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Ndoa ndoana!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Jpinduzi, Dec 4, 2011.

  1. Jpinduzi

    Jpinduzi Senior Member

    #1
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Feb 26, 2011
    Messages: 136
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    [​IMG]

    Kila mtu atakubaliana nami kwamba ndoa ni sehemu muhimu ya maisha ya mwanadamu. Hili halina shaka ndani yake. Na wengine husema kwamba kama hujaoa au kuolewa, basi siku zote utahisi kuwa kuna kitu fulani katika maisha yako hujatimiza ili roho yako isawazike.

    Ndoa asili yake ni tamu sana, ladha kamili ya maisha iko kwenye ndoa, ndoa ni kitulizo cha roho na nafsi,ndoa ni heshima kwa mwanadamu na ukamilifu wa Mwanadamu. Sina haja ya kuisifia ndoa saaaaaana maana kila mtu anatambua vyema thamani yake kama anavyotambua thamani ya jua. Lakini kinachoikwaza akili yangu siku zote ni ile patashika ambayo hutokea katika baadhi ya ndoa.

    Katika Karne hii ya kizazi kipya cha Dot Com, utakuta asilimia kubwa mapenzi hupungua ndani ya Ndoa kuliko kabla ya ndoa. Utakuta wapendanao wanapenda sana kabla ya ndoa, wanaitana majina yote matamu duniani, Sweetheart, Honey, my love, darling, My heart, Baby, La azizi, mahabubu,....n.k.
    Lakini pindi wawili wapendanao -walio wengi- wanapoingia katika maisha ya Ndoa, basi Ndoa hugeuka na kuwa patashika nguo kuchanika, na si patashika tu bali pia hugeuka na kuwa pingu hasa pale wanapotakiwa kila mtu kutimiza majukumu yake yanayomlazimu kwa mwenzie.

    Na hapo ndipo ndoa inapogeuka na kuwa ndoana, wanandoa walioitana majina yote matamu ya dunia hii kabla ya ndoa, wanafikia hatua ya kuchukiana kupita maelezo na kila mtu (kati ya wana ndoa hao) aliyejihisi alikuwa mfalme/malkia kabla ya ndoa sasa ndani ya ndoa amekuwa mtumwa wa taasis hiyo.
    Mambo yanapofikia hatua hii ambayo naweza kuiita mchafu koge, mapenzi ya wanandoa yanashuka kabisaaaa mpaka kufikia namba sifuri na mara nyingi grafu huenda chini ya hapo,na hapo ndipo utakaposikia wanaanza kuitana majina tofauti na yale ya awali. Utasikia "Mwendawazimu wewe, Shetani mkubwa, Ibilisi, *******, **** kama wewe unaweza kunioa/kuolewa na mtu kama mimi?

    Hebu niangalie vizuri kwanza shape/elimu/utanashati wangu, unaona tuko sawa mimi na wewe au umekosea namba? Unaweza kuwa na mume/mke kama mimi, changudoa/serengeti boi wewe? Siwezi kutembea na wewe unanitia aibu barabarani, mwangalie sura yake, utadhani kalamba ndimu..." Basi wanandoa hao wote wanakunjiana sura, ukiwacheki utadhani konda kakosa abiria!.
    Ndoa inaendelea kuwa pilipili na hatimae wanandoa wanaamua kwenda hatua moja ya juu zaidi, kupigana masumbwi mazito mazito ya ki-Tyson na Evanda na kukabana ile kabari tunayoiita "Form six".

    Hapo sasa ndipo swali linapokuja kwa wadau,ni kitu gani kinasababisha yale mapenzi ya kuhurumia, kupendana kuthaminiana, ikiwemo kuheshimiana kabla ya ndoa kugeuka ghafla na kuwa 'pingu' na hatimae watu kukabana kabari, kupigana vichwa, kurukiana sarakasi, kukabidhiana maumivu, kutoana ngeu, kung'oana meno, na mwisho kupeana 'karata 3'.??!!
    Hili ndilo swali langu,nawauliza ndugu zangu wadau, naomba mning'amulie na kunitegulia kitendawili hiki.Ni zipi sababu hasa zinazopelekea hali kuwa namna hiyo? SOURCE{ fotobaraza.me}
     
  2. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: May 25, 2009
    Messages: 22,194
    Likes Received: 122
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    Hivi ni mahabubu au mahabuba? Nauliza tu.

