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NDOA: Zamani vs Siku hizi...

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mbu, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    [​IMG]....wakati nikijiandaa kuwasha mishumaa kusubiria mwaka 2012, hebu tutafakari na kujadiliana hili. Wazee wetu walidumu kwenye viapo vya ndoa zao kwa kuzingatia misingi ya mila na tamaduni zao, imani za kidini na mitazamo ya kijamii tofauti na kasi ya kuvunjika kwa ndoa kwa miaka hii ya sasa. Nini mtazamo wako kuhusiana na janga hili la kitaifa na kimataifa...

    mfano; haijalishi mmeoana kijijini, mnapokuja mjini na mke anapoacha msingi wa ndoa aliyokuzwa nayo, ndoa itayumba, ...na hili pia lishawakumba hata wale waliokwenda ng'ambo na wake zao..." kipofu kaona mwezi, au alalaye usimwamshe?"....

    Je, mporomoko wa NDOA ZA KISASA unachangiwa na wanawake kujua haki zao dhidi ya mifumo dume iliyotawala tangu enzi za mababu, na misingi ya imani za kidini, au?

    Jadili
     
  2. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    ofu kozi
    hata wanamme wa sasa ambao wanadhani wameukubali mfumo jike.
    Kwenye background ya vichwa vyao wanatamani wanawake wanaokubaliana na mfumo dume.

    Mwanamme hapendi kusaidia zile mess za nyumbani, akifanya anafanya kuepusha shari.

    Lakini upande mwingine ni mwingiliano wa tamaduni ambazo tunazichakachua kwa kasi na tamaduni za kimagharibi.
    Huko magharibi kuvunja ndoa si jambo la ajabu. Huku kwetu ilikuwa ni mwiko kwa mwanamke kurudi kwao eti kisa mme kamshinda. Ukiolewa umeshaolewa no matter what.

    Kitu kingine ni Economic Independence, sababu iliyowalazimu mama zetu kubaki kwenye ndoa ni kushindwa kujimudu kiuchumi. Walihofu maisha yao baada ya ndoa hasa kama ana watoto.
    Sasa hivi kabinti tu kana mshahara kwa kuji-support na ku-support familia yake in all aspects. Hata ukimwacha hachanganyikiwi wala hakung'ang'anii.

    Sasa kutokana na sababu zote hapo juu wanawake sasa hivi wanaangalia ihternal satisfaction, kama you make her happy anakaa na wewe hiyo happiness ikitoweka nayeye anatoweka.

    Hizi ni baadhi tu....
     
  3. MwanajamiiOne

    MwanajamiiOne Platinum Member

    #3
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    Mbu aksante sana kwa mjadala huu. Nadhani kuna mengi yaliyochange kulinganisha na maisha walioishi wazazi wetu.
    Ntarudi
     
  4. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Mbu ahsante sana kwa thread nyingine nzuri sana. Nitachangia muda ukiruhusu Mkuu.
     
  5. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #5
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    Noamba nitoe mawazo yangu ya why ndoa sasa hivi zaporomoka saana, na idadi ya divorces zimekua kubwa..... Na Mbu hope you don't mind kua ni ndefu.

    Wanawake kujitambua...

    Zamani wamama/bibi zetu walifunzwa kumtii mwanaume kama vile Mungu wao.... Whatever mwanaume alikua akiamua ama kufanya dhidi ya mkewe... wanawake walikua wanamezea na kusema hewala.... Wanaume where the Voice of authority ndani ya nyumba... Sometimes hata mtoto wa kiume akia mkubwa alikua anakua na sauti kuliko hata mama.... Mwanamke alikua kiolewa anakua considered kua sio wa nyumbani tena na at all cost haruhusiwi kurudi kwao maaana inakua ni aibu mno. As times goes on... things have changed, wanawake sasa hivi wanajua haki zao na wengi hawakubali kukanyagwa ama kupanda kichwani... Saa ingine hadi wanakosea na kudai haki sawa katika mambo ambayo kimsingi hayawezi kua sawa na mume.... Sasa inapofika hapo, ni kazi saana hio ndoa kudumu. Haiwezekani hata siku moja woote mtake kua sawa in terms of 50/50 (mke na mume) na mka blend.... Lazima kue na upenyo wa mmoja kuzidi hata kama ni 5% - 10%

    Maadili kushuka katika jamii na ile kuthamini ndoa....

