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Mapungufu ya wazazi wetu na athari zake...

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by The Boss, Jul 3, 2012.

  1. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #1
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    Ukisikiliza watu weengi wanavyowazungumzia wazazi wao
    ni nadra sana kusikia wakizungumza in a negative way
    mara nyingi utakuta wanawasifia sana wazazi wao
    hata kwa vitu ambavyo hao wazazi walikuwa wrong

    mfano watu husifia ukali wa wazazi wao hata kama ukali huo ulikuwa unakuja
    na negative side nyiingi mfano abuses na kadhalika....

    utakuta mtu 'anawapiga wanae kipigo cha mbwa mwizi'
    huku akisumulia jinsi yeye alivyokuwa anapigwa na wazazi wake zamani alivyokuwa mdogo

    au mama anatukana watoto 'matusi ya nguoni' na ya kuumiza
    ukifatilia utakuta sijui shangazi fulani alikuwa hivyo au bibi alikuwa hivyo...

    in short kuna 'urithi' wa vizazi na vizazi wa mambo fulani ambayo watu huwa
    wana kawaida ya 'kujisfia' navyo kama sifa hivi....


    utasikia mtu akisema 'mimi baba yangu alikuwa hakubali upuuzi huu'
    kwa kitu ambacho pengine yuko wrong lakini amelelewa kuamini ni sahihi na yeye
    anaendelea nacho kwenye familia yake......

    sasa leo ningependa tujadii haya......

    umewahi kujiuliza kuhusu mapungufu ya wazazi wako?
    umewahi kujitazama na kuona kwa jinsi gani 'umerithi' mapungufu hayo?
    unaamini 'principles za wazazi wako kama zilivyo'?
    au uko tofauti kiasi gani na wazazi wako?

    je mkeo/mumeo amerithi nini hasa kutoka kwa wazazi wake ambayo unatamani asingerithi?

    je watoto wako una wa instill principles zako au unawaacha wa develop 'personality zao wenyewe?
    what if uko wrong?
     
  2. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #2
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    very challenging.

    Kwanza, kurithi tabia ya mzazi inategemea mahusiano yako na mzazi yalikuwaje, kama yalikuwa mazuri hata tabia zake zitakufurahisha ziwe nzuri au mbaya.

    Ila kama mzazi hakuwa na maelewano na watoto, basi kila tabia yake itaonekana ina walakini

    japo kwa wazazi wenye mahusiano mazuri na watoto lazima at a certain point unajikuta unawafundisha/rithisha vitabia vyako hata kama haviko sawa.
     
  3. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #3
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    not necessarily iwe hivyo
    wapo watoto walikuwa wanawachukia baba zao kwa ulevi
    guess what....
    ukubwani na wao walaja kuwa walevi mbwa kuzidi baba zao

    upo utafiti ulifanyika ulionesha kuwa watoto wanaotoka
    kwenye familia ambazo baba alikuwa anampiga mama
    walikuja kuwa wanapiga wake zao
    licha ya kuwa walipokuwa wadogo walikuwa wanachukia na kulia wakati mama zao wanapigwa
     
  4. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #4
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    Fifty fity aisee

    wapo wanaorithi regardless walikuwa wanachukia kiasi gani, wapo ambao wanakuwa the opposite.

    Japo kuangukia kwenye trap ile ile ni rahisi sababu deep inside unajipa moyo kuwa japo kitabia hiki ni kibaya lakini kufanya ruksa sio 'taboo'
     
  5. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

    #5
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    kama kwa wazazi haikuwa taboo lazima mtoto atarithi tu
    binti ambae mama alikuwa na vidumu tele
    au mvulana ambae baba alikuwa anazaa ovyo ovyo unategemea nini?
     
  6. Kaunga

    Kaunga JF-Expert Member

    #6
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    Nitarudi alfajiri with a fresh mind; by the way nyie kapo hapo juu, nini kimetokea hadi mnaanza kudig family histories?
     
  7. platozoom

    platozoom JF-Expert Member

    #7
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    Kwa kuwa wote walikwishafariki nilifunga ukurasa wa kufikiria kama walikuwa na ubaya fulani. Na mara nyingi hufikiria vitu vizuri walivyonifanyia.

    Unajua watu huwa hawaelezei mabaya ya wazazi kwa sababu moja kubwa: Tumeshakuwa na tunajitegemea yaliyopita yamepita, baba/mama hawezi kutulima mboko kama zamani, kututukana n.k..........wanajua tumekuwa, na heshima wanayotupa ni tofauti na ilivyokuwa zamani.

