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Mkeo ni bora kuliko "hawara" yako

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Aug 25, 2009.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    Kama kuna watu wanaoamini mke ulienae ni bora kuliko hawara ni mimi wajameni...zaidi ya yote hawara si soln ya matatizo ya ndoa...kama una matatizo ya ndoa ni vyema ukamwomba mungu akusimamie na kukuongoza..kipindi hicho shetani anafurahi sana na kuanza kukumbuka namba za waatumwa wa zamani na hivyo mke wako kuonekana hana maana tena...ndugu zanguni tujifunze kuishi na kumpenda yule anaefanana na wewe
    Kwenye neno wanasema ukimba ndoa uanaepewa means yule uliefanana nae...so kama ukiwa malaya kuona soln ya matataizo yako usianze kupiga kelele kuona mwenzio nae anatunzwa....kwa nini wewe ukiomba mke mwema unaomba anaefanana na wewe so ukiwa malaya lazima na yeye afanane na wewe......kuna wengi wanasababu za ajabu ati jamani mke wangu awezifanya anayonifanyia hawaara yangu...wewe kama unampenda atajua tu..nini chagua design unayopenda mpe mazoezi ataweza tu...achana na nyumba ndogo

    USHAURI
    ACHANENI NA NYUMBA NDOGO..
     
  2. Exaud J. Makyao

    Exaud J. Makyao JF-Expert Member

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    Unamlinganishaje mke na hawara?
    Mke ni halali na hawara ni uovu mtupu, laana, dhambi, uchafu.
     
  3. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    Mhhhhhhh,,
     
  4. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...na kweli aisee, ushanuniwa wiki nzima, hakuna unyumba wala nini...wewe tandika mswala uendelee na rakaa-tein zako, au "...Bwana asifiwe!" kwa wingi!...
     
  5. Kaizer

    Kaizer JF-Expert Member

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    eh sidhani kama nimeelewa hasa maudhui ya hapa
     
  6. m

    msabato masalia Senior Member

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    Wachangiaje wote wameingia mitini utadhadhi mada hii kama wafanyabiashara wa kariakoo na TRA!!!!!!!!Ha ha ha ha .Masanilo,GT,Yo Yo............................njooni mchangie.
     
  7. M

    MzalendoHalisi JF-Expert Member

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    Tatizo idadi wanawake ni kubwa kuliko wanaume!

    Hivi wanawake singles ambao hawakupa nafasi kuolewa, waliopewa talaka, walioolewa ambao waume zao hawana nguvu kimapenzi, wajane n.k n.k..hivi hawa wanawake hawa nao je hawahitaji kupendwa??

    Haya mambo...magumu maana sijasikia wanawake wa nyumba ndogo wanalalamika!

    Pengine basi itungwe sheria kukataza haya mambo..sema nina wasi2 wanawake wataipinga hii sheria!

    Ni kazi kuishi na watu, na tabia zao kuziweza!!
     
  8. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ..huenda wamekwenda kula futari, wape muda.
     
  9. Mvina

    Mvina JF-Expert Member

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    Hawara ni bora na mara nyingi inakuwa ni faster so unapata utamu zaidi.
    Mke si yupo tu!
     
  10. Nyamayao

    Nyamayao JF-Expert Member

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    khaaa, some pipo bwana!
     
  11. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    Quote: Mvina
    Hawara ni bora na mara nyingi inakuwa ni faster so unapata utamu zaidi.
    Mke si yupo tu!

    pepo ni pepo mpaka litakapotolewa kwa maombi
     
  12. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    "'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'"
    - Clare Graca
     
  13. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    hili ndilo tatizo kubwa zaidi haturiiiidhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiki,,,kama tungekuwa tunaridhika hata ""sidanganyikiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"" isingekuwepo

    Kuridhika

    Tafiti nyingi zinaonesha kwamba kuridhika na ndoa (marital satisfaction) huendana na kuridhika kimapenzi (sexual satisfaction) hata hivyo suala la kuridhika katika ndoa na kimapenzi ni kama swali ya yai na kuku kujiuliza kipi kilitangulia.
    Je, kuridhika na ndoa huweza kusaidia kuridhika kimapenzi?
    Je, si kuridhika kimapenzi ndiko husababisha kuridhika na ndoa uliyonayo?

    Kama mwanandoa mmoja haridhiki kimapenzi (sex) katika ndoa hupelekea kujisikia haridhiki na ndoa yenyewe pia kama mwanandoa mmoja haridhiki na ndoa aliyonayo hupelekea kujiona haridhiki na mapenzi katika ndoa.
    Hii ina maana kwamba huwezi kuwa na kimoja bila kingine kuwepo.

    Mungu ametuamuru kuhakikisha kila mmoja anatimiza wajibu wake wa kumridhisha mke au mume wake kimapenzi na Sayansi nayo inatoa ushahidi kwamba kuna faida kubwa ikiwa wanandoa wataishi maisha ya kuridhishana kimapenzi na hatimaye ndoa yenyewe.

