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Marriage is like quicksand... easy to get in difficult to get out

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by WomanOfSubstance, Jun 27, 2009.

  1. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. ~G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908

    Inakuwaje wanandoa pamoja na kuwa na matatizo mengi... kuachana inakuwa vigumu?Je ni kwa sababu ya watoto, mazoea au hali ya kuwa tegemezi?
    Hebu tujadili......
     
  2. m

    mbwembwe Member

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    kweli bwana , unapofikilia kumuacha mkeo unaangalia mambo mengi hata kama hana matatizo, sabau kuna ndugu jamaa na marafiki pale hali bado inakuwa ngum kidogo, ila uvumilivu ndio mmuimu sababu wote ni kitu kimoja na tania zinafanana, kama ni wivu wanawake wote wanao na hata haki kwa hilo
     
  3. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Ina maana kuna kuogopa ndugu na jamaa? Lakini ndoa ni mke na mume au ni pamoja na ndugu?
     
  4. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...naaaaaaam, kwa jamii zetu hizi za kibantu, ukioa/olewa ujue 'ushaunda' undugu na ukoo wake wote wakiwemo hata binamu zake, mashemeji na wifi zake.
     
  5. Teamo

    Teamo JF-Expert Member

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    Binafsi naunga mkono heading ya thread MOJA KWA MOJA!swala la msingi ni kumshirikisha mungu katika kumpata mtu wa type yako,mnaeendana,mnaevumiliana.ukikosea kuchagua BASI TENA.kila mnapogombana watu watawashaurini 'VUMILIANENI JAMANI,NDOA NDIVYO ZILIVYO'
     
  6. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    Dada WoS ile kusema "Til death do us part" inajenga discipline fulani. Kama kuachana na mumeo/mkeo ingekuwa rahisi hivyo kuna tofauti gani ya ndoa au kuwa boyfriend na girlfriend? Mtu akienda kanisani kufunga ndoa na kula kiapo inakuwa assumed kuwa kashamchunguza mwenza wake na kaona kuwa anafaa. Kama umemchunguza mpenzi wako kwa muda wa kutosha by the time you say "I do" utakua umesha mjua tabia zake. Tatizo watu wengi wanakimbilia kuoa kwa sababu imekua tradition, kitu ambacho it is expected of you. Ndoa siyo kitu rahisi na nia ya kuapa mwenyewe mbele za Mungu na kadamnasi ni ili mnapo kuwa wanandoa siyo rahisi kukimbilia kuachana. That is why kuachana na boyfriend/girlfriend ni rahisi kuliko kuvunja ndoa. My advise is simple. Kama haupo tayari kwa ndoa usiingie. Kama wewe siye mtu anayeweza kuvumilia the ups and downs za ndoa baki single. Tusikimbilie kuoa/kuolewa just because ni kitu ambacho tunaona jamii inategemea nilazima tupitie. Marriage is a commitment not a fashion.
     
  7. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Asante Geoff,
    Ndoa kwa hiyo siyo ya mke na mume tu...kwenye ndoa watu wengine - ndugu, jamaa na hata marafiki wanashiriki katika utatuzi wa migogoro ya ndoa.Je kuna umuhimu wa kusikiliza ushauri wa watu- ndugu jamaa na marafiki kabla hujafunga pingu za maisha?
     
  8. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Kwanini basi kabla watu wahajaoana wasiombe ushauri wa hawa ndugu kuangalia kama huyo anaetarajiwa kuingia kwenye ukoo anafaa au la?
     
  9. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    Ndoa ni kati ya watu wawili. Hakuna anayejua ukipendacho wewe kuliko wewe na hakuna ajuae tabia za mwenzi wako kuliko wewe. Hii ya familia kuwa na control kubwa over maisha ya ndoa ya mtu yanatokana na wakati ulee mtu anachaguliwa mchumba na hiyo control inapungua taratibu kadri siku zinavyoenda. Siku hizi mtu anampeleka mchumba wake kuomba baraka na si ruhusa kutoka kwa wazazi which ukiangalia the last generation kitu kama hicho hakipo. Mimi nadhani hata Tanzania sasa utaanza kuona familia ikiwa na less and less of a control kwenye ndoa ya ndugu.
     
  10. Superman

    Superman JF-Expert Member

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    WoS;

    Hakuna jibu moja.

    - Kuna mabo wanaishi miaka yote mpaka moja nafariki

    - Kuna ambao wanaachana baada ya miaka 30, ninayo mifano.

    - Kuna ambao wanaachana baada ya miezi 6, nk.

    Hebu tungalie Ze DATAz ambazo kwa kweli zinasikitisha sana:

    Source: DivorceMag: World Divorce Statistics

    Kama kuna sababu nyingi kwa nini couples hawadivorce hata kama ndoa yao ina misukosuko. Chache ninazozijua ni:

    - Process ya Divorce inachukua muda na inaweza kuwa expensive

    - Wengine wanaogopa tu, kubaki wao wenyewe na kuanza maisha upya

    - Wengine ni kwa sababu za kidini (Christians) ambapo wanatakiwa waishi pamoja mpaka kifo kiwatenganishe vinginevyo "Ufalme wa Mungu si wako"

    - Wengine wanaogopa gharama na migongano ya kuanza kugawana mali

    - Wengine wanadai hawataki watoto wapate tabu

    - katika jamii nyingine Divorce means failure ya maisha na wengine wanaogopa kuonekana wameshindwa maisha na kuleta aibu, nk.
     