    Lakini tusisahau hakuna hata mmoja ambaye anafurahia adhabu kali na matusi kwa ule umri wa utotoni, na wengine hudiriki kuhama nyumba kabisa...........hasira,kunung'unika n.k. Lakini unapokua na kukutana na suruba za huku duniani zinazoumiza roho,mwili na moyo unapiga taswira nyuma unasema "pamoja na yote waliyoyafanya lakini angalau walinionyesha upendo kwa mbali' kuliko haya manyang'au.
     
  8. mito

    mito JF-Expert Member

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    If other factors are constant, tabia ya mtoto hujengwa na mzazi au mwalimu. Kwa maneno mengine at some stages mtoto anaamini cho chote afanyacho mzazi au mwalimu ni sahihi, ndo maana yuko likely kuchukua tabia za baba yake hata kama ni mbaya, anakuwa anaamini hizo tabia ndo zimemfanya baba yake awe baba, so anahisi asipozichukua hata kuwa baba kamili. Na hii ndo sababu ya hapo kwa red
     
  9. mito

    mito JF-Expert Member

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    zina-reflect the current na ku-predict future generations! aaaah, sorry just joking!
     
  10. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

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    ha ha ha, acha ukorofi

    nimeiba mboga akajali.

     
  11. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

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    Twenzetu wife tukalale! . . . .
     
  12. n

    ndagabwene Member

    #12
    Jul 3, 2012
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    Huyu jamaa jembe bwana mpaka kaamua kutoa haya mawe kuna kitu ameona.so sio kitu maswali kwani ukijua kuuliza ujue pia na majibu.unajua inabidi ttafakari kwa kina sana tabia za wazazi wetu.ze problemu iz zat huyu jamaa hakuhusisha wasio na wazazi mimi nikiwa mmoja wao kwa hiyo sitoweza kujibu kwa kuwa sina ushahidi mkubwa na bado sijaoa.take it easy!
     
  13. nyumba kubwa

    nyumba kubwa JF-Expert Member

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    Hii topic ni muhimu afu ni ngumu. Kumbuka kuna wazazi wawili in most cases; baba na mama
    Napenda kuchukulia mfano wa maisha yangu kuliko kuongelea theory.

    Baba yetu alikuwa ni baba ambaye hata tukikaa na ndugu zangu tunaambizana hakuna kati ya marafiki na jirani zetu aliyebahatika kuwa na baba kama baba yetu; alikuwa na kasoro zake lakini alikuwa ni baba rafiki. Ni baba ambaye tukiwa nyumbani hatuchoki kukaa pembeni yake kusikiliza story za maisha. Hakuwahi hata kumpiga mtoto kibao (kwa kumbukumbu zangu). Lakini alikuwa hachoki kutuambia tusome na kutupa mifano hai ya waliosoma maisha yao yakoje na wasiosoma maisha yao yakoje wakati mwingine alikuwa anatupa mifano ya ndugu zake wa kijijini. Ni baba aliyekuwa anaamini kwenye reinforcement na si punishment. Kwa kweli na mimi niliamua kuiga model ya baba yangu na si mama yangu kwa sababu niligundua ina work kwani wote tulisoma at least hicho ndicho kilikuwa kilio cha baba.

    Mama ni quit opposite. Kwanza alikuwa hana muda na mtoto; the only memory that we have of our mother ni kichapo. Kwa kweli tulipokuwa wadogo siyo siri wote tulikuwa TUNAMCHUKIA mama. Tumeshamsamehe baada ya kukua. Ni mama ambaye hakuna mtoto alikuwa anataka kukaa karibu yake. Maana anaweza kukutuma umletee maji ukajichanganya ukaleta juice ukala kibao cha nguvu. Na si muongeaji; na wala haongei mara mbili. Uwa tunakaa na ndugu zangu na kuangalia mchango wa mama kwenye malezi yetu hatuuoni kwani tulikuwa distant. Lakini tulichokuja ku conclude ni kuwa mama alilelewa maisha yake yote na mama wa kambo. Hivyo hajuhi kupenda kwa sababu hakuwahi kupendwa.

