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Nawalaumu wanawake wanaokubali ujinga huu...........!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mtambuzi, Oct 17, 2011.

  1. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #1
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Uzoefu unaonesha kwamba baadhi ya wanaume au wanawake hutumia kile walichokiona kutoka kwa wazazi wao katika ndoa zao. Tabia za wazazi huakisi sana maisha ya watoto wao hususan katika maisha yao ya ndoa, labda kama watajitambua na kujivua gamba, lakini vinginevyo watakuwa wanatumia kile walichokiona na kujifunza kutoka kwa wazazi wao.

    Kwa mfano mwanamke anayeishi na mwanaume mnyanyasaji na mpigaji, ni dhahiri kama wana mtoto wa kiume anakuwa na uwezekanao mara saba zaidi kuja kuwa mnyanyasaji kwa mkewe atakapokuwa mkubwa. Na kama ni binti ana uwezekanao mara tatu zaidi kuja kuwa mtu wa kupata vipigo atakapokuwa ameolewa. Hapa wa kulaumiwa ni wazazi, kwa sababu wao ndio wamewafanya wawe hivyo. Kwa kuwa wazazi ndio mashujaa wa watoto wao, huakisi tabia halisi za wazazi wao.

    Hebu fikiria una miaka sita na unasikia ukiwa kwenye chumba chako baba yako anapompiga mama yako! Mama yako anapiga mayowe na kulia akiomba msaada! Unamsikia baba yako akimpiga mama yako ngumi na mateke na kumwita majina machafu machafu ambayo kimsingi hutakiwi kuyasikia. Utafanya nini ukiwa ni mtoto na uko katika mazingira kama haya? Ukweli ni kwamba huwezi kuondoka! Na unakuwa huna uchaguzi zaidi ya kukubali kuishi na wazazi wako ambao kimsingi aina ya maisha wanayoishi siyo kama mke na mume bali mume na mtumwa wake ambaye ni mama yako.

    Unalazimishwa kuishi hivyo, hutaki hata marafiki zako waje nyumbani kwenu. Mama kila siku ana manundu mwilini kwa vipigo kutoka kwa baba yako. Na si hivyo tu, baba kila siku akirudi nyumbani anaaanza kufoka! Na sasa siri zenu zote ziko nje. Pale mtaani familia yenu imekuwa ni gumzo, huna raha kama watoto wengine. Balaa gani hili!Mie bado nawalaumu wanawake wanaokubali ujinga huu, ingawa kuna watu wananishambulia kuwa nataka kuvunja ndoa za watu, lakini kwa hili siwezi kulinyamazia.

    Ni ujinga tu ndio unaosababisha wakubali kuishi kwenye ndoa za namna hii. Kama wewe ni binadamu kamili ambaye umezaliwa ukiwa na akili zako timamu, kwa nini ukubali kuishi na mwanaume mfuajaji ?
    Kama unataka kuishi na mwanaume wa aina hii, basi pinga usikubali kufanywa gunia la mazoezi. Simama imara ukiwa umeshika kikaango na umwambie, ‘Njoo unipige uone. Na siku ukijaribu kunipiga tu, utajua mimi ni mwanamke wa namna gani, hutakuja kusahau.' Au kama huwezi hilo basi zuia upigwaji kwa njia nyingine.

    Lakini uzoefu unaonesha kwamba, njia iliyo bora kabisa ni kuondoka kwenye uhusiano huo.
    Kama uko kwenye ndoa ya mateso na unajikuta huwezi kutoka, umekubali kuwa fuko la mazoezi la mumeo, jiulize ni kwa nini. Anzia kwa wazazi waliokulea na kujiuliza kama wewe siyo mama yako ambaye alikubali kupokea vipigo kwa mumewe huku akiendelea kuvumilia na kuishi katika ndoa hiyo ya mateso. Kama ndivyo, basi kataa kuwa mama yako. Anza safari ya kuwa wewe ambaye huko tayari kuwa mtumwa wa mtu kwa kuhofia kusimama mwenyewe kwa miguu yako. Amua sasa na utamudu, kwani wewe ni binadamu kamili na huhitaji kukamilishwa na mtu mwingine.
     
  2. vukani

    vukani JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Hata mie nawalaumu, ni ujinga kukubali kugeuzwa na mwenzio kuwa gunia la mazoezi, kuna wanaume wanyanyasaji jamani usiombe kuolewa na mume wa aina hiyo, hasa wanaume wa Bara na kanda ya ziwa, ni wanyanyasaji kitu cha ajabu......... Mie akha, wala siwataki........ Mungu aniepushie nao mbali...............
     
  3. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Mtambuzi sio wewe unayesupport wanawake kuvumilia for the sake ya ndoa?

