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mitikisiko ilivyo mingi ndani ya ndoa

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by kilimasera, Mar 30, 2011.

  1. kilimasera

    kilimasera JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Mar 30, 2011
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    Mpenzi msomaji, wiki iliyopita nilikuletea mada iliyohusu ‘penzi la kweli halionekani kwa macho’. Bila shaka bado unatafakari ili uweze kutoa maoni yako kuhusiana na yale niliyochombeza kama mtohoaji(mchokoza mada).
    Naam. Leo ngoja nikusimulie tafrani nyingine niliyonasa katika pitapita zangu. Si unajua tena mitikisiko ilivyo mingi ndani ya ndoa? Hebu sikiliza visa hivi viwili nilivyonasa kwa wakati mmoja.
    Hivi majuzi nikutana na dada mmoja rafiki yangu ambaye tuliachana mwaka 1975 wakati tukiwa sekondari. Kwa kuwa ilikuwa tuko barabarani, tukakubaliana tutafute sehemu ya kupata soda ili tueleweshane vema kuhusu maisha tokeo wakati ule. Tukaketi sehemu tukaagizia soda.
    Akanisimulia misukosuko yake ya maisha hadi kufikia pale alipo. Wakati, akinisimulia, jirani aliketi binti mmoja akila chipsi zake. Ghafla akavuka kiti na kuomba kujumuika nasi kwa kile alichosema alivutiwa na mazungumzo yetu kwani naye alipata msukosuko wa kindoa unaofanana na maelezo ya yule mama rafiki yangu.
    Mpenzi msomaji, nikudokeze kwa kifupi kwanza kilichomsibu mama yule, halafu alichoeleza binti huyo, tatizo ambalo linalandana kabisa na la mwenzake. Tukiwa sote tunasikiliza, mama huyu rafiki yangu akasema;
    “Ndoa yangu ilipata misukosuko mingi sana. Lakini hatimaye tukaachana kwa talaka baada ya kuona siwezi kupambana nisije nikapoteza maisha huku naona. Namshukuru Mungu hivi sasa niko huru nalea wanangu na wajukuu.
    Tuliishi na mume wangu na kubahatika kupata watoto wanne, wakiwemo mapacha. Tukajenga nyumba tatu. Mume wangu akaanza vituko wakati nikiwa na mimba ya mtoto wa mwisho. Akaanza kulala nje, kumbe alikuwa na mwanamke anataka kumuoa.
    Akafungua kesi ya talaka mahakamani nami nikawa nakwenda kusikiliza huku ni mjamzito. Huku kesi iko mahakamani mume huyu akawa ametangaza ndoa kuoa mwanamke mwingine. Nilipopata tarifa nikatinga kanisani na cheti changu cha ndoa kuzuia hadi kesi ya mahakamani imalizike.
    Ndoa hiyo batili ikapigwa stop.
    Baada ya kuona nataabika huku mjamzito, siku ya kesi ikabidi nikubali talaka ili niepuke usumbufu. Nikapokea talaka yangu, katika mali nikapewa nyumba ambayo naishi hivi sasa hapa Dar.
    Bwana yule akaendelea na mipango yake ya harusi na kumuoa aliyekuwa anamzuzua. Ni miaka kibao hadi leo hii hakabatika kupata mtoto. Na bwana huyo inaonekana anajuta kwani amekazana sana kuwasiliana nami akisingizia kuwaona wanawe. Mimi ndiyo wala sina habari naye.
    Na dada yake ambaye alinichukia sana tena pale nilipozaa mapacha, naye alipoolewa akafululiza mapacha wawili mara tatu(jumla watoto sita). Ilifikia hatua akaja kuniomba msamaha kwa kauli zake mbovu na zilizojaa kejeli.
