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Mume wangu sijui kaolewa na mama yake??

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Aug 29, 2009.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    Mume wangu na mama yake - lao moja

    Mtoto wa kiume akiwa na miaka 10 hadi 14 akawa na mama tu bila baba, huwa mtoto wa mama hata akiwa ameoa! Wapo wanawake wambao wameolewa na mume ambaye ni mototo wa mama haambiwi kitu hadi mama yake aamue na anaweza kuongea na mama yake maamuzi ya ndoa na kuacha mke kama mtekelezaji tu.

    Ukweli kuwa na mume ambaye anamsikiliza mama kwa kila maamuzi ya maisha ya ndoa yenu huwa inasumbua sana kama siyo kuleta matatizo makubwa katika ndoa.
    Inakuwa ngumu zaidi kwa kuwa unahitaji kutomchukiza mumeo na mama mzaa mumeo maana bila mama mkwe huyo mume usingempata.
    Pia wakati mwingine mama yake (mumeo) anapoleta vurugu kwako au kukuchukia tu bila sababu au kujaribu kukuona si lolote kwa mototo wake, mumeo anatulia tu kama vile haoni na zaidi anamtetea mama yake.

    Inawezekana upo kwenye uchumba, na mchumba wako (mwanaume) sasa anageuka na kusema kwamba kwa sababu ambazo mama yake hajaridhika nazo labda kabila, au ukoo au dini au elimu au basi tu si chaguo la mama, eti hamuwezi kuoana.
    Usibaki kimya eti ipo siku ataacha mwenyewe au mumeo na mama yake watabadilika, unaumia bure mototo wa watu, sema usikike!

    Je, njia zipi za kutumia kuishi vizuri na mume ambaye bila mama mambo hayaendi?
    Kaa chini na mumeo mwambie wazi kabisa kile kinaendelea na jaribu kuhakikisha mnapata jibu (solution) kwa pamoja.
    Kwa upendo na heshima zote tena kwa lugha rahisi (kama umeokoka basi huku ukiwa umefunga kwa maombi ila unatabasamu), mweleze vizuri mumeo kwamba uliolewa na yeye siyo mama yake na mwambie anavyofanya inakuumiza na toa sababu kamili inakuumiza vipi.

    Uwe tayari una majibu ya nini kifanyike na mwambie ni mikakati ipi au unataka iweje halafu mwambie na yeye atoe solutions kwa hili jambo, pia uwe unamsikiliza zaidi kuliko kuongea hasa mumeo anapongea.
    Pia muamue kwa pamoja nani ataenda kuongea na mama yake (kumfunga paka kengele) kama mwanamke mwoga mume anaweza kwenda mwenyewe kuongea na mama yake.

    Ukifika kwa mama (wote au mmoja ambaye ameenda) kaa chini, elezea jinsi unavyojisikia au mnavyojisikia na jinsi anavyowasumbua, mpe solutions za jinsi mlivyopendekeza na pia mpe na yeye nafasi aongee bila kumkatisha anapoongea.

    Tahadhari!
    Kama inawezekana pata ushauri kwa mtu anayeaminika anaweza kuwa mchungaji, msimamizi wa ndoa au mtu yeyote mwenye busara na hekima katika jamii.
    Wanaume wengi ambao hushikwa sana na mama zao huwa hivyo kwa sababu mara nyingi wakiwa na umri wa miaka 10 hadi 14 hawakuwa na mwanaume wa kuwa nao isipokuwa mama peke yake hivyo mwanaume yeye hajui kama ameshikwa na mama yake.
    .
    Pia wanaume ambao wanameshikwa na mama zao hawawezi kuweka mipaka na mama zao, hivyo inabidi asaidiwe kujua kuna mipaka mwanaume anapooa na zaidi anatakiwa aweke mipaka maana yeye ni mlinzi wa mke kimwili, kiroho na kihisia.
    Mwanamke pia uwe wazi kwa mama mkwe (ingawa hii kwa jamii nyingi za Afrika ngumu sana) mwambie tabia ipi inakuchukiza anapokuwa na mwanae na tabia ipi unafurahia kwani huko pia ni kuweka mipaka.

