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Mwanamke: kukubali kuwa mtumwa wa ndoa au uhusiano ni kutojiamini……..!

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Mtambuzi, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

    #1
    Aug 2, 2012
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    Nimewahi kuandika mada kadhaa humu JF kuhusu kutojiamini kwenye uhusiano. Wataalamu wanaamini kwamba, watu wasiojiamini, wanakuwa na matatizo makubwa na magumu au mabaya zaidi wanapokuwa kwenye uhusiano, kuliko kwenye maeneo mengine ya kimaisha.Kwa wanawake wanakabiliwa na adhabu mbili kwenye jambo hili. Kutokana na mfumo dume, mwanamke anakuwa tayari amepoteza kujiamini anapokuwa mbele ya mwanamume. Wakati mwingine hata kama alikuwa akijiamini hapo kabla, yaani kabla hajaingia kwenye uhusiano.

    Kwenye uhusiano wa kifujaji, kama mwanamume ndiye mfujaji, mara nyingi sana, mwanamke aliye kwenye uhusiano huo, anakuwa ni yule mwenye kupenda kujibandikiza kama kupe, ambaye anaamini kuwa hawezi kuishi bila mume huyo. Anapigwa, analaliwa nje, anadhalilishwa kwa njia mbalimbali, lakini ameng'ang'ania. Ni mara chache sana kukuta mwanamke asiye na utegemezi, yaani asiye tayari kumng'ang'ania mtu, kuolewa na mume mnyanyasaji. Kwa kuwa mtegemezi, mwanamke hatimaye humaliziwa kujiamini kwake kote
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    Umewahi kukutana na mwanamke ambaye amewahi kuwa na msululu wa wanaume wanyanyasaji? Anaishia kubadili kutoka kwa mnyanyasaji wa kwanza, wa pili na kwendelea. Hajui kwamba, anakutana na wanaume hawa kwa sababu ya kutojiamini kwake. Mwanamke anayejiamini hana hofu ya kumwacha mwanamume mnyanyasaji. Anajua kwamba hastahili kufanyiwa vile. Anatengeneza nguvu ya kihisia yake mwenyewe na anakuwa barabara, ngangari hata akiwa peke yake.

    Mvuto wa kimapenzi ni nguvu kubwa sana, kama inavyojidhihirisha katika wingi wa picha za wanawake waliokaa kihasara hasara katika magazeti mengi. Wanaume hasahasa, wanaathiriwa sana na wanawake warembo. Baadhi ya wanawake wanagundua kwamba wanaweza kuwasisimua wanaume kwa kukaa au kuvaa kihasara hasara. Mwanamke asiyejiamini ambaye anataka kibali cha kujihakikishia kuwa yeye ni mzuri au la toka kwa wengine, hutegemea mvuto wa kimapenzi kama ‘gia' yake ya kuonekana.
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    Mwanamke anayejiamini hahitaji kukubalika kwa wengine kama ni ajenda yake ya kila siku. Anajiamini kiasi cha kuweza kujidhihirisha katika uwezo wa aina nyingi; si katika kutegemea mvuto wa kimapenzi pekee. Katika fasihi nyingi nilizosoma, karibu zote zinasisitiza umuhimu wa kujitegemea kabla ya kuingia katika uhusiano wowote. Kama ningeweza kutoa ushauri wa kitabu cha kusoma ili mtu awe salama zaidi, ningeshauri kila mtu asome kitabu cha cha Stephen Covey kiitwacho 7 habits of highly effective people. Katika kitabu hicho anazungumzia kufanikisha kujishinda mwenyewe kabla ya kuwashinda wengine. Anazungumzia kuhusu mchakato toka kuwa mtu unayetegemea, unayejitegemea na unayetegemeana na wengine.

    Kutojiamini au kuhisi kuwa huko salama hadi wengine wawepo au wathibitishe, kunaweza kusababisha madhara makubwa, hasa kama hujui kutojiamini maana yake nini. Watu wengi wasiojiamini wanapenda kutoa visingizio wanapopata matatizo, wakiwa hawajui kwamba wao wenyewe ndiyo chimbuko la matatizo waliyo nayo. Mwanzo wa kuwa salama ni kujifunza kujicheka, ukijua kwamba hakuna mtu asiyekosea!
    Jiambie kwamba, umekamilika na usitake mume au mke akukamilishe, kwani hataweza.


