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Matarajio. . . . .

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Lizzy, Jan 19, 2012.

  1. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Unrealistic expectations are planned resentments.

    Kila mtu anapoingia kwenye mahusiano/ndoa anakua na matarajio yake. Wapo wenye matarajio ambayo napenda kuyaita "reasonable/realistic" na wengine wana matarajio ambayo ni "unrealistic".

    Realistic:
    . . . Nampenda nae ananipenda ila migongano ya hapa na pale haitokosekana - TUTAITATUA PAMOJA.
    . . . Ananifurahisha nami namfurahisha ila kuna wakati tutakasirishana - TUTASHIRIKIANA KUITAFUTA HIYO FURAHA TENA.
    . . .Napenda/nafurahia uwepo wake nae wangu ila kuna wakati tutachokana - NI JUKUMU LETU KUTAFUTA NAMNA YA KURUDI KWENYE HALI HIYO.
    . . .Maisha sio mabaya ila kuna wakati mahitaji yanaweza yakazidi uwezo - TUTAKABILIANA NA HALI HIYO PAMOJA.
    . . .Tuna afya ila magonjwa/ajali zaweza tokea - TUTASIMAMA PAMOJA.
    . . . Tutabadilika kadiri muda unavyoenda (muonekano, fikra, mazoea n.k) - TUTAJITAHIDI TUENDANE NA MABADILIKO YA KILA MMOJA WETU.
    N.k. . . . . .

    Unrealistic:
    . . . Ndoa/mahusiano ndio mwisho wa matatizo yangu ya kifedha.
    . . . Ana gari sitokaa nipande daladala tena.
    . . . Kila siku tutakua tunacheka na kufurahi pamoja.
    . . . Aliyonivutia nayo yote yataendelea kuwepo.
    . . . Yeye ndie mtoaji mimi ni mpokeaji tu.
    . . . Hamna mawazo ya yanayoweza kutokea na kubadili kila kitu mf. matatizo ya kifamilia na magonjwa.
    N.k. . . . .

    Matarajio unayokua nayo wakati unaingia kwenye mahusiano yana nafasi kubwa sana katika kustahimilisha mahusiano yako, pia hisia/mapenzi uliyonayo juu ya mwenzi wako.

    Unapokua unaelewa kuwa maisha ndani ya mahusiano yako hayatokua mteremko kila siku, ukaelewa kwamba kutakua na milima, mabonde na viunzi basi unakua umejiandaa kifikra namna ya kukabiliana na vikwazo vyovyote vinavyoweza kutokea. Badala ya kulaumu na kulalamika unasaidiana na mwenzi wako kukabiliana na matatizo yenu. Kinyume cha hapo, utajikuta unamchukia mwenzi wako kwa kushindwa kutimiza/fikia matarajio yako ambayo hayakua yamekaa kihalisia toka mwanzo. Hii inatokana na wewe kuishi katika ulimwengu wa kufikirika huku ukijivua uwajibikaji linapokuja swala zima la kufikia matarajio yako na kumvisha mwenzi wako kana kwamba yeye anaweza kucontrol kila kinachotokea. Kwa style hiyo utajikuta unaingia na kutoka katika mahusiano kwa sababu zile zile kila mara.

    Kuwa na matarajio yaliyokaa kiuhalisia ili kupunguza kama sio kuepuka kabisa disappointment.
     
  2. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    i am sorry to say this..

    hiyo orodha yako ya unrealistics

    ndio matarajio ya 99 percent ya wanawake wa TZ.............
     
  3. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    I will be back....
     
  4. m

    mzabzab JF-Expert Member

    #4
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    mie naona ingekuwa simple kama wanwawake wangeingia kwenye relationship wakijua kuiwa guys would love free kitumbua any time of the day so women should also luk for free muhogo
     
  5. Capitol Hill

    Capitol Hill JF-Expert Member

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    Well said Lizzy, lakini pia naomba kuongezea hii kitu ya peer pressure ambayo ina influence matarajio ya akina dada wengi.
     
