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Make the woman happy.......

Discussion in 'Mahusiano, mapenzi, urafiki' started by Boflo, Apr 18, 2012.

  1. Boflo

    Boflo JF-Expert Member

    #1
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Jan 20, 2010
    Messages: 4,394
    Likes Received: 12
    Trophy Points: 135
    In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

    Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system...



    Simple Duties
    You make the bed...................................................+1
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..........0
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1
    You leave the toilet seat up.......................................-5
    You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...................0
    When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1
    When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
    You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings.......+5
    But return with beer...............................................-5
    You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...................0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it's something................+5
    You pummel it with a six iron.....................................+10
    It's her father...................................................-10



    Your Physique
    You develop a noticeable potbelly...........-15
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..........-5



    Finances
    You spend a lot of money on something impractical............-5
    Something she can't use...................-10
    Such as a motorized model airplane..............-20
    And she got a small appliance for her birthday.............-40



    Driving
    You lost the directions on a trip..............-4
    You lost the directions and end up getting lost..............-10
    You end up getting lost in a bad part of town........-15
    You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal.........-25
    You know them.........-60



    The Big Question
    She asks, "Do I look fat?".................-5
    (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
    You hesitate in responding............-10
    You reply, "Where?"...........-35



    Communication
    When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression......0
    When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5
    You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV........+10
    She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.............-20

    Social Engagements
    You stay by her side the entire party..........0
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy........-2
    Named Tiffany....................-4
    Tiffany is a dancer...................-6
    Tiffany has implants...................-8
    When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly...........+1
    When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump..........-5
    When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"................+1
    When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"......-6
    That woman is her sister....................-90
    You have one drink, and that's it................0
    You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle.........-2
    You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18

    Saturday Afternoon
    You go to the mall together.....................+3
    You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car....................+4
    You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar...................-2
    You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it....+3
    You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional....0
    You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk .............+3
    Most of it chips and beer ..............-6
    You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den............+15
    Or refinishing the floors......................+16
    Or rewiring the basement....................+17
    Or adding a second floor................+18
    Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.......-6
    And you're tickled pink about it.....................-15
    You visit her parents.....................0
    You visit her parents and actually make conversation ..............+3
    You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television ........-3
    And the television is off........................-6
    You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear...........-6
    And you didn't even go to college..............-10
    And it's not your underwear....................-15

    Her Birthday
    You take her out to dinner....................0
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...............+1
    Okay, it is a sports bar.........................-2
    And it's all-you-can-eat night....................-3
    It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.......-10
    You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player.........+3
    You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing.............................+4
    If you stink.............................+2
    If you're not half bad........................+5
    You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause...........-2
    You give her a gift........................0
    You give her a gift and it's a small appliance.............-10
    You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ...........+1
    You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate..................+2
    You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months..........+30
    You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day........-10
    With her credit card...............-30
    And whatever you bought is two sizes too big..........-40

    Thoughtfulness
    You forget her birthday completely.......................-20
    You forget your anniversary.....................-30
    You forget to pick her up at the bus station...........-45
    Which is in Newark, New Jersey...................-50
    And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.............-60

    A Night Out With The Boys
    Go out with a pal ...........................-5
    And the pal is happily married ...................-4
    Or frighteningly single ....................-7
    And he drives a Mustang....................-10
    With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)...............-15
    You have a few beers.................-9
    And miss curfew by an hour.................-12
    You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call....................-20
    You get home at 3 am....................-30
    You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars...........-40
    And not wearing any pants......................-50
    Is that a tattoo??.................-200

    Her Night Out
    You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work...................+5
    She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late.................+10
    You wait up.......................+15
    She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed..........+20

    A Night At Home
    You watch TV together.................0
    You rent a movie...............+2
    You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...................+3
    It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.............+5
    It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep.......................-1
    It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.............-2

    A Night Out
    You take her to a movie........................+2
    You take her to a movie she likes...................+4
    You take her to a movie you hate ...................+6
    You take her to a movie you like.................-2
    It's called DeathCop 3.......................-3
    Which features cyborgs having sex..................-9
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-15

    Flowers
    You buy her flowers only when it's expected........................ 0
    You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it........+20
    You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself..........+30
    And she contracts Lyme disease....................................-25
     
  2. Kbd

    Kbd JF-Expert Member

    #2
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Oct 9, 2009
    Messages: 1,263
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    Trophy Points: 133
    Nitarudi.....:car::car:
     
  3. Kongosho

    Kongosho JF-Expert Member

    #3
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Mar 21, 2011
    Messages: 36,152
    Likes Received: 177
    Trophy Points: 145
    Kwa uchumi huu wa dol moja kwa siku? I doubt it.
     
