Mapungufu ya wazazi wetu na athari zake...

[King’asti]

Angel Msoffe, una bahati umetambua. Kazi ni kwako, wakati unataka kufanya katabia, jiulize kama unataka matokeo yale aliyopata mamako? Kama sio, usifanye. Mbaya ni kutojitambua!

Kwakweli kuna katabia nimerithi kwa mama yangu yani ni sawa na copy and paste,

 

[Rich Dad]

Kapi hako mamito? Angalia usirithi tabia ya kila mtoto na baba yake au ukawa comfortable

Kwakweli kuna katabia nimerithi kwa mama yangu yani ni sawa na copy and paste,

 

[Elizabeth Dominic]

Mimi makuzi yangu ni rather complicated kidogo kama alivyosema nyumba kubwa na mimi nitaongelea hali halisi badala ya theory.
Baba yangu alikuwa msomi sana na alipenda sana ku critique karibu kila kitu na pia alipenda sana kusoma. Mbali ya hayo lakini pia alikuwa ni rafiki alitu treat kama marafiki mara nyingi naweza kukumbuka mara chache sana alipojaribu kutuchapa hasa pale utundu wetu ulipomzidia na hata kuchapa kwenyewe tulifanya kutafuta fimbo wenyewe na kukinga viganja huku tukimcheka kwani alikuwa anatuchapa kiudhaifu kweli.
Sasa kwa upande wa udhaifu wake ulikuwa ni ulevi sana pia alikuwa ni mbishi asiyetaka kuambiawa chochote, it was his way or the highway.
Kwa upande wa mama alikuwa ni mtu kwa maneno ya staha ni kama alikuwa confused, yani ni kama hakuwa na formula, alitupiga, alitutukana na pia hakuwa na muda wa malezi yetu na mwishowe aligeuka ku seek sympathy yetu pale ndoa ilipoenda mrama.....she would use us to serve her interests and she was/is manipulative yaani in short when i think of my mother i get confused. Nikiangalia malezi yangu kati ya wazazi wangu mimi naona i had to learn the hard way, nothing was done purposely to instill any values in me, i was rather a spectector in two people's union which sadly ended up in turmoil....so was i loved? Yes. By two misguided parents.
Sasa nimekuwa mtu wa aina gani?
I had to learn things from very tender age of 7....kujua ulevi ni nini, ugomvi ni nini nk. Ajabu yangu mimi si mtu mgomvi na wala si mlevi lakini i think nimechukua au kurithi tabia ya Baba ya kupenda kusoma na ku critique vitu, na kubwa ya yote i think i turned out to be a mix of lots of things....in a good and bad way.....sina any kind of resentment or anger toward my parents and i think i love them

 

[Kimolah]

kwa wazazi wengi wa sasa, nilicho ona, wameachwa kwenye swala la utandawazi, especially matumizi ya internet to be specific, wao wanajua email tu, labda na google kidogo, but watoto wanajua vitu vingi mno kupitia internet, vinavyofaa na visivyofaa, sasa kama kuna gap katika mahusiano ya hawa wazazi na watoto/vijana wao, hawa watajifunza visivyofaa.....kama mzazi ni mtu wa kukaripia tu na hana muda wa kusikiliza kijana anasema/anauliza nini, na kwa kuwa wamekulia mazingira haya ya kutosikilizwa, nao pia watawalea. Watoto wao hivyo hivyo most likely, though kutokana na mabadiliko wapo pia ambao wakuwa wasikivu kwa 'vitegemezi' wao.

 

[The Boss]

....hii thread ina akili sana aisee. Hili jambo siku zote ndilo linatafsiri maisha yetu huko tulikotokea...

Mbu bado nasubiri mchango wako aisee

 

[The Boss]

Mimi makuzi yangu ni rather complicated kidogo kama alivyosema nyumba kubwa na mimi nitaongelea hali halisi badala ya theory.
Baba yangu alikuwa msomi sana na alipenda sana ku critique karibu kila kitu na pia alipenda sana kusoma. Mbali ya hayo lakini pia alikuwa ni rafiki alitu treat kama marafiki mara nyingi naweza kukumbuka mara chache sana alipojaribu kutuchapa hasa pale utundu wetu ulipomzidia na hata kuchapa kwenyewe tulifanya kutafuta fimbo wenyewe na kukinga viganja huku tukimcheka kwani alikuwa anatuchapa kiudhaifu kweli.
Sasa kwa upande wa udhaifu wake ulikuwa ni ulevi sana pia alikuwa ni mbishi asiyetaka kuambiawa chochote, it was his way or the highway.
Kwa upande wa mama alikuwa ni mtu kwa maneno ya staha ni kama alikuwa confused, yani ni kama hakuwa na formula, alitupiga, alitutukana na pia hakuwa na muda wa malezi yetu na mwishowe aligeuka ku seek sympathy yetu pale ndoa ilipoenda mrama.....she would use us to serve her interests and she was/is manipulative yaani in short when i think of my mother i get confused. Nikiangalia malezi yangu kati ya wazazi wangu mimi naona i had to learn the hard way, nothing was done purposely to instill any values in me, i was rather a spectector in two people's union which sadly ended up in turmoil....so was i loved? Yes. By two misguided parents.
Sasa nimekuwa mtu wa aina gani?
I had to learn things from very tender age of 7....kujua ulevi ni nini, ugomvi ni nini nk. Ajabu yangu mimi si mtu mgomvi na wala si mlevi lakini i think nimechukua au kurithi tabia ya Baba ya kupenda kusoma na ku critique vitu, na kubwa ya yote i think i turned out to be a mix of lots of things....in a good and bad way.....sina any kind of resentment or anger toward my parents and i think i love them

naweza kuona baba yako ka ku influence zaidi kwa positive side
utakuja kushangaa zaidi baadae
utagundua kuna tabia ambazo pengine zilikuudhi but umezirithi
mfano ujikute kwenye situation ya kulazimika kuwa manipulative utajikuta unamkumbuka mama yako

na wazazi wako wamechangia wewe kutokuwa mlevi
una hofu ya ku repeat their mistakes

 

[The Boss]

Kwakweli kuna katabia nimerithi kwa mama yangu yani ni sawa na copy and paste,

hiyo tabia ni nzuri au mbaya?