  6. Michelle

    Michelle JF-Expert Member

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    hapana, labda uwe unawazungumzia wanawake wa Dar es salaam, na penyewe bado si asilimia 99

    Asilimia kubwa ya watanzania wanashi vijijini kusiko na maisha mazuri,hali ya kilimo ni mbaya,ajira hamna,vifo ni vingi,hizo unrealistic expectation wanazitoa wapi?? Manake expectation zinatokana na mazingira unamoishi na exposure yako...sasa kwa hali anayopitia tangu utoto hadi anafikia ndoa na kwa aina ya wanaume waliomzunguka ambao ndo potential husbands,hawawezi kuwa na hizo unrealistic expectation kwa kiasi kikubwa hivyo....halafu hapo hujaweka wale wanaoolewa kisa tu umri umeenda anakubali yeyote,kapewa mimba anaolewa tu ili mradi etc....99% is not realistic

    Haya ukija wasichana wa mjini,wengi wanasoma,wanafanya kazi,biashara, na wanauelewa na hali halisi inavyobadilika kila siku ya kiuchumi as wanajitegemea kabla ya ndoa....iweje nao wawe kwenye asilimia 1 wote hao,haiwezekani kabisa....usitu-underestimate kiasi hicho....wanawake wanauelewa wa uhalisia wa maisha ya ndoa kuliko hata wanaume na waga wako tayari kukabiliana na changamoto na ndo maana sisi ndo tunapigana kufa kupona kulinda ndoa zetu.
     
  7. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

    #7
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    You get my standing ovation for this one.

    Ukimpata anayefikiria hivyo jua huyo ni tunu!
     
  8. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    99% ni kubwa sana Boss, though nakubali kwamba hao ni wengi kuliko wenye matarajio yanayoendana na uhalisia wa maisha na mahusiano.
     
  9. Michelle

    Michelle JF-Expert Member

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    Nakubaliana na wewe kwamba unapokuwa na matarajio ya kiuhalisia basi uwezekano wa kumudu kuwa na uhusiano mzuri na wenye kuhimili mikikimikiki ya maisha ni mkubwa, zaidi ya hayo ni vizuri kujishughulisha kwenye maisha na kuacha utegemezi...itapunguza dissapointments kwenye mahusiano....na kuacha utegemezi nikimaanisha kuanzia ule wa kuamini bila fulani mis sina raha au maisha hadi ule utegemezi wa kifedha....!!
     
  10. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Embu fanya haraka. . . au unapitia ile list yako ya vigezo na matarajio?

    Huh?
     
  11. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Hawa sasa ndio wale tunawaita vichwa panzi, wanafanya wanayoona wengine wanafanya au wanayosukumwa kufanya, matokeo yake leo na kesho maisha na mahusiano yake yanakosa muelekeo unaoeleweka.

    @Dearest kweli Boss kachakachua matokeo. Ila kuna wasomi waliopita madarasa tu bila kuelimika, matarajio yao sio madogo.
     
  12. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Inabidi muwe mnafanya usahili unaoeleweka ili kujua tunu na bati. . .
     
  13. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...nilipooa, matarajio yangu yalikuwa nitaishi nae, nizae nae mtoto/ watoto...
    sikujua kwenye ndoa kuna zaidi ya hayo mawili....


    ...matarajio uliyoyaweka [ambayo ni general] yanapimwa na matukio na mabadiliko mbali mbali
    baina ya wawili waliooana kila siku, kila wiki, kila mwezi, kila mwaka...

    ukisikia 'wale' wameachana sababu ya "irreconciable differences," usidhani hawakuwa na matarajio mwanzoni...
    ni "mitihani" tu ya maisha ya ndoa.
     
  14. Nyani Ngabu

    Nyani Ngabu Platinum Member

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    Mapenzi hayana usaili!
     
  15. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Utegemezi ni mbaya kuliko haya dearest, wenyewe unaweza ukampelea mtu kufanya mambo ambayo hapendi wala hakuwahi kufikiria, kubaki kwenye mahusiano/mtu asiemtendea haki ili tu asipoteze hicho anachotegemea (fedha, hisia, fikra n.k)
     
  16. klorokwini

    klorokwini JF-Expert Member

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    Fact!........
     
  17. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    labda kama ni short term relation
    long term relation lazima kutakuwa na responsibillities

     
  18. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Mbu matarajio yapo kwa kila mtu, swali ni je yalikua realistic or not? Hata kupanga tutazaa bila kufikiria uwezo huo mnaweza msiwe nao kunanyima tarajio hilo uhalisia, na ndio maana tunasikia watu wananyanyasana/chukiana au hata kuachana kisa hawajajaaliwa mtoto.
     
  19. Lizzy

    Lizzy JF-Expert Member

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    Kwahiyo mnabeba tu? Mnabahatisha kama mchezo wa kamari ehhhh? Mtakoma.
     
  20. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    mimi kuna kitu ambacho wanawake wanacho ambacho kinanifanya
    niwe pessimistic na wanawake saana

    naacho ni kuwa 'emotional....na maamuzi'

    hasa 'revenge tendencies'

    na kutaka 'ku replace their bad feelings so fast' kiasi

    akiwepo mtu pembeni wa ku 'trigger tu' hizo feelings baasi.....
     
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