mopaozi
JF-Expert Member
- Nov 17, 2010
- 3,301
- 520
Ninyi mko pande ipi?!!
TAFAKARI CHUKUA HATUA > > > > > ---
TYPES OF HUSBANDS > >
MR MONKEY : >
Mr Monkey is only married on paper but in reality he is still a
> bachelor. He married because of some family pressures, maybe >
impregnating the girl out of wedlock. Monkey is not responsible, he >
doesn't realize he is now a man and has a wife and child (ren) to look > after.
He still hangs around with his bachelor friends. They go out, > braai,
drink and be merry with young girls and his car pumps out loud >
music, it's actually a mobile disco. His house is like a lodge to him, >
he only comes home to sleep. He sleeps out once in a while and has his >
friends to testify to his wife that he slept at their place after drink > or
when the car had broken down. He is really a nuisance to the family. > > >
MR LION :
He is very violent and is always boiling like acid and suffers >
from mood swings. His home is run through intimidation and > dictatorship. >
There are strict rules and regulations for the wife and children and >
whoever breaks these is thoroughly beaten. His home is run like a high > school.
There are strict meal times and heavy padlocks at the gate.
He > takes pride in being in charge and behaves like a high school perfect. >
Half the time he is engaging in compensatory behaviour verbally and >
physically abusing his wife and children to compensat6e for his > inadequacies elsewhere especially at the workplace. > >
MR GORILLA :
This one wants to be treated like an "Igwe'' (a King).
He > treats his wife and children like his subjects.
He wants the wife and > children to perform some traditional respect gestures.
He doesn't want > to be called by his first name. The children found out his first name >
by > mistake on a utility bill and they enjoy using this name when he is > away >
and they are gossiping about him. When his food is served, the wife >
kneels and puts food in front of him and she retreats two metres and >
kneels again and announces that she has brought the food, as if he is >
not aware. He eats from plates that have lids. Only the wife knows what >
he is eating. The children don't. Gorilla has a strong rural background >
and has a number of beasts at his rural home/farm, where he goes almost >
every weekend. The cattle are his friends, they are more important than >
the wife and children for he spends most of his free time with them > than >
with the family. The cattle are not sold to improve his life;
he > delights in seeing them multiply and enjoys the numbers.
He's a very > stingy man. > >
MR COCKEREL: >
He is that man who has a soft spot for women. They are his friends, >
just friends; he has no relationships with them. He is a husband for > every women;
he doesn't want to see a woman cry and is given to caring > for these other women
than his own wife. He gives these other women > more > than his wife in terms of his
resources and time. At the work place, > the > women know him and they take
advantage of him and take loans they never > payback. > >
MR BABOON :
He is very selfish, he thinks about himself first before the >
family. He is the best dressed in the family. His favourite word is > '
my'. Everything is HIS - my car, my house, my wife, my children, my > trees,
my lizards (those that hang around his house). He is a very > greedy man.
He is heavily involved in what happens in the kitchen, even > knows how
may slices are in a sliced loaf of bread and how many oranges > are on his oranges tree.
He doesn't consider the emotions of the wife > and the children. He is a dry man with no sense
of humour and he rarely > smiles and takes life too seriously. > >
MR FOX :
He is a very cunning man. He doesn't care much about the > marriage.
He is using his wife to solve his own personal and extended > family problems.
He knows his wife's weaknesses and capitalizes on > these > to use the wife for his personal gain.
When he needs the wife to do > something, he is friendly and 'loving' and when he gets what he wants >
he > relapses to his usual dry self. His habits are very fast and his eyes > swift, he won't look at you directly
in the eye, speaks very fast as if > he is reciting a poem. It's not clear what exactly he does for a living >
but he is always in town running from one corner to the other. > > MR TICK :Is a very lazy husband.
He lives off his wife; he is literary > hanging on his wife's skirt. He's stuck to the wife because of her >
money. He is dependant on the wife as much as the children. He is very > loving in his own way -
fond of calling the wife all sorts of little > nothings, honey, sweetheart, sweety, lovely and all but
will siphon > money off the wife and spends it with other women. He has no initiative > and has negated his
role as a bread winner in the family. > >
MR PUPPY :
This is a husband who is a cry baby, very childish and > irresponsible.
He is mummy's boy. Behaves as if he is married to his > mother.
He cannot make a decision without consulting his mother (and > sisters).
His mother and sisters run his home and family. He is always > comparing
his wife to his mother and expects the wife to behave like > his > mother.
It is rumoured behind closed doors that maybe the mother > bewitched him
to make him 'loyal' to her. His sisters are busy trying > to > get him girlfriends
from among their friends so that they will even > spend more time with him
through frustrating his wife. A very useless > husband. > >
MR PYTHON :
There is the visiting husband. Mr Python, a rare species.
> His house is a lodge. He only comes to sleep. Leaves home when the >
children are still sleeping and comes back when they are in bed. He is >
always at work or making 'deals' to make money but unfortunately he has >
no time for his family. He does provide materially for his family but > he > is always absent. > >
MR ELEPHANT : Finally there is Mr Elephant, the man who is caring and >
loving and provides for his family. He will not allow anything to come >
between him and his family and will fight tooth and nail to protect his > family.
He tries his best to fend for his family but only through > honest > means.
He spends most of his spare time with the family and guides his > family spiritually as well.
A very responsible man who treats his wife > as a partner and cares for the welfare of his in-laws.