    Ikiwezekana kama mnaishi jirani hama kabisa angalia uwezekano wa kuhamia mbali au umbali kidogo au mji mwingine au kijiji kingine huko unaweza kupata amani na pia unaweza kupata muda wa kukata mzizi unaomshika mumeo kwa mama yake.
    Umbali wakati mwingine hufanya maajabu.

    Pia mwanamke uwe umejiandaa kupata resistance kutoka kwa mumeo au mama yake, na wote wakigoma usikate tamaa pia unaweza mwenyewe kwenda kupata ushauri kupambana na hii hali.
    Pia fahamu kwamba kuna wanaume (piga ua) hatakubali kujirekebisha, ila kuna mtu mmoja tu anaweza kuwabadilisha wanaume duniani yeye anaitwa ni change agent, anaweza kuleta mabadiliko yoyote, miaka 200o iliyopita alikufa msalabani kwa ajili ya wanaume na wanawake wote, mwambie yeye anaweza, jina lake anaitwa Yesu
     
  2. K

    Kituko JF-Expert Member

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    HATA HUYO YESU ALIKUWA MTOTO WA MAMA, kanusha bac
     
  3. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    #2 Today, 10:26 AM
    Kituko
    Kituko has no status.
    JF Senior Expert Member



    AAAHHH KUMBE """KITUKO""'
     
  4. M

    Mtu B JF-Expert Member

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    Mtoto wa mama, awe wa kike au wa kiume, hafai katika ndoa. Watoto wa kike waliolelewa na single mother, ukilogwa ukaoa huyo, imekula kwako. Hawafai, hawafai! Mtu hajawahi kuona baba katika maisha yake, wala hajaona mama yake akiita mtu yeyote 'mume', tena kila siku anasikia mamake akishutumu wanaume, unategemea atakuwa mke huyo? Ni balaa kubwa. Mabinti wa single mothers ninaowafahamu mimi walioolewa, wote wameshaachika!

    Tuje kwa wanaume 'watoto wa mama'. Nao ni noma, hawafai! Mtu katika maisha yake hajawahi kuona baba anafanya jukumu gani katika familia, mtu ambaye maisha yake yote kila anachokijua alimuuliza mama yake, hata alipobalehe mama yake alikuwa wa kwanza kujua! Mtu huyu hajapata kuona jukumu lolote linalotekelezwa na baba katika maisha yake, atayajulia wapi majukumu ya baba? Huyu akioa, kila kitu kinachohusu mambo yake na mkewe atamuuliza mama yake. Na wanawake hawapendani, asikwambie mtu, hata kama ni mkwe na mkaza mwana. Akiletewa ishu inamhusu mkaza mwana, yeye anakandamiza tu kabinti ka watu, kwake her son is always an innocent baby! Usishangae mwanamke ukaanza kutuhumiwa 'unanitesea mwanangu!' utadhani ni katoto ka nursery school unaishi nako!

    Watoto wa mama bwana!
     
  5. J

    Joyceline JF-Expert Member

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    na kweli we ni kituko, mambo ya Yesu hapa yametoka wapi inahusiana nini? tufafanulie
     
  6. M

    Msindima JF-Expert Member

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    Mtu B,nakubaliana na wewe kwa asilimia zote,we kama unataka kupata shida oa/olewa na mtu alielelewa na mama yaani ni kasheshe humo ndani,ukiolewa na kijana alielelewa na mama kama ni mdada jiandae na ujifunge mkanda kikweli maana unaweza jikuta unaacha hivi hivi nyumba yako kisa mama mkwe maana hakuna ambalo utalifanya likawa jema kwake kila unachokifanya ni kibaya siku zote,kwa wadada we oa mtoto wa mama shughuli yake ni kubwa kila siku nataka kwenda nyumbani kumsalimia mama hata kama huna pesa ataforce safari kama huna pesa na kununa,na akimweleza mama yake jua utaitwa kuulizwa kwa nini unafanya hivyo.
    kwa hiyo kwa wale ambao hawajaoa/kuolewa kuweni makini na watoto wa mama maana wengi wao wamelelewa kwa kudekezwa sana,ila wapo pia ambao pamoja hawana hizo tabia.
     
  7. M

    Mama Joe JF-Expert Member

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    Acha generalization, it takes two to make a perfect marriage, kama umeingia katika ndoa na idea kuwa "inawezavunjika", "sio ya kudumu" itakuwa hivyo kweli and vise versa. Acha discrimination ya watu waliolelewa na single parent, afterall hawakupenda, na huwezi jua wewe pia watoto wako watakuwaje.
    And to show you evidence in my family all 7 children were married and 5 live happily with their spouses, albeit being raised with a single parent. Life is what you think and do and not what was done by your parents, Seems you also carry your parent's house to your marriage and will be the first to blame your partner if the marriage fails. Be and act yourself!
     
  8. Buricheka

    Buricheka Member

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    Kama uliolewa na yeye basi ana haki ya kuamua na kukuamulia anachotaka, bila kujali anapataje ushauri au anafikiaje maamuzi yake. Hukuoa, hukuoana. "Uliolewa."

    Waliopevukia mambo hayo walishaondokana na dhana kama hizo, husema "I married my husband last year."
     
  9. M

    Mtu B JF-Expert Member

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    Hamna kitu mama, ni takwimu ndizo zinaongea. Kafanye utafiti uje unichalenji, lakini nina uhakika na nilichosema. Hao wa familia yenu kwanza nashangaa sana kama ni kweli, watoto saba single parent, kivipi? Basi huyo mzazi, ashakum si matusi......, sisemi maana mwezi mtukufu huu. Lakini nimeshangazwa sana na watoto 7 wa single parent.

    Na kwa mshangao huo, kitu fulani kinaniambia kuwa 'evidence' yako ya familia yako ni uongo mtupu.
     
  10. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

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    Kusema kweli hapa umeongea point kwani hata mimi ni miongoni mwa walioilelewa na Mama pekee. Na kwa jinsi ninavyompenda Mama yangu nisingependa third part hamuudhi Mama kwa sababu ya kunipenda mimi au kwakuwa ni mchumba au mke wangu.
    Ingawa siamini kuwa ni lazima kuyafanyia kazi mawazo yote anayotoa Mama lakini pia sidhani kwa jinsi Mama alivyoniangaikia mpaka leo nimekuwa mtu mzima nije nikosane naye kwa sababu ya mwanamke ambaye naye ana Mama yake anayempenda, hii kwangu itakuwa ngumu sana.
    Kimsingi ni kwamba Mama ni wa muhimu sana na inabidi kumsikiliza sana kwa anayokushauri lakini pia ni lazima kuyapima yale anayokushari. Lakini pia tusisahahu kuwa hawa wake zetu tukiwasikiliza sana ni wachonganishi baina yetu na Mama zetu wapendwa
     
  11. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

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  12. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

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    Kimsingi mimi sijaoa lakini achana kabisa na tabia ya kusikiliza mke na kumwamini kwa 100% utalia one day coz wengine wana tabia ya kugombanishe mume na ndugu zao. Sasa unapokutana na mume aliyelelewa na Mama yake from the first day to the last day halafu mke anaanza kusema nahisi Mama Mkwe hanipendi, haiseee kama ni mimi nitakwambia wewe ndio haumpendi. Au unakutana na mke anakwambia hataki Mama yako aje nyumbani na akija hasikae zaidi ya wiki, haisee sitamuelewa kama ndio mimi.
    Mama mzazi mzuri bwana nyie wee acha kabisa, mke mtu mwingine tu ambaye anytime mnaweza kupigana chini lakini Mama is forever and ever
    Mimi huwa nawashangaa sana wanume ambao huwa wanagombana na Mama zao kisa eti "Mke"
     
  13. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

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    Utoto wa mama alianza baada ya ndoa au alikuwa hivyo hata kabla ya ndoa?

    Bibie anaonekana ku generalize sana, soma hapa

    Ni muhimu umetaja uchumba, haya mambo yote pamoja na mengine mengi yanatakiwa kujulikana katika uchumba, na kama kuna tofauti za msingi, uchumba usitishwe na kukomeshwa.

    Mtu atakayesema "mume wangu ni mtoto wa mama" anapaswa kuulizwa "kwa hiyo hili umelijua lini? Ulifanya research kabla ya kuolewa?" Hivi nani asiye mtoto wa Mama? Hata huyo Tupac, the celebrated outlaw of "Thug Life" alikuwa mtoto wa mama, nani asiye mtoto wa mama? Unashindwa ku articulate hisia zako?

    Kuna wengine wanaona mwanamme kuwa na mapenzi kwa mama yake ni quality nzuri, na inaonyesha mtu anaheshimu familia yake na hivyo ataweza kumheshimu mke wake.Wakati huo huo, kuna tatizo la mama na mke "kumgobea" mume.Hili kama halina msingi katika maswala mazito linaweza kutokana na wivu wa kike tu.

    Mbona watu wanalalamika kwa mambo ambayo walipaswa kuyafahamu hata kabla ya ndoa? Hivi siku hizi watu wanaoana bila uchumba? Kama jibaba alikuwa mtoto wa mama kabla ya ndoa na mchumba wake akaelewa hivyo na kukubali kuolewa basi ajue wazi hana haki ya kutaka kumbadilisha huyo mumewe, waswahili wanasema maji ukishayavulia nguo huna budi kuoga, hata kama utasikia baridi, ilibidi kujua hilo hata kabla ya kuvua nguo.

    Pia hata kama kuna mapungufu kati ya mahusiano ya mume mke na mam mkwe, lugha ya kusema mume "kaolewa" na mama mkwe inaleta picha mbaya sana ambayo wastaarabu hawawezi kuivumilia.Hili linaonyesha zaidi hali ya mawazo ya huyu mke kuliko udhaifu wa huyu mume.

    Zaidi ya hapo kila siku ninapozidi kusoma hizi habari za watu walioingia katika ndoa kichwa kichwa ndipo ninpofarijika kwamba uamuzi wangu wa kuukumbatia useja ni murua kabisa na hauna matata.Sina mke wala mkwe wa kumkwaza na wala sikwaziki kwa sababu ya mke au mkwe.
     
  14. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    kwanini mnaoa sasa wakati mnahofia wake watawachonganisha na mama zenu?
    Je hao wake nao si ni mama wa wengine?
    Acheni porojo!
     
  15. Sipo

    Sipo JF-Expert Member

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    haya dada ngoja niache porojo ingawa mimi nimesema kile nikijuacho na na kukiamini
     
  16. Bluray

    Bluray JF-Expert Member

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    Inawezekana umesema ukijuacho na kukiamini, lakini vipi kama ukijuacho na kukiamini si kweli na ni overgeneralization iliyojaa kasumba?
     
  17. Bishanga

    Bishanga JF-Expert Member

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    Hebu niambie MtuB,na 'mtoto wa baba' anakuwaje maishani?
     
  18. Bishanga

    Bishanga JF-Expert Member

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    Mmmmmhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
     
  19. M

    Mama Joe JF-Expert Member

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    Ok just a question to you and Sipo, ukioa na ukakaa vizuri tu na mkeo ukazaa watoto saba, ukafa watoto hao wanalelewa na nani? wajane wanaitwa nini? au mnadhani single parent ni CD? ndo maana nawaambia usi discriminate watu na ku assume ndo sababu ya failure
    je umeishasikia wasiosoma ukioa wana taabu, waliotoka kabila hili, waliotoka familia maskini/tajiri ni hivi? Ndo maana nakwambia usibebe sifa za familia yako kwenye ndoa ACT yourself!
     
  20. M

    Mtu B JF-Expert Member

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    "Mtoto wa baba" sijawahi kumwona wala kumsikia, najua tu kuwa kuna mtoto wa baba na mama, na mtoto wa mama, basi. Sijawahi kuona wala kusikia 'single father', lakini nawaona 'single mothers' wengi hasa mijini.

    Wewe umewahi kuona 'mtoto wa baba' na/au 'single father'? Wakoje hao watu?
     
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