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Mwanamke: Unapomkataa mwanaume umwonaye kwa jicho la kwanza……….!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mtambuzi, Aug 4, 2012.

  1. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #1
    Aug 4, 2012
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    Kuna msemo mmoja unasema "don't judge a book by its cover". Hii ina maana kwamba usihukumu kitu kwa mwonekano wake........
    Naam hiyo iko kila mahali, ni jambo ambalo tumefundishwa na jamii kuhukumu kwa kuangalia muonekano wa mtu au kitu na hii mara nyingi hutupelekea kupata hasara au kupoteza nafasi ambayo tulikuwa tunaitafuta au tunaisubiria kwa muda mrefu.

    Mara nyingi jambo hili huwa linawatokea wanawake tofauti na wanaume. Huwa inatokea mwanamke kutovutiwa na mwanaume anayejaribu kumuomba kutoka naye kwa mara kwanza. Inaweza kuwa mwanaume huyo anayo dhamira thabiti ya kupata wasaa na binti ili kuangalia mustakabali wa maisha yao ya baadae kama wanaweza kujenga familia lakini kwa bahati mbaya sana kwa jicho la kwanza mwanamke huyo anaweza kujikuta akiwa havutiwi kimapenzi na mwanaume huyo na wala hahisi msisimko wa kimapenzi juu yake.

    Hali hiyo inaweza kumfanya mwanamke akakataa mwaliko huo katika namna ya kukatisha tamaa. Kauli kama, "eti nitoke na wewe, hivi unanionaje….." au "sina muda huo…." Ni kauli ambazo hutolewa na wanawake wasiovutiwa na wanaume wanaowaomba kutoka nao. Lakini pia inaweza kutokea akiwa na mashoga zake kisha mwanaume huyo akapita maeneo hayo… anaweza kumzungumzia huyo mwanaume kwa mashoga zake katika namna ya kumponda…
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    "Mnamuona yule mkaka, eti ananitongoza….siku hiyo mwenyewe nimetulia zangu, kanijia.. ooh dada samahani naomba kesho ujumuike na mimi kwa ajili ya kupata dinner pamoja...... Mh! Nilimpandisha na kumshusha, hivi kaniona mie ndio wa kutoka naye… he he heeeeee, hebu aniondolee mikosi mie" Anaweza kusema hivyo kwa dharau na kumalizia kwa kicheko yeye na marafiki zake. Jambo hili hutokea sana na ninaamini hata wanawake walio humu JF wanalijua.

    Mimi ni muathitrika wa jambo hilo, ilitokea takriban miaka kumi iliyopita nilitokea kumpenda binti mmoja, sikumpenda ili nimpotezee muda, la hasha, nilimpenda ili kama tukikubaliana nimuoe kabisa, kwani nilivutiwa na tabia zake na pia familia anayotoka. Nilifanya majaribio kadhaa ya kutaka kuzungumza naye lakini alionekana kuwa mgumu sana, na hata nilipopata fursa ya kukutana naye katika sherehe fulani na kuzungumza naye, alionekana kuwa na msimamo huo.

    Nilimwelelza dhamira yangu ya kutaka kuwa na uhusiano naye na kama tukikubaliana nimuoe. Jambo la kwanza alitaka kujua nafanya kazi gani, nilipomweleza kazi ninayofanya, hakutafuna maneno, alinikata kalma na kuniambia kwamba hayuko tayari kuolewa na mwanaume anayefanya kazi kama yangu, kwani kwa mujibu wa uzoefu wake wanaume wanaofanya kazi hiyo huwa ni malaya sana. Nikahukumiwa kwa sababu ya kazi yangu.
    Mwaka huo huo nikampata mama Ngina na baada ya uchumba wa miaka miwili tukafunga ndoa. Leo hii ni miaka kumi imepita yule binti hajaolewa na ana watoto wawili ambao amezalishwa na wanaume wawili tofauti.
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    Nimewahi kuongea na baadhi ya wanawake walioolewa ninaofanya nao kazi, na wale ninaoishi nao huko mtaani, wengi walikiri kwamba waume waliowaoa wala hawakufikiria kwamba itatokea wawapende. Walisema kwamba kwa mara ya kwanza walipokutana nao hawakuvutiwa nao na hata walipojaribu kuwatongoza waliwakataa kwa dharau na hata kuwaporomoshea matusi, lakini kutokana na wanaume hao kutokata tamaa hatimaye walijikuta wakianzisha uhusiano nao na hatimaye kufunga ndoa na sasa wanaishi kwa amani tofauti na jinsi walivyowachukulia kwa mara ya kwanza walipowaona.

