Dismiss Notice
You are browsing this site as a guest. It takes 2 minutes to CREATE AN ACCOUNT and less than 1 minute to LOGIN

Mama, "Kwani si tunaalika watu kuhalalisha hilo hilo (tendo la Ndowa)"

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Ngekewa, Jun 14, 2012.

  1. N

    Ngekewa JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jul 8, 2008
    Messages: 7,730
    Likes Received: 15
    Trophy Points: 135
    Haya tena ni mambo ya nyumba za kupanga, hakuna stara ya mabishano! Jirani wa chumba cha pili alikuwa kwenye mjadala mkali na mumewe kuhusu tabia ya binti yao kuchelewa kurudi nyumbani akiwa na mchumba wake!;

    Mume " Unajuwa tabia ya binti yetu kukaa karibu sana na mchumba wake anaweza akatuletea mimba hapa kabla ya ndowa"

    Mke " Usiwe na wasi wasi mume wangu nimeshamfundisha jinsi ya kufanya bila ya kupata mimba"

    Mume " Vipi?" Kwa mshangao mkubwa "Yaani umempa ruhusa ya kufanya tendo la ndowa kabla ya ndowa?"


    Mke nae kwa mastaajabu " Kwani tatizo nini, si tunawwalika watu na kuchanga michango ili kuhalalisha hilo hilo?"

    Wanajamii ilipofikia hapo niliwacha kufatilia mjadala na kuanza kufikiri mambo mbali mbali ninayoyasikia kuhusu kina mama mbele ya mabinti zao katika harakati za kufanikisha mahusiano ya nje ya ndowa! Nikageukia upande wetu sisi wanaume tunavyokuwa wakali kwa mabinti zetu kuhusu mahusiano ya nje ya ndowa.
     
  2. N

    Ngekewa JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jul 8, 2008
    Messages: 7,730
    Likes Received: 15
    Trophy Points: 135
    Nasikia baadhi ya kinamama huwapigia chapuo hata mabinti wao waliomo ndani ya ndowa!
     
  3. hashycool

    hashycool JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Oct 2, 2010
    Messages: 5,704
    Likes Received: 81
    Trophy Points: 145
    simple mathematics.... baba ana wivu na mtoto wake wa kike! mama ana wivu na mtoto wake wa kiume...... from kuumizana type of view!
     
  4. Bazazi

    Bazazi JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Aug 18, 2008
    Messages: 1,918
    Likes Received: 169
    Trophy Points: 160
    Ni kweli kabisa, lakini ndio afanye kwa ruhusa? Huyo mama ni Pambafu kabisa ambaye anafanya mchumba awadharau familia kwa kuwaona ni watu wa kungonoka sana kiasi hawajali usalama wa binti yao.

    Lakin ndio maisha hayo! Full vituko! Lol

    Ndimi Bazazi!
     
  5. dfreym

    dfreym JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Oct 14, 2010
    Messages: 337
    Likes Received: 0
    Trophy Points: 35
    ungeingia na wewe ukaanza kubishana nao kimtazamo wako.
     
  6. N

    Ngekewa JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jul 8, 2008
    Messages: 7,730
    Likes Received: 15
    Trophy Points: 135

    Bila shaka mmojawapo atakuwa sahihi, sasa nani anakuwa sahihi? Na huyo anaeumia katiya wawili hao binti au kijana?
     
  7. N

    Ngekewa JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jul 8, 2008
    Messages: 7,730
    Likes Received: 15
    Trophy Points: 135
    Sijui yupi alo sahihi na ndio maana nikasema nilianza kufikiria matokeo mbalimbali bila ya kuonyesha nani ni mkosa.
     
  8. Kiranga

    Kiranga JF-Expert Member

    #8
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jan 29, 2009
    Messages: 34,583
    Likes Received: 5,623
    Trophy Points: 280
    Basically mama anasema formal marriage is overrated. Kitu ambacho mie nasema kila siku hapa.

    I would rather have a stable, healthy relationship over an unstable, unhealthy and expensive marriage.

    Ila kina dada wana kazi sana kwa hizi style za hit and run za sasa na mfumodume unaomuona mwanamme anayebadilisha wanawake "kidume" lakini mwanamke anayebadilisha wanaume "mama huruma".

    Hila ndoa si suluhisho kwa sababu hata kwenye ndoa kuna vituko kibao. Watu wameamua kuiheshimu tu kama convention.

    At the end of the process, ukiwa na mtu anayefaa utafurahi whether mko kwenye ndoa au la, na kama una mtu ambaye hafai utakoma kuringa whether uko kwenye ndoa ama la.

    NB: Ndoa hapa inamanisha "formal marriage" na haihusishi "common law marriage".
     
  9. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Apr 17, 2011
    Messages: 27,196
    Likes Received: 643
    Trophy Points: 280
    Kiranga,sijajua unahusishaje mfumo dume na ujinga wa wanaume wajinga ambao kwa ujinga wao wanadhani ukibadili wanawake kama nguo yako ya ndani una kua "kidume" na mwanamke anaefanya tendo lilelile anaitwa mama huruma.Mi nadhani haya mengine ni mengine!
     
  10. King'asti

    King'asti JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Nov 26, 2009
    Messages: 27,045
    Likes Received: 1,240
    Trophy Points: 280
    Familia tu iliyokosa maadili! Mama zetu waliweza kuongea nasi kuhusu umuhimu wa kujistahi na adhari za mimba na ukimwi kwenye umri mdogo bila kufanya kama ni biashara! Ila sasa mama wa siku hizi bf anakutana na mama mkwe na mwanae wanakunywa biya kwa bill ya bf what do u expect?
     
