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Mke kazaa 1st Born na Bwana Mwingine: Utafanyaje?

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by MzalendoHalisi, Jul 26, 2009.

  1. M

    MzalendoHalisi JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    Nina jirani jamaa yangu ameoa mwaka jana Novemba! Ilikuwa hivi: binti alipata mimba: basi jamaa kachagizwa fasta fasta wafunge arusi. Na kweli ilikuwa arusi babu kubwa! Wote wanafanya kazi: binti mwal. primary na jamaa anafanyia Benki!

    Sasa mtoto amezaliwa: mtoto mzuri na tena mtundu sana wa kiume ana miezi mitano- yule mtoto copy right anafanana na ex boyfriend wa huyu dada! Inaonekana binti alikuwa na hawa jamaa wote wakati mmoja: ndo akaamua kumsingizia huyu wa benki!

    Huyu jamaa yangu nae ameshtuka: juzi alishare nami kama rafiki akaniomba ushauri! Kumrudisha kwao: ni aibu kubwa sasa kwake na familia zao wote! Pia jamaa anaogopa kumuuliza mke wake kama huyu mtoto ni wake! Ila anasema mapenzi yake kwa mkewe yameanza kupungua kila akimtazama mtoto!

    Je afanyeje??
     
  2. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    Mimi nadhani amchukue huyo mtoto kisiri siri wakachukue vipimo vya DNA kama kweli anaogopa kuongea na huyo mkewe. Ila namshauri whatever happens asimshishie hasira huyo mtoto asiye na hatia. Pia namshauri alichukulie hili swala kwa kutumia akili na si hisia asije ishia kufanya mambo ya ajabu yatakayo mponza baadae.
     
  3. M

    MzalendoHalisi JF-Expert Member

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    MwanaFalsafa1,

    Je matokeo ya DNA yakionyesha mtoto sii wake- ndo afanyeje?
     
  4. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    Matokeo yakionyesha mtoto si wake cha kwanza aende sehemu anapo weza kutuliza kichwa. Siyo aende nyumbani moja kwa moja na hasira akafanya mambo ya ajabu. Preferably rafiki yako aende kwa wazazi wake kuwaeleza ishu na akirudi kwa mkewe aende na wazazi.

    Mimi namshauri akisha kua na uhakika mtoto si wake asiogope kumueleza huyo mkewe ishu. Amuulize kama mtoto kweli ni wake na aki kataa amuonyeshe majibu ya DNA. Kama bado akikataa amuambie kabisa mwanamke ok twende kupima tena DNA ila iki julikana mtoto si wangu na una nidanganya nina kupa talaka moja kwa moja.

    Ila I think the best thing to do is to go about this in a level headed way. Rafiki yako ahusishe wazazi na wazee wa familia wanao weza kusaidia hapa. Watafute ukweli ni kwa nini mwanamke kafanya alicho fanya. yawezekana mwanamke alisha mchagua jamaa ila akaona kua kumuambia mimba siyo yake atamuacha. So ajue kwanza kwa nini binti kafanya hivyo.

    Pia aangalie kama bado anampenda huyo mkewe. Maana hamna maana abaki ndani ya ndoa ili hali hampendi mtu na hata weza kumuangalia kwa jicho lile lile tena.

    Huyo kiumbe cha watu nakusihi umshauri sana asi malizie hasira zake kwake. Mtoto hana hatia. If anything the baby is a victim of circumstance. Na wewe kama rafiki yake unabidi umsihi hilo. Kama akiona kila akimuangalia mtoto ana shikwa na hasira ni bora mtoto aka pelekwa kwenda kuishi sehemu nyingine kwa muda.

    The person with all the answers is the woman. Mwanamke abanwe atoe majibu ya kueleweka. The sooner this issue is solved the better. Aki subiri mpaka mtoto na ndoa ikue ata jikuta mambo yana kua complicated zaidi.
     
  5. M

    MzalendoHalisi JF-Expert Member

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    Jul 26, 2009
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    MwanaFalsafa1,

    1. Nimemshauri atulie tu kwanza- wala asimuulize mke wake wala asiende kupima DNA..auchune tu..huo ndo ukubwa! Nadhani akienda kupima DNA itampa shida zaidi! Yeye aendelee tu kuzaa watoto wengine na huyo mke!

    2. Unajua zamani (kulikuwa hakuna DNA) wazee wetu haya mambo yalitokea..na walinyanyamaza au kuyatatua kwa hekima kubwa kwa siri..na watoto wakakua ktk upendo na kuwa watu wazima!

    3. Saa ingine watoto kama hawa huwa na bahati ya ajabu ktk maisha!

    Kama ulivyosema hekima inahitajika na sii hasira..na huyu mtoto ni malaika!
     