    Wakati mwingine baba na mama walikuwa wanatofautiana hasa mama akiwa anatuchapa baba akiwepo. Na mama alikuwa ana m criticise baba kwa kutulea KIDHUNGU; anamwambia watoto wa kiswahili hawalelewi kwa vitabu. Maana baba alikuwa na library ya vitabu vy malezi ya watoto na anajua vizuri saikolojia ya watoto kwani anapenda sana kusoma.

    Mimi wanangu sitaki kuwachapa na sipendi hata mtu mwingine afanye hivyo. Kumchapa mtoto karne hii ya 21 nachukulia kama ni uvivu wa kulea. Mtoto akikosea inabidi udadisi ni kwa nini anafanya anavyfanya kwani kupiga hakusaidii. Baba yetu hata maswala ya ma boyfriend nilikuwa makini kwa kuwa nilijua baba yangu atakufa akisikia nina ujauzito; nilijua hatanipiga ila nitamfanya afe kwa BP na nilivyokuwa nampenda nilikuwa na behave ili asiwe disappointed kwani nilijua ana believe so much in me.

    Mi ndio maana kuna siku niliwambia watu humu mwanangu namlea kwa kumsifia sana pale anapofanya vizuri na kumwambia he is better than that anapochemsha watu wakaja juu eti mtoto wa kiafrika sifa zitamharibu; lakini mimi nimelelwa kwa sifa na zili work
     
  14. Shantel

    Shantel JF-Expert Member

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    huwezi amini watoto wa siku hizi wanakuchallenge na kukuambia usoni, sikwenda kuabudu kwa muda kama wa miezi mitatu, nilichoambia na mtoto sitakaa nisahau,he went further kuandika text kwa grannies wake, sasa kama anaweza fanya hivyo sidhani kama ataweza kumezea mapungufu mengine yanayomkwaza, nahisi mimi pia sina uvumilivu na wazeewangu
     
  15. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    this is very interesting aisee
    but hapo angalau umeona 'mama wa kambo' aliemlea mama yenu alivyomu affect
    mna bahati na baba
    je mngelelewa na mama peke yake?
    umewahi fikiri mngekuwaje ukubwani?
     
  16. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    watoto wa siku hizi wako influenced na vitu vingi
    tv mfano..
     
  17. The Boss

    The Boss JF-Expert Member

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    asante
    hata kama hukulelewa na baba au mama
    yoyote alie kulea utotoni atabaki na influence ya tabia zako
    hata kama alikuwa mjomba au kaka
     
  18. Mbu

    Mbu JF-Expert Member

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    ....hii thread ina akili sana aisee. Hili jambo siku zote ndilo linatafsiri maisha yetu huko tulikotokea...
     
  19. Angel Msoffe

    Angel Msoffe JF-Expert Member

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    Kwakweli kuna katabia nimerithi kwa mama yangu yani ni sawa na copy and paste,
     
  20. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

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    Imefika mahali naanza ku-admire system ya wahindi ya kuoana ndani ya familia. Manake mnajua the same things, u believe in the same stuff and morals are more or less the same. Hata kugombana ni tofauti. Kama mmetoka familia ya kuzurura hadi usiku wa manane ndo mrudi home mnakuwa poa tu! Kama ni wa kula dinner na kusali kama familia mnaelewana!

    Niko extra careful kulinganisha malezi tuliyopata, na ya wengine na kuwa realistic especially pale ambapo nadhani wazazi wangu walikosea. Kwa hiyo I'm careful not to repeat their mistakes, especially za mama yangu (ambazo zinamhusu pia baba indirectly).

    Strongest link niliyopata kwa wazazi ni kuona positive side of every situation. When I'm mistreated that is when I should surprise my offender of what I'm capable of. Na ukaribu wa kindugu ni muhimu. So we tell each other 'unakumbuka mom/dad alishafanyaga 1,2,3. That is exactly what you are planning to do na matokeo yatakuwa haya. You don't have to repeat your parents' mistakes!'

    Isitoshe Bible inasema 'nawapatiliza wana maovu ya baba zao, hata kizazi cha tatu na cha nne cha wanichukizao. Nami nawarehemu maelfu elfu wanipendao na kuzishika amri zangu', so napambana spiritually too maovu ya wazazi yasinirudie. Kama kuna mtu aliambiwa wajukuu zako, ama wanao pia watatendwa hivi hivi, mie hayatanipata in the name of Jesus! Nnayoyajua naomba toba na nisiyoyajua pia. So ni kweli wazazi wana influence kubwa kwa watoto kama ambavyo NK na TB mmeongelea.
     
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