    Jipende mwenyewe kwanza.
     
  2. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    mafahali wawili hawaishi zizi moja
     
  3. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Mtambuzi ulichosema ni kweli kabisa...lakini tatizo hata mtu akisoma huu uzi sijuhi kama utambadili kwa kuwa wengi tuko tulivyo tokana na malezi na makuzi tulopitia.

    Mimi nilelewa kutokubali kuwa mwanamke hana akili, mwanamke ni dhaifu etc. na hiyo imenifanya niwachachafye wanaume kote niliposoma...na good thing ni kuwa nimesoma shule mchanganyiko toka nursery mpaka chuo na nilikuwa nikifell nakuwa wa tatu.... Sijisifu ni kweli tupu...na nikishika namba 2 au 3 naugua na baba yangu ananisaidia kusikitika kwa kuwa nae alikuwa anaamini mimi ni wa kwanza always hivyo kuwa wa 2 au 3 nimezembea mahali.

    Hiyo imenifanya hata kazini simuogopi mtu hata Boss wangu kwani niko kazini kwa sababu mimi ni competent na si sababu ya favor ya mtu yeyote...na wananijua na wananipenda hakuna anayeninyanyasa kazini. Boss wangu ananichukulia kama Binti yake japo hajatulia anajua hawezi kumwambia upuuzi wake NK (the Iron Lady.Lol)


    Kumjibu the Boss "mafahali wawili hawakai zizi moja"

    Mimi nadhani mume wangu alinipendea among other things competency yangu...na yuko very proud of me...uzuri tulisoma wote though alikuwa mbele yangu na alikuwa akiniona ninavyopata zawadi chuoni...hivyo ni mwanaume aliyejua fika anaoa mke wa aina gani.

    Na kwa kuwa nampenda sana mume wangu na najua wanaume wanapenda nini, ubabe wangu unaishia getini. nikiwa nae mimi ni subordinate. Ila nikitoa mguu wangu kwenye geti mimi Boss.
     
  4. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Afu nilikosoma kuna baadhi ya wanaume walikuwa hawanipendiiiiii. Nadhani walikuwa wanshangaa ninavyowagalagaza.
     
  5. Ruttashobolwa

    Ruttashobolwa JF-Expert Member

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    Kujiamini ni kitu muhimu sana kwenye ,mahusiano!

    Asante Mtambuzii
     
  6. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    nyumba kubwa, hebu ngoja kwanza...... kuna kitu nitakisema baadae.................
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  7. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    Mimi nilikuwa ni mmoja wa wanaume hao................LOL
     
  8. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Nilikuwa najaribu kufikiria ni kwa nini nachukiwa na baadhi ya wanaume shuleni na chuoni; including lecturers hasa TAs jibu nililopta japo sijuhi kama ni sahihi ni kuwa walikuwa wananiona najifanya najua na "siwategemei kunilisha mashudu hivyo wasingeweza kukamua maziwa." Lol kama walivyokuwa wanafanya wasichana wengine...sasa watanipataje wakati kama akili nawazidi???

    Kuna TA mmoja wa sheria alikuwa ananichukia mpaka nikiwa na present anani crush ili niwe mdogo wakati mwingine anani crush wakati hata sijaanza kuzungumza...

    Nikafanya test yake ya marks 10 akanipa marks 2 kwa kunionea kabisa.

    Lakini alichoka nilipoenda kuchukua course work nilikuwa wa kwanza na marks 80 plus. Alinipa marks zangu huku anatetemeka kwa hasira. haamini.

    Unajua kwa nini??? Yeye alikuwa ni TA tu na alikuwa na test ya mark 10; marks 90 zilizobaki zilikuwa chini ya professor mmoja mzee...ambaye alikuwa hana ujinga...hanijuhi simjuhi; ndiye aliyeniokoa kwenye mtego wa huyu mshenzi.

    Mimi hata mdada akinambia lecturers wanamnyanyasa kijinsia...huwa namwambia live ni kwa kuwa huna akili...wanatumia udhaifu wako...soma sana.