  11. Kiranga

    Kiranga JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jan 29, 2009
    Messages: 34,583
    Likes Received: 5,623
    Trophy Points: 280
    Mfumodume ni pamoja na double standard hii ya kumsifia mwanamme kwa umalaya, na kumdharau mwanamke kwa umalaya huo huo.
     
  12. kaburunye

    kaburunye JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: May 12, 2010
    Messages: 675
    Likes Received: 4
    Trophy Points: 0
    Kwani nani anamsifia mwanaume kwa umalaya?
     
  13. N

    Ngekewa JF-Expert Member

    #13
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jul 8, 2008
    Messages: 7,730
    Likes Received: 15
    Trophy Points: 135

    Sifikiri iwapo unazungumza kitu stable utashindwa kuihusisha ndowa. Kuna kitu stable zaidi ya kitu kilicho na sharia?

    Hivyo ulipata kufanya utafiti na kuona kuwa wanawake wa wanapendelea kuwa wanachupachupa tu au kuna mambo yanayowapelekea kufanya hivyo?
     
  14. Asnam

    Asnam JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jan 18, 2012
    Messages: 4,271
    Likes Received: 25
    Trophy Points: 135
    Ukistaajabu ya musa utayaona ya farao huyo mama ubongo wake umelegea kidogo hayuko sawasawa
     
  15. Kiranga

    Kiranga JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jan 29, 2009
    Messages: 34,583
    Likes Received: 5,623
    Trophy Points: 280
    Ukifikiri hivi unafikiri formulaic, inside the box of orthodoxy. Ni kama unasema hakuna ndoa zisizo stable na hakuna mahusiano nje ya ndoa yaliyo stable.

    In some instances, watu wanakuwa na mahusiano mazuri tu kabla ya ndoa, wakishaoana wanaanza kujisahau na kujiona wako entitled, vituko. Wanakosa mapenzi wanabaki wamefungwa na ndoa tu na wanaishi pamoja kwa kuona aibu ya talaka.

    Lakini kama watu hawana kizingiti cha ndoa, wakiwa pamoja unajua kwamba wamekuwa pamoja kwa sababu wanataka kuwa pamoja, si kwa sababu wanashurutishwa na ndoa au orthodoxy yoyote.

    Kuhusu wanawake kuchupachupa naona umeshindwa kunisoma kabisa kama umenisoma kama namaanisha wanachupachupa bila sababu.
     
  16. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Mar 21, 2011
    Messages: 36,152
    Likes Received: 177
    Trophy Points: 145
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2016
  17. Kiranga

    Kiranga JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jan 29, 2009
    Messages: 34,583
    Likes Received: 5,623
    Trophy Points: 280
    Huyo mama yuko ahead of our times, hawezi kueleweka miaka hii, labda baadaye miaka 100 hivi.

    Kwa kifupi hicho anachosema mama ndicho kitakuja kuwa normal, what with all these complications za ndoa, harusi, kuchangisha michango ya ajabu watu masikini, kukaa miaka miwili talaka etc.

    Watu wanaona ngoja tuanze na ndoa za kukubaliana wawili, tunajaribisha tu, mwisho eeh, katokea mtoto.

    Sasa mtu kashakubalika kwa wazazi, mna mtoto, mnaishi pamoja, mnapendana, mnasaidiana vizuri, harusi na pomposity nyingine za nini?
     
  18. N

    Ngekewa JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jul 8, 2008
    Messages: 7,730
    Likes Received: 15
    Trophy Points: 135
    Naona unapinga kitu kwa kutumia assumptions na baadae kujenga hoja kwa assumptions.

    Hebu tuende kwenye lengo halisi la hiyo relation. Stable relations out of marriage lazima itakuwa na flaws chungu nzima lakini stable relation in marriage means flawless relation. Usiniambie kuwa eti hakuna kitu perfect, kwa sababu tutarudi pale pale kuwa stable marriage nje ya ndowa haikamiliki na ndani ya ndowa haikamiliki lakini at least moja ya hivi viwili kimekusudiwa kuweka hiyo flawless stability.
    Halafu kijana mbona ndowa nyingi zinadumu na hazina matatizo hayo unayoyafikiria wewe, pengine ni matatizo ya kimaisha tu.
     
  19. Kiranga

    Kiranga JF-Expert Member

    #19
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Jan 29, 2009
    Messages: 34,583
    Likes Received: 5,623
    Trophy Points: 280
    Mfumodume, ndiyo maana kuna maneno ya sifa kwa mwanamme kama "kiwembe" etc lakini kwa tabia hiyo hiyo mwanamke anadharauliwa na kuitwa "mama huruma" au "jamvi la wageni".

    Ndiyo maana hata kwenye lugha yetu mwanamme "anaoa" na mwanamke "anaolewa".

    Ndiyo maana hata kwenye utamaduni wetu mwanamke akimchoka mme wake "anaomba talaka yake", mwanamke hamtaliki mwanamme, mwanamme ndiye anamtaliki mwanamke katika Kiswahili, kwa sababu hata katika kuoa mwanamke hamuoi mwanamme, mwanamme ndiye anamuoa mwanamke.

    Mfumodume.
     
  20. Eiyer

    Eiyer JF-Expert Member

    #20
    Jun 14, 2012
    Joined: Apr 17, 2011
    Messages: 27,196
    Likes Received: 643
    Trophy Points: 280
    Nakubaliana nawe,ila nilichotaka kusema hapa ni kwamba unapoupa ujinga huu jina la mfumo dume naona kama unauvika nguo vile,kama umenielewa!
     
Loading...