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Naombeni ushauri wandugu

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by mama D, Jan 15, 2012.

  1. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    Kwanza poleni na msiba wanajamii wenzangu.

    Leo nina neno hapa linahitaji msaada wenu maana naona dada yangu naona anataka kutoa maamuzi magumu.
    Ameolewa miaka karibia saba iliyopita na amekua akimpenda sana mumewe katika hali zote, Japo mwanaume hana uwezo amekua akimsaidia sana na kulificha hilon hata kuisaidia familia ya mwanaume na yakwake ili kujenga heshma ya mumewe na familia yake kama mwanamke mwenye hekima.
    Kipato cha mwanaume ni kidogo sana hawezi hata kulipa ada za watoto achilia mbali chakula cha mwezi mzima ila dada yeye kwake hilo halikua tatizo kwani alkua na imani siku moja watafika wanakotaka,

    Sasa hii leo amegundua kwamba mumewe huyo ana do nje ya ndoa kwa sana...... na kati ya wanawake anaoendeleza nao game na ma girlfriends zake wa zamani akiwa na uthibitisho wamekua wakifanya hayo tangu 2005 hadi sasa na uthibitisho anao.

    Hana hasira na wala hajachanganyikiwa sana kwa hilo ila anasema tu basi imetosha...., basi imetosha..... basi imetosha........

    Wenzangu wazoefu wa haya mambo nisaidieni ushauri gani nimpe? kuvunja ndoa ni kazi kubwa sana lakini kufanya mjinga miaka karibia saba pia inauma mno haswa ukiangalia walikotoka.


    Shukrani
     
  2. Bishanga

    Bishanga JF-Expert Member

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    dada amepima ngoma?
     
  3. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    kapima wapi bishanga!
    ndio kwanza kayagundua hayo mambo
     
  4. Angel Msoffe

    Angel Msoffe JF-Expert Member

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    we unadhani anaposema basi imetosha anasema kwa raha? Anaumia sana hasa akikumbuka alivyomlea huyo mme wake na familia yake km watoto hlf yy anamdharau anaenda kufanya uasherati, KM NINGEKUA MIMI NINGEMTWANGA TALAKA AENDE AKAPUNZIKE KWAO AJIFUNZE JINS YA KUISHI KWA UAMINIFU km atajirekebisha arudi km hawezi asirushe mguu kwangu. UKIMWI UNAUA ACHUKUE TAHADHARI
     
  5. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

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    ni kweli Angela inauma sana,
    asante kwa ushauri
     
  6. J

    JATELO1 JF-Expert Member

    #6
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    Poleni sana. Hapo pagumu sana, lkn kitu cha msingi ni je wana watoto wangapi? Pia naomba kujua kwamba mwanaume akiulizwa anasemaje? Je anaonyesha kujutia aliyofanya au? Naomba hayo majibu ndipo nijaribu kutoa ushauri hapo.
     
  7. Kalunguine

    Kalunguine JF-Expert Member

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    Pole yake.
     
  8. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

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    wana mtoto mmoja wa kuzaa na mwingine wa ndugu ambaye ni yatima ila wanalingana kiumri na wote wanaishi nao.

    hapa sister haongei kitu zaidi ya imetosha, na huyo bwana amesafiri jana tu

    na pia hataki kumwuuliza maana anasema kuuliza si utatuzi maana kwa mtu mwenye akili anajua alkua anayafanya hayo kwa sababu gani! yeye anasem tu imetosha
     
  9. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

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    asante mdanganyika 1
    asante RDI
     
  10. OTIS

    OTIS JF-Expert Member

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    Mpe pole kwa mapito haya.
    Mwambie apige goti asali kwani kwa Mungu pekee ndio kuna hekima ya kukabiliana na majaribu.
    J2 njema kwako
    OTIS
     
  11. arabianfalcon

    arabianfalcon JF-Expert Member

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    Mpe pole sana kwakweli inauma sanaa, wanaume wengine sijui wakoje keshamfanya ATM hakuridhika ana mfikicha roho..mwambie asichukue uamuzi wa haraka atulie kwanza najua kua roho inauma saana lakini avute subra....
     