    Most people don't care kua wameoa/olewa.... Hio in some ways hufanya kila mmoja asiwajibike ipasavo katika ndoa... Aidha katika majukumu ya ndani AMA dhidi ya mwenza.... Baadhi ya wanaume anataka mke awe ka house gal... yaani asimamie nyumba, aangalie watoto na kuhakikisha the house is in order... Kumjali, kumpenda, kumthamini, kumpa haki yake kiunyumba ipasavo... ni mtihani. Ya ziada anataka akale na nyumba ndogo na hawara zake. Baadhi ya wanawake wanataka mwanaume aprovide nyumbani kwa kila kitu... bado kama wana uwezo atataka awe na binti ambae ndo ageuke house keeper wa kila kitu.... Hawezi hata siku moja jihusisha na welfare ya nyumba yake, wanae, mumewe, na the like.... Wala kufanya lolote kujenga familia iwe ya upendo na ukaribu.... Hatimae nyumba inakua ni sehemu ya kujihifadhi mume, watoto na yeye mwenyewe... Lakini sio mahala wataka hasa kuenda na kufurahi.... At the end of the day ugomvi ndani ya nyumba na kila mmoja kutafuta vipozeo kama si mahawara.....

    Kuna mengine meeengi....


    1. Kukua kwa utandawazi... Mambo ya simu, internates, na the like.
    2. Kupungua kwa uthamani wa ndoa katika ile individual belief ya mtu mwenyewe..
    3. Makundi mbali mbali ya mme ama mke...
    4. Tamaa ya kutaka kufanikiwa haraka....
    5. Etc.
     
  6. m

    mhondo JF-Expert Member

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    Inawezekana pia kwa sababu ya kuingia kwenye ndoa bila upendo wa dhati isipokuwa ni kutokana na kutamaniana tu (kuangaliana sifa za nje) bila kujuana vizuri tabia za ndani za mtu. Ndiyo maana kama ni msomaji wa Biblia utaona Samweli aliambiwa na Mungu, Bwana haangalii kama binadamu aangaliavyo; maana wanadamu hutazama sura ya nje, bali Bwana huutazama moyo - 1 Samweli 16:7-12.
     
  7. FaizaFoxy

    FaizaFoxy JF-Expert Member

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    Kwa mtazamo wangu na jinsi nilivyo expirience ndoa yangu (zaidi ya miaka 30) na jinsi nilivyoamua na kusikiliza kesi nyingi sana zinazohusiana na wana ndoa, tatizo si "mfumo dume".

    Tatizo nnaloliona mimi kubwa zaidi katika ndoa ni "incompatibility". Kwa maana halisi ya neno la Kiswahili "kuoana", chukulia mfano wa viatu, viatu ili uvivae ni lazima "Vioane" huwezi kuvaa "stiletto" mguu mmoja na ukavaa "kanda mbili mguu mwingine" ni simply havioani. Inabidi watu waelewe maana halisi ya neno "kuoana" na si kuoa au kuolewa. Zamani wazee wetu walikuwa wanaijuwa namna ya "kuoana" na si kuowa au kuolewa. Ndoa za zamani nyingi zilikuwa ni arranged, na mchumba huchunguzwa na ndugu au wazee wa pande zote na wakiona hawa "wanaoana" ndio hutimiza mambo ya ndoa.

    Siku hizi ni "different", tunataka kutafuta wenyewe tuolewe au tuowe na tuliyemtafuta. Hii hupelekea kila mmoja kuwa "actor" au "actress" kwa mwenzie, lakini inapofikia "reality" inabidi "acting" ife, na hapo ndipo huanza matatizo yote.
     
  8. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...naomba nisisitize kutokana na simulizi nyingi za wazee wetu...walitafutiwa wake kutoka kwenye familia fulani, ukoo au jamii fulani. Hapo sidhani kama kulikuwa kuna kutamaniana au kupendana awali...kwa kifupi, mke na mume hawakuwa wakijuana/kufahamiana ki hivyo.
     
  9. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Tatizo kubwa hapa ni weman right full stop!Nitarudi!
     
  10. FaizaFoxy

    FaizaFoxy JF-Expert Member

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    weman right = women rights
     
  11. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...asante mwj1....

    ...unapozungumzia changes una maanisha nini? kwa muono wako, wadhani mabadiliko haya yameanza lini kiasi cha kulinganisha uzamani wa wazazi wetu na huu usasa wa kikwetu?

    ...mtazamo wangu wa ndoa za kisasa nalinganisha waliooana 1980's kuja mpaka leo hii 2011....kasi ya watu kuoana na kuachana imekuwa kubwa kulikoni wazee wetu waliokuwa wameoana miaka ya 60's na kurudi nyuma...au?


     
  12. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    AshaDii,
    ...umeandika na kuchambua vizuri sana, na umegusia kitu kimoja kizuri sana...thamani ya ndoa.
    Nakubaliana nawe sana thamani ya ndoa imeshuka kwa kiwango kikubwa, sasa je...iwapo sie wa kizazi hiki
    tumefikia hapa,...huko tunakoelekea itakuwaje yarabi?....nani alaumiwe kwa janga hili?
    ...kuna lolote linaloweza tuepusha na gharika hizi au ndio tusubiri "mesina"
    kama ya Nuhu?
     