    Hii huwatokea wanawake wengi, kuwadharau kwa jicho la kwanza wanaume wanaojaribu kuwatongoza. Ni vyema wakati mwingine kuwapa nafasi kwani hujui mwanaume huyu anayo dhamira gani juu yako. Toa nafasi kwani kuzungumza na mwanaume ndio kufanya tendo…..? Msikilize kisha mchunguze kama anavyo vigezo unavyovitaka, lakini pia huwezi kupata majibu yote kwa wakati mmoja inahitaji kidogo kuwa karibu na mwanaume huyo ili kujiridhisha.
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    Naomba nitahadharishe kwamba si vyema kukimbilia kukutana kimwili kwanza, jambo hilo lina hatari yake, kwani tendo la ndoa hufunika akili kiasi cha kushindwa kufikia maamuzi yenye busara. Inashauriwa kusubiri siku 90, ndipo ufanye uamuzi wa kukutana kimwili kama unaona jambo hilo lina umuhimu sana, lakini kama ukiweza subiri mpaka mfunge ndoa. (Mara nyingi jambo hili ni gumu kwani vijana wa siku hizi wenyewe husema haiwezekani kuuziwa mbuzi kwenye gunia…LOL)

    Nakubali kwamba, wakati mwingine kumkubalia mwanaume kirahisi kunaweza kushusha dhamani yako kama nilivyowahi kusema katika uzi huu…... http://www.jamiiforums.com/mahusiano-mapenzi-urafiki/274180-wanawake-mkitukubalia-kirahisi-thamani-inashuka%85%85.html Lakini unapokataa kifedhuli na kutweza, unakuwa kama unajenga ukuta kwa mwanaume huyo kufanya jaribio la pili. Kuna wanaume wasiopenda kudhalilishwa, hivyo hukata tamaa na kusahau………………..
     
  2. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Mshua, kwanza tukubaliane kuwa unaposema hii inawapata wanawake zaidi kuliko wanaume; sio kweli. Tofauti ni kuwa mwanaume haachi kumuweka akiba mwanamke yeyeote isipokuwa mamake na dada zake tu! So, hata kama hamtaki anamuweka akiba ya kiangazi. Ndo maana mie huwaza control ya ku-cross line from urafiki to upenzi kati ya mwanamke na mwanaume inashikiliwa na mwanamke pekee.

    Kiukweli kumkataa mtu bila ustaarabu ni muhimu. Tena sio mpenzi tu, hata ndugu ama rafiki mnayetofautiana. Last week nilisaidiwa na distant relative ambae simpendi tabia zake kiasi huwa tukikutana kwenye tukio akiniuliza naelekea wapi nitamdanganya ili tusiongozane. But I'm always polite na nahakikisha mazingira ya kunikera (ni mtu wa mizinga hadi ya sh 100 ya machenza barabarani, she is a branch manager wa bank). Kitu ambacho kingenigharimu siku kadhaa, hela zaidi na pengine hongo alinifanyia for half a day.

    I treat the same the guys after me. We don't have to be enemies. Mtu akikutokea ukafanya kama utani kumkataa kistaarabu anaelewa na maisha yanaendelea. Haina maana nitakuja kujutia kumkataa (nauamini mtima wangu sana sana!), lakini naweka akiba ya awkward moments. Hakawii kuwa boss ama associate baadae halafu pachimbike!
     
  3. Ruttashobolwa

    Ruttashobolwa JF-Expert Member

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    Asante sana Mtambuzi kwa msaada wako wa kila siku!

    Asubuhi ni njema.
     
  4. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    Samahani akili ya baba yako ishaanza kuzeeka, hebu fafanua hapo kwenye bold, ulitaka kusemaje vile..........................!
     
  5. Ruttashobolwa

    Ruttashobolwa JF-Expert Member

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    Umenene vema king'asti! Lakini ukumbuke si wote wana fikiri kama wewe wengine ukimtongoza ni kama ume nunua ugomvi kama mifano aliyotoa Mtambuzi mtu ana mtukana mtu, kejeli ,vijembe hadi wengine wanatamani kujinyonga kwa jinsi walivyo tukanwa!