  6. e

    echonza Senior Member

    #6
    Jul 26, 2009
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    Naona suala hilo halina jia moja mbadala jinsi ya kulishughulikia. Kikubwa ni kuwa makini na njia zote afanyazo katika kutafuta ukweli juu ya uhalali wa kuwa baba wa mtoto. DNA ndiyo teknolojia tuliyonayo kwa sasa. Lakini baada ya hapo Mungu atangulie mbele katika hatua zote za maamuzi yatakayozingatiwa.
     
  7. u

    uporoto01 JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jul 26, 2009
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    Umesha ambiwa kafanana na former BF hapo hamna cha DNA wala nini jamaa aamue kukubali matokeo na kusamehe,au kama inamsumbua sana akae na mkewe na kutafuta ufumbuzi.
     
  8. B

    Babuyao JF-Expert Member

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    Mimi nafikiri ni bora wakae wayaongee na kuyaweka wazi, kisha waombane msamaha. Hii ni kwa sababu kwa vyovyote vile mwanaume yule kwa sasa amejeruhika sana kimawazo na kisaikolojia. Anahitaki healing. Na hii healing haiwezi kupatikana kwa kukaa kimya, kwa kuzika tatizo. Atazidi kuugua tu na upendo wake kwa mkewe utazidi kuporomoka. Afadhali yazungumzwe haya mambo wakiwashirikisha wazee wa koo/familia zao. Yote yalenge katika kupata ukweli, kusameheana, kumpokea mtoto huyo na kuendelea na maisha. Nje ya hapo "kidonda" cha jamaa hakiponi.
     
  9. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu kufanana si ushahidi unao stand. Una fikiri ikitokea ana taka kudai talaka mahakamani atasema tu mtoto kafanana na mtu mwingine? DNA proves beyond a shadow of a doubt and is proof which can stand any scrutiny. The man has to contemplate every scenario possible.
     
  10. E

    Evy Member

    #10
    Jul 26, 2009
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    I feel really sorry for the poor guy..

    this should be taken as a practical example for all of us, we should be careful with people we think we care the most..but in actually sense they reciprocate our love and affection with something even a dog would n't reciprocate with..what a shame
     
  11. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    The truth may hurt but it's better to know. Huku kuact as if nothing is wrong italeta madhara baadae.

    O.k. wakati huo kulikua hamna DNA ila sasa ipo why not make use of it? Maana ya maendeleo si kurahisishiwa mambo? Wazee wetu walifanya hivyo kwa sababu hawakua na jinsi ya kujua kwa asilimia 100% kuwa mtoto si wao.

    The baby is a blessing no doubt. But the man also needs to know the truth. Akishajua ukweli aamue mwenyewe. Una fikiri huyo mtoto atamchukuliaje kama kila siku atakua na mashaka kama ni wake au si wake? He won't just simply forget about it na hilo lita athiti jinsi atakavyo mlea huyo mtoto.

    This is the main thing needed. Aende na hili jambo kwa kuwa realistic na si passionate tu.
     
  12. D

    Diana-DaboDiff JF-Expert Member

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    Sidhani kama huyo jamaa anafikiria mambo ya talaka kwakuwa bado wako pamoja miezi yote hii na mleta mada amesema jamaa anafikiria impact kwa familia zote mbili.Nadhani jamaa asaidiwe ushauri wa kuweza kuvuka tatizo hili lakini kuongea na mkewe kuhusu hisia zake ni muhimu katika utatuzi wa hili swala.
     
  13. B

    Babuyao JF-Expert Member

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    Kabla ya kwenda kwenye kipimo cha DNA waongee kwanza. Kwenda kwenye kipimo kiwe ni last resort. Bila hata kupimana mke pengine anaweza kuwa wazi na kukubali yaliyotokea. Kwenda kwenye kipimo cha DNA kutahitaji kwanza ushauri nasaha.
     
  14. SMU

    SMU JF-Expert Member

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    Ni ukweli tu ndio utamweka huru.

    Kama walivyosema wengine, huyo jamaa anahitaji utulivu katika kulitatua hili jambo.

    Kama ni kweli huyo mtoto anafanana na BF, then ni wazi huyo dada(mama) alikuwa anawapanga foleni. Inawezekana hata hakujuwa kwa uhakika ujauzito ni wa nani hasa na hivyo kukubali kufunga ndoa.

    Hatua ya kwanza na ya lazima ni yeye kukaa na mkewe na kumweleza dukuduku lake (yaani mtoto kufanana na BF). Baada ya kumweleza hilo dukuduku ampe nafasi mkewe aeleze kile anachofahamu (anaweza kukubali ama kukataa kutegemeana na tabia yake).

    Kama mkewe atasisitiza kwamba huyo ni mtoto wake(na si wa BF) ama kutoa maelezo ambayo hayataweza kuondoa hilo dukuduku, basi amwombe/amtake wakafanye kipimo cha DNA ambacho naamini kitategua kitendawili cha kama huyu mtoto ni wake ama la.