    Sometimes nachoka na kukasirikia sana kina dada wenzangu; inaonekana wazi kuwa hatuwezi kushauriana wenyewe kwa wenyewe twategemea sana opinions za male sex; some of us are far too nice for our own distruction kisa kuwa mke mzuri. Uliona ile post ya the boss wanawake tulivyosupport cheating!

    I wish siku moja wanaume waanzishe Uzi wa kutetea mambo ya harmony na mapenzi ya dhati halafu wanaume wote wasupport l think hapo ndipo wanawake tutaanza kujisimamia; lkn hii ya kujifanya for some of us kuwa ever forgiving na wake wavumilivu who will always fight for 'the love' daima tutapigwa tu! I had my own share of beating n that's enough in this lifetime!
     
  4. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Oct 17, 2011
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    asante, senkiyuu
     
  5. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #5
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Mtambuzi wanawake wengi wapo katika disadvantaged situations.... Wanawake tulikua chini saana... Hatuna maamuzi, hatuna sauti wala hatuna pa kukimbilia. Jamii imesukwa mno na mfumo dume kila sector kila mahala na kila ushindako.... Na tokana na the fact kua hatuishi in isolation hio ndo ufanya wanawake wengi kuvumilia mambo ambayo hastahili kuvumilia... I am telling you such a woman Usimjudge... just try to understand her kwanza for unakuta hivi vigezo vyaweza play part...

    Taasisi ya Familia...

    Kazaliwa katika familia ambayo mtoto wa kiume ndio mwenye say... yeye katika macho ya wazazi wake hana maana wala hana thamani for the simple reason kua ataolewa huyu sio wetu hapa: sad but ukiangalia kuolewa kwenyewe unaenda hadi badilisha surname... waweza mlaumu kaka or baba kusema na kufikiri hivi?? Yahitaji busara kupembenua hili... Hio tayari inamfanya ajisikie she does not belong kwao na hali ndio moja ya sehemu ambao mwanadamu inabidi ajisikie huru kuliko woote.

    Taasisi ya Dini...

    Inaonesha kabisa kua imesisitizwa mwanamke awe mnyenyekevu na msikuvu kwa mumewe... na kama mumewe anatenda dhambi basi walau afanye maombi na afunge ili kuhakikisha kua mumewe arudi katika mstari.... Mfano dini ya kikristo... Divorce is out of question... Dini ya kiislam as much as wanasema hata mwanamke aweza dai talaka... mumeo asipoandika hamna kuachika; ingawa haipo wazi kua hata mwanamke aweza andika.

    Taasisi ya Elimu...

    Elimu ya shule ni yakubangaiza... usipofaulu imekula kwako... na hata waweza faulu but shule usinuse pia... Ama ukaendelea vizuri but sababu nature nayo ucheza mkondo wake ukajihusisha na mambo ya ngono na kuishia kupata mimba which in most cases shule inakua kaput! Wamama tuna vikwazo vingi saana vya elimu mpaka ukafanikiwa ukapata degree... Thank God! Hio mara nyingi humfanya mtu maisha mbeleni yawe bleak...

    Ukija upande wa tamaduni....

    In short jamii zetu zinataka (makabila mila na tamaduni) zinakumbatia saana wanaume na kukandamiza wanawake either directly or indirectly... Ukiolewa mahali utafikir mtoto wa kike unauzwa... Usiombe makabila yale wanayo thamini binti bikira ama weupe... Mahali inayotolewa hapo kuirudisha ni mziki mnene in case ukibadili mawazo. Mwanamke aruhusiwi kabisa kuonekana akienda kinyuma na mumewe hata kama mumewe ni kilaza.... Sad.

    Taasisi ya Ndoa...

    Ndoa ni moja ya taasisi ambayo yaweza mmaliza kabisa mwanamke asipoangalia... Maisha ni magumu na mambo yaenda yakibadilika kila siku... Tumeona jinsi idadi ya wanawake waloacha career zao sababu tu kaolewa ilivo kubwa.... Mumewe hapo anamshawishiwi kwa maneno mazuri (after all ndoa ni mpya hivo mapenzi moto moto); for wanaume walo wengi anajihisi safe kama mkewe anashinda tu nyumbani akifanya reproduction na kuangalia nyumba... yaani kila akija home amkute mkewe ndio raha yake... By the time maisha yamebadilika na unagundua huna nyuma wala mbele bila kuwekwa in the same line na mumeo... inakua too late...