 

[The Boss]

Imefika mahali naanza ku-admire system ya wahindi ya kuoana ndani ya familia. Manake mnajua the same things, u believe in the same stuff and morals are more or less the same. Hata kugombana ni tofauti. Kama mmetoka familia ya kuzurura hadi usiku wa manane ndo mrudi home mnakuwa poa tu! Kama ni wa kula dinner na kusali kama familia mnaelewana!

Niko extra careful kulinganisha malezi tuliyopata, na ya wengine na kuwa realistic especially pale ambapo nadhani wazazi wangu walikosea. Kwa hiyo I'm careful not to repeat their mistakes, especially za mama yangu (ambazo zinamhusu pia baba indirectly).

Strongest link niliyopata kwa wazazi ni kuona positive side of every situation. When I'm mistreated that is when I should surprise my offender of what I'm capable of. Na ukaribu wa kindugu ni muhimu. So we tell each other 'unakumbuka mom/dad alishafanyaga 1,2,3. That is exactly what you are planning to do na matokeo yatakuwa haya. You don't have to repeat your parents' mistakes!'

Isitoshe Bible inasema 'nawapatiliza wana maovu ya baba zao, hata kizazi cha tatu na cha nne cha wanichukizao. Nami nawarehemu maelfu elfu wanipendao na kuzishika amri zangu', so napambana spiritually too maovu ya wazazi yasinirudie. Kama kuna mtu aliambiwa wajukuu zako, ama wanao pia watatendwa hivi hivi, mie hayatanipata in the name of Jesus! Nnayoyajua naomba toba na nisiyoyajua pia. So ni kweli wazazi wana influence kubwa kwa watoto kama ambavyo NK na TB mmeongelea.

duh ulitamani uolewe na cousin wako?

 

[King’asti]

duh ulitamani uolewe na cousin wako?

Not exactly what I meant, lakini in the big picture namaanisha watt waliolelewa kwenye maadili ya kufanana hued wakaelewana zaikai. Ni Kama mtu a toke kwenye familia inayothamini wanawake na kuwapa nafasi ya maamuzi, akajikute anaingia familia ambayo mwanamke haruhusiwi hat a kujieleza kwa daktari; sie wenye vimbelefront kama konnie hatukawii kukatwa midomo. Kama mtu Kwai kupiga mime na gongo ruksa, atakosa stare he yake. Sijui hat a kama umenielewa manake hangover imenianza saa hizi!:eek2::sleepy:

 

[The Boss]

Not exactly what I meant, lakini in the big picture namaanisha watt waliolelewa kwenye maadili ya kufanana hued wakaelewana zaikai. Ni Kama mtu a toke kwenye familia inayothamini wanawake na kuwapa nafasi ya maamuzi, akajikute anaingia familia ambayo mwanamke haruhusiwi hat a kujieleza kwa daktari; sie wenye vimbelefront kama konnie hatukawii kukatwa midomo. Kama mtu Kwai kupiga mime na gongo ruksa, atakosa stare he yake. Sijui hat a kama umenielewa manake hangover imenianza saa hizi!:eek2::sleepy:

kimbelembele kama???/ lol

 

[Ndahani]

Ukisikiliza watu weengi wanavyowazungumzia wazazi wao
ni nadra sana kusikia wakizungumza in a negative way
mara nyingi utakuta wanawasifia sana wazazi wao
hata kwa vitu ambavyo hao wazazi walikuwa wrong

mfano watu husifia ukali wa wazazi wao hata kama ukali huo ulikuwa unakuja
na negative side nyiingi mfano abuses na kadhalika....

utakuta mtu 'anawapiga wanae kipigo cha mbwa mwizi'
huku akisumulia jinsi yeye alivyokuwa anapigwa na wazazi wake zamani alivyokuwa mdogo

au mama anatukana watoto 'matusi ya nguoni' na ya kuumiza
ukifatilia utakuta sijui shangazi fulani alikuwa hivyo au bibi alikuwa hivyo...

in short kuna 'urithi' wa vizazi na vizazi wa mambo fulani ambayo watu huwa
wana kawaida ya 'kujisfia' navyo kama sifa hivi....


utasikia mtu akisema 'mimi baba yangu alikuwa hakubali upuuzi huu'
kwa kitu ambacho pengine yuko wrong lakini amelelewa kuamini ni sahihi na yeye
anaendelea nacho kwenye familia yake......

sasa leo ningependa tujadii haya......

umewahi kujiuliza kuhusu mapungufu ya wazazi wako?
umewahi kujitazama na kuona kwa jinsi gani 'umerithi' mapungufu hayo?
unaamini 'principles za wazazi wako kama zilivyo'?
au uko tofauti kiasi gani na wazazi wako?

je mkeo/mumeo amerithi nini hasa kutoka kwa wazazi wake ambayo unatamani asingerithi?

je watoto wako una wa instill principles zako au unawaacha wa develop 'personality zao wenyewe?
what if uko wrong?

Moja ya maswali mazuri kweli ya kujiuliza...ingawa sababu we dont oftenly ask ourselves, tunaweza kukosa jibu la moja kwa moja.

 

[King’asti]

kimbelembele kama???/ lol

You know exactly who :loco: