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Nijulisheni hili wapendwa

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Zneba, Aug 23, 2011.

  1. Zneba

    Zneba Senior Member

    #1
    Aug 23, 2011
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    Hivi familia ina nafasi kiasi gani kwenye suala zima la ndoa jamani hebu nijuzeni,na je ni haki wao kukupangia uolewe na nani au umuoe nani?
     
  2. bacha

    bacha JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Aug 23, 2011
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    swali lako ni zuri, isitoshe naliona linahitaji majibu yenye uchambuzi wa kina kidogo......

    Binafsi naona inategemea mambo mengi kidogo.......

    1. Malezi yako na familia yako kwa ujumla

    2. Misimamo ya wazazi wako kuhusu mustakabhali wa maisha yako

    3. Msimamo /mtizamo wako wewe mwenyewe

    4. Aina ya maisha ya kifamilia unayotokea, je ni conservative au liberal?

    Na mengineyo mengi tu, hata hivyo kwa maisha ya sasa si vema kumchagulia mtoto mpenzi wa kufunga nae ndoa!
    maisha yamekuwa ni ya mchangamano sana,hasa katika karne hii ya sasa, wakati mwingine umdhanie ndiye kumbe sie..................

    Mzazi anapaswa kumuongoza mtoto kwenye mwelekeo ulio bora katika kumpata mwenza wa maisha yake,
    lakini asitoe kauli ya mwisho katika kumchagulia mwenza,
    kwani tunaambiwa kuwa,mke/mume bora hutoka kwa mungu.....................(maandiko ya mungu)
     
  3. Gagurito

    Gagurito JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Aug 23, 2011
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    Familia inanafasi kubwa sana haswa ktk tamaduni zetu waafrica, kifupi tunasema "in african culture or traditions society/clan/family is our prime centre, i mean mtu hutakwa kufanya mambo kwa kulingana na society moral and values, kwa wazungu individual person ndio basic unity yan mtu hufanya mambo pasipo ingiliwa na mtu and that is what they call it as Liberty!
    Ktk swala la ndoa kwa values za ki africa, Familia inanafasi kubwa sana, familia kuhakikisha kizazi chake kinaenda vizuri hutumia muda mwingi kuchunguza wachumba wa wanao b4 ndoa, na huwa wakali sana ktk maamuzi.
     
  4. Aisha Adam

    Aisha Adam JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Aug 23, 2011
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    Si haki yao kukpangia uolewe na nani,
    Lkn ni vzr kumpeleka mtu mwenye tabia zinazokubalika kwa watu na ambae ataweza kuungana na familia yenu ktk shida na raha
     
  5. Zneba

    Zneba Senior Member

    #5
    Aug 23, 2011
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    asante sana bacha na je kwa mfano ndugu zako wanamkataa mchumba wako kwa sababu ambazo wao wanaziamini ndivyo wakati wewe unaamini sivyo ilivyo kabisa,utakubaliana nao tu kwa sababu wameamini kitu ambacho si sahihi au ufanyeje?msaada plz
     
  6. Zneba

    Zneba Senior Member

    #6
    Aug 23, 2011
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    lakini wakati mwingine tunadhulumiwa kutokana na wao kuamini kitu ambacho si sahihi utatumia busara gani hapo jamani
     
  7. BPM

    BPM JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Aug 23, 2011
    Joined: Mar 10, 2011
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    hapa kunna mambo ambayo yanategemeana
    1. wewe mhusika unaishilikishaje famialia yako katika maisha yako ya kila siku (ushauri wako unaupata kutoka kwa wazazi??)
    2. je ukaribu wako na familia yako ukoje??
    pia maamuzi yatabaki kuwa kwako kwa vile familia unatakiwa uwaambia kabla hujafanya maamuzi ... wao watashauli na wewe utaweza kusimamia au kutetea nini ambacho unaamini.. kwa vile suala zima kikianza lazima familia ndo itahusika
     
  8. Zneba

    Zneba Senior Member

    #8
    Aug 23, 2011
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    thanx BPM nimekupata
     
  9. U

    Ulimakafu JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Aug 23, 2011
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    Familia ndio kila kitu.
     
  10. Zneba

    Zneba Senior Member

    #10
    Aug 23, 2011
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    okay nimekupata ullimakafu,inagawa inauma sana kuona unampoteza mtu ambae umefika nae mbali na unamuamini kwa kila kitu familia inakufanya uanze upya
     
  11. BPM

    BPM JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Aug 23, 2011
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    pia cha msingi zaidi ukifikia muda wa kuoa au kuolewa anza kudodosa mambo kupitia kwa wazazi au wajomba, shangazi etc ili uweze kufunguka zaidi na uwe na uelewa ... maana wengi hufanya maamuzi kutokana na imani ya kwamba anapenda na kupendwa na mwenzake ..kwa wakinadada wanaamini kitchen party ndo mwongzo lkn kuwa na muda zaidi na wazee kuweza kudadavua mengi
     
  12. Keren_Happuch

    Keren_Happuch JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Aug 23, 2011
    Joined: Jan 14, 2011
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    Maandiko yanasema, "Nyumba na mali ni urithi apatao mtu kwa babaye, bali mke mwenye busara mtu hupewa na Bwana" (Mithali 19:14).

    Ninaamini, inatupasa kumshirikisha Mungu pale tunapotafuta wenzi wetu. Na vizuri kupata ushauri toka kwa wazazi, lakini the final decision ni ya kwako pale ukiamini uliyempata, ametoka kwa Mungu. Kila la heri na ubarikiwe.
     
  13. K

    KAPONGO JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Aug 23, 2011
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    Shadakta!!! umenena
     
  14. Mr Rocky

    Mr Rocky JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Aug 23, 2011
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    Familia naweza kusema ni kweli ina nafasi sana katika maamuzi ya nini ufanye katika maisha yako ila katika swala la kukupangia nani umuoe na nani usimuoe napingana na masuala ya familia kuwa ndio wapangaji wa hayo.

    Ni kweli mke/mume ni wewe utakayeishi nae ndani ya nyumba na ni wewe umemchunguza ukamkubali kw avigezo vyako kuwa atakuwa mke au mume mwema katika maisha yako. Unapompeleka kwa wazazi au ndugu then wanakuambia huyu sie ila tunataka umuoe au uolewe na fulani hapo inaleta mchanganyiko. Swala ni wewe unayekwenda kukaa na kuanza maisha yako na mke au mume mtarajiwa ila inapokuja wazazi wanakupa masharti kuwa hatumktaki huyu tunamtaka huyu hapo lazima upate wasiwasi

    Kuna mambo ambayo kweli yanaweza kuwa ya msingi wazazi au ndugu kuingilia haswa pale kunapokuwa na serious issue ambayo inaonekana kabisa kuwa itaharibu maisha ya watoto wao wakioana ila kwa issue nyingine ambazo kwa wewe mhusika hujaziona na umemkubali mwenzako sidhani kama wazazi wana mamlaka ya kukuambia hapana usimuoe huyu au usiolewe na huyu
     
  15. bacha

    bacha JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Aug 23, 2011
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    nadhani majibu nimeyatoa kwenye maelezo yangu ya awali....,
    inakupasa weye kupima kwanza;

    je, wao wanavigezo gani au sababu gani za msingi za kumkataa?
    je, wanamjua vizuri au nao wanapewa stori za kuambiwa?

    Kumbuka pia si vema kukataa kila neno, ila lazima pia uwe na busara katika kukataa,
    na jipe muda wa kuchunguza kinachosemwa hapo..........

    isitoshe hiyo ndo maana halisi ya kipindi cha uchumba.....(kipindi cha kupimana uaminifu na thamani ya upendo wenu)

    Ila mwisho wa siku weye ndo muamuzi wa mwisho, usuke au unyoe!kwasababu maisha mtakayoishi yatakuwa yenu nyie wawili,
    na wala si ndugu zako...........
     
  16. Zneba

    Zneba Senior Member

    #16
    Aug 23, 2011
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    asante sana kwa ushauri wako nimekuelwa vizuri na nimependa kwa kuwa umechukulia issue hii very serious thanx a lot bacha
     
  17. Zneba

    Zneba Senior Member

    #17
    Aug 23, 2011
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    thanx keren nimekuelewa
     
  18. Tuko

    Tuko JF Bronze Member

    #18
    Aug 23, 2011
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    kama siajkosea zbena uliwahi kuleta topic nyingine inayofanana na hii. Pole maana naamini ni kitu kinachokugusa. Nikujibu tu kuwa ukweli ni kuwa watu wanapooana, automatically wanakuwa sehemu za familia za wakwe zao. Maisha yanahitaji upendo hasa kutoka kwa wale wanaokuzunguka. sidhani kama kuna mtu atapenda aishi maisha ambayo majority ya wanaomzunguka na ndugu na jamaa wananchukia. Ni maisha mabaya sana na unaweza kujuta hata kuyaishi. Hata hivyo kuhusu suala la kupendwa na wakwe, halipo direct sana. Kabla mtu hajaoa au kuolewa, wazazi na ndugu wanakuwa wana-preference zao za mtu ambaye ambaye wanaamini akiongezwa katika familia yao itakuwa poa. Hata hivyo, tena kwa experience kubwa kuanzia kwangu mwenyewe, kwa ndgu zangu na kwa marafiki zangu, hali hubadilika sana baada ya huyo mkwe kuja katika familia. Unakuta wakwe walipenda pengine kabila fulani, elimu fulani, rangi fulani, ukoo fulani, dini fulani nk. Atakapoolewa yule 'anayetakiwa', huchukuwa miezi kadhaa ya kupendwa kwa mujibu wa zile sifa alizo nazo, lakini baada ya hapo kinachomfanya mtu apendwe au achukiwe ni tabia yake. Wapo waliokuwa wanapendwa sana wakati wa kuolewa, lakini miezi michache baadae walikuwa wanachukiwa na kila mtu, na wapo waliokuwa wanachukiwa au kudharauliwa wakati wanaolewa, lakini baadae walipendwa na kuheshimiwa na kila mtu. So it depends una-behave vipi katika jamii yako mpya
     
  19. Zneba

    Zneba Senior Member

    #19
    Aug 23, 2011
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    Asante sana keroro nimekuelewa ni kweli nilishawahi kupost issue kama hii muhusika ni mimi mwenyewe na inaniuma sana tu kumpoteza mpenzi wangu niliempenda na kumzoea mno.ila ndo sina namna kwa kuwa nikweli kuingia katika familia ambayo ndugu hawajakupenda ni kitu kibaya sana kwakuwa maisha si ya watu wawili.nashukuru kwa kunishauri vizuri mno ila hapo kwenye bold nimepapenda zaidi
     
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