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Mambo muhimu kabla ya kuoana

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Pdidy, Sep 11, 2009.

  1. Pdidy

    Pdidy JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Sep 11, 2009
    Joined: Nov 22, 2007
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    Kabla ya kukiri “Hadi kifo kitakapotutengenisha” au hata kabla ya kukubali kuvishwa pete ya engagement kuna maswali muhimu sana (hard questions) ambayo unahitaji kujiuliza na kwa njia hiyo unaweza kujua success au failure ya mahusiano ya ndoa pengine hata kabla ndoa haijafika popote.

    Kujiuliza mwenyewe na kumuuliza yule unategemea kuoana naye maswali ya msingi kabla ya kuoa au kuinvest upendo wako itasaidia wewe kufahamu kama umempata mtu sahihi na pia kuweza kuondoa matatizo ya kawaida ambayo wengi hupelekea kuachana.

    Chukua muda (honestly) kufanya evaluation jinsi unavyojisikia (feelings) na motivations kwa ajili ya wewe kuoa au kuolewa.
    Ni vizuri kupata majibu ya maswali kabla hujaoana naye ili kuweza kushughulikia matatizo hayo kabla ya ndoa kuanza.

    Kuna maeneo muhimu sana katika ndoa ambayo bila kuyafahamu na kuingia kichwa kichwa hakuna wa kumlilia isipokuwa wewe mwenyewe na suala la ndoa ni suala sensitive sana ukishindwa (achana) utapata label ambayo utaibeba maisha yako yote hapa duniani na pia unaweza kuathiri maisha ya wengine.

    Swali la kwanza
    Je, ni kweli tunapendana?
    Je, ni kweli ninampenda Mwenzangu hata miaka 30 ijayo?
    Ni kitu gani au sifa zipi zinanifanya nimpende?
    Uwe mkweli.
    Unahitaji kufahamu na kujisikia ni kweli unampenda mwenzako isije kuwa ni tamaa tu.
    Upendo huanza kidogokidogo na hutokea kwa kumpenda mtu mzima kama alivyo awe ana pesa au hana pesa pia siyo kumpendakama wewe unavyotaka awe.
    Kumbuka mke au mume si kipande cha udongo wa mfinyanzi kwamba utamefinyanga kwa kadri unavyotaka wewe.

    Swali la pili:
    Kwa nini tunaoana?
    Kwa nini namhitaji huyu mtu kuoana naye?
    Je, ni kwa sababu ninataka mtoto?
    Kwa sababu ninataka hela zake au najisikia upweke upweke, au nataka sex au nataka kuondokana na kero za mama au wazazi?
    Au naona nachelewa kuolewa/kuoa au rafiki zangu wananisema sana au na mimi nionekane nimeoa au kuolewa?
    Kuoa au kuolewa kwa sababu za ajabu ajabu huweza kukufikisha mahali ambapo utajikuta upo disappointed, frustrated na hatimaye kuachana.
    Oa au olewa kwa sababu ni wakati wake.

    Swali la tatu:
    Je, ni nini matarajio ya ndoa yangu?
    Je, umeshajiandaa na kila kitu kuhusu ndoa?
    Matarajio mtu anaingia nayo kwenye ndoa huweza kujenga au kuharibu ndoa.
    Kuna baadhi ya imani potofu kuhusu ndoa unatakiwa kuzifahamu hata kabla hujaingia kwenye ndoa.
    Kuamini kwamba ukiolewa basi mwenzako anatakiwa kukufanya happy si kweli, furaha unayo wewe kwanza.
    Kufikiria kwamba eti mume/mke ataweza kusoma mind yako si kweli unahitaji kueleza kile unataka siyo kubaki kimya eti anajua.
    Kuamini kwamba ukioa au kuolewa basi kila kitu mtafanya pamoja si kweli kila mtu ana interest zake.
    Na kutaka kuwa na ndoa unayotaka wewe badala ya wote kwa pamoja unaweza kujikuta kwenye total disappointment.
    "Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations.
    It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood."
    -Karen Casey
     
  2. Tripo9

    Tripo9 JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Sep 11, 2009
    Joined: Sep 9, 2009
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    Pia usisahau kumuuliza mwenza wako hatua gani atachukua iwapo siku 1 kwa bahati mbaya ukapitiwa na kutembea nje ya ndoa.
     
  3. B

    Bao3 JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Sep 11, 2009
    Joined: Aug 7, 2009
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    Sijui kama mwanamke anaweza kukubali suala hili. Ila kwa mwanaume ni ngumu sana kumwelewa kama mwanamke atakwambia "endapo siku moja nitapitiwa nikalala na mwanaume mwingine utachukua uamuzi gani?" Nafikiri jibu la mwanaume hapo ni: "Nitakupiga chini mara moja!"
     
  4. GM7

    GM7 JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Sep 11, 2009
    Joined: Jun 26, 2009
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    Hapo hakuna bahati mbaya wala shetani kanipitia. Wewe kwanini utembee nje? Ukibakwa hapo unaweza bahati mbaya ila si vinginevyo.
     
  5. GM7

    GM7 JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Sep 11, 2009
    Joined: Jun 26, 2009
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    Halafu hii thread hapa si mahali pake, inatakiwa ihamishiwe kwenye forum ya mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki
    Mods upo hapo?
     
  6. Sugar wa Ukweli

    Sugar wa Ukweli JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Sep 12, 2009
    Joined: Jun 25, 2009
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    Teh Teh Teh!!!!,Wanaume nyie WABINAFSI sana!!!!
     
  7. M

    Mike 1234 JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Sep 12, 2009
    Joined: Feb 23, 2009
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    mzee ihayamishishe tuweze kumwaga sera
     
  8. M

    Magezi JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Sep 12, 2009
    Joined: Oct 26, 2008
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    Mods: Peleka hii thread kwenye Mapenzi/mahusiano
     
  9. n

    najma Member

    #9
    Sep 14, 2009
    Joined: Sep 5, 2009
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    kwanza unahitaji wewe mwenyewe kujuwa nini ambach unataka kwenye maisha yako na kabla ujaanza uwamuzi wa kuwa mume au mke basi unatakiwa ufanye maamuzi ya busara japo watu wanasema rizki upangwa na mungu , hata kama unampenda na anapesa ila unaona astairi kuwa mume au umke ni bora uwachie ngazi mapema kuliko kuja kupata maafa ya maisha, kuwa na mtu ambaye bola liende tuu, nashauli hasa wanawake wawe wanafanya maamuzi sahihi sio mwanaume ni tajiri sana.

    ila kwa upande mwingine najiuliza swali mbona wazee wetu wa zamani wanaowana pasipojuana na walikuwa wanazeeka pamoja kipi kimetukumba hiki kizazi cha filauni?
     
  10. Z

    Zion Daughter JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Sep 14, 2009
    Joined: Jul 9, 2009
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    Utatofautisha vipi Upendo na Tamaa katika hatua za mwanzo kabisa?kwa sababu unaweza kudhani unampenda mtu kumbe unamtamani!
     
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