    Naam mpenzi msomaji, hicho ndicho kisa cha mama yule rafiki yangu. Sasa huyu binti naye alikuwa na machungu yake ambapo bwana aliyezaa naye watoto wawili, amemtosa na kwenda kufunga ndoa na mwanamke mwingine.
    “Nilimwambia tufunge ndoa akaniambia nisiwe na haraka. Lakini nikashangaa ametangaza ndoa na mwanamke mwingine na kuniacha solemba. Chumba nilichokuwa nimepanga nikaachia na kwenda kuishi kwa mamangu.
    “Kazi niliyokuwa nafanya nikapunguzwa hivyo nikaanza kusaka kibarua. Bahati nzuri hivi karibuni nimpata kazi kwenye hospitali moja sehemu ya mapokezi. Namshukuru Mungu kwani hivi sasa nimetulizana kimawazo.
    Kinachonishangaza ni kwamba inaonekana anajutia uamuzi wake wa kuoa kwani amekuwa na harakati za kunitafuta na kutaka tuzungumze jambo ambalo sijampa nafasi kwa jinsi alivyoniumiza pale alipoacha kunioa akamtafuta mwanamke mwingine. Sitaki hata kumsikia na ndio maana dada hapa alipokuwa anasimulia kisa chake nikakifananisha na hicho cha kwangu”, anamaliza kusema binti huyu.
    Mpenzi msomaji, bila shaka umewasikia kinamama hawa ambao waume zao wamewazalisha watoto kisha kuwatosa na kwenda kufunga ndoa na wanawake wengine. Lakini huko walikoegemea hawana raha wana kila dalili ya kujutia. Upo hapo? Ama kwa hakika Maisha Ndivyo Yalivyo.
    Mpenzi msomaji wangu, baada ya kuwasikiliza kwa makini kinamama hawa, lipo swali moja nilijiuliza kwamba ni kwanini mwanaume azae na mwanamke na kuishi nae kama mkewe halafu ghafla anambadilikia na kuanzisha zogo la kumuacha kisha kwenda kuoa mwanamke mwingine tena kwa ndoa?
    Swali hili limenipa mawazo mengi. Kwa kifupi niseme tu kwamba inawezekana baada ya mume kumpima kwa muda mkewe huyo amegundua mapungufu yake na hivyo akaona hamhitaji tena anataka chungu kipya. Zipo sababu kibao zilizojificha ambazo wanazijua wanadoa wenyewe, udhaifu wao. Mwingine ni tamaa tu za mwili na ‘macho kodo’ asiyetaka kinachopita mbele ya macho yake kimpite bila kuteta nacho. Si unajua tena utaona kizuri leo na kesho ukipita utaona kizuri zaidi ya kile cha jana? Hivyo ndivyo zilivyo tamaa za mwili wa binadamu, hautosheki.
    Wakati mwingine mwanaume anamuacha huyu na kumuoa yule japo wameishi naye kutokana na tabia ya huyo anayeachwa. Pengine ni mzururaji, hasemi ukweli, mvivu na kadhalika.
    Mwingine huchukua hatua ile kutokana na ukorofi wa dada zake(mawifi). Mawifi wengine ndio wanaobomoa ndoa za kaka zao. Kama mke wa kaka yao hataki msongamano nyumbani kwake, au hakubaliani na kila jambo walitakalo mawifi au wakwe, lazima mama huyu atatikiswa tu.
    Na mara nyingi imetokea wanaume kuwasikiliza zaidi dada zao kuliko wake zao. Matokeo yake ndio kama hayo jamaa hufikia hatua na ama kumtimua mkewe au kufutilia mbali mipango mizuri ikiwemo kufunga ndoa au kudiriki hata kutoa talaka kutokana na maneno ya fitina.
    Kwa leo msomaji wangu naishia hapa na kama unacho kisa nitumie tujadili kwa pamoja kupitia e-mail hapa chini.
    Barua pepe: fwingia@yahoo.com
     
