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Mke anakwepa sana tendo la ndoa, nini kifanyike?

Discussion in 'JF Doctor' started by prosperity93, Apr 9, 2010.

  1. p

    prosperity93 Member

    #1
    Apr 9, 2010
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    No passion to make sex, she is has many excuses

    Rafiki yangu huyu ameniomba ushauri wa kindoa nami nikaona hapa JF kuna wake kwa waume wenye uzoefu na maturity yakumsaidia mawazo ushuri, vifungu vya bible etc. Ndoa hii ina miaka 4 watoto 2, wa mwisho ana mwaka mmoja na couples wote ni wafanyakazi jijin Dar ambao wana sign out kazini saa 11 jioni. Mume anaeleza kwamba tangu abalehe amekuwa muumini mzuri wa mafundisho ya Mungu jambo ambalo lilimfanya akajizuia kufanya ngono kwa kipindi cha ujana wake wote. Akakusanya nguvu zake ili aizitumie vema tena kihalali ndani ya ndoa, sex na mwanamke nje ya ndoa no hadi ndoa kwa mke wake tu. Aliingia katika ndoa na hamu kubwa na alimweleza mke mtarajiwa yote hayo na mke akakubali kwamba wakati ukifika atachoka mwenyewe( you will sex hadi uchoke mwenyewe) na hawaku-do hadi walipo oana. Ameingia katika ndoa hadithi zimekuwa tofauti.

    Mke alipopata ujauzito wa kwanza miezi 2 tu baada ya harusi yao alianza mbwembwe zake. Mara sijisikii, mara nimechoka, mara kesho, kesho ikifika mara kesho tena, na wakati wa weekend anaweza pia kutoa sababu au kutafuta trip au kazi au kuanzisha zogo Fulani ili hamu yote iishee. Haya yote mume alivumilia akichukulia kwamba mimba hasa za kwanza zina mambo mambo mood swing, homon etc. kwa hiyo hapa akawa anapata sex japo kwa kubembembeleza na kulazimisha sana once per week. Rafiki yangu aliendelea kuwa mvumilivu na kuna wakati alikaa miezi 6 bila sex wakati mke alipopata mimba ya pili…mke kuna wakati alipewa bed rest ya siku kama 3 ndo ikawa mlango wa sababu kibao hadi jamaa baada ya mke kuendelea na kazi za akawa anajiuliza kama anaweza kwenda ofisin why she cant give her husband conjugal right. Nikamshauri wamwone gyno kwa ushuri, gyno/dr akawashauri wa-resume their sex haina shida. She is around 90kg of weight and husband is around 70kg, she is earning 4times salary zaidi ya mume wake.

    She is hard working, beautiful, charming, business/money oriented (many business ideas). Mume ni God fearing man,handsome, hardworking, loving husband, melancholy kind of temperament, trustworthy, husband material. She is not taking sex as a serious issue in marriage kwani jamaa kuna kipindi mke alimwambia kwanini anawaza sana sex na hawazi sana kutafuta pesa na maendeleo.

    Nilimuuliza jamaa kama anamtayarisha mke wake vema before sex, akasema: ana mwogesha mara kwa mara, kum-message/kumkanda, Maneno kama noney darking sweet ni kawaida kabisa, anamfulia hadi chupi, anampakulia msosi, maji ya kunywa , kupasi nguo kila leo, kumwendesha kwenda kazini na mke ndio mtumiaji mkubwa wa gari japo mume ndiye alinunua kwa ajili ya familia. Kwa siku chache hizo anazo bahatisha sex anamfikisha kileleni kama kawa.

    Jamaa yangu anasema hii kutopata sex at least 3goal per week anakosa umakini kazini(poor concentration) hasira, loose temper, anaona mke wake hamjali au kujali sexual emotion za mume. Kuhusu eneo la kujali kuna wakati mume alikamatwa na police usiku for minor traffic offence akapelekwa hadi kituoni na kuwekwa ndani kwa masaa machache, alifanikiwa kumjulisha mkewe japo alipomalizana na police midnight hiyo alifika akakuta mke amelala. House gals ndo wafungue mlango, wamkaribishe baba na kumpokea, waandae chakula. Haya yote mume analalamika kwa mke wake kwamba sio vizuri kwa mke kuwaachia house gal every thing mwisho atafanya hgal maala pa kupumzikia kama mama hataki kuchukua nafasi yake.

