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Marudio ya topic zilizokupa raha

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by fundiaminy, Sep 17, 2011.

  1. fundiaminy

    fundiaminy JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Jun 4, 2009
    Messages: 358
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    Kuna baadhi ya topics hapa kwa jokes zimewahi kukupa raha.naonelea badala ya kuzi repost nianzishe hii thread ili kujikumbusha na kuwapongeza waliochangia.mimi binafsi huwa kila nikisoma hii topic hubaki kujichekea pekeangu.big up mkuu Excellent popote ulipo.

    Topic: Muongo akihadithia
    Excellent 17:19 24th May 2011
    jamaa mmoja muongo alikua
    kijiweni anawahadithia watu
    jinsi alivyokua akimkimbiza swala
    porini akaishia kwamba "
    nikamkamata nikamlaza chini"
    ghafla kabla hajaendelea simu
    yake ikaita akaenda pembeni
    kupokea, washikaji wakawa
    wanamsubiria kwa hamu ili
    arudi aendelee, alivyorudi
    akawauliza hivi niliishia wapi?
    wakamwambia " umemkamata
    ukamlaza chini" jamaa akasema
    enheee, basi nikaanza kumvua
    nguo taratiibu huku
    nikimkumbatia na kumla
    madenda, washkaji wakashtuka
    na kuguna mmmh!! aaaaah! si
    alikua swala? jamaa akshtuka
    akasema aaaahaaa,
    nimekumbuka nikaanza
    kumchinja! washkaji hoiiiiiiii:
     
  2. Bushbaby

    Bushbaby JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Dec 29, 2010
    Messages: 1,540
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    hii nilicheka sana!! ni nani alitoa hii?
     
  3. fundiaminy

    fundiaminy JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Jun 4, 2009
    Messages: 358
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    Bushbaby hio ilitolewa na excellent.kwa kweli alikaa na kufikiria.
     
  4. M

    Mutukwao JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Aug 7, 2011
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    Sikumbuki topic inasemaje ila nakumbuka haya maneno eating whn in month,dry dry thngs,sucking my tree,slaughting whle naked th few ido remember.
     
  5. Bushbaby

    Bushbaby JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Dec 29, 2010
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    mmhhh hii ilikuwa hapa kweli au lile jukwaa lingine...??
     
  6. Bushbaby

    Bushbaby JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Dec 29, 2010
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    [h=2]Dogo Janja!!...[/h]
    A woman takes a lover home

    during the day while her husband is at work.

    Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly,

    sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

    The woman's husband also comes home.

    She puts her lover in the closet,

    not realizing that the little boy

    is in there already.

    The little boy says, "Dark in here."

    The man says, "Yes, it is."

    Boy: "I have a baseball."

    Man: "That's nice"

    Boy: "Want to buy it?"

    Man: "No, thanks."

    Boy: "My Dad's out side."

    Man: "OK, how much?"

    Boy: "$250"

    In the next few weeks,

    it happens again that

    the boy and the lover

    are in the closet together.

    Boy: "Dark in here."

    Man: "Yes, it is."

    Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

    The lover, remembering the last time,

    asks the boy, "How much?"

    Boy: "$750"

    Man: "Sold."

    A few days later, the Dad says to the boy,

    "Grab your glove,

    let's go outside and

    have a game of catch."

    The boy says,

    "I can't,

    I sold my baseball and my glove."

    The Dad asks,

    "How much did you sell them for?"

    Boy: "$1,000"

    The Dad says,

    "That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...

    that is way more than those two things cost.

    I'm taking you to church, to confession."

    They go to the church

    and the Dad makes the little boy

    sit in the confessional booth

    and closes the door.

    The boy says,

    "Dark in here."

    The priest says,

    "Don't start that shit again;

    you're in my closet now."​
     
  7. Jeji

    Jeji JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Jun 28, 2011
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    Top ten za majina, nilicheka sana.
     
