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Matani ya Wakenya

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by Zanaki, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. Z

    Zanaki JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Oct 27, 2008
    Joined: Sep 1, 2006
    Messages: 544
    Likes Received: 3
    Trophy Points: 35
    Matani ya Wakenya ......


    1. Ati wee ni m-black mpaka ukiingia kwa dinga, dirisha zinakuwa tinted!

    2. Kwenu kuchafu mpaka mende zinatema mate, ati ‘THU' hii hao (HOUSE) ni noma.

    3. Vile wewe mfupi, ukipigwa picha ya passport inatokea full.

    4. Kwenu nyi wakristu hata dogi zenu zikiona mwizi anaiba, zinawaambia "wee iba tu Mungu
    anakuona."

    5. Ati hao(house) yenu ina gate lakini hakuna fence.

    6. We' ni mshort mpaka ukikalia kwa pavement(sakafuni) miguu ina hang kwa hewa.
    7. We mjinga mpaka ulifail blood test.

    8. Wewe ni mblack mpaka mosquito ikitaka kukuuma lazima itumie torch.

    9. We ni mrefu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala (MGANDO/MTINDI) .
    10. Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint za blak kwa makaa.

    11. Nyanyako(bibi yako) mzee mpaka chawa za nywele yake hutembea na bakora.

    12. Ati nyinyi ni wengi nyumbani kwenyu yaani buda(baba) yenu hajui majina mpaka huwa
    address kama wananchi. (KAMA RAISI ANAPOTOA HOTUBA)

    13. TV yenyu ni Ndogo lazima ufunge jicho moja ndio uone picha.

    14. Wewe mblack mpaka unasweat soot.

    15. Wewe mnono mpaka ukivaa yellow watoto wanafikiria ni schoolbus.

    16. Manzii wako ni m ugly mpaka alikataliwa ku act horror(movie ya kutisha) Hollywood.

    17. Nyumba yenyu ni ndogo mpaka lazima utoke nje kuchange mind.

    18. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka kwa hao(house) kuna round-about.

    19. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wa daft (WAJINGA) mpaka kupata driving license ilibidi mpelekwe boarding school.
    20. Nywele za watoto wenyu ni ngumu mpaka mnazitumianga kama steel wool.

    21. Mko wengi kwa hao(house) mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam
    .
    22. Wewe ni mshort mpaka ukishuka kutoka kwa zile vitanda double decker lazima utumie
    parachute.

    23. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza kwa kusema ..ati Munatuona jamani?

    24. Sistaako ni ugly mpaka monkey ikampatia ndizi.

    25. We mblack mpaka ukikutana na mzungu afternoon anakushow good evening?

    26. Ngombe yenu mzee mpaka inatoanga yogurt

    27. Kwenu kumekauka mpaka ngombe yenu hutoa milk powder.

    28. Wee ni mzee mpaka ukiumwa na mosquito zina tema mate

    29. Paka yenu noma mpaka iki shika panya inaitisha chumvi, fork na pilipili.

    30. Kwenu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka mkipigwa family photo wengine wanatokea kama wame hang(ning'inia) kwa frame.

    31. TV yenu ndogo mpaka wasee wa News(watangazaji wa habari) wame piga magoti.

    32. We mrefu mpaka ukianza kuvaa underwear mbichi by the time ifike kwa magoti ime kauka.

    33. Nyumba yenu ni chafu mpaka cockroach huvaa slippers(malapa) .

    34. Budako(baba yako) ni ****, alienda ku buy ngombe akaona ikikojoa akasema, sitaki hiyo, imetoboka.
     
  2. K

    Kipanga JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Oct 27, 2008
    Joined: Apr 24, 2008
    Messages: 680
    Likes Received: 4
    Trophy Points: 0
    ..Very interesting na hicho kiswahili kilichovunjwavunjwa humo mh!!!
     