    Mume amekuwa faithful sana ndani ya ndoa ila sasa anaona kama anakaribia kuingia kwenye kundi la wanaume wasio waaminifu ndani ya ndoa. Hamu yake ya ngono iko juu sana ila pakutolea hakuna japo mke yupo, hapendi kuachana wala talaka ila amekuwa vulnerable sana anaweza kutegeka kirahisi na wanawake wajanja na wanyatiaji wa ndoa za watu. Kabla hajaoa angeweza kusema shetani shindwa ila sasa inakuwa ngumu kukaa na mke ndani ya nyumba …anaona mapaja mazuri, kufua kizuri, wowowo laini, nywele nzuri ambazo anafaidi kwa kuona tuu…sex mke akipenda labda bao 1 au 2 kwa wiki baada ya Maneno makali toka kwa mke kwamba mume anawaza sana sex. No romantic life kwani hata busu mke hataki ,kushikwa kimahaba hataki. Mume anakosa sex, touching ya mke, kukandwa na mke Maneno yakumpa moyo kama pole kwa kazi hayapo japo mume akiyatoa wakati mwingine anakejeliwa na mke.

    Huyu jamaa yangu anatamani kuhama chumba, au kwenda mbali masomoni au kazi mikoani au nje ya nchi mbali na mkewe ili asitamanishwe na uzuri wake. Furaha yake kubwa ni watoto wao ambao anawapenda sana na huduma ya kikanisa kwani ni mzee wa kanisa na hadi mchungaji alishaelezwa hii issue mke akakubali makosa ila after one week akarudi kulekule.

    Ushauri wenu wajameni hii ndoa ipone na watoto wafurahie wazazi kuwa pamoja. Mwaga hapa au kwa kutumia email yangu ya prosperity93@gmail.com then nitamfowadia.
    ===============
    MUHIMU: Soma hii thread pia - Kupungua au kukosa hamu ya kufanya mapenzi (low sexual libido or loss of libido)
     
  2. The Son of Man

    The Son of Man JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Apr 9, 2010
    Joined: Feb 9, 2010
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    1. Inategemea unavyomuandaa kama unalazimisha atogopa tu.
    2.Pia past experiences nazo zaweza kuchangia hasa kama aliwahi kuwa abused inawezekana kumjengea phobia.
    3. Uaminifu tena kwenye ndoa waweza kuchangia hasa kama ana mpango wa kando.
    Nenda kwa psychiatrist anaweza kukusaidia. Paroko pia atakuwa na msaada mkubwa!
     
  3. PakaJimmy

    PakaJimmy JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Apr 9, 2010
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    wapo wanawake washenzi wa hivyo, na hawaelewi maana halisi ya lile tendo...Ushauri ni kwamba kama ingewezekana huyo bibie atafutiwe mtu kiujanja, amwelimishe kuhusu kubania tendo hilo...Nina imani hata yeye anaathirika kwa namna moja ama nytingine kwaajili ya kutokutimiliza tendo hilo...Taratibu mkuu, lakini pole sana!
     
  4. Soulbrother

    Soulbrother JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 9, 2010
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    hii noma ila kumbuka mtoto umleavyo ndivyo akuavyo... same applies to women... ukimwonesha mapema unataka magoli mengi kwa wiki, atakua na tabia ya kukupa nafasi hiyo lakini ukizembea mapema ndani ya ndoa baadae matokeo yanakuwa kama haya...


    kwa sasa ongea nae, weka mambo wazi kuhusu mahitaji yako... usifiche chochote wala kutumia lugha laini.... sema yote na bila shaka atakuelewa... wanawake wengi ni waelewa mradi uwe mkweli kuhusu mahitaji yako
     
  5. m

    mnyakyusa JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Apr 9, 2010
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    Piga chini tafuta mwengine...inawezekana kuna mtu anajigjig naye...kwani mlipoanza ulipiga jiwe la fatuma (kuvunja bikira) wewe mwenyewe au ulikuta wameshavunja wajanja???
     
  6. p

    prosperity93 Member

    #6
    Apr 9, 2010
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    jamaa analalamika kuwa mke amekuwa mvivu wa tendo la ndoa na ana sababu zake kila leo kama nimechoka, sijikii, kesho, tutafanya wikiend, wikiend ikifika kanatafutwa kasafari au mke anakuwa busy sana na kazi za home. ina maana mke akishakuwa mfanyakazi wa ofisin ndio hatoi ndoa. akisikia mume ameiba nje atajisikia vibaya, wamama wanaweza kutoa ushauri wao kwani najua hapa wapo wazoefu katika ndoa.... jamaa uvumilivu uko ukingoni...
     
  7. p

    prosperity93 Member

    #7
    Apr 9, 2010
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    jamaa hakuwa anatafuta virgin with experience bali mke mwaminifu, mzuri, mchapa kazi na romantic. hakuangalia ubikira kwani hakupanda kuchambua sana mambo ya nyuma....ailimwamini kama alivyo
     
  8. carmel

    carmel JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Apr 9, 2010
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    Dah, sometimes us women dont know that we force our men into the hands of changudoaz just like this.

