawa anakataa anakuwa ana maana gani? Sio issue, let that smart girl stand where she stands. Never dare taking such uncalculated stupid risk getting married without HIV test You will then regret. Though no one can give the best advice to the person than the person him/herself, advice that lady in that way!
     
  10. Joseph

    Joseph JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Aug 7, 2010
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    Kuna jambo hapa nimejifunza kuwa watu wengi waliopo katika mahusiano hufanya vitu ili nao siku nyingine walipwe,kama Lily alikuwa radhi kutoa hela kwa mapenzi yake,kwanini alisemee jambo hili?Kama ana wasiwasi na afya ya Julius kwanini amekuwa akihondomola nae hata kama wanatumia mpira?
    Tena hapo hakuna ndoa maana inaonekana mapenzi yameegemea upande mmoja tu toka kwa Lily kwenda kwa Julius.Kama vipi Lily akate line kwa muda aone kama Julius atamtafuta kwa maana ya kumuhitaji kama mpenzi wake.
     
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