  3. Nyaralego

    Nyaralego JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Oct 28, 2008
    Joined: Nov 13, 2007
    Messages: 732
    Likes Received: 1
    Trophy Points: 35
    that is SHENG!!! ni maksudi kuvunjavunja lugha...
     
  4. Calnde

    Calnde JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Oct 28, 2008
    Joined: Oct 7, 2008
    Messages: 1,373
    Likes Received: 2
    Trophy Points: 0
    Dah wenzetu kiswahili ni issue.Ila si nasikia wanaongoza kwa kutoa magraduands wa kiswahili?
     
  5. Nelson Charles

    Nelson Charles Member

    #5
    Oct 29, 2008
    Joined: Oct 16, 2008
    Messages: 10
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 0
    ha! ha1 ha! ha! ha! ahise hiyo ni noma iko kwa poa. coz inakua ni kiswanglish
     
  6. Bushbaby

    Bushbaby JF-Expert Member

    #6
    May 25, 2011
    Joined: Dec 29, 2010
    Messages: 1,540
    Likes Received: 24
    Trophy Points: 135
    Matani ya ki-kenya, si unajua wakenya wananyoongeaga kiswahili, hebu ongea kama wao ukisoma hii....

    1. Ati wee ni m-black mpaka ukiingia kwa dinga, dirisha zinakuwa tinted!

    2. Kwenu kuchafu mpaka mende zinatema mate, ati ‘THU’ hii hao (HOUSE) ni noma.

    3. Vile wewe mfupi, ukipigwa picha ya passport inatokea full.

    4. Kwenu nyi wakristu hata dogi zenu zikiona mwizi anaiba, zinawaambia “wee iba tu Mungu
    anakuona.”

    5. Ati hao(house) yenu ina gate lakini hakuna fence.

    6. We' ni mshort mpaka ukikalia kwa pavement(sakafuni) miguu ina hang kwa hewa.
    7. We mjinga mpaka ulifail blood test.

    8. Wewe ni mblack mpaka mosquito ikitaka kukuuma lazima itumie torch.

    9. We ni mrefu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mala (MGANDO/MTINDI) .
    10. Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint za blak kwa makaa.

    11. Nyanyako(bibi yako) mzee mpaka chawa za nywele yake hutembea na bakora.

    12. Ati nyinyi ni wengi nyumbani kwenyu yaani buda(baba) yenu hajui majina mpaka huwa
    address kama wananchi. (KAMA RAISI ANAPOTOA HOTUBA)

    13. TV yenyu ni Ndogo lazima ufunge jicho moja ndio uone picha.

    14. Wewe mblack mpaka unasweat soot.

    15. Wewe mnono mpaka ukivaa yellow watoto wanafikiria ni schoolbus.

    16. Manzii wako ni m ugly mpaka alikataliwa ku act horror(movie ya kutisha) Hollywood.

    17. Nyumba yenyu ni ndogo mpaka lazima utoke nje kuchange mind.

    18. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka kwa hao(house) kuna round-about.

    19. Kwenyu nyinyi ni wa daft (WAJINGA) mpaka kupata driving license ilibidi mpelekwe boarding school.
    20. Nywele za watoto wenyu ni ngumu mpaka mnazitumianga kama steel wool.

    21. Mko wengi kwa hao(house) mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam
    .
    22. Wewe ni mshort mpaka ukishuka kutoka kwa zile vitanda double decker lazima utumie
    parachute.