  2. Susy

    Susy JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Mar 30, 2011
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    Nimesoma nusu, ngoja kwanza niende maliwatoni nije kumalizia ili niweke comments zangu!!
     
  3. Dena Amsi

    Dena Amsi JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    Afadhali wewe umeandika lugha ya mama ila ndeefu hiyo
     
  4. Susy

    Susy JF-Expert Member

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    soma nusu nusu da Dena!! mie ndio nimerudi kuimalizia!! karibia nitatoa conclusion!!!
     
  5. Dena Amsi

    Dena Amsi JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    Hili jambo zuri sana umenifundisha sasa naenda para ya pili
     
  6. Susy

    Susy JF-Expert Member

    #6
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    ha hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa leo naona dada umeamua kunivunja mbavu zangu lol!!
     
  7. kilimasera

    kilimasera JF-Expert Member

    #7
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    susy na dena imekua ndefu sababu inamgusa sana mama!!someni tu nusunusu!!mimi huwa napinga sana kuzaa kabla ya ndoa huku mkiwa na agreement ya kwamba mtakuja kuoana mara tu mmoja anapobadilisha maamuzi kabla ya ndoa waathirika zaidi huwa ni mama na mtoto sababu mwanaume yeye anaoa tu pengine!!!ila kwa mwanamke mwenye mtoto tayari huwa na msongo mkubwa sana wa mawazo mpaka afikie maamuzi mengine!
     
  8. Dena Amsi

    Dena Amsi JF-Expert Member

    #8
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    Umenisaidia sana my dear kwa hii sumary haya nimekuelewa kabisa.

    Kweli hapo kwenye kuzaa halafu jamaa anabadili mawazo huwa napata kero sana mpaka basi asante nimeelewa
     
  9. Susy

    Susy JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Mar 30, 2011
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    best kwa upande mmoja imenigusa sana!! ndio maana nawachukia wanaume kwa upande mwingine!! haiwezekani umzalishe mwenzio tena mtoto zaidi ya mmoja then um-dampu, kama kuna watu ambao Mungu atashuhulika nao kwanza ni nyie wanaume.

    na upande wa wanawake, kila siku nasema nilazima mwanamke uwe na msimamo na maisha yako, shida isikuponze wala kuona kama umri umekwenda hivyo ukaamua kukurupuka.

    Mfalme Suleiman alisema hivi, "kama utaishi miaka mingi isiyonafaida, alafu ukazaa watoto wengi ambao hawana faida pia, nibora mimba iliyoharibika"
     
  10. kilimasera

    kilimasera JF-Expert Member

    #10
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    ni kweli wanawake mnathirika sana ingawa hata wanaume huwa inafika kipindi unaanza kupata tabu baada ya kuona ulichokifuata nje imekua ndivyo sivyo!!!so unaanza kutafuta namna ya kurudi!!!sema watoto hua wanaumia sana jamani hasa pale mama nae anapoamua kuolewa na mume mwingine na bahati mbaya mwanaume huyo awe hapendi watoto wa nje!
     
  11. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Mar 30, 2011
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    Najisikia vibaya kusema hivi ila mama na binti wote wanajiliwaza kwa hisia za kwamba wazazi wenzao wanajuta wakati hata hawajaongea nao.Mama anadhani mzee kutaka kuwaona watoto ni kwamba anajuta.Nwyz swala la kuzaa kabla wakati mwingine hua ni makosa ya wadada wenyewe.Mtu anategesha kuzaa na mwenzake akidhani atapata ndoa kumbe mwenzake alitaka kupita tu.Inawezekana ndicho kilichomtokea dada..na huyo kaka akaitumia nafasi yake ya "free lunch" vizuri hadi alipompata anaemtaka ndo akaondoka.
     
  12. Katavi

    Katavi Platinum Member

    #12
    Mar 30, 2011
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    Haya ni mojawapo ya matokeo mabaya ya kuzaa nje ya ndoa!
     
  13. daughter

    daughter JF-Expert Member

    #13
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    Susy hii kauli ya mfalme nimeipenda. Lakini hawa wanaume hawaeleweki kabisa.ukiangalia kisa cha huyo mama wa kwanza tayari walishafunga ndoa na mumewe lakini bado akawa na ujasiri wa kutangaza ndoa nyingine kanisani. Yaani jamani inauma kweli
     
  14. daughter

    daughter JF-Expert Member

    #14
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    lakini hiyo case ya kwanza walikuwa washafunga ndoa..
     