    Neway kwa uelewa wangu sababu kubwa ya hayo mabadiliko (kama yanavyoonekana ) hua ni . . . . .
    1.Watu kuingia kwenye ndoa wakiwa na matarajio ambayo sio/wasiyo na uhakika nayo. Wanategemea kwamba maisha yatakua vilevile yalivyokua wakati wa upenzi na uchumba wakati kulikua hamna sacrifise nyingi wala majukumu hayakua yanategemeana. Kwenye ndoa matatizo ya mwenzako/ndugu zake yanakua yako tofauti na wakati wa upenzi/uchumba ambapo mtu anakua na uwezo wa kuchagua kama asaidie au la.Wengine wanaoa/olewa ili wazae bila kukumbuka kwamba wanaweza wasifanikiwe.

    2. Kuoa/olewa for the wrong reason.
    Nathubutu kisema kwamba wanaooana kwasababu wanapendana ni wachache kuliko wanaoona kwa sababu nyingine ambazo mwenzi wake anakua hazijui/hajagundua. Vitu kama pesa na uzuri wa sura/mwili. Inapotokea kile kitu kilichomwingiza mtu kwenye ndoa kitapungua lazima matatizo yawepo.

    3. Pia kuna swala la kuridhisha jamii, ndugu na marafiki. Kwenye ndoa ya aina hiyo lazima mmoja wao ataona anapunjika kwa namna moja ama nyingine hivyo kupelekea matendo ambayo sio ya kindoa (dharau, kucheat,manyanyaso, kutokua na ukaribu n.k) , yote ambayo yanaweza kujenga chuki kati yao.

    4. Ukweli wa nafsi.
    Wengine sio kwamba hua wanaacha /punguza mapenzi wanapoingia ndoani bali wanakua wanaonyesha tu hisia zao za ukweli ambazo walificha tangu mwanzo. Unakuta mtu kwasababu anazozijua yeye anamtrick mwenzie kumuamini kwamba anampenda ili apate ndoa na akishaipata ndo anaonyesha makucha yake akiwa anajua kwamba ameshaingia hivyo hana cha kubembelezea tena.

    5.Ndoa za kulazimishiwa.
    Bado wapo watu wanaokubali kumuoa/kuolewa na fulani kwasababu wazazi wake wanataka iwe hivyo.Ama wale wanaowalazimisha kuwaoa kwa vitisho (upande wa wanaume) na kutegesha mimba (upande wa wanawake).

    6.Malengo tofauti.
    Kutokana na baadhi ya sababu nilizotoa hapo juu ni wazi kwamba kuingia kwenye ndoa huku mkiwa na malengo tofauti lazima kutaleta upungufu linapokuja swala la wanandoa hao kuridhika.

    7. Zero uaminifu.
    Ni wazi kwamba swala la watu kutokua faithful limepanda chati siku hizi.Mume anatoka , mke nae anatoka.Wanafanya kukomoana tu.

    8.Makucha.
    Kama nilivyolizungumzia hili mwanzo mtu anaweza kuficha makucha yake na kumfanya mwenzake aamini amepata kumbe kapatikana.Pale makucha yanapojitokeza yule mdanganyika anaweza akashindwa kuzuia hisia zake (chuki, hasira n.k) hivyo kusababisha ndoa iwe chungu kwa wote wawili.