    Note that hili tatizo sio wanawake woote... na sio wanawake wale ambao hata tuna uwezo wa kuingia hapa JF na kubadilishana mawazo hapa... Namzungumzia Mwanamke yule wa Kitanzania wa kijijini... ama kama ni mjini bado hajakomboka... Namzungumzia Mwanamke yule ambae mpaka leo haamini kua mwanamke aweza simama bila mwanaume.... Nazungumzia hao sababu ndo idadi ilotawala hapa inchini kwetu... Hivo basi Please do not judge them... try and understand them... It is not right but ndo reality!! Ni kweli kua sasa imekua ni nafuu but bado tuna safari ndefu....
     
  6. C

    CYPRIAN MKALI Senior Member

    #6
    Oct 17, 2011
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    jamani hayo yalikuwa zamani siku hizi tumestaarabika sana, krbn kwetu msihofu hilo. umenikumbusha mimi wakati naenda kuoa wife akaniuliza, 'nasikia nyie ni wakorofi sana'?. yalishapitwa na wakati hayo hususan kama mtu amepitapita shule kidogo, labda home (kijijini) ndo kidogo wengine wanadumisha mila.
     
  7. Cantalisia

    Cantalisia JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Namshukuru mungu sikuwahi kushuhudia mama yangu akipigwa hata siku moja na baba yetu, nadiriki kusema ni ndoa yao ni ya mfano na namwomba mungu siku moja niwe na ndoa ya hivyo,jaman tusikubali kunyanyaswa kwa aina yoyote km imeshindikana bora uwe single tu kuliko kulazimisha kupewa heshima ya kuwa umeolewa ile hali unapokea vipigo kila siku,haya maisha yapo tu hakuna wa kukupa furaha isipokuwa ww mwenyewe,wadada/wamama mnaovumilia hayo mjue mnaharibu maisha ya watoto wenu hapo badae ondoken humo,sio lzm kuivumilia hiyo ndoa.
     
  8. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #8
    Oct 17, 2011
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    AshaDii, ahsante kwa uchambuzi wako YAKINIFU....... umenisaidia sana kuisherehesha mada hii kiasi kwamba, naona haya kuikosoa. Hata hivyo, nashawishika kidogo kuweka angalizo. kama umesoma mada yangu vizuri utakubaliana na mimi japo kidogo kuwa sina maana ya kuwashawishi wanawake ambao ni vichuguu kupambana na wanaume ambao ni sawa na mlima Kilimanjaro. La hasha, sikuwa na maana hiyo......lakini hata hivyo ni vyema ikafahamika kwamba inawezekana kabisa kuuondoa mlima mkubwa kwa kuanza na mawe madogo madogo, hapo ndipo dhamira yangu ilipokuwa.
    Nilikuwa namaanisha kwamba, wanawake wakatae ule ukatili waliofanyiwa mama zao na baba zao na wakaona hayo ndiyo maisha halisi ya ndoa, ndio maana nikasema wawakatae mama zao. najua sauti yangu ni kama ya mwana mpotevu nyikani, kwa sababu haitawafikia wale kina mama wa Kitanzania hasa walioko vijijini, lakini hata hawa walio na access na mtandao na wanaosoma hapa JF, wanaweza kuwa ni chachu ya kufikisha ujumbe huu kwa wengine, ili kuepusha ubabe huu kuendelea.
    Labda jambo usilolijua ni kwamba naandika kutokana na kile nilichokishuhudia, kwa sababau mimi ni mtoto wa mkulima na nimezaliwa na kukulia kijijini..................
     
  9. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #9
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Asante Mtambuzi.. ila tu naomba niharakishe kusema kua kidogo nilikua OUT OF TOPIC for siku-i relate na topic badala yake nilimzungumzia kwanza mwanamke.... Hivo Mtambuzi una haki kabisa yasema haya katika post nilo quote.... Nakubaliana na maneno yako ya your original post (#1) Hua mara nyingi hua hivo thou sio kwa kupenda kwa yule mtoto ila tu kwa ile unconscious part of his/her inner self...
     
  10. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Kwa hiyo wa visiwani sio wanyanyasaji sio?
    Wapemba si wanasifika kuwafungia wake zao ndani hata sokoni hawaendi
     
  11. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #11
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Tabia ya kupiga wake haina kabila wala ukoo................
     
  12. MADAM T

    MADAM T JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Mtambuzi sometimes..........!
     
  13. feis buku

    feis buku JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    jamani kwani ni lazima urply kwa kuquote li sleti loooote!! mi mnaniboa bana!!
     
  14. BPM

    BPM JF-Expert Member

    #14
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    wanawake wana safari ndefu sana katika jamii kwani mlolongo ulio kwenye mila, dini, jamii etc wote unawaweka kama watu waliochini au wanaohitaji kushikwa mikono kuongozwa
     
  15. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #15
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Nini tena MADAM T?
     