    Kama kanisa linaamini talaka ni kitu kibaya na kukaa katika ndoa ni jambo jema basi halina budi kufundisha na kusisitiza kwa nguvu zote au uwezo wote wanandoa kuridhishana kimapenzi kunakopelekea kuridhika katika ndoa zao.

    Ni mara ngapi kwa wiki huweza kusababisha kuridhishana katika hisia za mapenzi (sex)?
    Mwili wa mwanaume huweza kuzalisha sperms kila baada ya masaa 72 (siku tatu) ndivyo Mungu aliumba.
    Mathematically ina maana kwamba tendo la ndoa ni muhimu sana siku 2 au 3 kwa wiki kuweza kufanya connection ya feelings za wanandoa kiroho na kimwili.
    Kukiwa na kuridhishana kimapenzi katika ndoa ni ukweli kwamba hata wanandoa wataridhika na ndoa yao kwa ujumla.
     
  14. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    Utafiti wa hivi karibuni Umetoa ushahidi ambao unafurahisha na kuleta matumaini mapya kuhusu ndoa.
    Kutokana na huu utafiti ni dhahiri kwamba wanandoa pamoja na washauri wa mambo ya ndoa watakuwa na mtazamo mpya kuhusu ndoa na zaidi kuzifanya ziwe za kudumu na kuwa na afya.

    Utafiti huu wa miaka 13 ambao ulianza mwaka 1981 ambapo kiongozi wa huo utafiti Ted Huston alianza kufuatilia maisha ya wanandoa wapya 168.
    Alipomaliza utafiti wake mwaka 1994 ni ndoa 56 kati ya 168 zilikuwa tayari zimeshavunjika (divorce).

    Huston alijifunza mambo makubwa matatu
    – Ukaribu wa wapenzi, faragha kwa wapenzi (intimacy)
    - Kinachosababisha migogoro (conflicts)
    - Jinsi ya kuwezesha ndoa kudumu na kuwa na furaha.

    Mara nyingi washauri wengi wa mambo ya ndoa wanaamini kwamba migogoro, kuzozana, kuzipiga, kutofautiana, kutoana ngeu, kutoheshimiana tofauti zilizopo kati ya mke na mume na kuvurugana katika ndoa ndiyo sababu za wanandoa kutalikiana.

    Hata hivyo utafiti wa Huston Umetoa mtazamo mpya kwamba kukosekana kwa faragha ya wanandoa (intimacy) na upendo ndiyo sababu kubwa na ya msingi wa mahusiano mengi kujizungusha mshale wa mwanaume wa kigogo akiwa nyikani kuelekea kwenye talaka.
    Kuzipiga na migogoro katika ndoa ni matokeo (results) si kitu kinachosababisha (cause) ya kukosekana kwa intimacy.

    Hii ina maana kwamba ni jambo la maana sana kwa wanandoa na washauri kutumia muda wao kuhakikisha wanandoa wanatunza hisia chanya (positive feelings) kati yao na siyo kuhangaika waache kugombana.

    Zifuatazo ni njia mojawapo ambazo zinaweza kukuhakikishia unatunza feelings zako na ukaribu na mpenzi wako.
    Elezea au onesha mapenzi yako (affections) mara kwa mara kwa mume au mke wako kama vile kukumbatiana, kubusiana, kushikana (cuddling), zawadi ndogo ndogo, na kitu chochote ambacho unajisikia kufanya kwa ajili ya mpenzi wako.
    Wasiliana vizuri, shirikisha feelings zako, ongea mambo yanayohusu mahusiano yenu au ndoa yenu, mambo mazuri na ndoto mbalimbali kuhusu ndoa yenu au mahusiano yenu na uwe mkweli (siyo kufungana kamba, maana wanaume wengine kwa kupiga fix hawajambo, na kuna wanawake pia bila kufungwa kamba hujamfurahisha)

    Hakikisha mke/mume anakuwa update na kile kinaendelea kila eneo la maisha yako au yenu, hata kama ni vitu vidogo ambavyo unaona vidogo sana.
    Kuwa supportive na mwenye kutia moyo (encouraging) ili mwenzi wako ajisikie safe kujishirikisha kutoa mawazo, hisia na emotions kwako.

    Pia tafuta project ambayo wote itawapa wakati mzuri kuifanya pamoja.
    Panga maisha ya baadae pamoja huku ukiweka msisitizo kwenye malengo ambayo mnaweza kufanya pamoja kwa msis
     
  15. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

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    Kuwa na utaratibu uleule miaka nenda rudi.
    Kwa kuwa unajua nini hufanyika ukiingia chumbani na mke/mume wako, hivyo unavua nguo zako na zake, unamvuta ( kwani anajua ukimvuta kwa mtindo huo nini unataka naye anakuacha uendelee, nawe unachukua kiungo A na kuiingiza kwenye kiungo B, unafanya kile unachokijua, baada ya dakika 5 zoezi limeisha, unageuka unalala, hoi folilo!
    Unaonaje hapo?

    Hapa haijalishi hili tendo ni tamu kiasi gani, nunaburudika kwa raha kiasi gani, unapiga kelele za raha kiasi gani, ni dhahiri ya miaka kadhaa hili zoezi litakuwa nadra sana kufanyika na ikifanyika lazima mmoja atajisikia it is boring.