He values the > children as God given gifts to be cherished, with no gender bias. - and >
I know that all husbands who read this column are Elephants.
TAFAKARI CHUKUA HATUA > > > > > ---
TYPES OF HUSBANDS > >
MR MONKEY : >
Mr Monkey is only married on paper but in reality he is still a
> bachelor. He married because of some family pressures, maybe >
impregnating the girl out of wedlock. Monkey is not responsible, he >
doesn't realize he is now a man and has a wife and child (ren) to look > after.
He still hangs around with his bachelor friends. They go out, > braai,
drink and be merry with young girls and his car pumps out loud >
music, it's actually a mobile disco. His house is like a lodge to him, >
he only comes home to sleep. He sleeps out once in a while and has his >
friends to testify to his wife that he slept at their place after drink > or
when the car had broken down. He is really a nuisance to the family. > > >
MR LION :
He is very violent and is always boiling like acid and suffers >
from mood swings. His home is run through intimidation and > dictatorship. >
There are strict rules and regulations for the wife and children and >
whoever breaks these is thoroughly beaten. His home is run like a high > school.
There are strict meal times and heavy padlocks at the gate.
He > takes pride in being in charge and behaves like a high school perfect. >
Half the time he is engaging in compensatory behaviour verbally and >
physically abusing his wife and children to compensat6e for his > inadequacies elsewhere especially at the workplace. > >
MR GORILLA :
This one wants to be treated like an "Igwe'' (a King).
He > treats his wife and children like his subjects.
He wants the wife and > children to perform some traditional respect gestures.
He doesn't want > to be called by his first name. The children found out his first name >
by > mistake on a utility bill and they enjoy using this name when he is > away >
and they are gossiping about him. When his food is served, the wife >
kneels and puts food in front of him and she retreats two metres and >
kneels again and announces that she has brought the food, as if he is >
not aware. He eats from plates that have lids. Only the wife knows what >
he is eating. The children don't. Gorilla has a strong rural background >
and has a number of beasts at his rural home/farm, where he goes almost >
every weekend. The cattle are his friends, they are more important than >
the wife and children for he spends most of his free time with them > than >
with the family. The cattle are not sold to improve his life;
he > delights in seeing them multiply and enjoys the numbers.
He's a very > stingy man. > >
MR COCKEREL: >
He is that man who has a soft spot for women. They are his friends, >
just friends; he has no relationships with them. He is a husband for > every women;
he doesn't want to see a woman cry and is given to caring > for these other women
than his own wife. He gives these other women > more > than his wife in terms of his
resources and time. At the work place, > the > women know him and they take
advantage of him and take loans they never > payback. > >
MR BABOON :
He is very selfish, he thinks about himself first before the >
family. He is the best dressed in the family. His favourite word is > '
my'. Everything is HIS - my car, my house, my wife, my children, my > trees,
my lizards (those that hang around his house). He is a very > greedy man.
He is heavily involved in what happens in the kitchen, even > knows how
may slices are in a sliced loaf of bread and how many oranges > are on his oranges tree.
He doesn't consider the emotions of the wife > and the children. He is a dry man with no sense
of humour and he rarely > smiles and takes life too seriously. > >
MR FOX :
He is a very cunning man. He doesn't care much about the > marriage.
He is using his wife to solve his own personal and extended > family problems.
He knows his wife's weaknesses and capitalizes on > these > to use the wife for his personal gain.
When he needs the wife to do > something, he is friendly and 'loving' and when he gets what he wants >
he > relapses to his usual dry self. His habits are very fast and his eyes > swift, he won't look at you directly
in the eye, speaks very fast as if > he is reciting a poem. It's not clear what exactly he does for a living >
but he is always in town running from one corner to the other. > > MR TICK :Is a very lazy husband.
He lives off his wife; he is literary > hanging on his wife's skirt. He's stuck to the wife because of her >
money. He is dependant on the wife as much as the children. He is very > loving in his own way -
fond of calling the wife all sorts of little > nothings, honey, sweetheart, sweety, lovely and all but
will siphon > money off the wife and spends it with other women. He has no initiative > and has negated his
role as a bread winner in the family. > >
MR PUPPY :
This is a husband who is a cry baby, very childish and > irresponsible.
He is mummy's boy. Behaves as if he is married to his > mother.
He cannot make a decision without consulting his mother (and > sisters).
His mother and sisters run his home and family. He is always > comparing
his wife to his mother and expects the wife to behave like > his > mother.
It is rumoured behind closed doors that maybe the mother > bewitched him
to make him 'loyal' to her. His sisters are busy trying > to > get him girlfriends
from among their friends so that they will even > spend more time with him
through frustrating his wife. A very useless > husband. > >
MR PYTHON :
There is the visiting husband. Mr Python, a rare species.
> His house is a lodge. He only comes to sleep. Leaves home when the >
children are still sleeping and comes back when they are in bed. He is >
always at work or making 'deals' to make money but unfortunately he has >
no time for his family. He does provide materially for his family but > he > is always absent. > >
MR ELEPHANT : Finally there is Mr Elephant, the man who is caring and >
loving and provides for his family. He will not allow anything to come >
between him and his family and will fight tooth and nail to protect his > family.
He tries his best to fend for his family but only through > honest > means.
He spends most of his spare time with the family and guides his > family spiritually as well.
A very responsible man who treats his wife > as a partner and cares for the welfare of his in-laws.
He values the > children as God given gifts to be cherished, with no gender bias. - and >
I know that all husbands who read this column are Elephants.
