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Naomba Msaada

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mbongo Asili, Feb 8, 2008.

  1. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #1
    Feb 8, 2008
    Joined: Feb 7, 2008
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    i have been married for 5 years now and it has reached a time that i want to divorce or atleast separate from my wife. i met my wife first in school and i was 3 classes ahead of her but then i only knew her by face and i had no feelings of whatever nature for her except she was another school mate. After i finished my school i came back the following year for a price giving ceremony of which was extended with a party. That night i asked her out and asked her if she would be my girlfriend but she refused, i later realised that she had a boy friend and the main reason she gave me company that night was to get back at her boyfriend,so i let it go. after sometimes she became a friend of my sister and she used to come to our home sometimes and i got used in seeing her face and by then i was matured and i was ready to get married so i proposed to her and she told me she would give me an answer, it took a whole year and when i realised the answer was not coming i got married to another woman and God blessed me and then i got a permanent employment as of initially when i had proposed to the other lady i was working as a casual worker and on contract basis.
    After i had gotten married, things never went right with that wife of mine and eventually she asked for divorce after only 2 years of marriage unfortunately God had not blessed us with a kid so it was easy for me to grant her her divorce and she went on to blow the trumpet that i was importent and thats why she left me. i got involved with another woman lets call her 'JUNE' who our religions did not match therefore not reaching far with her and she actually told me to look for a woman similar to my religion and get married. Only to realise she too was using me to get back to her BF and eventually she got back to him and they have a kid.
    by the way after divorcing my first wife i moved houses and shifted to another village about 12 kilometers. after parting ways with DUNE i stayed for about 2 months or so without phone calls or any communications with her. One day when i came from an outing i received i message from my neighbours that there was a lady who was looking for me and infact she came looking for me twice and the second time she left behind a note to tell me she will be coming the previous day...funny thing the name on the note never rang a bell at all. Until she came the following day only to realise it was the lady from school who i had waited for her answer for a whole year. so we talked and talked and she told me that she had been looking for me at my previous residence and it was my brother who had given her directions she asked me what i thought of my proposal again and this time i told her she can't much up with me because i knew her to be a religious person and i was a person who drank,smoked and went out alot with my friends, of course to kill boredom and frustrations of life. She said she doesn't mind all that what mattered was the relationship that could exist between me and her. Fortunately she knew all my stories about relationships due to her friendship with my sister. so it was not a greatdeal to try and answer her questions about certain girls who she thought would have been my wife by now.
    After about a week of meeting her again DUNE came home one day and they met, but my school friend just went to the bedroom and waited for me and in fact she found DUNE and i talking in the sitting room. I expected a fuss from her but when DUNE left every thing was cool and no fusses at all. we got married after six months and it was a legal wedding with celebrations and what have you. my friend had offered us to visit him in another town and immediately on the second day of the wedding we left for that place.
    Now the problems started, she brought an issue from nowhere about the names we should give our children and she said that the names on my family side were rustic and sounded old fashioned giving reference to the way a particular tribe pronounces some names a she also told me that it was not important to name my kids after my parents after all her brother never named his children after his parents. i promised her that i will not name my kids after any of our parents and we agreed to it.then came the first born a very beautiful daughter and she wanted to name her after her mother .. it was a shock for me but i stood ground and gave have a name that neither three generations of our families had. She never appreciates who i am. I don't have ahuge salary and i only make extra money by working extra hours. she doesn't trust me....she wants me to be at home very early. she doesn't like my friends and she accuses me of back biting her with my friends...she always says that i am spoiling her name to her family members by complaing about her naggings and she really nags...she always wants extra money while she doesn't allow me to work extra hours..
    In general i think there is a problem in that house and that problem is ME...she always complains of illnesses which she says is stress related and the cause is me. she is thin and the reasons of her wait lose is me...if the bathroom door is left open its me. if our daughter brings in dirt in the house....its me. if my daughter wakes up at night and i try waking up, if my daughter cries she is scared of me...if i say something to her and it happens its because i have a ' bad ' mouth and am a jinx. we have been married for 5 yrs and the number of time she has kissed me or just give a peck is less than the number of times she kissed me the six months before we got married...she claims that my sweat smells but believe me even if i take a shower right away and ask to meke love she will face the other way because i smell
    there is alot to tell because my wife will make me sin or marry a second wife which is not an option. we have a daughter and expecting a baby very very soon but i have made up my mind.I NEED TO SEPARATE FROM HER. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH STRESS AND PSYCHOLOGICAL TORCHER....
     
  2. Nzokanhyilu

    Nzokanhyilu JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Feb 9, 2008
    Joined: Feb 19, 2007
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    KKNsungu mwanawane hebu njoo huku.
    Ila Mbongo Asili unafanya nini kijijini? Labda njoo mjini utapata kazi nzuri zaidi mkeo atulie kukusumbua.

    Is marriage worth all this wahala?
     
  3. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #3
    Feb 9, 2008
    Joined: Feb 7, 2008
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    Mimi niko Jijini, Kazi Yangu binafsi yalipa 1000$ kwa mwezi hizo hazitoshi? Nina Nyumba 3, Hizo hazitoshi?

    REMEMBER LOVE IS BLIND BUT MARRIAGE IS AN EYE OPENNER
     
  4. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Feb 9, 2008
    Joined: Mar 31, 2007
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    ..mzee,

    ..pole kwa yaliyokukuta.