  15. Susy

    Susy JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Mar 30, 2011
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    Mashehe, na Maskofu ndio watu ambao wanaweza tu kukemea mambo haya kwenye sehemu zao za dini lbd watu watamuogopa Mungu kwa maana hapa sioni solution nyingine.

    Pengine na hali ngumu ya uchumi inachangia lkn hapa sina uhakika sana.
     
  16. M

    Mary Chuwa Senior Member

    #16
    Mar 30, 2011
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    Japo si ndefu saaaana ya kuchosha ,ni kweli ndoa ina misuko suko mingi sana.
    ni pale mwenza anapofikiri anaweza kubadili ugali kuwa mboga kumbe ugali unabaki ugali la msingi ni kubadili mboga tu ili ladha ya kuufaidi ugali iongezeke

    Uvumilivu kwa kweli ni tunda la roho na hao wanaoona kero za wake au waume zao kwa muda huko wanapoenda wanashindwa tu kukiri hadharani,lakini vinawashinda na wakihesabu mema waliyotendewa na wenzi wao habari inaishia hapo majuto tu kwa kwenda mbele.
     
  17. kilimasera

    kilimasera JF-Expert Member

    #17
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    ila kiukweli ushauri wangu kwetu sisi wanaume tujitahidi sana kuwasaidia kuwalea hawa watoto tunaozaa nje kwasababu huwa wanakua na mambo mengi sana vichwani mwao kiasi kwamba kupelekea kuharibu future zao kabisa kama unafahamu kabisa kwamba hii ni damu yangu kwanini usiitilie maanani!!inanikumbusha kila kisa cha mkuu wa jeshi la polisi mahita kumtundika mimba hous girl wake then baadae akaanza kumkataa mtoto na akawa hapeleki huduma!!wakati mtu baki tu ukiangalia kile kichwa na sura ya mtoto unaona kabisa baba wa mtoto huyu ni mahita kutokana na sura zao kushabihiana!kweli wanaume tuwe waangalifu kama unaona huna sababu ya kuoa ni bora ukawa unatumia kinga!
     
  18. Fidel80

    Fidel80 JF-Expert Member

    #18
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    Summarize basi kha!
     
  19. KakaKiiza

    KakaKiiza JF-Expert Member

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    Frola Wingia!1Sorry fwingia@yahoo.com aghh!!Kilimasera jina Halisi Nimesoma lakini nimekujakugundua wanawake wanaoachwa kwa njia hii niwale walioingiwa na kirusi beijing nakama mimi ninahitaji kuwa na heshima kama mume lakini wewe unaendekeza maneno ya majukwa ya wana Harakati kama Fwingia lazima Ndani ya nyumba pataonekana kero na mimi kwakuondokana na kadhia hizo nikuvutakitu kipya!!wewe endeleza harakati zako za ubeijingi huko!siyo kwangu!!Nafikiri ndiyo sababu kubwa japo yawezekana siyo sababu!!!
     
  20. kilimasera

    kilimasera JF-Expert Member

    #20
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    lakini ulitakiwa kufahamu kabla ya kuzaa kakakiiza tabia zote za mwanamke au mwanaume mnatakiwa kusomana kitu nilichojifunza nje ya nchi hasa nchi za ulaya watoto wanaanza uchumba toka wakiwa shuleni mpaka wanakuja kuoana kwa asilimia kubwa wana utamaduni huo maana nimeshakaa na marafiki wengi sana nikashuhudia hali hiyo so kikubwa ni kila mmoja kumsoma mwenzake mpaka aridhike nae na uchumba hauna maana kufanya mapenzi hapana mnakua tu jirani kwa shida na raha kuanzia shule za msingi kitu ambacho kwa utamaduni wa bongo hakipo kakakiiza!
     
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