  8. Babkey

    Babkey JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Dec 10, 2010
    Messages: 3,199
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    Hapa napo nilicheka mno.......
    br
    br
    Harry alipochoka kufanya
    kazi zake akazima taa,
    akambusu mkewe,
    akalala na usingizi mzito
    ukampitia. Mara
    akamwona mwanamme
    amesimama
    kitandani.
    "Toka hapa nani wewe
    unakuja kitandani
    kwangu?"
    "mimi ni mtakatifu Petro
    na hapa si kitandani
    kwako bali ni mbinguni"
    "Ina maana nimekufa?
    Mbona mimi bado kijana?
    Naomba unirudishe
    duniani."
    "Inawezekana, lakini
    siwezi kukurudisha kama
    mtu, labda nikurudishe
    kama
    mbwa au kuku"
    Harry akakumbuka mbwa
    anavyopata taabu ya
    kulinda, "Bora nirudi kama
    kuku"
    Mara akajikuta yuko
    kwenye banda, akiwa
    kuku jike na matakoni
    kunawaka
    moto. Akamwona jogoo
    pembeni, akamwambia
    shida yake.
    "Kaka ninasikia moto
    matakoni, inakuwaje?"
    "Kwani hujawahi kutaga
    weye?" Jogoo akamjibu
    kwa maringo.
    "Sijawahi"
    "Chuchumaa, kamua kwa
    nguvu yai litoke."
    Basi akakamua, yai la
    kwanza likatoka,
    akakamua tena yai la pili
    hilo!
    Akiwa anataka kukamua
    yai la tatu akasikia sauti
    ya mke wake.
    "Harry, pumbavu wewe,
    unakunya kitandani!"
     
  9. mchemsho

    mchemsho JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Sep 17, 2011
    Joined: Jun 8, 2011
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    <br />
    <br />
    khaa.! Kumbe alikuwa padre na kale ndo kamchezo kake.!
     
  10. J

    Jamsuldash Member

    #10
    Sep 18, 2011
    Joined: Jul 14, 2011
    Messages: 67
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    Ile ya mlevi na rafiki mpya ambaye anarudi naye nyumbani kwake na kuanza kumuelekeza hii ni nyumba yangu na lile ni gari langu, wakaingia ndani wanalikuta njemba limelala na mke wa mlevi bila wasiwasi mlevi akaendelea kuelekeza kile ni kitanda changu, yule ni mke wangu na yule aliyelala naye ni MIMI. . .
     
  11. Mr. Mwalu

    Mr. Mwalu JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Sep 18, 2011
    Joined: Feb 4, 2010
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    ile ya bwana harusi mtarajiwa anayehifadhi condom kwenye gari
     
  12. Viol

    Viol JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Sep 18, 2011
    Joined: Dec 15, 2009
    Messages: 18,597
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    Wakuu thanks much kwa pongezi zenu.

    Kuna post niliipenda sana huwa nacheka sana ila sikumbuki jina la mwenye post sijui kama nitakosea kuelezea.Ilikuwa inasema...

    Chizi alikatiza mbugani akiwa uchi wanyama wakaanza kukimbia,swala akamwambia simba ''inakwaje mfalme wa pori na wewe unakimbia''simba akajibu ''we uliona wapi mnyama mwenye mkia mbele'''
     
  13. Pota

    Pota JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Sep 18, 2011
    Joined: Apr 8, 2011
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    mi ilinichekesha sana (japokuwa siikumbuki vzr) .....jamaa waliokuwa wanfanyiwa interview na professor na wakagundua maswali
    wanayoulizwa ni yaleyale hivyo wakaambizana, issue ikawa kwa rafiki wawili mmoja bright na mwingine kilaza. here it is,

    PROF; When did tz got her independence
    CAND; it was supposed to be in 1960 but it was postponed until 1961
    PROF; Who participated in the process
    CAND; Many participated but nyerere and karume finalised it
    PROF; Do you believe that in MARS there are living things
    CAND; some people say yes some say no, but scientist are still investigating.
    then akaingia candidate kilaza, bahati mbaya prof akabadilisha maswali, ikawa hivi,
    PROF; When were you born?
    CAND; It was supposed to be in 1960 but it was postponed until 1961
    PROF; What? Who is your father by the way?
    CAND; so many participated but nyerere and karume finalised it,
    PROF; What? are you crazy?
    CAND; Some say yes, some say no but scientists are still investigating
     
  14. Mamaya

    Mamaya JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Sep 19, 2011
    Joined: Jul 4, 2011
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    Mi nilifurahia sana post ya enzi ulipokuwa boarding. Ilinikumbusha mbali sana na vtuko vya sconga
     
  15. Zasasule

    Zasasule JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Sep 19, 2011
    Joined: Aug 12, 2009
    Messages: 1,008
    Likes Received: 6
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    yh, made my day man!! nice one!!!
     
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