    ..unachohitaji kufanya ni kutoka nje ya nyumba upate fresh air!talk to friends,have a drink or two,buy her a gift and see what will happen!

    ..nadhani una rafiki au marafiki wa karibu ambao ni waaaminifu na wenye kujua kutunza siri. sasa,hao ndio wa kubadilishana nao mawazo.

    ..kama una muda tafuta girlfriend,sio wa kufanya nae ngono[ingawa huu ni uamuzi wako at last]bali wa kukuliwaza kwa mazungumzo na mitoko ya hapa na pale. kumbuka,don't do this at the expense of the family!

    ..mengine tutaongea baadae!
     
  5. Pundit

    Pundit JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Feb 9, 2008
    Joined: Feb 4, 2007
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    See why I stay single?

    Seek professional help dude, no meaningful advice can be given without considering the other party's input.There are three sides to every story, yours hers and the truth.

    The rule of thumb is, will you be happier without her than with her? I advice the two of you to consider marriage counselling.
     
  6. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #6
    Feb 9, 2008
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    Don't you think i have done that already ?
     
  7. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Feb 9, 2008
    Joined: Mar 31, 2007
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    ..kwahiyo,na wewe ni mwoga au haupendi usumbufu? ila nakuaminia!kuitwa baba au mama si mchezo!

    ..kumbuka kuwa mshikaji anaweza akawa bongo. halafu hizo fee za ma-shrink si ni kubwa?

    ..hapa umenena.

    ..lakini,yawezekana haya mambo yanasuluhishika bila kufika mbali sana.

    ..kama anaweza kutuambia yuko kwa industry ipi ki-kazi? unajua kazi ingine zinafanya mtu anajisahau kidogo!na hasa baada ya kuona ana mke!anaona haitaji kuwa sop-sop.
     
  8. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Feb 9, 2008
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    ..sawa.

    ..mara ya mwisho kula tunda lini?plz answer honestly!
     
  9. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #9
    Feb 9, 2008
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    what kind of gifts my fast anniversary i gave her a ring worth 160$, every year i give her my dividends from my savngs to her as whole amount about 200$, and by the way the ring i gave her she gave it to her cousin who lost it....hehehehe
     
  10. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #10
    Feb 9, 2008
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    tunda hulila kwa wiki mara kama tatu,lakini kama kizuizi nisipige nje
     
  11. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Feb 9, 2008
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    ..first things,first!. money cant buy love!

    ..mnunulie zawadi unayoona ataipenda. na si simply vitu ya gharama!

    ..what are her interests?hobbies and past times, if any?

    ..do you spend some time with your daughter? just you and her?
     
  12. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Feb 9, 2008
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    ..kwa kuanzia,at this stage naweza kusema tu-deal na wewe kwanza!

    ..yawezekana wewe ndio una matatizo. lets talk about them now.
     
  13. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #13
    Feb 9, 2008
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    may be i should add tel you from 24th dec to 29th i took the whole family to a beach cottage...by the way vimbwanga vilipo anza i asked to promise not to leave me!! guess the answer...IT IS NOT A GUARANTEE
     
  14. Pundit

    Pundit JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Feb 9, 2008
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    I had no reason to think so as you did not point that out, moreover one would think that if somebody already had qualified profesional help there would be no need for one to come here.

    The reason I pointed that out is that most of us are not qualified to offer advice (some of us refuse to be in relationships period, for selfish reasons, so we don't have to deal with bullshyt and some natural tendencies of women that due to some peculiarities of life as we know it are very different from men's tendencies)

    So you need to consider professional help more than our input here because firstly we are mostly not qualified, but even if we have a psychologist in here who is qualified, as I pointed out earlier, mwamba ngoma ngozi huvutia kwake, so we are presented only with your version, we do not know the womans version so half the story is untold, and any advice given will be given with that disqualification.

    So what kind of professional help did you get and why do you think our advice here will be better than the professional help you received?

    I would hate to see a self appointed "Pundit" in here dispense advice to drastically change your life from partial info provided in this very limited media.
     
  15. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #15
    Feb 9, 2008
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    TIHIHIHI sidhani kama nina matatizo
     
  16. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Feb 9, 2008
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    ..mzee,inaonekana umejiingiza katika mtego fulani na mkeo!


    ..anaona unampenda sana nini? au wewe huwa unafanya vitu wakati mwingine ili umridhishe tu,wakati ukijua hauko tayari,hauwezi au haupendi?

    ..bado naona tatizo liko kwako! unatishika kirahisi!
     
  17. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #17
    Feb 9, 2008
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    how would you put if someone tells you that its not a guarantee to be with you immediately after marriage and every year she asks you to divorce her...its a song am used to
     
  18. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Feb 9, 2008
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    ...pundit,hapa tunabadilishana mawazo. ni kama baraza ya jioni yenye kahawa na kashata!

    ...kwahiyo tuendelee kwa spirit hiyo! yawezekana akatoka hapa akijua nini atakihitaji kitaalamu.
     
  19. D

    DAR si LAMU JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Feb 9, 2008
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    ..how old is she? and you by the way?
     
  20. Mbongo Asili

    Mbongo Asili Member

    #20
    Feb 9, 2008
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    by the way people after i had proposed to her i had never looked for her until when she started looking for me by her own self... i told her that i drank and smoked cigarete and she said that was not a problem with her. i once asked her why she married me and she said its because she believed me and her could cope ...take note its not because she was in love with me
     
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