     
  6. j

    jeneneke JF-Expert Member

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    Nashukuru ,ila vipi kama umeshamkataa na bado anakuletea kashfa?utaendelea kumpetpet kwa maneno.Kwa hiyo ?,huyo binti hakuolewa kwa sababu alikukataa Mtambuzi?Me nafikiri kukataa mtu sio dhambi swala ni unamkataaje?Halafu ni kwambie siku hizi mwanaume siku ya kwanza tu anataka mkado, mja siku 3 tu tumejuana eti tufanye, Bashara ikaishia hapo nafikiri ndicho alichokuwa anataka.,
     
  7. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Wewe baba unajua mi kiswahili kinanisumbua. Nikujibu kinyumbani? I meant ni muhimu kuwa mstaarabu, eboo!
     
  8. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

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    King'asti sijakuelewa..come back aisee!
    Back to ze topiki. Mtambuzi nadhani isiwe kwenye Mapenzi tu..Itoshe tu kusema 'Jiwekee Akiba ya Wema'..
    Uki'mtreat' mtu gently haicost chochote..however, the opposite is a problem!
     
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  9. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Rutta, kama mtu anaamini hujafa hujaumbuka wala kuumbika, lazma utatambua kila mtu ana potential. Kuna joke moja kuwa Michelle Obama aliingia restaurant ya kichina na mumewe akaenda kumsalimia owner manake alishamfukuziaga enzi hizo. Obama akamuambia michelle 'so, if I didn't marry you, you would now be the wife of a small chinese restaurant owner?' Na Michelle akajibu 'If I married him, he would now be the US president'. Nadhani Obama alibakia kujiuliza yeye angeishia wapi kama sio kumuoa Michelle!

    Hata kama mtu hana hela leo, sio sababu ya kumdharau. Ila kuna wawili I remember niliwapiga chini kwa vijembe na kashfa za live kwa sababu walikuwa hawataki kuelewa somo kabisa. Actually huyo mmoja nilimsakizia kwa l'aziz aongee nae wakubaliane nani amuachie nani!
     
  10. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    jeneneke, mwanaume anayemtaka mwanamke kwa dhati na mwenye nia njema hawezi kuwa na kashfa hata kama akikataliwa kwa kashfa, huyu atajitahidi sana kujenga ukaribu na wewe kwa kadiri awezavyo, ila pale kunapotokea kukatishwa tamaa, mwanaume huyo hukata kamba na kuangalia upande mwingine.... Kwa kesi yangu, nakubali kwamba si dhambi kumkataa mtu, lakini unapomkataa mtu kwa sababu ya aina ya kazi anayoifanya, hapo nadhani kuna uwalakini..... Je hao aliowakubalia na kuzalishwa nao ndio wenye kazi azipendazo?
    Kwa upande wa wale wanaotaka KU-DO muda mfupi baada ya kujuana, hao sio kusudio la uzi wangu, mimi nazungumzia wanaume wenye dhamira ya dhati ya kutafuta mwenza..........................
     
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  11. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Snowball, umenielewa bana! Hiyo kiswahili inanishinda. Ila nilimaanisha usemacho. Wema hauozi. Mie hata uniudhi, actually hata mpenzi naamini kwenye kuachana bila kuraruana. Ndugu ndo zaidi. Akikukosea mtu usimrarue, categorise him/her accordingly na uepuke mazingira ya kukerana.
     
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  12. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    Mwanangu umesema "kumkataa mtu bila ustaarabu ni muhimu" mimi nadhani ni vyema ungesema "Si vizuri kumkataa mtu bila ustaarabu"
    Shule nimekupeleka lakini unajitia hamnazo......................LOL
     
  13. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    Mkuu SnowBall uzi huu umejikita kimapenzi zaidi.............
     
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  14. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Mtambuzi, sasa mwenye nia ya dhati nae utamjuaje bila time factor? Sema kuna issues ambazo unajijua kuwa huzitaki hata kuzijadili kwa mfano dini and believes (mwanaume anaeenda kwa walozi, mmmh! Hapo hamna mjadala aisee)
     
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  15. SnowBall

    SnowBall JF-Expert Member

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    Najua bro Mapenzi yana'run' dunia..
    Ila sometimes this has become a streotype..
    Unajua nini bro Mtambuzi wanaume wengi pia tunaamni 'the more harshly the lady treats you to at the beginning..the more curiousity you develop unto her'..
    So, it acts as double edged sword!
     