  12. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

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    asante otis

    ndio hivyo tena kaheshimiwa kashindwa kujiheshimu! @arabiafalcon
     
  13. Angel Msoffe

    Angel Msoffe JF-Expert Member

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    katika kitu ninachokichukia kuliko vyote maishani mwangu ni uzinzi/usaliti, kwakweli ila sijui, ila ajaribu kusikiliza ushauri wa walio wengi
     
  14. J

    JATELO1 JF-Expert Member

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    mama d;
    ahsante kwa maelezo na poleni sana kwa yaliyotokea, ni kweli inauma sana na kati ya vitu vinavyouma sana ktk maisha na kuweza kusababisha mtu afanye maamuzi magumu, ambayo kwa baadaye yanaweza yakawa na matokeo mabaya au mazuri ni suala zima la mapenzi. Ukweli ni kwamba huyo mme amemkosea sana dada na ni haki dada kuumia kiasi hicho, sasa nini nafasi yangu mie ktk hili;

    dada achukue muda ili akae na kuongea na ndugu na marafiki makini ambao anawaamini na anaweza akashare nao personal issues kama hili na asikie wao wanamshauri vipi. Ktk hili naomba kusisitiza, kamwe asimshirikishe ndugu au rafiki ambaye ndoa ilishamshinda au ambaye ana always negative idea about marriage, ndiyo maana nimesema ndugu na rafiki makini.

    Then, apate muda yeye binafsi na kuweza kutafakari maisha yake na mume wake, akumbuke pia ups and downs ktk maisha bila kusahau malezi ya watoto (hili lina umuhimu sana ktk ndoa, na si rahisi sana mara zote kuwa na malezi mema kwa malezi ya upande mmoja. Yawezekana huyo mme akaonekana hana msaada economically, lkn i can assure you kwamba ana mchango mkubwa sana ktk malezi ya watoto na heshima ya hapo nyumbani na familia kwa ujumla.

    Dada kabla hajaamua kumshirikisha hao watu makini, hana budi aongee na mme wake. Kumbuka, hapa hekima na uvumilivu inahitajika sana kwa pande zote (dada na mme wake) ili waweze kuongea na kuona kama kweli mme anaonyesha kujutia yale yaliyotokea na nini inaweza ikawa nafasi yake kwa maisha yao kama mme na mke. Nasisitiza hili la kuongea wawili ni muhimu sana, kwani sisi kama binadamu tuna mapungufu mbalimbali na hivyo tuna nafasi ya kuweza kuongea ili kuyapatia muafaka. Ktk hili dada inabidi ajaribu kupunguza hasira na kuwa tayari kuongea na mme wake. Dada asiishie tu kusema basi tu, basi tu! Dada inabidi aongee na mme wake.

    Nb: Mwishoni, dada atapaswa kufanya maamuzi yeye mwenyewe hasa baada ya kuwa na maongezi na mme wake na wale ndugu na marafiki makini. Kwanini afanye maamuzi yeye mwenyewe, ni kwasababu madhara ya hayo maamuzi atakayoyafanya yatakuwa kwake siku zote. Na kumbuka, maisha ya ndoa ni zaidi ya uwezo wa kiuchumi.

    Poleni sana na zaidi mtangulizeni mungu ili aweze kuwaongoza ktk kulipatia hilo suala ufumbuzi. Mama d, jaribu kuwa karibu na dada ktk hali hiyo ili uweze kumsaidia.
    Rdi.
     
  15. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

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    Asante sana kwa ushauri mzuri RDI

    Nimempa kaniangalia na kusema mimi asiniheshimu sawa! lakini basi amwogope Mungu!

    Unajua mambo mengi dada alkua akifanya mambo ili kulinda heshma ya shemeji,,,,,,, ndo maana anaumia sana!
    kuna wakati mumewe hakuwa na kazi mwaka mzima tulkua tukiuliza mbona shemeji yuko nuymba anatuambia atasafiri kikazi maskini kumbe mkewe ndo alkua anaijua siri,,,,,,,,,akatafuta hela akampa aende kijijini kwao kukarabati nyumba kiaina ili tu kumlindia heshma, akawa anakaa wiki 2 anarudi mjini basi tunajua shemeji katoka mzigoni kumbe lol.....
    wanaume jamani!
     