    Pole kaka, i understand your argony, lakini pia i cant judge that woman coz you never know may be aliwahi kubakwa huko nyuma ndo maana hana hamu ya ngono.

    Nionavyo mimi kutakuwa na tatizo kubwa tu, lazima tukubali kuwa si watu wote wana high sexual drive, wengine sex is not important in life, lakini pia ukishaamua kuolewa unahitaji kumfikilia na mwenzio angala twice a week basi hata kama ni kwa kujilazimisha.
     
  9. Baba_Enock

    Baba_Enock JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Apr 9, 2010
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    As prescribed by Carmel

    8 times a month - Doze ya tendo

    TGIF
     
  10. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Apr 9, 2010
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    jamani haya mambo ya ndoa haya ....tafuta namna mkae wote kwa pamoja kila mmoja asema matatizo yake utajua pa kuanzia..

    Zamani nilikuwa naona hilo tendo kama usumbufu fulani vile ...kwa hiyo unaweza kuta huyo mama nae kuna hisia ambazo zimepotea
     
  11. Z

    Zion Daughter JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Apr 9, 2010
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    Huyu mke wake ana JINI MAHABA.ndilo linamfanya akose hamu na mumewe.Majini hayo mabaya sana yanaharibu sana ndoa.

    Nawashauri mtafute ushauri wa kichungaji ,hasa DELIVERENCE ili aweze kupata ushauri na kufanyiwa maombezi.

    Huyo mwanaume ndio anatakiwa kuwa na uvumilivu na ndio yeye atakayeiokoa ndoa yake na asithubutu kutenda dhambi ya kwenda nje kwani itavuruga uponyaji wa mke wake.
     
  12. Gaijin

    Gaijin JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Apr 9, 2010
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    hapa mke huyu anaweza kuwa too much of a feminist akasahau majukumu yake kwa mumewe.
    nafikiri anaweza kufikiri kuwa ana haki ya msingi ya kufanya tendo na mumewe pale anapojiskia yeye na sio otherwise
    sasa kwa vile jamaa anam nag kuhusu jambo hilo amekuwa linamfanya aweze kuchukia zaidi

    hapa kaa chini sema nae, asipokusikiliza nenda kasema na bibi yake au shangazi yake anaweza kusaidia
     
  13. Konakali

    Konakali JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Apr 9, 2010
    Joined: Dec 15, 2009
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    Ajaribu haya hapa;

    1. Aangalie kwanza upande wake kwa kutafuta mapungufu yake mwenyewe; kama vile lack of polite language, kuwa na affair nje, kutomwandaa mwenzake ipasavyo nk. then arekebishe kabla ya yote.

    2. Akae na mkewe chini na kujaribu kumweleza (in a serious intention) yanayomsibu na madhara ambayo yanaweza kutokea katika ndoa kwa ajili hiyo.

    3. Atambue tu kwamba life has no a fixed fomula to apply, sometimes force is fruitful and sometimes freedom, so let him try to apply whichever is seem to be so and available by the time and situations. Too much freedom might be harmful also.

    4. Inaonekana mahusiano yao hayakuwa na background imara, alipaswa kuwa na walau consultant juu ya mahusiano yao tofauti na mchungaji, paroko nk.

    5. Asisahau haya katika maombi yake ya kila siku, hivyo ajaribu kuyakabidhi kwa Mola wake atie marekebisho kwa mkewe.

    6. Ajaribu kuchunguza kwa undani na taratibu sana, huenda mwenzake anawajibika huko nje; hii ni feeling niliyoipata kwa kiwango kikubwa sana.....!

    7. Kama anaweza kuongea na mama mkwe wake basi ayaeleze haya, kama hawezi amtume hata mtu wa kuongea naye ili ajaribu kuzungumza na bintiye na kumuelewesha kuwa hakuja kuimba kwaya, bali yupo kwenye ndoa. Mara nyingi wake zetu wanareflect wanachoshauriwa na mama zao.....!

    8. Aache mara moja kufua na kupasi nguo, kudeki, kupika, na kumpakua chakula; provided mkewe yupo na ni mzima wa afya kabisa. Akiweza kufanya hivi mkewe atafanya maamuzi yatakayoashiria alichojiandaa nayo; kama vile kumleta mwanaume ndani, kuondoka na kurudi kwao, nk.

    9. Ampunguzie haosegirl kazi na kumwekea mipaka ndani ya nyumba; kama vile kutofika chumbani kwao, kupika siku za weekend, kufua nguo zao, nk. Abaki tu kufua nguo za watoto, kudeki sehemu zingine za nyumba (with exception of master bedroom yao).
     
