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Ndoa na starehe

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Husninyo, Sep 25, 2011.

  1. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Sep 25, 2011
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    Habari zenu wapenzi wangu woote!
    Hivi ni kwa vipi starehe inaweza kuwa kikwazo katika ndoa? Starehe ninazozungumzia hapa ni pombe na club. Inawezekana kwako isiwe starehe ila kwa mwingine ni starehe. Jaribu kufikiria chochote unachopenda kufanya ili kujiburudisha wakati kwa mkeo/mumeo humkwaza ili tuweze kuelewana.
    Kwa wanaume mkishaoa inatakiwa muache hivyo vitu? Na kwa wanawake mlioolewa huwa mnakwazika kama mume wako ni mtu wa kwenda mziki kwa sana/pombe au starehe yoyote?.
    Imetokea katika familia yetu, uncle wangu ni mtu wa kinywaji kwa sana na hana fujo akilewa pia ni mtu wa mziki, anavuta na sigara. Kwake hizo ndio starehe zake muhimu na watu wote tunazifahamu. Ameoa na ana mtoto mchanga ila ndoa yao haijamaliza hata mwaka. Kabla hawajapata kitoto alikuwa anaenda mziki kwa sana na mkewe ila sasahv mama anabaki uncle wangu anatoka kama kawa kitu ambacho aunt yangu hapendi.
    Labda nifupishe stori niende direct kwenye point.
    Ningependa tujadili iwapo
    1.ni halali kwa mume kuendekeza starehe wakati mke hapendi.
    2.ni halali kwa mke kumzuia mumewe kufanya anayoyapenda wakati alishayaona tangu mwanzo na ukakubali kuingia kwenye ndoa.
    3. Wote tunajua malezi ni ya pande zote mbili, nikirudi kwenye mfano wa uncle wangu niliowapa napata utata. Kwanini asiache kwenda mziki abaki kulea mtoto!!. Naamini wapo wanaume wengi dizaini ya uncle wangu.
    Jamani wapendwa, hivi ninavyoandika aunt yangu kajifungasha karudi kwao. Nashindwa kuelewa nani ana makosa hapo.
    Samahanini kwa thread ndefu. Napenda kujifunza kupitia kwa watu kabla hayajanikuta.
    Ahsanteni na weekend njema.
     
  2. Nailyne

    Nailyne JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Sep 25, 2011
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    yale yale...,mwanamke anaolewa akiamini mwanaume atabalika, na mwanaume anaoa akiamini mwanamke hatabadilika!kama hiyo siyo tabia mpya kwa mumewe as alikuwa nayo tangu hawajaoana leo anashangaa nini? kama mkewe alikuwa hapendi hizo tabia alikuabali nini kuolewa na mtu wa hivyo? kama kuna kitu huwezi kukivulia kutoka kwa mwenza na umekiona kabla hata hamjaoana usidhani kuwa mkiooana utaweza kukivumilia, na usidhani kuwa akitabadilika over nit....vinginevyo kama walikubaliana kwamba anaacha hiyo tabia halafu ameendelea nayo hilo ni suala lingine.
    kwani huo mziki anaenda kila siku?
     
  3. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Sep 25, 2011
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    swala la kubadilishana linabaki na utata. Kwa upande mwingine huoni kama mwanaume ana makosa? Kama walikuwa wanatoka wote kabla hawajazaa kwanini mwanaume na yeye asisitishe club asaidie malezi mtoto akikua waendelee kama kawa.
     
  4. klorokwini

    klorokwini JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Sep 25, 2011
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    Mwanandoa mzuri ni yule anaeweza kubalance baina ya vitu vitatu. Romance, Commitment na Sacrifice.
    Sitofafanua zaidi.
     
  5. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Sep 25, 2011
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    lawyer fafanua aisee. Wengine ndio kitchen party zetu hizi. Lol.
     
  6. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Sep 25, 2011
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    Hapo ndio swala la compromise linapokuja.

    Nianze kwa kusema kwamba mara nyingi watu hua wanaingia kwenye ndoani wakitegemea zile tabia nzuri za mwenza zitaendelea na kama ana mbaya atakuja kuachana nazo. Hapo tayari mtu anakua hajielewi....kile anachotaka anadhani ndicho kitakachokua.Kwamba kama ana taia mbaya atabadilika...na kama ana nzuri hatobadilika. Tunasahau kwamba kuna uwezekano wa zile tunazoziona ni tabia mbaya kuendelea kuwepo na zile nzuri kupotea.

    Unapoingia ndoani na mnywaji...mtokaji sana..mvuta sigara n.k kuwa tayari kudeal na hayo mambo maisha yako yote iwapo yataendelea kuwepo. Kwenye kesi ya shangazi yako ni dhahiri kwamba yeye anajua kwamba majukumu yameongezeka hivyo inabidi muda wake mwingi atumie kuwa na mtoto...na aliamini kwamba itakua hivyo hivyo kwa mwenzake. Alichotakiwa kufanya tangu mwanzo (kabla ya kukubali kuolewa na kuwa na mtoto) ni kuongea na mwenzake kujua kwamba huko mbeleni mambo yatakuwaje? Bado tutaendelea kujirusha:?Kwa kiasi gani? Kama mimi nisipopenda kwenda na nikakuomba na wewe ubaki utakubali? ..na mengine kama hayo badala ya kuASSUME kwamba mwenzake nae atabadilika kuendana na situation.
    Pamoja na hayo bado mjomba wako nae ana makosa.
    Anashindwa kuelewa kwamba ndoa ni compromise na kwamba sasa hivi anatakiwa afikirie furaha ya watu wengine wawili na sio yeye pekee. Akishafanya hivyo wakutane katikati. Kwamba aweze kutoka kidogo ..labda two nights a week na hizo siku nyingine awajibike pamoja na mwenzake.