    23. Ati TV yenu ni ndogo hadi wasee wa news huanza kwa kusema ..ati Munatuona jamani?

    24. Sistaako ni ugly mpaka monkey ikampatia ndizi.

    25. We mblack mpaka ukikutana na mzungu afternoon anakushow good evening?

    26. Ngombe yenu mzee mpaka inatoanga yogurt

    27. Kwenu kumekauka mpaka ngombe yenu hutoa milk powder.

    28. Wee ni mzee mpaka ukiumwa na mosquito zina tema mate

    29. Paka yenu noma mpaka iki shika panya inaitisha chumvi, fork na pilipili.

    30. Kwenu nyinyi ni wengi mpaka mkipigwa family photo wengine wanatokea kama wame hang(ning’inia) kwa frame.

    31. TV yenu ndogo mpaka wasee wa News(watangazaji wa habari) wame piga magoti.

    32. We mrefu mpaka ukianza kuvaa underwear mbichi by the time ifike kwa magoti ime kauka.

    33. Nyumba yenu ni chafu mpaka cockroach huvaa slippers(malapa) .

    34. Budako(baba yako) ni ****, alienda ku buy ngombe akaona ikikojoa akasema, sitaki hiyo, imetoboka.


     
  7. M

    Mfwalamanyambi JF-Expert Member

    #7
    May 25, 2011
    Joined: Dec 18, 2010
    Messages: 435
    Likes Received: 7
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    Hakya Mungu, we ni mkenyaaaaaaaaa au ni kipaji tu? very nice!
     
  8. Mlachake

    Mlachake JF-Expert Member

    #8
    May 25, 2011
    Joined: Oct 13, 2009
    Messages: 2,592
    Likes Received: 166
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    we ni Mublack, Mpaka ukisimama kwa kibanda ya Mkaa mteja akikuja anasema nipatie hii kbwa!
     
  9. simplemind

    simplemind JF-Expert Member

    #9
    May 25, 2011
    Joined: Apr 10, 2009
    Messages: 9,783
    Likes Received: 1,213
    Trophy Points: 280
    Jokes zinachangamsha.Kenya has talented standup comedians /watch churchill live on NTV Every Tuesday 7.30 p.m.
     
  10. simplemind

    simplemind JF-Expert Member

    #10
    May 25, 2011
    Joined: Apr 10, 2009
    Messages: 9,783
    Likes Received: 1,213
    Trophy Points: 280
    Jokes zinachangamsha.Kenya has talented standup comedians /watch churchill live on NTV Every Tuesday 7.30 p.m. Wamepiga hatua si haba tangu enzi za kivunja mbavu starring baba zero,makanyaga,masanduku othorong'ng danger etc
     
  11. Evmem

    Evmem Senior Member

    #11
    May 25, 2011
    Joined: Oct 20, 2010
    Messages: 102
    Likes Received: 0
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    duh!!hii kali
     
  12. Mulhat Mpunga

    Mulhat Mpunga JF-Expert Member

    #12
    May 27, 2011
    Joined: Oct 28, 2010
    Messages: 19,118
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    i like this:mod:
     
  13. simplemind

    simplemind JF-Expert Member

    #13
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: Apr 10, 2009
    Messages: 9,783
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    Namba 23 kali!
     
  14. Y

    Yahabib_1 Member

    #14
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: May 27, 2011
    Messages: 14
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 0
    verry.nice
     
  15. M

    Mr D47 Member

    #15
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: Apr 24, 2011
    Messages: 12
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 0
    Unatisha mwanangu nime ipenda
     
  16. Henge

    Henge JF-Expert Member

    #16
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: May 14, 2009
    Messages: 6,687
    Likes Received: 22
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    hahahha aiseeee wakenya bana!
     
  17. misorgenes

    misorgenes Senior Member

    #17
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: Oct 7, 2010
    Messages: 199
    Likes Received: 5
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    Hahahhaha! Uwiiiii, mbavu zangu. Ntarudia tena badae ncheke tena. Chezea wakenya uone
     
  18. Evmem

    Evmem Senior Member

    #18
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: Oct 20, 2010
    Messages: 102
    Likes Received: 0
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    nimeipenda no 34
     
  19. Gsana

    Gsana JF-Expert Member

    #19
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: Aug 28, 2010
    Messages: 4,065
    Likes Received: 43
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    Inaburudisha,good.
     
  20. mseseve

    mseseve JF-Expert Member

    #20
    May 28, 2011
    Joined: Apr 3, 2011
    Messages: 491
    Likes Received: 18
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    No 18 ni noma vp trafic anakuwapo asubh na jion?
     
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