    Wakishapata majibu ya DNA, nadhani watakuwa katika position ya kufanya maamuzi sahihi zaidi. Hata kama mtoto si wake, bado si lazima waachane kama bado wanapendana na mwanaume yupo tayari kulea/kumkubali mtoto huyo wa 'kufikia'.

    Nadhani si busara kushirikisha watu wengine (wazazi, marafiki,wachungaji nk) katika hiyo process yote. Ni vema wakalishughulikia wao kwanza kama wapenzi/wanandoa. Hili ni muhimu zaidi endapo vipimo vya DNA vitaonesha mtoto si wake na yeye bado ana nia ya kuishi na huyo mwanamke pamoja na mtoto kama familia. Endapo watu wengi watajua kwa uhakika kwamba mtoto si wake atapata social pressure isiyo ya lazima.

    Mwambie akaze roho, kitanda hakizai haramu!
     
  15. Bazazi

    Bazazi JF-Expert Member

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    Tatizo la Mitanzania inapenda sana kuahirisha matatizo, but to deal with it, the sooner the better iff the best. Aidha kuahirisha tatizo sio ufumbuzi wa tatizo na mwanaume/bin-adam hatakiwi kutafuta tatizo ila kulikabili tatizo.

    -Mkuu mshauri mhe apunguze mawazo
    -pili amkabili mkeo, akikubali mtoto ni wa BF wayamalize kwa kushirikisha wazazi wao wote ili kuweka kumbukumbu sawa. Akikataa basi waende ktk DNA na iwapo ni kweli mtoto sio wake, namshauri ampige chini.
    - Nashauri talaka kwani huyo mwanamke ataendelea kumletea shinikizo kubwa ktk maisha yake yote kwa kumuona sio mwaminifu na mkweli. Ndoa hiyo kwa mwanaume itakuwa ya mashaka na mateso makubwa.
    _ Mwisho atulize kichwa na kuukabili ukweli, kwani ni ukweli tu ndio utakao muweka huru.

    Mpe polle sana na ndio maisha, kwani bila mambo kama hayo basi dunia yetu ingekosa nguvu ya kulizunguka jua au kujizungusha katika mhimili wake: jambo la hatari sana kwa wanadamu wote chini ya jua.
     
  16. Kisoda2

    Kisoda2 JF-Expert Member

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    Hapa kwa kweli hekima tu ndio itasaidia.
    Nashauri jamaa amkalishe chini mkewe,na ikiwezekana asiwe katika hali ya hasira maana ukweli hautakuwepo hapo.Ingefaa sikuhiyo amtoe hata out ikiwezekana na awe mwenye furaha.Huko ndiko apate kuliuliza swala hili kwa utaratibu.
    Endapo suala la DNA litahitajika basi ni hapo ndio lianzie.

    Pole sana kaka.
     
  17. Lucchese DeCavalcante

    Lucchese DeCavalcante JF-Expert Member

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    This is very sad indeed by the way ni Hospitali gani hapa Bongo wanatoa huduma ya DNA test na kwa gharama gani na majibu yanatoka after how long??

    Asanteni
     
  18. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...anaogopa nini nayeye? aaargghh,...siku hizi DNA ndio msema kweli. Hakuna cha mtoto kufanana na marehemu babu yake binamu wala nini!

    Wachukuzane wakafanye DNA.
     
  19. Nyuki

    Nyuki JF-Expert Member

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    jambo la msingi hapo ni kupata uhakika na kibailojia kuhusu nani baba wa mtoto, ni pamoja na kuchukua vipimo vya DNA.

    Kwa maana kuka kimya bila kuweka jambo hili bayana katika ngazi ya familia zote mbili kutamletea matatizo sana.

    kila mtu anautamaduni na mila za kwao sasa utakapoaanza kulea mtoto ambaye si wako kibaiolojia na kimila ni hatari sana.

    amueleze mkewe ili mtoto apate haki yake ya kuwa na baba yake wa kibaiolojia ,baadaye kama suala la kusameheana litakuwepo hapo ni uamuzi wake na jinsi mke atakavyotoa ushirikiano katika kujua baba halisi wa mtoto.

    Ila pamoja na yote tayari ndoa yao imeshaingia tatizo na kuirejesha kama mwanzo ni ngumu sana.ajitahidi kumshirikisha mungu kwa hili.
     
  20. Akili Unazo!

    Akili Unazo! JF-Expert Member

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    Jamani hili siyo suala la kukaa na kuongea!! Hivi yule Xbf anajua kuwa yule mtoto ni wake au?

    Siku akija kumdai nazua kizazaa itakuwaje?na je hata wakikaa na kukubaliana nani atakuwa anatoa matumizi kwa mtoto?unajuaje kama mpka sasa yule xbf hatoi matunzo kwa mtoto?
    Jamani inabidi yawekwe wazi mapema kwa kuwa mbeleni yaweza leta balaa
     
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