  13. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Mbu bana, sidhani kama mwanamke kujitambua (yeye mwenyewe na haki zake) inatakiwa iwe negative factor linapokuja swala la ndoa.Kujitambua kunamfanya mtu awe bora zaidi ya ambavyo angekua bila kujitambua, kunamuongezea ufahamu ambao ukitumika vizuri na kuchukuliwa positively unaboresha maisha ya ndoa na familia kwa ujumla. Tatizo ni wanaume kutaka ule uwezo wa kuweza kumkandamiza mwanamke urudi, wakati hata maisha ya leo hii yanamtaka mwanamke awe mtu anaejielewa.

    Nwy, tatizo kubwa zaidi lipo kwenye watu kukurupuka.Sababu zinazowafanya watake kuoa/olewa sio sahihi, matarajio waliyonayo kuhusu ndoa sio sahihi wala hayaendani, hamna hisia na mapenzi ya kweli kwa wanaotia sahihi kwenye vyeti vya ndoa, malengo yao hayafanani na kila mmoja anaficha yake. Mwisho wa siku wanapoanza kupata surprise ambazo hawakutegema huko ndani ndio matatizo yanapoanza. Mara huyu kaenda kutafuta anachokosa kwingine, mara yule kaanza dharau yani alimradi kila mtu na lake.Na yote hayo yanapozaa kukosekana kwa uaminifu na tamaa ndio unashangaa walioona kwa mbwembwe wanaachana kwa matusi.

    Inabidi watu waanze kujipanga (wale wanaotaka ndoa kwa maana ya ndoa na sio ndoa JINA).Wajue wanayoweza kupata na kukosa na wawe tayari kukabiliana nayo, wawe tayari kucompromise ili kila mmoja aone anatendewa haki, wawe tayari kuvumiliana (ila sio kwa kupitiliza) na kunyanyuana pale mmoja anapodondoka.
     
  14. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    mashaallah! 30yrs!!! hongera sana dada.
    Je, kwa hali ilivyo na huko tunakoelekea, wadhani tunajukumu gani kwa hawa wanetu kuhakikisha
    wanaitambua thamani ya ndoa, ----watambue haki zao bila kuathiri tamaduni, mila na imani za dini zinazotuongoza,....maana vijana wa kileo ukimchagulia mchumba atakwambia unammyima haki yake ya msingi.
     
  15. m

    mhondo JF-Expert Member

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    . Pia nimeeleza ndoa za sasa ni kwamba watu wanatamaniana zaidi kwa kuangalia vitu vya nje na siyo kuhusu ndoa za zamani.
     
  16. FaizaFoxy

    FaizaFoxy JF-Expert Member

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    Nimeshasikia siku hizi hata wasichana hawataki kuolewa na wao wanataka kuoa! Siri hapo ipo kwenye Kuoana, kuoa au kuolewa?.

    Watakaodumu ni wale wanao oana na si wanao olewa wala kuoa. Huo ni mtazamo wangu, na mimi binafsi yangu ni "proof" ya hilo. tume oana na Gozi langu. Hajanioa wala Sikumuoa. Nadhani vijana wa sasa na wajao wanatakiwa waelewe maana ya kuoana.
     
  17. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Teh,teh,teh,teh, mpaka nimechapia,weman dah!Asante Faiza Foxxy!
     
  18. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ....lol....Lizzy kwa muono wangu mfumo dume kuanzia kimila, mpaka imani za kidini ziliwasaidia sana wazee wetu kufika walipofikia, ila usasa huu ambao kama hiyo extract ya mkutano wa beijing niliyoiweka hapo juu, imedhamiria kupinga kwa nguvu zote ukandamizaji wa aina zote dhidi ya mwanamke.

    Tafsiri ya ukandamizaji ndio mashaka ninayoyataka tuyajadili hapa, maana mitazamo yetu pia yatofautiana. Kwa kumshinikiza mke wangu avae mavazi ya kujistiri, asiweze letesha ushawishi kwa wanaume wa nje si kwamba najaribu kumnyima haki zake...la hasha!
    Ni katika harakati za kulinda ndoa yangu...
    [​IMG]

    Mke huyo anapolalamika kwa wenziwe ati nambana bana na mambo ya kizamani na kumnyima uhuru wake wa kupendeza na mavazi ya leggings kiasi cha kuleta mifarakano ndani ya nyumba, hapo kuna kulaumu mfumo dume na maandiko kweli?
     
  19. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Faiza unaweza usieleweke hapa!Hebu fafanua kuoa ni nini,kuoelewa ni nini na kuoana ni nini,utakua umetoa msaada,naweza kuwa nimekuelewa lakini eleza zaidi!
     
  20. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

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    Ndoa za kisasa hazidumu kwa sababu watu wanaoana kwasababu zingine ukiacha sababu za kidini na upendo baina yao. Wanandoa wengi wa sasa hawana hofu ya mungu wala hawafati mila na desturi zao ambazo kwa namna moja au nyingine zingewasaidia kuwaweka pamoja.
     
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