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Naweza kutabiri kwa usahihi kwa zaidi ya asilimia 80, wanandoa wepi ndoa yao itavunjika!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mtambuzi, Aug 3, 2011.

  1. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #1
    Aug 3, 2011
    Joined: Oct 29, 2008
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    John Gottman, mtaalamu anayeheshimika katika masuala ya ndoa, anaripoti kwamba, ndoa yenye matatizo, inaweza kuongeza uwezekano wa kukuletea magonjwa kwa asilimia 35! Anaamini kwamba kuitumikia ndoa yako kila siku itakusaidia zaidi kwenye afya yako au kuishi maisha marefu kuliko kutoishughulikia na ukajikuta ni mtu wa kuumwa hovyo.

    Ingawa wengi wetu tunaamini kwamba hasira ni chanzo kikuu cha uhusiano mbovu, Gottman amegundua kwamba siyo hasira pekee ambazo ni tatizo, bali ni vipi tunatatua migogoro yetu kwenye ndoa.

    Hata hivyo mitafaruku huwa ni tatizo kukiwepo mambo manne ambayo ni: Kumshambulia mwenzio, (kuponda), dharau, kujitetea badala ya kuomba radhi kwa nia, na kunyamaza unapoongeleshwa na mwenzio.

    Kuponda ni nini? Kuponda kunahusu kumshambulia mwenzio bila kujali utu wake, mahali na muda.

    Ni vema kila mmoja wenu akatoa dukuduku lake, lakini usimponde na kumshambulia mkeo au mumeo, wakati mwingine mbele ya watu wengine au hata watoto.

    Dharau nayo? Dharau ni hatua moja ya kumponda mwenzi wako na inahusisha pia kumuumiza. Dharau ni alama ya wazi ya kutomuheshimu mtu.

    Kujitetea na kutafuta visisngizio je? Kujitetea wakati ugomvi umepamba moto linaonekana ni jambo jema, lakini hakusaidii kuurejesha uhusiano mahali muafaka. Mtu anapojitetea au anapotafuta visingizio, mara nyingi anakuwa kwenye mfadhaiko mkubwa na hivyo kushindwa kusikiliza vema mambo yanayoongelewa. Kukataa kuwajibika kwa makosa yako na kutafuta visingizio ni aina mojawapo ya kujitetea.

    Kunyamaza nako? Mtu anakataa kuitikia. Kwa kawaida kunyamaza kunaweza kusiwe kubaya, lakini katika masuala ya uhusiano, kunyamaza wakati wa mtafaruku kunaweza kuhatarisha ndoa yenu. Kama ni mwenye kawaida ya kunyamaza, unajiondoa mwenyewe kwenye ndoa, badala ya kutatua matatizo yenu. Wanaume wana tabia ya kunyamaza zaidi ukilinganisha na wanawake.

    Kwa kweli, kwa mujibu wa utafiti wa Gottman wa matatizo manne yaliyotajwa hapo juu ni kwamba, yakibobea katika ndoa yanaweza kutumika kutabiri, kwa usahihi kwa zaidi ya asilimia 80, wanandoa wepi ndoa yao itavunjika.


     
  2. Chapa Nalo Jr

    Chapa Nalo Jr JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Aug 3, 2011
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    Sijawahi kabidhiwa mikoba ya Sheikh Yahya hivyo siwezi kutabiri, vipi mwenzetu umeshachangamkia tenda ya urithi wa mikoba ya Kamanda Sheikh Yahya?
     
  3. TUKUTUKU

    TUKUTUKU JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Aug 3, 2011
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    Ni jambo zuri sana ,kwani tumepata mafunzo makubwa katika tafiti hii!!binafsi nashukuru sana!
     
  4. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #4
    Aug 3, 2011
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    Mtambuzi thread zako ni nzuri saaana Mkuu... uwe unazitoa

    kwa nafasi basi tuweze pata na kuchangia zoote....

    In two days nimeona threads more than four (na zoote zimesimama)
     
  5. pumbatupu

    pumbatupu JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Aug 3, 2011
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    Nimependa hapo kwenye red...
     
  6. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #6
    Aug 3, 2011
    Joined: Oct 29, 2008
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    @AshaDii.....Ahsante kwa ushauri, lakini unadhani nahitaji kusubiri kwa muda gani ili kuweka bandiko jipya..........kwani huwa najisikia faraja kuweka bandiko jipya kila nipatapo fursa ya kufanya hivyo bila kujali nimeweka mabandiko mangapi kwa siku.
     
  7. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #7
    Aug 3, 2011
    Joined: Apr 16, 2011
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    Ni dhahiri kwa upande wako ipo hivo thus the many posts... But kwa
    wale ambao tunavutiwa... ndio yale maoni nimetoa... However ilikua tu
    one of my IMOs... sio lazima Mkuu, ilikua wazo tu...
     
  8. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Aug 4, 2011
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    Hii ni elimu ya utambuzi,imeegemea kwenye uhalisia na uhalisia mara zote unaenda kinyume na mazoea ndo maana wachangiaji ni wachache,hizi ni thread bora sana!
     
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