    Swala la kwamba ni halali kwa mume kuendekeza starehe na mke hapendi inategemea. I mean huwezi kumtaka mtu siku zote saba akitoka kazini anyooshe moja kwa moja nyumbani na asiweze hata kukutana na marafiki kwa maongezi ya hapa na pale .Muhimu hapa ni makubaliano na kuwa na kiasi. Mke ampe mume nafasi kidogo ya kuweza kufurahia na marafiki na mume nae atoe muda wake kuwa nyumbani na kusaidia pale anapohitajika kufanya hivyo. Kwahiyo anachotaka kufanya shangazi yako,...naomba kusema ANATAKA KUMKOMOA mwenzake kwamba kama mimi sili basi na wewe usile...nisipolala na wewe usilale sio sahihi.Awe REASONABLE.
     
  7. Vin Diesel

    Vin Diesel JF Gold Member

    #7
    Sep 25, 2011
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    Anatakiwa kutafuta wastani wa kila jambo afanyalo...ndoa na starehe zake.
    Ni bora azidishe kulinda ndoa zaidi kuliko kuendekeza starehe zaidi.
     
  8. klorokwini

    klorokwini JF-Expert Member

    #8
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    Yaani unajua kabisa kwamba mimi kukunyima wewe siwezi, lakini aisee leo kichwa kimechoka mbaya sana! acha nipopoe popoe niondoke.

    Inshort ni kwamba unapokuwa kwenye ndoa unahitajika kulipa nguvu penzi kwa mbolea ya romance (In a widest meaning of romance), na pili ni kulipa heshima penzi kwa kujicommit na kila ambacho kitalipatia heshima penzi, na tatu ni kukubali kusacrifice baadhi ya mambo ambayo yana athari whether direct or indirect kwenye mahusiano (zipo starehe ambazo obviously zinakubalika kijamii na kindoa, zipo starehe ni compromisable baina ya wanandoa na zipo zile ambazo totally unacceptable).

    Pia usisahau wanandoa kuwa na common character ni nguzo moja muhimu sana wakati unatafta mchumba.
     
  9. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

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    upo sahihi lizzy. Nafikiri kuna umuhimu wa watu wanaotarajia kuona kujadiliana kipi kisiendelee kufanyika wakishaoana na kipi kiendelee. Kwa wanawake ni rahisi kubadilika kutokana na mazingira tofauti na hawa wenzetu.
     
  10. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

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    poa lawyer umeeleweka. Pumzika kwa amani.
     
  11. A

    Ave Ave Maria JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Sep 25, 2011
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    wote wana makosa. Aunt yako aliikubali hiyo hali ya kujirusha tangu awali so asilaumu sana. Lakini pia huyo uncle wako nae anafanya makosa kuendekeza starehe sana wakati anaona wazi kuwa watu wanaomhitaji sasa wamekuwa wawili na sio mmoja tena kama awali! Aunt yako arudi, waelewane na huyo uncle yako apunguze kujirusha(coz naamini hawezi acha) na wasaidizane kwenye majukumu!
     
  12. u

    uporoto01 JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Sep 25, 2011
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    haya weee kamanda naona ni kiswanglish kwenda forward,una nia ya kugombea kuingia Bigbrother house ile ya Dodoma ambayo kulala ruksa lakini kukoroma NO.

    apumzike kwa amani ? bestman wetu / hebu badili kauli laaziz.
     
  13. klorokwini

    klorokwini JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    Niko busy namuimpress Lizzy bana! mimi nikimuona Lizzy tu basi nasahau kiswahili kabisa yaani.
     
  14. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Sep 26, 2011
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    Kipipi na saranga nimewasoma.
    Uporoto darling na hilo liklorokwini hapo chini mbona kama mna dalili za kuchakachua sredi!! Nitawamwagia tindikali.
     
  15. u

    uporoto01 JF-Expert Member

    #15
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    sweety huyo anko longtime ni mutu ya laga-mupe muruke na dushele sasa kumbadili gafla kwakuwa wamezaa mtoto ni kutafuta lawama,kama anko sio mzinzi na anajali familia msitarajie aanze kubadili nepi na kumbembeleza/kumlaza mtoto.
     
  16. A

    Ave Ave Maria JF-Expert Member

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    Nawaona mmerudi kwa pamoja. Mlikuwa wote Igunga nini?
     
  17. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Sep 26, 2011
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    mtu wa laga kichizi ila hana ukorofi hata kama amelewa. Kitu asichopenda wife wake ni mambo ya dushelele, si unajua linaanza kunoga late kabisa.
     
  18. klorokwini

    klorokwini JF-Expert Member

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    hehehe Kipipi bana!

    Wewe Husninyo wewe! yaani ukishakutulia nitafute (unajua pa kunipata), kuna point unaimiss kwenye hii thread yako lakini sio pointi ya kuzungumzwa hadharani.
     
  19. u

    uporoto01 JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Sep 26, 2011
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    sasa kama walivyosema wakuu wengine ni mambo ya maelewano tu,wakubaliane anko kwa wiki mara moja awe anaenda kuyarudi magoma la sivyo akimbana sana nayo ina madhara yake.
     
  20. Husninyo

    Husninyo JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Sep 26, 2011
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    kila nikisoma signature yako nachoka. Lol!
    Haya nitakutafuta.
     
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