     
  9. Mtambuzi

    Mtambuzi Platinum Member

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    Hata mimi ningemjibu hivyo hivyo...... Hawa kina Ngina kila siku nawaambia someni ili muepuke kukandamizwa mkifika ngazi ya elimu ya juu.................. lakini hawanielewi, naamini wakikabiliana na hizo changamoto vichwa vitafunguka.
     
  10. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    NK uko sawa, kujiamini ni kitu anachojengewa mtu since mdogo.

    Mie nimefundishwa 'u don't have to have anything or anyone in ur life in order to succeed or to be happy'. Havinisumbui material things wala mapenzi. Kama sikufai, u can take a hike afu utashangaa nitakavyobaki nafly high nakuachia vumbi.

    Ila kuna kutojiamini na kuna tamaa. Huo ukupe wa kutaka free rent unanikera! Mtu ananyanyaswa kama kinyago yaani! Kama ni mdogo wangu, na mie nitamkung'uta wallah! Inatia hasira!
     
  11. mito

    mito JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu nimekubali ujumbe wako isipokuwa hii statement: Hajui kwamba, anakutana na wanaume hawa kwa sababu ya kutojiamini kwake.

    Shida ya wanawake (of course na wanaume pia) ni ktk kufanya selection. Hapa ndo wanapobugi step wala si suala la kujiamini au kutojiamini.
     
  12. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Kuna uhusiano na kutokujiamini.

    Kwa sababu wanawake wenye low self esteem wanaamini kuwa wao watatoka tu wakipata mwanaume wa maana...mwenye feza au aina yeyote ya power. Hii inafanya waishie kuolewa na mapedeghee type ambao hawana heshima hata kidogo kwa jinsia ya kike.

    Mimi kwa kuwa nilikuwa najua nita make in life kwa competency yangu na si kwa kuolewa na mwenye maisha fulani...nilikuwa nachukia kabisa kabisa mwanaume mwenye majisifu...oooh nina gari...oooh nina balance kiasi fulani...kwa kuwa nilikuwa namuona amenichukulia poa. Nilikuwa naamini nina uwezo wa kumiliki mali wanazomiliki hao wanaume (washefa) ni just matter of time...automatically ilinifanya niwe na partner anayejua hutu wa mwanamke... na kuwa penzi halinunuliwi. Wenye tabia za kishenzi walikuwa wanajichuja wenyewe ...wala hawanisogelei kwani walijua pale pesa haiongei.

    Kwa hiyo kuna uhusiano kati ya self esteem na kuishia kuwa na partner abuser.
     
  13. Purple

    Purple JF-Expert Member

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    i agree with you hapo kwenye selection, hua tunachemsha sana kwenye kuchagua wakati mwingine mapungufu ya mtu hua yanaonekana toka mwanzo, lakini kuna ile kitu ya kujipa moyo 'atabadilika' matokeo yake ndo hayo ya kunyanyaswa n.k
     
  14. MadameX

    MadameX JF-Expert Member

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    Desperation ndio inawafanya wanawake wengi kufall kwa hawa wanaume vimeo. Hiyo desperation inatokana na kutojiamini kama ulivyosema, in their context you're not completed mpaka uwe na mtu, thats lame excuse. Mtu anakubali kuwa abused in relationship cause can not afford to be seen single/unmarried or the community will put her into quesiton mark.

    Kumbe wanasahau kuwa mtu kukuabuse or bully ni kwasababu umempa ruhsa kufanya hivyo and your 99.9% responsible of your happiness.
     
  15. BAK

    BAK JF-Expert Member

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    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  16. BADILI TABIA

    BADILI TABIA JF-Expert Member

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    Kingine Mtambuzi ni woga wa maisha (sijui ndo kutokujiamini kwenyewe).......
    Unakuta mke anapigwa mpaka anavuliwa nguo hadharani, anatukanwa yeye na ukoo wake wote mpaka marehemu wao...
    Analetewa hadi wanawake ndani lakini anang'ang'ana tu hatoki halafu suprising enough humo ndani yeye ndo analisha na kutunza familia....
     
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  17. snowhite

    snowhite JF-Expert Member

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    thats my girl!
     
  18. amu

    amu JF-Expert Member

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  19. Blue G

    Blue G JF-Expert Member

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    Daaaaaaaaahhhh i do admire that.
     
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