  4. Neiwa

    Neiwa JF-Expert Member

    #4
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Feb 17, 2012
    Messages: 724
    Likes Received: 12
    Trophy Points: 35
    Hio nguvu ya kumridhisha kubwa hadi basi! hadi wajiona mtumwa sasa.
     
  5. Rutashubanyuma

    Rutashubanyuma JF-Expert Member

    #5
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Sep 24, 2010
    Messages: 61,381
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    Neiwa umeongea kitu kizito.......ukiyafuata hayo masharti basi ujue mambo siyo mepesi utakuwa unaishi kwa shida sana..............bora ufuate moyo wako unavyojisikia.......
     
  6. Neiwa

    Neiwa JF-Expert Member

    #6
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Feb 17, 2012
    Messages: 724
    Likes Received: 12
    Trophy Points: 35

    Mapenzi yanatakiwa kua spontaneous, sio mambo ya rules na guidelines.
     
  7. Ndahani

    Ndahani JF-Expert Member

    #7
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Jun 3, 2008
    Messages: 11,551
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    Trophy Points: 160
    Kama Newton vile alipokuwa anafanya experiment za science...naye yule alikuwa mchele inaaminika. Ukiwa na akili nyingi mtihani.
     
  8. D

    Don king Member

    #8
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Jan 10, 2011
    Messages: 12
    Likes Received: 2
    Trophy Points: 5
    hahahahahaah umenichekesha sana mkuu:heh:
     
  9. KIKUNGU

    KIKUNGU JF-Expert Member

    #9
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Nov 24, 2011
    Messages: 853
    Likes Received: 5
    Trophy Points: 35
    A middle and above class wife not all.Wa kwangu kule uswahili ni mkono kwenda kinywani,mchezo wa baba na mama,kanga zenye maneno ya ushambenga,kwenda ngomani kila weekend,kumzalisha kila mwaka nk.makes her the happiest woman in the world.
     
  10. Primitive

    Primitive JF-Expert Member

    #10
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Nov 7, 2011
    Messages: 224
    Likes Received: 6
    Trophy Points: 35
    hivi? mnapataje muda wa kusoma maupuuzi haya!??
     
  11. gfsonwin

    gfsonwin JF-Expert Member

    #11
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Apr 12, 2012
    Messages: 16,144
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    that can never be, and will never happen
     
  12. Neiwa

    Neiwa JF-Expert Member

    #12
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Feb 17, 2012
    Messages: 724
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    Trophy Points: 35

    Atleast he was a practical man.... lolz.

    Yule in matters of Love naona kappa kabisa, watu wa

    namna ile mke ana concieve kwa bahati tu au kutambika!
     
  13. K

    Kinyumembele New Member

    #13
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Apr 18, 2012
    Messages: 1
    Likes Received: 0
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    Msiwaonee wanawake. Hebu wekeni na rules za kuwaridhisha wanaume tuone.
     
  14. Dotworld

    Dotworld JF-Expert Member

    #14
    Apr 18, 2012
    Joined: Aug 10, 2011
    Messages: 3,900
    Likes Received: 65
    Trophy Points: 145
    .
    Mimi sirudi kabisa ....

    .
     
  15. Roulette

    Roulette JF-Expert Member

    #15
    Apr 21, 2012
    Joined: Dec 15, 2010
    Messages: 5,618
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    You read this post ................. +10
    You don't like it .......................-25
    You Laught while reading it........+ 30
     
  16. KOKUTONA

    KOKUTONA JF-Expert Member

    #16
    Apr 21, 2012
    Joined: Jan 29, 2011
    Messages: 8,111
    Likes Received: 198
    Trophy Points: 160

    Hapa kaka umeua, nimecheekajee.

    Ila hili la kumzalisha kila mwaka jamani hapana, atachoka na hutamtamani tena.
     
  17. Purple

    Purple JF-Expert Member

    #17
    Apr 21, 2012
    Joined: Feb 9, 2012
    Messages: 2,026
    Likes Received: 192
    Trophy Points: 160
    Kwa wazungu sawa ila kibongo bongo hizo ni ndoto za bunuasi!
     
  18. KOKUTONA

    KOKUTONA JF-Expert Member

    #18
    Apr 21, 2012
    Joined: Jan 29, 2011
    Messages: 8,111
    Likes Received: 198
    Trophy Points: 160

    Hapa kaka umeua, nimecheekajee.

    Ila hili la kumzalisha kila mwaka jamani hapana, atachoka na hutamtamani tena.
     
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