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  16. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    Mwanangu na wewe.... hivi kwa jicho la kwanza unaweza kujua huyo mwanaume ni dini gani, ni mlozi, ni mzinzi nk.....?
    Kuna binti aliwahi kunikataa kwa sababu ya jina langu kuonekana ni la dini fulani kumbe mie wala sikuwa mtu wa dini hiyo.... Unapopata fursa ya kukaa na mtu na kuzungumza naye, unaweza kumjua mtu huyo vizuri zaidi..... Sikatai kwamba kuna wakati machale (Intuition) inaweza kukuongoza na kuepuka balaa, lakini si wanawake wote wanaoongozwa na machale kuwakataa wanaume kwa kuwaangalia kwa jicho la kwanza.... wengi huongozwa na hisia na kuangalia kwamba mwanaume huyo ana kitu gani cha thamani au anamiliki nini au anafanya kazi gani.....
    Hili ni kosa ambalo wengi hulijutia baadae. kama nilivyosema hapo juu kwamba, wapo wanawake wengi tena wakutosha wanakiri kwamba wanaume waliowaoa wala hawakutarajia kama wangeolewa nao, hawakuvutiwa nao kimapenzi na waliowaona kama watu duni.......


    Naomba tukubali kutokubaliana mwanangu............................
     
  17. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu Mtambuzi nimekusoma bandiko lako uzuuri kabisa

    "pamoja na mambo mengine", hizo "siku 90 kabla ya kula tunda" ni absolute ama relative?
     
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  18. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    Nimepigia jibu mstari.........................
     
  19. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

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    Mtambuzi mbona umeelekeza kwa wadada tu ilihali wapo wakaka abao wanaweza fanya the same?

    to me mtu anayemkataa mtu pasi ustaarabu na kwa kashfa huyu si bnadam wa kawaida. kumbukwe kabisa kwamba kila mwanamke ana haki ya kutongozwa na mwanaume na si jambo baya ila si kila akutongozaye basi wamkubalia na kutoka naye neva.

    lakinai pia unapotaka kumkataa mtu tumia hekima sana ili badala ya kauwa adui muwe good friends ambaye waweza kumsaidia ama yeye aweza kukusaidia baadae. ina pendeza sana kwa mwanamke kutokuwa na maneno ya kashfa na matusi ingawa waswhili husema asiye kujua hakuthamini. Pia usimdharau mtu katika maisha yako.

    Kiukweli jamani hakuna kitu kibaya kama dharau kwa mtu mwingine yawe mdogo ama mkubwa kwani hujui yeye kesho yake itakuwaje. Unapomtolea mwanaume kashfa ujue kabisa wajipandia laana. Kuna mfano wa dada mmoja niliwah kupanga nae nyumba moja mwenzangu alikuwa na bahati sana ya kupata wakaka yaani wapenzi ila alikuwa anawananga sana. aliwah hadi kumuita mmoja tumbo kama anakunya humohumo tulijaribu kumshauri sana juu ya tabia yake ila kwakua anajijua yeyey ni mzuri sana alikuwa anasema yeye hadi atoke nyumbani kufika posta kila kituo atapakiza na kushusha mwanaume. tulichoka tukaamua kumuacha aendelee.

    cha ajabu wenzie wote wa mule ndani ndoa zilipita akabaki yeye tu, leo hii bado yupo kapanga nyumba mitaa fulan kaishia kuzaa mtoto na mume wa mtu, hana mbele waa nyuma uzuri wake wote umeishia kapuni. huyu ni mtu wa kweli niliyeshuhudia so nakubaliana kabisa na haya ayasemayo Mtambuzi
     
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  20. j

    jeneneke JF-Expert Member

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    O.k lakini frankly speaking hili swala la aina ya kazi jamii inaliangalia sana.Mara ngapi humu wanaume wamefagiliaa wanawake walimu na kuponda mapolice na wanasheria?Ikishakuwa ni kwa upande wa mwanamke kuchagua basi ni dhambi.mifumo dume bwana !Ngoja nangalia wanaokuja
     
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