  16. AshaDii

    AshaDii Platinum Member

    #16
    Jan 15, 2012
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    Mama D.... Nimejisikia vibaya utadhani mimi ndie niliefanyiwa..... Inauma. Inaumaaa mno, lakini hata hivo sishangai.... Usitegemee hata siku moja kua doing everything right and to perfection maana yake ndio kwamba mwanaume hatatoka nje. Lah! Nafurahi kama dadako kaona imetosha na yeye ndie alieamua kama yatosha. Ingekua ni mwanamke ambae tu katereza huko na akatoka nje... that would have been at least understandable... But dating a woman wa kale for more than six years! Dah!

    Ukweli unabaki kua huyo mume yupo na mkewe sababu anamhitaji na sio kumpenda... na saa ingine hata hicho kitendo cha kuingiza kipato kidogo ni tu ile kujiendekeza tokana na ukweli kua kabweteka tokana na the way anakua treated na the wife on top of that kuendelea kujengewa heshima ya mume, baba na mtoto (kwa wazazi na nduguze); Naamini kwamba ingekua the other way round huyo mume angekua alisha muacha siku nyingi mkewe ili awe na huyo mpenzi wake wa kale.

    Cha ajabu ni kwamba... NDIO ni mda mrefu.... Lakini sijui ni kwanini Mapenzi ya wizi ni mazuri na hudumu. Amini usiamini anaweza aachane hapo na mkewe na huyo hawara wa mda woote huo wakashindwa kua pamoja saa ingine hata mwaka tu! Hata hivo niachane na shemejio...

    Mama D... Ni muhimu ujue kua dadako ana hali mbaya saan emotionally na psychologically hasa tokana na the fact kua she is holding it inside. Atakua bado in shock, hajielewi... thou anatambua kilicho tokea na kukubali... bado akili na moyo hujaregister ipasavo. Saiz itahitajika awe na mtu wa karibu na kum - consol.... I feel for her and wish her all the Best kwa lolote atalo amua.
     
  17. Tuko

    Tuko JF Bronze Member

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    Formula ya kwanza ya kuamua mtu anapokuwa na tatizo kama hilo ni kujipa mda, kabla ya kuamua chochote. Kujipa mda haimpi tu nafasi ya kutafakari, bali inampa mda wa kumaliza 'hasira za mwanzo' ambazo zinaweza kumfanya mtu achukue maamuzi yenye madhara kwake, au kwa watu wake. Ukisikia watu wanaoua, wanaojiua, wanasababisha vilema, wanaoishia jela, ni kuwa walishindwa kujipa mda kabla ya kuamua. Kwa kuwa dada ndio kagundua juzi, ajipe walau mwezi mmoja, kabla hajaamua chochote.

    Baada ya hapo maamuzi yake yazingatie vitu vifuatavyo;
    1. Binadamu sio malaika, kila binadamu anakosea
    2. Ndoa ni changamoto, ndoa ni uvumilivu
    3. Binadamu wanabadilika, wapo wengi waliokwishapotea mara 10 ya huyo shemeji, lakini wakabadilika. Kama anahitaji ushuhuda, tunaweza kuumimina humu
    4. Pesa haiwezi kununua mapenzi. Kama kuna mahali alijisahau akadhani kwa kuwa anatoa pesa yake then automatically atapendwa, aangalie upya.
    5. Asilimia kuwa ya watu waliopo kwenye ndoa wanavumilia mambo kama hayo, na makubwa zaidi ya hayo
    6. Tabia ya mumewe inamuumiza kisaikolojia. Uamuzi wowote ambao haukuwa calculated vizuri, utamuumiza zaidi.

    Hata hivyo achunge afya yake, na ajue maisha bila ya mume yanawezekana.
     
  18. ENZO

    ENZO JF-Expert Member

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    mwambie POPOBAWA ninampa pole.
     
  19. mama D

    mama D JF-Expert Member

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    Asante sana Asha D,

    Yaani umeelewa na ushauri ulotoa unaeleweka nashukuru.
    Nimemaliza kumsomea msg yako amelia kwa uchungu sana tangu sana,

    anasema asante mdogo wangu(Asha D)
     
  20. Tuko

    Tuko JF Bronze Member

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    AshaDii unaweza kupredict majibu (hypothesis), kama leo tukiafanya research ya kuangalia ni wanandoa wangapi wanaishi kwa sababu wanapenda na wanahitajiana na ni wangapi wanaishi kwa sababu tu wananhitajiana ila hawapendani? Can you predict the proportion? And why?
     
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