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Marriage jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes/Utani + Udaku/Gossips' started by TheChoji, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. TheChoji

    TheChoji JF-Expert Member

    Nov 16, 2011
    Joined: Apr 14, 2009
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    Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.

    Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better.

    Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.

    Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"


    "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug.

    "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Doug suggested.

    "But what if my wife finds out?"

    "Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!"

    So Bill went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."

    "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that - it never worked."


    A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested - "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"

    The marriage officer said, "You're requirements please."

    "Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

    The officer listened carefully and replied," I understand. You need a Television..!!"


    Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.


    Dan married one of a pair of identical twins. Less than a year later he was in court filing for a divorce.
    "Tell the court why you want a divorce," the judge said.

    "Well, Your Honor," Dan started, "every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical, sometimes I'd end up making love to her by mistake."

    "Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said.
    "Exactly, Your Honor. That's why I want the divorce!"


    Jill went to the bank and applied for a loan. "I want a loan, I'm going to divorce my husband."
    "Oh, we don't give loans for divorces" the manager says, "We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements...."

    Jill interrupts and says, "Well, this is certainly a 'Home Improvement.!"


    These days, parents pray the youngest child will get married and move out before the oldest one gets divorced and moves back in.!


    If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.


    As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."

    His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"


    Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

    Now, why can't you do that?"

    "Gosh," Jack says, "I hardly know the girl..!"

  2. PROF. ENG

    PROF. ENG Senior Member

    Nov 16, 2011
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    Good ones...........
  3. olele

    olele JF-Expert Member

    Nov 16, 2011
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    not bad !
  4. chapaa

    chapaa JF-Expert Member

    Nov 17, 2011
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    they are funny
  5. Washawasha

    Washawasha JF-Expert Member

    Nov 17, 2011
    Joined: Aug 7, 2006
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    nice ones. Nalog off