    Kuwa na utaratibu unaofanana kila siku kila mwezi na kila mwaka huhatarisha mahusiano ya kimapenzi kwa mke na mume.
    Njia nzuri ya kulinda upendo na connection ya thamani kati ya mke na mume katika mapenzi ni kuwa na kitu kipya baada ya muda fulani hata kubadilisha mazingira tu acha skills.
    Ukweli kukiwa na new tips na techniques mtafurahia sana kuwa mwili mmoja kwani mtakuwa hot, na mtahitajiana mara kwa mara na zaidi.
     
  16. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #16
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    Kuogopa kuongelea au kujaribu vitu vipya wakati wa kuwa mwili mmmoja.



    Je, umewahi kuwa na wazo zuri au jipya la kutaka kuongeza ladha mpya chumbani ukiwa na mke au mume wako na unashindwa uanze vipi au hujui mwenzi wako ata-respond vipi?
    Au unaogopa atakuuliza ulijifunza wapi? Au akaenda mbali zaidi kwa kukuuliza nani amekufundisha?

    Ukweli ni kwamba kuna asilimia 90 mpenzi wako atapenda kusikia na pia atashirikiana na wewe kujifunza hizo new skills muhimu tumia hekima na busara kuwakilisha mawazo yako na kila kitu kitakuwa shwari huko chumbani.
    Pia ni dalili kwamba mnaogopana na zaid hampo wazi sana kuongea mambo yenu ya ndani ambayo ni muhimu na yanaweza kuwaweka karibu zaidi.
    Jiamini na ongea kile unapenda kwa nini ujinyime raha?
    Kalaghe bhaho
     
  17. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #17
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    Kujaribu kumlazimisha mume/mke wako tendo la ndoa.
    Kama mke au mume amechoka au hana mood haina haja kuanza kumlazimisha afanye; for sure it will not work.
    Wakati mke au mume anasisimka mwili humwaga kemikali za adrenaline ambazo husaidia kuupa mwili energy ya tendo zima la ndoa hivyo kama amechoka anaweza asisisimke vya kutosha na maana yake atakuwa hana nguvu za kujirusha sawasawa at the maximum ili kuleta matokeo mazuri.

    Ikiwezekana kama wewe ni mwanamke na mume usiku amegoma kwa kwua amechoka (kwani huwezi kuisimamisha stick hadi ubongo wake uamue) usijali subiri hadi asubuhi kabla hajaamka kwani kiwango cha testosterone huwa juu kuliko wakati wote hivyo utamfaidi tu na hana ujanja stick itakuwa imesimama na ipo tayaritayari, usifanye kosa tumia busara.

    Kama wewe ni mwanaume na mke anasema amechoka kitu cha kwanza ni kutengeneza mood yake ili awe katika hali ya kuwa relaxed, maneno matamu, ongea kile huwa anapenda kusikia, ni vizuri mwanaume kujua nini humfanya ajisikie kunyegeka na kuwa excited hata kama utatumia nusu saa kwani si una mission?
    Tumia skills zako zote.
    Itafika mahali atajieleza mwenyewe kwa jinsi unavyomwona ila ukishindwa kamwe usimlazimisha na pia usifanye kwa kuwa amesema yupo tayari ni muhimu kufahamu kwamba kukubali kwake ni ni sababu anapenda na siyo ili yaishe utaishia kuulizwa "hujamaliza?"

     
  18. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Kuacha au kukwepa/kuruka kipengele cha kuandaana kabla ya tendo la ndoa
    Wanandoa wengi (hasa wanaume) hupenda kukwepa kumuandaa mke (foreplay) ili kuwahi kufaidi kitu chenyewe hata hivyo kumuandaa mke humpa faida hata mume mwenyewe.
    Kwa kubusu, kumshikashika (touching) na mengine yote huweza kusababisha mke kujisikia ameridhika na atajisikia humtumii kwa tamaa zako.
    Hivyo slow down, take time!
    Lazima mwanaume uwe playful na usiwe na mikono mwepesi bali mikono slow.

    Kutumia mikanda ya video za X kuimarisha utendajie wa mpenzi.
    Wakati maisha ya ndoa yamefikia hali mbaya wapo wanandoa ambao huamua kutumia video (mikanda ya X) kujifunza wakidhania maisha yao ya mapenzi yanaweza kuwa kiwango cha juu kiasi cha kufika kwenye roof.

    Ni kosa kubwa and it is Wrong! Dangerous.
    Hawa akina XX video wapo ukoo mmoja na wale jamaa wa Sodoma na Gomora!

    Kutumia outside source huweza haraka sana kuharibu kuliko kutengeneza au kusaidia.
    Ndoa ni mke na Mume pamoja na Mungu mwenye kupokea utukufu unaotokana na uumbaji wake kwa hao wawili.
    (Naamini kuna critics watasema hapa nimeongea upuuzi hata hivyo mtu wa rohoni atafahamu naongea kitu gani
     
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