Ninyi mko pande ipi?!! TAFAKARI CHUKUA HATUA > > > > > --- TYPES OF HUSBANDS > > MR MONKEY : > Mr Monkey is only married on paper but in reality he is still a > bachelor. He married because of some family pressures, maybe > impregnating the girl out of wedlock. Monkey is not responsible, he > doesn't realize he is now a man and has a wife and child (ren) to look > after. He still hangs around with his bachelor friends. They go out, > braai, drink and be merry with young girls and his car pumps out loud > music, it's actually a mobile disco. His house is like a lodge to him, > he only comes home to sleep. He sleeps out once in a while and has his > friends to testify to his wife that he slept at their place after drink > or when the car had broken down. He is really a nuisance to the family. > > > MR LION : He is very violent and is always boiling like acid and suffers > from mood swings. His home is run through intimidation and > dictatorship. > There are strict rules and regulations for the wife and children and > whoever breaks these is thoroughly beaten. His home is run like a high > school. There are strict meal times and heavy padlocks at the gate. He > takes pride in being in charge and behaves like a high school perfect. > Half the time he is engaging in compensatory behaviour verbally and > physically abusing his wife and children to compensat6e for his > inadequacies elsewhere especially at the workplace. > > MR GORILLA : This one wants to be treated like an "Igwe'' (a King). He > treats his wife and children like his subjects. He wants the wife and > children to perform some traditional respect gestures. He doesn't want > to be called by his first name. The children found out his first name > by > mistake on a utility bill and they enjoy using this name when he is > away > and they are gossiping about him. When his food is served, the wife > kneels and puts food in front of him and she retreats two metres and > kneels again and announces that she has brought the food, as if he is > not aware. He eats from plates that have lids. Only the wife knows what > he is eating. The children don't. Gorilla has a strong rural background > and has a number of beasts at his rural home/farm, where he goes almost > every weekend. The cattle are his friends, they are more important than > the wife and children for he spends most of his free time with them > than > with the family. The cattle are not sold to improve his life; he > delights in seeing them multiply and enjoys the numbers. He's a very > stingy man. > > MR COCKEREL: > He is that man who has a soft spot for women. They are his friends, > just friends; he has no relationships with them. He is a husband for > every women; he doesn't want to see a woman cry and is given to caring > for these other women than his own wife. He gives these other women > more > than his wife in terms of his resources and time. At the work place, > the > women know him and they take advantage of him and take loans they never > payback. > > MR BABOON : He is very selfish, he thinks about himself first before the > family. He is the best dressed in the family. His favourite word is > ' my'. Everything is HIS - my car, my house, my wife, my children, my > trees, my lizards (those that hang around his house). He is a very > greedy man. He is heavily involved in what happens in the kitchen, even > knows how may slices are in a sliced loaf of bread and how many oranges > are on his oranges tree. He doesn't consider the emotions of the wife > and the children. He is a dry man with no sense of humour and he rarely > smiles and takes life too seriously. > > MR FOX : He is a very cunning man. He doesn't care much about the > marriage. He is using his wife to solve his own personal and extended > family problems. He knows his wife's weaknesses and capitalizes on > these > to use the wife for his personal gain. When he needs the wife to do > something, he is friendly and 'loving' and when he gets what he wants > he > relapses to his usual dry self. His habits are very fast and his eyes > swift, he won't look at you directly in the eye, speaks very fast as if > he is reciting a poem. It's not clear what exactly he does for a living > but he is always in town running from one corner to the other. > > MR TICK :Is a very lazy husband. He lives off his wife; he is literary > hanging on his wife's skirt. He's stuck to the wife because of her > money. He is dependant on the wife as much as the children. He is very > loving in his own way - fond of calling the wife all sorts of little > nothings, honey, sweetheart, sweety, lovely and all but will siphon > money off the wife and spends it with other women. He has no initiative > and has negated his role as a bread winner in the family. > > MR PUPPY : This is a husband who is a cry baby, very childish and > irresponsible. He is mummy's boy. Behaves as if he is married to his > mother. He cannot make a decision without consulting his mother (and > sisters). His mother and sisters run his home and family. He is always > comparing his wife to his mother and expects the wife to behave like > his > mother. It is rumoured behind closed doors that maybe the mother > bewitched him to make him 'loyal' to her. His sisters are busy trying > to > get him girlfriends from among their friends so that they will even > spend more time with him through frustrating his wife. A very useless > husband. > > MR PYTHON : There is the visiting husband. Mr Python, a rare species. > His house is a lodge. He only comes to sleep. Leaves home when the > children are still sleeping and comes back when they are in bed. He is > always at work or making 'deals' to make money but unfortunately he has > no time for his family. He does provide materially for his family but > he > is always absent. > > MR ELEPHANT : Finally there is Mr Elephant, the man who is caring and > loving and provides for his family. He will not allow anything to come > between him and his family and will fight tooth and nail to protect his > family. He tries his best to fend for his family but only through > honest > means. He spends most of his spare time with the family and guides his > family spiritually as well. A very responsible man who treats his wife > as a partner and cares for the welfare of his in-laws. He values the > children as God given gifts to be cherished, with no gender bias. - and > I know that all husbands who read this column are Elephants.