  16. Bondpost

    Bondpost JF-Expert Member

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    Oct 17, 2011
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    nadhani maisha ya wazazi wetu yasihamie kwenye ndoa zetu kwakweli ishu ya kupigana na mama kuvumilia huwezi kujua unajua wazazi wa zamani walikuwa na heshima ya ndoa hata mama akitoka nje ya ndoa basi yanamalizwa kiaina yake na yawezekana mojawapo ni hiyo, sio kwamba mama zetu hawakuwakosea baba zetu kwamba they were that innocent sema tatizo ni kupiga mke kwa kweli that is inhuman behaviour. Tupinge hilo kwa nguvu zote.
    My friends whether mb alinyanyaswa au baba pia cha muhimu wazazi ni models wa watoto kama alimpiga mama wewe chukua mazuri hilo la kupigana kataa, kama mama alikuacha ukiwa mdogo akakimbilia kwa bwana mwingine ukaishi kwa bibi pia sahau mkeo sio kama mama yako.
    Tujifunze yote kwa wazazi ili nasi tukipata ufahamu tuweze kuchambua lipi zuri katika mahusiano yetu.
    Kumbukeni ndoa ni taasisi xa msingi katika taifa. Tukatae kunyanyasana whether mke au mume coz kote yapo.
    Sasa tunayaona, mpe hela mume akunyanyase pia mpe hela mke akudharau kama wewe si mwanaume.
    It applies to both the issue ni kwamba tubadilike.
     
  17. A

    Ave Ave Maria JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Oct 17, 2011
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    Kaunga hizo sababu za kuvumilia vipigo for the sake of ndoa binafsi huwa sizikubali kabisa na sitozikubali kamwe! As you have said, wengine wanajifanyaga bwiga eti kisa tu mke mwema anaogopa kubomoa nyumba.......SAD!! Nawahurumia wanakubali huu utumbo. Walinishangaza sana wanawake waloshangilia ile thread ya The Boss na kuona wao wamewekewa heshima! Nakuunga mkono, ngoja tuchapwe tu atakae choka kulia atajiengua mwenyewe!
     
  18. A

    Ave Ave Maria JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Oct 17, 2011
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    BPM, kweli tuna safari ndefu sana kwenye hili suala hasa ukizingatia kuwa sisi wenyewe ( including hapa jf) ni mabingwa sana wa kukatishana tamaa! Take example, kuna member alishawahi kupost hapa akielezea nia yake ya kutaka kumsaidid jirani yake aliekuwa ananyanyaswa na mumewe. Maoni mengi aloyapata ni "usijaribu kuingilia ndoa ya watu"/"mambo ya ndoa waachie wenyewe"!! Hivi tumuelimishe nani sasa?? Nachoka kabisaaa......
     
  19. BPM

    BPM JF-Expert Member

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    lakini ukombozi unatakiwa wewe kama wewe .. ni kweli masuala ya ndoa ni mazuri kuyaingilia ukiwa kwa mbali but ukiwa karibu na wanandoa na ukawa na mtazamo fulani na bahati mbaya wakayamaliza matatizo unaweza ukajikuta wewe ndo unakuwa tatizo
     
  20. m

    muhanga JF-Expert Member

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    sina hakina na heading ya topic hii inaelekea kuwabagua wanawake tu kwamba ndio wanaonyanyasika kwenye ndoa, mie kwa uzoefu niliona na mifano mingi ninayoijua, unyanyasaji uko wa aina nyingi sana, na unawaletea watu stress na depresion kwa wingi kuliko watu wanavyofikiria, hiz nyumba ndogo zilizoshamiri kila kona si tu ni matokeo ya tabia mbaya ya baadhi ya waume kuwa malaya, lakini nisehemu mojawapo ambapo wanaume wengi hudhani ni sehemu ya kupunguza stress walizonazo kutokea kwenye nyumba kubwa zao, na wanawake halikadhalika. kwa hiyo si kila unyanyasaji unahusu wanaume tu hata wanawake hunyanyasa na kusababisha matatizo makubwa sana kwenye ndoa na familia kwa ujumla. mimi nadhani kitu muhimu ni kuwa na upendo wa dhati, upendo huvumilia, hauhesabu mabayahuchukuliana n.k n.k. labda kwa hao wanaonyanyasana kwenye ndoa, wajitahidi kufikiria mambo mazuri waliyowahi kufanyiana ktk maisha na kurudisha upendo, ila ikishindikana kuliko kutiana makofu ya mwili na roho, bora kuachana tu mapema kabla mambo hayajaharibika zaidi, maisha ni mafupi tuishi kwa amani na upendo hakuna muda wa kuitishana vikao vya usuluhishi kila siku watu wako bize jamani nowdays!
     
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