  11. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Asante Superman.
    Suala la divorce nadhani kuna watu pia wameshaona haina haja kupeana talaka kwa maana if it cant work the first time it never will.Hakuna maana kuachana halafu baada ya muda ukaoane na mtu mwingine kisha baada ya muda muachane tena!
    Lakini inakuwaje katika nchi zilizoendelea kuachana ni rahisi mno kuliko kwenye nchi maskini kama Tanzania?
     
  12. Superman

    Superman JF-Expert Member

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    Ze DATAz Please . . . . to support your argument.
     
  13. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    Hakuna cha ze dataz.. ndiyo ukweli.... huko majuu mtu anaweza kunyanyuka na sanduku lake huyooooo akaishia.Bongo..watu wanang'ang'aniana utadhani luba! Mtu ataondoka aende wapi?lol!
     
  14. MwanaFalsafa1

    MwanaFalsafa1 JF-Expert Member

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    Mkuu Tanzania data kama hizi utoe wapi? Nani anamuda kuresearch divorce rate Tanzania? Ila hata kwa kuangalia tu society ya Tanzania unajua kuwa divorce rate siyo kubwa kama hizi nchi zilizo endelea.
     
  15. Zakumi

    Zakumi JF-Expert Member

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    WoS:

    Heshima kwako. Wakati mwingine wanao-complicate matters sio waliopo kwenye ndoa bali sheria na wanaocheza nazo.

    Kwa mfano hapa US kuna Mahakama na maWakili maalumu wanaoshughulikia masuala ya kesi za kifamilia. Mawakili wakati mwingine wana-incentives za ku-complicate issues.

    Kwa mfano kuna jamaa walikuwa wanataka kuachana. Mwanamke alikuwa anatengeneza mshiko mkubwa kuliko mwanamme. Wakati wanaachana, walikubaliana kimaafikiano kuwa mwanamke atamnunulia mume nyumba iliyo karibu hili walee watoto kwa pamoja.

    Lakini mambo yalibadilika pale mwanamme alipokwenda kwa wakili kupata ushauri. Wakili alipoona figures anazotengeneza mama, akamwambia jamaa kuwa wanayo kesi nzuri na ata-negotiate better deal. Matokeo yake ukazuka uadui na mvutano mkubwa.
     
  16. WomanOfSubstance

    WomanOfSubstance JF-Expert Member

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    ZA10,
    Umesema kweli kabisa..... ucheleweshaji wa kesi hata mimi naamini huchangiwa na watu wa pembeni hasa mawakili.Hata Tz ukiona kesi ina wakali..ujue itakaa miaka.
     
  17. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ...WoS, unazungumzia jamii ipi? ...hilo la ushauri wa ndugu ni la kawaida sana Tanzania.

    ...hilo nakubaliana nawe % ndogo ya wakazi (vijana) wa mijini i.e Dar, Ars, Mwz..., mikoani na vijijini mila na desturi bado zinaheshimiwa.
     
  18. Zakumi

    Zakumi JF-Expert Member

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    WoS:

    Je hii mada inaku-touch kwa namna fulani? Just Checking lol. Kinamna.
     
  19. Superman

    Superman JF-Expert Member

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    WoS na MwanaFA;

    Kwa mara ya kwanza naomba nitofautiane na nyie. Kwanza ieleweke kuwa hata kwa kufuatilia tu katika magezeti ya kila siku na hasa Alasiri na Dar Leo utagundua kuwa kila siku kuna kesi za Divorce. Hizi ni mbali ya case mnazozisikia katika Makanisa na Misikiti. Hizi ni mbali ya zile za Ustawi za Jamii katika Mabaraza na ni mbali ya zile katika mabaraza ya ndugu na familia.

    Tuelewe pia kuna wengi wanaishi bila ndoa na kuachana bila kelele. Tunaona hayo mitaani. Vijijini ndiyo usiseme. Ni kwa vile tu wenzetu katika nchi zilizoendelea ni wazuri katika kupashana habari na pia kufanya research.

    Kwa mfano kuna statistics kidogo katika Tanzania mabazo zinaonyesha kuwa Tanzania pia hatuko salama, hali si shwali:

    Hebu angalia Ze DATAz hii hapa:


    Source: http://english.peopledaily.com.cn/90001/90777/90855/6583122.html


    Kwa Takwimu hizo ambazo kwa hakika si rahisi kila mtu kwenda RITA na kujisajili, nina uhakika kuna cases nyingi. Suala hapa si kwamba Tanzania na sisi tuna divorce rate kubwa, la hasha bali ni kuwa hatuko salama kama mnavyofikiria.

    Na huu utandawazi . . . . Mhhhh . . . . yangu macho!
     
  20. Superman

    Superman JF-Expert Member

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    Very Interesting . . . .

    Source: Global Voices in Swahili Indonesia: Talaka na Ndoa za Mitala

     
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