  14. PJ

    PJ JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Apr 9, 2010
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    Hii inatokea kwa wanawake ambao wamewahi kuwa abused wakiwa wadogo.

    Ni vyema jamaa akatafuta muda wakachukua likizo ya pamoja say one week wakaenda sehemu ya kupumzika mbali na jamaa zao na kuwa na muda wa kuwa wao peke yao kama ilivyokuwa wakati wa honeymoon. Muda huo utumike kureview maisha yao, wazungumze kwa undani bila kufichana histoia ya maisha yao, their past experince whether good or bad, naamini wakianza upya maisha yao ni rahisi kugundua chanzo cha matatizo ya mke wake. Baada ya hapo wamtafute psychotherapist anaweza kuwasaidia ku-overcome hilo tatizo.

    Kumlaumu mke wake mara nyingi haitatatua tatizo bali kulizidisha, lakini akichukua hatua muafaka sasa hivi atamaliza tatizo hilo na kuwa na ndoa yenye furaha
     
  15. Jacbest

    Jacbest Member

    #15
    Apr 9, 2010
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    Fanya urafiki kwanza na mkeo. Upendo wa dhati utakuja tu utakapo focus kwenye mambo madogodogo yanayomhusu, km kumpa pole , kusema asante, kumtoa vichunusi, kumletee vizawadi na kuwa involved ktk mambo yake. Usimwone kama chombo cha starehe bali mwenzi wako. Baadae utashangaa atakavyobadilika !
     
  16. FirstLady1

    FirstLady1 JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Apr 9, 2010
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    Charity hii post yako nimeisoma kwa umakini sana hivi kweli hawa Jini mahaba wapo???
     
  17. vkeisy2006

    vkeisy2006 JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Apr 9, 2010
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    dah yani sis wanawake hakyamungu tukipendwa hatupendeki wenzake tunatafuta kama huyo........tena wa bila ndoa.....
     
  18. vkeisy2006

    vkeisy2006 JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    NJOO KWANGU NTAKUTHAMINI ASIKUPELEKE PUTA HUYOOO.....mwanamke huyo ni selfish....hajafunzwa kwa lolote kha.....

    Mume hanyimwi chakula ha usiku jamani tena it seems huyo mumewe ni honesty sana jamani.....i wish ningempata mie...kha ama kweli we cha nini wenzako tutakipata lini........

    ILA....inawezekana MUME na wewe unamakosa....ndio kutokana nahyo MAKALA hapo juu maana ndefu tuuite tu makala.....unamuaandaa vizuri mkeo Je wewe UNAJIANDAA....mana inawezekena umemuogesha yeye mwenyewe wanuka kijasho cha asili....mdomo...labda ndo mana mwenzio hataki.

    ....LAKINI HAT HIVO MMMMMHH mmmmh NJOO KWANGU BWANA......

    NA WALA USICHUKUUE TALAKA AM HERE FOR U..........UTAPATA UNACHOKITAKA EVERY DAY............kha hana haya huyoooo mke......arudi kwao akafunzwe loooo
     
  19. AK-47

    AK-47 JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Apr 9, 2010
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    Kama vipi jamaa awe anajichua kiana..ingawa inamadhara lakini madhara yake yatamfanya apunguzi hamu ya tendo na hii itaka vyema kwa mke...acha kabisa mawazo ya kuitia ndoa majaribuni bwana.
     
  20. Z

    Zion Daughter JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Apr 9, 2010
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    Haya ni masuala ya kiimani zaidi my dear.Mimi naamini yapo haya majini na yanaharibu ndoa za watu na mnabaki mnalaumiana.

    Hata wachawi pia nao huwa wanachangia sana kuharibu ndoa na kutoa vizazi vya watu.Kama umewahi soma kitabu cha 'mama yangu anakula nyama za watu'kinaelezea haya matendo yao ya kuwavuruga wana ndoa.

    Pia ujue jambo moja,siku hizi dunia imejaa mambo mabaya sana tena ya kuua wengine.Laiti kama Mungu angetufunua macho yetu tuone kinachoendelea kwenye ulimwengu wa kiroho nadhani tungekuwa makreze.

    Nishawahi sikia pia kuhus ndoa zilizopztz misukosuko kama hivi baada tu ya harusi kwa vile walipewa zawadi zilizokuwa za kichawi,na waliteseka mpaka walipofanya maombezi.

    Kwa case ya huyu yote yanawezekana.inaweza kuwa ni masuala ya kisaikolojia.kibailojia na zaidi sana kiroho(asi-neglect hili jambo)
     
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