    Watu wakianza kuingia ndoani kwakua wanapendana na kuhitajiana, wakiwa tayari kusimama pamoja pale panapotokea matatizo badala ya kwenda kutafuta malowanzo nje ya ndoa zao, wakiacha kujali watu wengine wanataka nini na kuangalia wanachotaka wao instead na wakiwa waaminifu amani itaongezeka kwa wengi.
     
  3. kashengo

    kashengo JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Mar 24, 2011
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    Mi nafikiri kutokujua uhalisia wa mambo yanavyokuwa maishani baada ya kuoana! Ikumbukwe hata IBILISI hapendi watu waoane na waishi maisha mwenyezi mungu anayotaka bali wanataka watu wafanye uzinzi mpaka basi mfano..watu wanaweza kuishi hawajaoana miaka hata 5,6 mpaka 7 ila wakioana mambo yanaharibika ilo moja..
    2.watu wengi wanafake tabia zao kabla ya ndoa na wakioana mtu anaona TRUE COLOURS za mwenziwe hapo ndo patashika linaanzia
    3.Kutokumtanguliza mungu katika maisha ya ndoa ni kitu kibaya kinazigharimu ndoa nyingi..kwa kweli ndoa za washika dini na wasio shika dini hutofautiana sana
    3.vijana wengi wanaingia ndoani bila information za kutosha siku hizi...mtu anafikiria asali na tende kama uchumbani ilivyokuwa kumbe huku kuna majukumu,maradhi, ugomvi nk..na mtu hakuvitegemea sasa hapo ndo mambo yanaharibika..

    Huu ni mtizamo wangu
     
  4. kashengo

    kashengo JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Mar 24, 2011
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    kweli kabisa LIZZY! Habari yako?
     
  5. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: May 25, 2009
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    Habari yangu ni Bien. . . yakwako?
    Naona tuna mtazamo unaofanana.
     
  6. kashengo

    kashengo JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Dec 4, 2011
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    barida kbsaa...ni kweli katika hili japo kuna sredi tulitofautiana
     
  7. Mamushka

    Mamushka JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Feb 17, 2010
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    Nadhani kakosea alitaka kuandika mahabuba.
     
  8. Nazjaz

    Nazjaz JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Jan 20, 2011
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    wenye hiyo picha wanajua kuwa umewabandika Jamii Forums?
     
  9. Mkeshahoi

    Mkeshahoi JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Jan 4, 2009
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    Kiss Kishhhh.... imituliaga...!!
     
  10. kashengo

    kashengo JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Mar 24, 2011
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    atakuwa ni yeye na mwenziwe anajipa promo
     
  11. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: May 25, 2009
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    Asantee.
     
  12. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Mar 21, 2011
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    sasa hivi tunaoana bila kuwa na mission na vission ya ndoa.
     
  13. Jpinduzi

    Jpinduzi Senior Member

    #13
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Feb 26, 2011
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    Aksante kwa kukosoa nadhani ni typing error.wino mwekundu ndio sahihi!
     
  14. N

    Ninaweza JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Dec 14, 2010
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    Nimeweka kipindi cha miaka 2 kuanzia sasa, ntajiunga ktk kundi hilo. Endeleeni kujadili nipate kujifunza. Kashengo na Lizzy hasanteni kwa input tukufu.
     
  15. Mayasa

    Mayasa JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Aug 19, 2010
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    Hivi ni NDOANA au NDOANO?
     
  16. LINCOLINMTZA

    LINCOLINMTZA JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Dec 4, 2011
    Joined: Mar 15, 2011
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    Unahangaika na cover ya kitabu badala ya ujumbe!
     
  17. M

    Myn17 Member

    #17
    Dec 5, 2011
    Joined: Nov 17, 2011
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    Lizzy mara nyingi napenda fikra zako.
    mchango wako umetulia.
     
  18. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Dec 5, 2011
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    Asante Myn.
     
  19. Sumba-Wanga

    Sumba-Wanga JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Dec 5, 2011
    Joined: Feb 2, 2011
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    Marriages and relationships... almost everyone ni mjuaji , but very can make it to be happy......
     
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